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WWYD? (Poll)

ufsweetiebearufsweetiebear member
First Comment
in African American Weddings
I'm between a rock and a hard place. FI and I have differing opinions. So I'm asking you ladies.... what would you do?

The story is.... I was friends with Mr. M in college. Then I met Miss P when we pledged. They ended up getting married (I helped plan their wedding) and having 2 cute kids. Fast forward 5 years and they're going through a bitter divorce and she's preggo from another dude.

Now, their issues were under wraps for a long time. We knew something was going on but it was never acknowledged from them until recently so I still addressed their invitation to Mr. & Mrs. (who am I to pry?) . Her due date is 6 days after my wedding and she lives 2 hours away so there's a very likely chance that she won't attend (plus, I think she's avoiding everyone due to her situation). The other day, Mr. M called and said he saw the save-the-date but since they're no longer on speaking terms, he wasn't sure if I had sent out the invitations and he'd really like to attend.

So I think I should just split the invitation... send her one and send him one since I thought they'd both attend anyway. FI says no.... just invite her with the 2 seats as planned and she can bring who she wants. I don't think it's fair not to invite Mr. M when it's very likely she won't show (but, if both reply as yes... I'd give full disclosure that the other will be there and let them decide).
 
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Re: WWYD? (Poll)

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    MIABRIDENTAMPAMIABRIDENTAMPA
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    I think it would be unfair to invite her and not him, even though I know those sorority lines run deep. However, their BOTH friends of yours, and like you said you are not tying to get in the middle of it all. So I think its a better idea to invite both, her due date is too close to your wedding, she may be in labor on your wedding day.

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    KMB611KMB611 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You and I must have the same friends. I'm going through this with a friend of mine. In my situation, I chose to just invite her +1. The sad part is that I was friends with him first and then when they had their first child and got married, she and I became closer.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_wwyd-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:83174999-b823-476d-9908-bb2543aea9b3Post:dc9167d4-4373-4ffb-a0c0-19dfa8ea88eb">Re: WWYD? (Poll)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it would be unfair to invite her and not him, even though I know those sorority lines run deep. However, their BOTH friends of yours, and like you said you are not tying to get in the middle of it all. So I think its a better idea to invite both, her due date is too close to your wedding, she may be in labor on your wedding day.
    Posted by MIABRIDENTAMPA[/QUOTE]

    DITTO!!
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    alfdallas21alfdallas21
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Kaila - invite both; her due date is VERY close to your wedding day and most likely she won't come but if both RSVP "yes" then full disclose is needed from you and let them decide who'll come but most likely she won't...HTH!
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    happe2getherhappe2gether member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This recently happened to one of my family members.  She received the invitation at their house (where the husband no longer lives), it was addressed to "mr" not "mr & mrs".  She said her bad (on bride's part), RSVP'd and went to the wedding.  Soon to be ex husband also RSVP'd.  She had a ball and he was pissed.  Moral of the story - "one monkey don't stop no show."  The mr. should be invited just as well.   
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    mahoganieyesmahoganieyes
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    So is she allowed to bring her new man and not her husband? I would be hurt as her spouse, especially if kept the invite and did not tell him.


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    prncszprncsz member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I say invite them both. You were friends with both and you shouldn't be put in the middle of what's going on. The main thing is you did your part by sending both invites. Now once you let them know such and such will be coming it's on them to decide who will go and who won't go. But you did your part as a friend and invited both parties!
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    ufsweetiebearufsweetiebear member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_wwyd-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:83174999-b823-476d-9908-bb2543aea9b3Post:37eb5225-6fa4-483b-8acb-cade5fd43088">Re: WWYD? (Poll)</a>:
    [QUOTE]So is she allowed to bring her new man and not her husband? I would be hurt as her spouse, especially if kept the invite and did not tell him.
    Posted by mahoganieyes[/QUOTE]

