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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Do I have to open gifts received before the wedding?

This might sound silly but I'm a person who loves to stretch out the excitement and anticipation of big events. I never want to open gifts on Christmas eve and I also want to wait until after we return from our honeymoon to open _all_ of our wedding gifts. Since we are leaving for our honeymoon only a few days after our wedding I feel comfortable putting off the gifts that we recieve at the ceremony. I'm wondering if it's rude to wait on those we receive before the big day, though. I was thinking I could send a note explaining the fact that we are waiting but that their gift was received. I know some readers will tell me to check and see if items are broken but if they're broken when they arrive, they'll still be broken when we return from the honeymoon. I can't imagine there being a problem with the exchange if the item is still in its original packaging. Maybe I'm being naiive but that's why I'm asking here. Be nice, though. I've seen posts here (and even been involved in them) that get way too nasty with people "expressing their opinions."

Re: Do I have to open gifts received before the wedding?

  • You should open gifts you receive right away, as well as open them to make sure not arrived broken.  Send a TY right away, and then put the item(s) away until after the wedding.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-gifts-received-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1495b651-be8d-49a8-b539-9f2ccf03d515Post:96536f0d-4611-4c48-be49-58e3c6f9cada">Do I have to open gifts received before the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]This might sound silly but I'm a person who loves to stretch out the excitement and anticipation of big events. I never want to open gifts on Christmas eve and I also want to wait until after we return from our honeymoon to open _all_ of our wedding gifts. Since we are leaving for our honeymoon only a few days after our wedding I feel comfortable putting off the gifts that we recieve at the ceremony. I'm wondering if it's rude to wait on those we receive before the big day, though. I was thinking I could send a note explaining the fact that we are waiting but that their gift was received. I know some readers will tell me to check and see if items are broken but if they're broken when they arrive, they'll still be broken when we return from the honeymoon. I can't imagine there being a problem with the exchange if the item is still in its original packaging. Maybe I'm being naiive but that's why I'm asking here. <strong>Be nice, though. I've seen posts here (and even been involved in them) that get way too nasty with people "expressing their opinions."</strong>
    Posted by sarebare68[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>You're probably going to get more a response to that line alone, than to the rest of your post.

    </div>
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  • L-BrideL-Bride member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2010
    We waited until after our honeymoon to open our cards and gifts we received at the wedding.

    The ones we received prior to the wedding we opened and sent a thank you note right away. I wouldn't wait. It's just more thank you notes to keep track of later. Plus, if the people who gave you gifts early attend your wedding they'll be nervous about you not receiving it if they hadn't heard from you.
    I wouldn't waste a note telling them that you're waiting to open their gift.
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  • Open them right away, check them and make sure they aren't broken, and send a thank you note. 

    You're right that if it's broken when it's sent, it will still be broken after the wedding, but the main difference is if you wait that long, you may not be able to return it, and that's a waste for both the guest and you. I do think you're being naive about this, some funky stuff can go on with returns/exchanges. 

    The main thing, though, is that you need to get that thank you note sent. Nothing is more annoying than having to call a bride to make sure she got a gift that you ordered online because the store won't confirm it and you haven't heard about it in 8 months.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-gifts-received-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1495b651-be8d-49a8-b539-9f2ccf03d515Post:96536f0d-4611-4c48-be49-58e3c6f9cada">Do I have to open gifts received before the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]This might sound silly but I'm a person who loves to stretch out the excitement and anticipation of big events. I never want to open gifts on Christmas eve and I also want to wait until after we return from our honeymoon to open _all_ of our wedding gifts. Since we are leaving for our honeymoon only a few days after our wedding I feel comfortable putting off the gifts that we recieve at the ceremony. I'm wondering if it's rude to wait on those we receive before the big day, though. I was thinking I could send a note explaining the fact that we are waiting but that their gift was received. I know some readers will tell me to check and see if items are broken but if they're broken when they arrive, they'll still be broken when we return from the honeymoon. I can't imagine there being a problem with the exchange if the item is still in its original packaging. <strong>Maybe I'm being naiive but that's why I'm asking here. Be nice, though. I've seen posts here (and even been involved in them) that get way too nasty with people "expressing their opinions."</strong>
    Posted by sarebare68[/QUOTE]

