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Bridal Shower Advice

mrs.smith-rindlermrs.smith-rindler member
First Comment
in Ohio-Cincinnati
Sorry for asking so many questions lately but this one is a big one for me. I was never sure if my FI's family would throw us a shower for his side of the family and I already have one of my BM's and her mom throwing one for my side of the family and familyfreinds. Well last night my FI asked his mom if she knew of anyone on his side throwing a shower and she said that's the MOH's duty, which I understand, but she is also throwing me a coed party for our friends and helping out with the family one for my side. As far as I knew, the FI's side is also supposed to throw a shower for that side of the family. Every wedding I have been to or known of that is how it is done.

So, my question is how do I approach the situation again without sounding rude. After she said that's the MOH's duty, she asked if I was having a shower and I responded with yes but a BM is throwing it and she asked if my mom was coming (obviously she is) and I said she would come to that shower too. All she said back was let me know so we (her sister and mom) could carpool down. Well....I didn't mention anything about inviting them and that isn't all of his side of the family I would want at a shower. He still has everyone on his dad's side and more people on his mom's.

I just don't want one huge bridal shower and I really don't want to put my MOH and BM into throwing a shower for close to 80 people! possibly more. Am I wrong in thinking that his side should throw a seperate shower? If I am I almost don't want to have one from them or have them at the other just for the fact of having a giant one. HELP!!! BTW, his mom is kind of awkward to talk to so I never want to hurt her feelings or anything and he gets very sensitive when I ask questions about his family in these situations (he's not very helpful).
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Re: Bridal Shower Advice

  • hrparkerhrparker
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow...okay, here goes:

    Your FMIL was waaay rude for assuming that she (or anyone else) was invited to the shower your BM was kind enough to throw for you.

    That being said, she SHOULD have been invited.  Common courtesy dictates that both mothers are invited to any showers thrown by family members - that also goes for close family members, e.g. grandmother's, sisters.  Beyond that, it's up to you and the person throwing the shower as to which female family members of the opposite side you would like to invite/the shower host can afford to invite.

    Also, I'm sorry to say this, but, yes, you're in the wrong if you think his side needs to throw you a separate shower.  No one is required to throw you a shower at all.  It happens that way for a lot of people, but not necessarily for everyone.

    This is a tricky situation because your FMIL seems to be a bit...um...presumptuous, but I think either you, your mother, or the BM planning your shower (preferably the latter two, since you're not really supposed to plan your own showers, though this situation is a bit strange) need to talk to FMIL and explain that the guest list for this shower is alread set, and that FMIL and GMFIL are invited (because they should be) but that's it.

    Alternatively, the shower host could call FMIL and explain that she's in the process of planning a shower for your side of the family, that FMIL and GMFIL are invited, but that she was wondering if they would be interested in hosting a shower all together for both sides of the family.  I know you said you didn't want a huge shower, but in this case, if it's what FMIL will agree to and it will keep the peace, I'd suck it up and let your BM and someone from your FI's family co-host one shower.
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  • amanda6033amanda6033
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    yikes, that would be a lot of people at one shower. Chris' mom is throwing me a seperate shower for that side; but if it wasnt offered up, I would DEF still invite his mom to the other shower!
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  • IG.museIG.muse
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Here's what my situation was (I just had my shower today, yay), my mom's close friend generously offered to throw me a shower. I put FMIL on the guest list and no one else on my FI's side. 

    It was my one and only shower and, although I'm really disappointed that it never occurred to FMIL to have one for me, I didn't mention anything to her. So unless your FMIL intends to bring the whole clan along, I think it might be best just not to say anything and have your BM send her (and none of her relatives) an invite. If your FMIL insists on bringing people along, I think your BM has every right to let her know that she can't throw a shower for so many people and that she thinks it would be a grand idea for your FMIL to throw you another shower or pitch in if it's just a couple people added to the list. And I think that if the issue of combing showers comes up, your BM can say that she doesn't think an 80 person shower would have the intimate feel you would want.

    I think you can't really avoid inviting your FMIL, but your BM shouldn't have to invite anyone else from your FI's side (unless it's his sister). But who am I to give out shower advice? My FMIL decided she was bringing a friend and I didn't say a word because I didn't want to create problems. : /
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  • mrs.smith-rindlermrs.smith-rindler member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone! I was definitely going to invite my FMIL either way, it just really threw me off when she offered to bring people. I like the idea of speaking with her about only inviting her because of a budget or guest list count. FYI, my FMIL is also that one that told me I don't need to serve hors d'oeuvres during our cocktail hour while everyone is drinking from the open bar....I don't think she is thinking clearly about anything:) Thanks again for all of the wise words.
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  • kelklumpkelklump member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I actually didnt have a shower for dh's side- they didnt offer to throw one, and I wasnt concerned. I invited MIL to all events and clearly told her she was only required to attend one. It was much nicer having her at one of my family showers than at a shower thrown by my friends. It seemed to work out well for me... but again I wasnt expecting one from his side.
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  • hrparkerhrparker
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_bridal-shower-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:108Discussion:14af2cac-72b6-49df-91fa-06681ef6e7f5Post:e04e343c-9d44-4522-a57b-e737bb16d5f2">Re: Bridal Shower Advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks everyone! I was definitely going to invite my FMIL either way, it just really threw me off when she offered to bring people. I like the idea of speaking with her about only inviting her because of a budget or guest list count. <strong>FYI, my FMIL is also that one that told me I don't need to serve hors d'oeuvres during our cocktail hour while everyone is drinking from the open bar....</strong>I don't think she is thinking clearly about anything:) Thanks again for all of the wise words.
    Posted by mrs.smith-rindler[/QUOTE]

    Wait, what?  Having a bunch of people drinking on empty stomachs is never a good thing, espcially at a wedding!  Yeah, I think your FMIL may just be going through pre-wedding brain lapse. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
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  • mrs.smith-rindlermrs.smith-rindler member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yea she's a little off beat:)
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