    FI wants to send her an invite with 2 seats and let her decide who she would like to bring whether it's the new man or not. Since we were all tight with Mr. M, I'd like to avoid the drama of people wanting to know what happened by not having the new guy attend.
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    2010Bride2be2010Bride2be
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You're friends with both of them, so both should get an invite. Regardless of the situation, no matter how uncomfortable, they should be mature enough to put their differences aside for one day.
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    MAGNUM06MAGNUM06
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hi ufsweetiebear:  This is my two cents..... Invite them both with separate invitations... since one party has already inquired.... BUT pre-complete the RSVP as 1 and that way neither of them can bring a guest.... Dont insert yourself into their issue (meaning asking or inquiring whether they would bring a guest).  That way all parties can be appeased and no-one has a real reason to be insulted so to speak...On your end... all bases have been covered and there isnt much else you can do without additional unneccessary details. Like you said... at 9 months pregnant and 6 hours away...she's not coming and on the off chance that she does, you can decide to use full disclosure at that point... But, since you and FI knew them as a married couple and extended the STD as a married couple... I would honor the invitation separately.  I wouldnt invite him and not invite her....
    We know this is not the case, per 'se.... but it would look shady...
    Thats just my opinion.... Like you said... Invite both and let the chips fall where they may.
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    mahoganieyesmahoganieyes
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_wwyd-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:83174999-b823-476d-9908-bb2543aea9b3Post:ef88f050-8bef-430c-93e9-62506ae70650">Re: WWYD? (Poll)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi ufsweetiebear:  This is my two cents..... Invite them both with separate invitations... since one party has already inquired.... BUT   pre-complete the RSVP as 1 and that way neither of them can bring a guest .... Dont insert yourself into their issue (meaning asking or inquiring whether they would bring a guest).  That way all parties can be appeased and no-one has a real reason to be insulted so to speak...On your end... all bases have been covered and there isnt much else you can do without additional unneccessary details. Like you said... at 9 months pregnant and 6 hours away...she's not coming and on the off chance that she does, you can decide to use full disclosure at that point... But, since you and FI knew them as a married couple and extended the STD as a married couple... I would honor the invitation separately.  I wouldnt invite him and not invite her.... We know this is not the case, per 'se.... but it would look shady... Thats just my opinion.... Like you said... Invite both and let the chips fall where they may.
    Posted by MAGNUM06[/QUOTE]


    <strong>I do agree!</strong>


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    ufsweetiebearufsweetiebear member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_wwyd-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:83174999-b823-476d-9908-bb2543aea9b3Post:ef88f050-8bef-430c-93e9-62506ae70650">Re: WWYD? (Poll)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi ufsweetiebear:  This is my two cents..... Invite them both with separate invitations... since one party has already inquired.... BUT   pre-complete the RSVP as 1 and that way neither of them can bring a guest .... Dont insert yourself into their issue (meaning asking or inquiring whether they would bring a guest).  That way all parties can be appeased and no-one has a real reason to be insulted so to speak...On your end... all bases have been covered and there isnt much else you can do without additional unneccessary details. Like you said... at 9 months pregnant and 6 hours away...she's not coming and on the off chance that she does, you can decide to use full disclosure at that point... But, since you and FI knew them as a married couple and extended the STD as a married couple... I would honor the invitation separately.  I wouldnt invite him and not invite her.... We know this is not the case, per 'se.... but it would look shady... Thats just my opinion.... Like you said... Invite both and let the chips fall where they may.
    Posted by MAGNUM06[/QUOTE]

    Yeppers.... they each get one seat (all RSVPs indicate # of seats). Done and done.

    Thanks!
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    ChanelShadesChanelShades
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Glad both got invited. If I read this early enough, I would say send separate invitations. 
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    Rhoyal_1Rhoyal_1
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto.  Invite both, inform your Soror and her ex if the other is coming so there is no shock factor.  I am sure they both would be adult enough to keep their drama at bay for your wedding. 
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    keri_hurstkeri_hurst
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I said split the invitation, BUT i forgot that she was your sands.  As i think about each of my own line sisters and my other VERY CLOSE friends who happen not to be in my Sorority, out of loyalty, I woudl invite ONLY my friend.  It would be nice to think that  she would be mature enough to handle the sitation gracefully, but with all those prenatel hormones running through her veins....you NEVER know. I also like to think that guys are not as peety about these thigns as we are.  I don't know him very well, but I can't imagine him having a bitch fit because he wasn;t invited.   Good luck with  this one.  I hope all works out well!
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