    Sorry, I have to do it.  You are basically saying that you know that you are supposed to open them right away and send a TYN, check if they are broken, etc.  But you selfishly want to wait for what could be weeks/months to open the gifts.  And you basically told us that and then told us to "be nice" with our replies.  If you have already made up your mind that that is what you want to do, why ask the question?

    Everyone here will tell you:  proper etiquette is to open right away. That is what you should do.  If you choose not to because you just don't want to, that's your prerogative but you are going against proper etiquette.  And you know it.

    Also:  to send a note saying you want to wait to open the presents just strikes me as really childish.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-gifts-received-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1495b651-be8d-49a8-b539-9f2ccf03d515Post:55f0a6af-537f-47b9-bdd8-d48f945de1fb">Re: Do I have to open gifts received before the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We waited until after our honeymoon to open our cards and gifts we received at the wedding. The ones we received prior to the wedding we opened and sent a thank you note right away. I wouldn't wait. It's just more thank you notes to keep track of later. Plus, if the people who gave you gifts early attend your wedding they'll be nervous about you not receiving it if they hadn't heard from you. I wouldn't waste a note telling them that you're waiting to open their gift.
    Posted by L-Bride[/QUOTE]

    This is what I plan on doing since we leave for our honeymoon the morning after the wedding.

    PS-Telling people to be nice will only infuriate them.  We are adults and you are not our mother.  You probably wouldn't have gotten much flack, but with that disclaimer, you could rub people the wrong way.
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  • Open gifts as they come in, and cash checks as they come in, and send thank yous accordingly.  It lets people know you received their gifts, and keeps them from having uncashed checks to account for.

    It's okay to wait until after the honeymoon to open gifts and write thank-yous for items received AT the wedding.

    You'll receive things continuously right up to the wedding, and maybe beyond.  What more is there to draw out?
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  • If you would bother sending a note sayingyou're planning to wait to open it, that just sounds like extra correspondence that needs to be sent...  And sounds awfully silly... 

    It's somewhat of a burden to be stuck with many many TY notes so I would do yourself the favor and send whatever ones you can earlier.  You'll have plenty to open after the wedding from people who get their gift to you that day so I'd stick to the generally accepted practice here.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-gifts-received-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1495b651-be8d-49a8-b539-9f2ccf03d515Post:ddf69f7c-7bc4-4105-93b1-2940b2b44a22">Re: Do I have to open gifts received before the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Do I have to open gifts received before the wedding? : Sorry, I have to do it.  You are basically saying that you know that you are supposed to open them right away and send a TYN, check if they are broken, etc.  But you selfishly want to wait for what could be weeks/months to open the gifts.  And you basically told us that and then told us to "be nice" with our replies.  If you have already made up your mind that that is what you want to do, why ask the question? Everyone here will tell you:  proper etiquette is to open right away. That is what you should do.  If you choose not to because you just don't want to, that's your prerogative but you are going against proper etiquette.  And you know it. Also:  to send a note saying you want to wait to open the presents just strikes me as really childish.
    Posted by noodle_oo[/QUOTE]

    Why does it have to come to this? This is the exact reason that I asked people to be nice. I have not made up my mind. It was just something I was considering and was hoping to get others' opinions on. Multiple people just told me what they would do, what they think is appropriate, and what they believe is polite. Then you have to come in and start name-calling??? Who is really the childish one now?Just take a breath, calm down, and realize that life is so much sweeter when you smile. It's difficult to put others down if your smile is genuine. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-gifts-received-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1495b651-be8d-49a8-b539-9f2ccf03d515Post:4aa59dca-0bf3-453e-ba08-f10efb075c79">Re: Do I have to open gifts received before the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Do I have to open gifts received before the wedding? : You're probably going to get more a response to that line alone, than to the rest of your post.
    Posted by shortee426[/QUOTE]

    Holy Begonias! You weren't kidding. So far it hasn't been more responses but it has definitely been more heated. So much for asking for polite converstation, eh?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-gifts-received-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1495b651-be8d-49a8-b539-9f2ccf03d515Post:4b60eb96-163a-4c94-a442-963f83dd4075">Re: Do I have to open gifts received before the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do I have to open gifts received before the wedding? : This is what I plan on doing since we leave for our honeymoon the morning after the wedding. PS-Telling people to be nice will only infuriate them.  We are adults and you are not our mother.  You probably wouldn't have gotten much flack, but with that disclaimer, you could rub people the wrong way.
    Posted by soontobeschooley[/QUOTE]

    I'm not sure if you're telling me that I rubbed you the wrong way or just giving me a heads up. Although I realize I'm no one's mother, I was just hoping that I could get some honest opinions without the bitchiness that seems to come with so many of these posts. Planning my wedding is stressful enough. I would like a place where I will be able to have discussions with others who could have helpful advice and are willing to share it. Maybe theknot.com isn't the place. Any suggestions?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-gifts-received-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1495b651-be8d-49a8-b539-9f2ccf03d515Post:7aeaeded-b457-4aff-80dc-136f429bca3f">Re: Do I have to open gifts received before the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Nothing is more annoying than having to call a bride to make sure she got a gift that you ordered online because the store won't confirm it and you haven't heard about it in 8 months.
    Posted by GeauxTigers17[/QUOTE]

    Very good point! I wouldn't want to put any of my friends or family members in that situation. Thanks!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-gifts-received-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1495b651-be8d-49a8-b539-9f2ccf03d515Post:87ab182a-9509-4af2-b06f-542c175c71d4">Re: Do I have to open gifts received before the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do I have to open gifts received before the wedding? : I'm not sure if you're telling me that I rubbed you the wrong way or just giving me a heads up. Although I realize I'm no one's mother, I was just hoping that I could get some honest opinions without the bitchiness that seems to come with so many of these posts. Planning my wedding is stressful enough. I would like a place where I will be able to have discussions with others who could have helpful advice and are willing to share it. Maybe theknot.com isn't the place. Any suggestions?
    Posted by sarebare68[/QUOTE]

    No you are fine posting your question

    Noodle, Shortee, and Soontobeschooley were being honest with you.

    Posters tend to get more flack when they ask a question, and then basically say "be nice"

    Posting it without the soapbox "be nice" is probably the better way to go, when posters add the "be nice" that's when people become sarcastic because you basically are assuming they are going to be mean, hurtful, etc.  If you insult someone why would you expect them to help you out?  (This is totally my perception)

    You asked a question and wanted insight, maybe not all the answers were what you wanted but you asked the question and got some really honest and helpful answers.
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  • edited December 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-gifts-received-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1495b651-be8d-49a8-b539-9f2ccf03d515Post:87ab182a-9509-4af2-b06f-542c175c71d4">Re: Do I have to open gifts received before the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do I have to open gifts received before the wedding? : I'm not sure if you're telling me that I rubbed you the wrong way or just giving me a heads up. Although I realize I'm no one's mother, I was just hoping that I could get some honest opinions without the bitchiness that seems to come with so many of these posts. Planning my wedding is stressful enough. I would like a place where I will be able to have discussions with others who could have helpful advice and are willing to share it. Maybe theknot.com isn't the place. Any suggestions?
    Posted by sarebare68[/QUOTE]

    1. This is the internet. It is has a booming population of people who are not about to go out of their way to be overly nice to you, especially when you insult them right off the bat.

    You basically pulled off the equivalent of walking up to someone you don't know that well and saying, "Hey, I know you have a reputation for being bitchy, but I want to ask your advice anyway. Can you try not to be such a douche for a minute and give me an answer?"

    2. Most of us here believe in calling a spade a spade. You admitted you might be thinking naively, and people affirmed that yes, you were, and gave you some very good reasons to open your gifts sooner rather than later.  I'm sure it's not the answer you wanted, but it's the answer you're getting. Attacking us for not being nice enough for your liking won't change that.
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  • As the gifts or cards with money arrived either at our house or my parents, we opened them to make sure they were not damaged, and then sent the TY right away. We waited to use the items until after the wedding. If we received money, we cashed the checks but waited to use the money.

    For cards and gifts we received at the wedding, we wrote the TY and deposited the checks when we got back from the HM.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-gifts-received-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1495b651-be8d-49a8-b539-9f2ccf03d515Post:5742b29c-625f-4199-b240-0f4d5da10062">Re: Do I have to open gifts received before the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do I have to open gifts received before the wedding? : No you are fine posting your question Noodle, Shortee, and Soontobeschooley were being honest with you. <strong>Posters tend to get more flack when they ask a question, and then basically say "be nice" Posting it without the soapbox "be nice" is probably the better way to go, when posters add the "be nice" that's when people become sarcastic because you basically are assuming they are going to be mean, hurtful, etc.  If you insult someone why would you expect them to help you out?</strong>  (This is totally my perception) You asked a question and wanted insight, maybe not all the answers were what you wanted but you asked the question and got some really honest and helpful answers.
    Posted by Jelenny[/QUOTE]

    Yup.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-gifts-received-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1495b651-be8d-49a8-b539-9f2ccf03d515Post:5742b29c-625f-4199-b240-0f4d5da10062">Re: Do I have to open gifts received before the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do I have to open gifts received before the wedding? : No you are fine posting your question Noodle, Shortee, and Soontobeschooley were being honest with you. Posters tend to get more flack when they ask a question, and then basically say "be nice" Posting it without the soapbox "be nice" is probably the better way to go, when posters add the "be nice" that's when people become sarcastic because you basically are assuming they are going to be mean, hurtful, etc.  If you insult someone why would you expect them to help you out?  (This is totally my perception) You asked a question and wanted insight, maybe not all the answers were what you wanted but you asked the question and got some really honest and helpful answers.
    Posted by Jelenny[/QUOTE]

    Thank you for your honesty. Unfortunately, with my experience on other posts, I have just seen the nastiness arise regardless of the original question. I was hoping that by mentioning it in a lighthearted manner (which I know is hard to decipher through text) it would be understood that I wasn't here for an internet bitch session. I'm sure that you are correct in saying that people get more flack for asking for niceness. It wasn't my intention to make it seem like I was assuming responders would automatically be mean or hurtful. I'm disappointed that this is how it was interpreted but I see how it happened.
    To be honest, I think it would have happened regardless of whether or not I put that in the original post. I was called "selfish" and "childish" strictly because I was considering waiting to open our gifts. Sometimes people will be mean and hurtful no matter what you say. I know you said that the posters were being honest with me but I don't consider name-calling an appropriate response ever.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-gifts-received-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1495b651-be8d-49a8-b539-9f2ccf03d515Post:277e4e66-c1f6-4ac5-808e-13d41cb84887">Re: Do I have to open gifts received before the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes. If you don't open them right away, they explode.
    Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]
     this made me happy. 
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  • Sarabare - may I suggest WeddingWire?  That may be a more suitable internet environment for you.
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  • Sarebear did you really even want advice, or just try to start drama?  First of all, your other posts where you were attacked, you were the one who started by questioning someone else's opinion.  Yep, we can see your old posts.  So don't cry victim when you aren't.  Second, to come into a thread with a question and declare that you know we can be mean but please be nice, and then challenge anyone who mentions what you said is just creating drama.  

    If you have a question, ask it.  Don't wrap up your response by implying that you think we are all bitches and we need to be nice.  
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  • garcias1garcias1 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2010
    The great thing about asking a question at TK is that you are going to get HONEST opinions.  If you ask your friends and family, they will probably tell you what makes you happy.  This won't stop some people from saying nasty things behind your back.  Obviously it is not a nice thing to talk crap behind your back, especially if they are your friends or family.  But if your etiquette is poor enough, you may end up ticking off a bunch of people and not know it.  The great thing about TK is that these ladies will give you honest advice to your face, so you can avoid the nasty behind-your-back discussions.  I think that some negative feedback from people you don't know is much less hurtful than finding out that Aunt Laura was talking smack to your best friend Susie during the entire reception because you never deposited the check she sent you 4 months ago.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-gifts-received-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1495b651-be8d-49a8-b539-9f2ccf03d515Post:072f4394-9206-4c05-a9cf-67971a6b781a">Re: Do I have to open gifts received before the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sarebear did you really even want advice, or just try to start drama?  First of all, your other posts where you were attacked, you were the one who started by questioning someone else's opinion.  Yep, we can see your old posts.  So don't cry victim when you aren't.  Second, to come into a thread with a question and declare that you know we can be mean but please be nice, and then challenge anyone who mentions what you said is just creating drama.   If you have a question, ask it.  Don't wrap up your response by implying that you think we are all bitches and we need to be nice.  
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]


    What the What??? You lost me! What other posts where I was attacked? I never said I was attacked! If you are referring to the statement I made saying I had been involved in the drama before than you need to re-read it. I was thinking about another post that was highly debated and we ALL got bitchy; I never claimed innocence. I don't know where you're getting the victim stuff either. I'm not a victim and never tried to come off as one. I was honestly hoping for some real opinons (and the explosion one was good too). I figured I knew what I was going to hear but since it was something I had been considering for awhile I thought I'd ask just to make sure. It so happens that the people who actually responded to my real question confirmed what I knew in the back of my head but didn't want to acknowledge yet. Thanks to those people. Finally, I must have been drunk when I told anyone that they were creating drama because I sure don't remember that. So far, you may be the only person who's saying that.
    Basically, I asked a question I wanted a real answer to. I lightheartedly dropped in the "be nice" part thinking of the last discussion I was in where people (including myself) were NOT nice. I did not intend to imply that anyone was a bitch because I don't know any of you and I'd be calling myself one as well.
  • What post on E were people not nice?  Unless you're an AE, this is your first post on E.  

    And the "victim" was when you said noodle resorted to calling you names, which she didn't.  Saying you sound selfish isn't calling you a name.  

    No you didn't say someone was creating drama, but you create it when you come in here telling people to be nice, and then talk about the "bitchiness that comes with these posts."  Ask whatever questions you want on here.  But as with any other public forum, you can' dictate what responses you get.  Trying to do so is very condescending to grown adults.
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  • Okay, this is getting out of hand and I'm not helping the situation.

    Thank you to those of you who answered my real question with real answers (not excluding the explosion answer because I like.

    I did not intend to prematurely call anyone a bitch. My statement about being nice was meant to be lighthearted and was obviously not taken that way.

    I received the answer to my question. The original asking of the question was not about what I wanted to hear or about getting people to give me the answer I wanted. I was mostly expecting people to reaffirm what I already thought I knew but wanted to be sure of anyway.

    I know that I am contributing to what I did not want by responding to the posts that refer to the "be nice" comment. I will no longer respond to those. If anyone has anything to say about their experiences regarding gifts before the wedding or thank you notes I will still appreciate your input. Thank you to those that helped me realize that I will not be able to wait until after the honeymoon to open gifts sent before the wedding.
  • edited December 2010
    We got our first wedding gift 3 months before the wedding. You're supposed to send TY notes out within 2 months (max - hopefully a lot less if it's before the wedding) and most exchanges have to occur within 30 days. So I think your plan is not the smartest, here.
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  • All of the above into account, do you really want to come back from your honeymoon and immediately face 200 thank-you notes all stacked up and waiting to be written?  Don't know about you, but I'd want to get as many of them out of the way before the wedding as I possibly could. 
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