Having a small wedding...who can I leave off the guest list?

Cynthia1964 · February 2012

My fiance and I are getting married in Temecula at the Wine Country Wedding Chapel in Old Town on Saturday, May 12th. It's a very cute wedding chapel that's small and intimate and will hold around 15 people. We are doing our best to limit the guest list, but are running into a problem with his family. My fiance has 4 brothers who are all married with grown children. If we invite all of them plus his parents, we won't be able to invite any of our close friends.

Our question...how rude would it be to just invite his parents and our close friends to the wedding and send out wedding announcements afterwards to the rest of the family.

BTW my mother will not be attending the ceremony since she's in a nursing home confined to a wheelchair. We have promised to bring her a DVD a ceremony for her to watch and enjoy. Also none of my siblings will be attending since we are not on speaking terms

ceh789 · February 2012

I would be absolutely devistated if one of my siblings didn't invite me to their wedding. If they didn't invite me to make room for their friends it would compound the hurt. It would change our relationship forever. Additionally, I would be shocked if my parents attended, showing their support for such a hurtful act.

IMO, find a different venue or make sure your FI is prepared to not be on speaking terms with his family.

littleluckypenny · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_having-small-weddingwho-can-leave-off-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:bcca402a-e5d5-43dd-88e3-6183b473e3dePost:6b1de2da-dbcc-4e93-8f30-3f7d00d22878">Re: Having a small wedding...who can I leave off the guest list?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would be absolutely devistated if one of my siblings didn't invite me to their wedding. If they didn't invite me to make room for their friends it would compound the hurt. It would change our relationship forever. Additionally, I would be shocked if my parents attended, showing their support for such a hurtful act. IMO, find a different venue or make sure your FI is prepared to not be on speaking terms with his family.
Posted by ceh789[/QUOTE]

<strong>This.</strong>

morenachica110 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_having-small-weddingwho-can-leave-off-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:bcca402a-e5d5-43dd-88e3-6183b473e3dePost:6b1de2da-dbcc-4e93-8f30-3f7d00d22878">Re: Having a small wedding...who can I leave off the guest list?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would be absolutely devistated if one of my siblings didn't invite me to their wedding. If they didn't invite me to make room for their friends it would compound the hurt. It would change our relationship forever. <strong>Additionally, I would be shocked if my parents attended, showing their support for such a hurtful act.</strong> IMO, find a different venue or make sure your FI is prepared to not be on speaking terms with his family.
Posted by ceh789[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with everything except the bold. You should definitely invite the family. Friends come second (at least to immediate family). As for the bolded... that's stupid. My parents would show up no matter what I did or said that may be rude. They would show up because they love me and want to see me get married, not because they support or don't support an act.</div><div>
</div><div>In short, OP, invite your immediate family and FI's. It could cause a HUGE rift if not.</div>

Cynthia1964 · February 2012

Spoke to my fiance and he wondered if we would be better off just eloping. Both my parents and his parents eloped and two of his four brothers also eloped. While I don't have a problem with eloping and just getting married by ourselves, this will be my first marriage (I'm 47) and his second marriage (he's 52). I have to admit I want the special people in my life to be present since this is going to be my one and only trip down the aisle.

We have considered holding the ceremony at a different venue, but that means more money for the ceremony and reception. Right now we can have the ceremony plus a wine country tour for our guests for under $1000.

Simply Fated · February 2012

I agree with CMG. You fell in love with a venue, but at the risk of causing his side of the family hurt. The venue isn't THAT great if you aren't able to host his whole family there.

toothpastechica · February 2012

I would at the very least find a way to invite his siblings...if they have grown children (not living at home) I wouldn't invite the children though if theres really no room...but know it will cause rifs in the family. I would definatly not invite friends if even immidiate family isn't doable though.....if possible find another venue.

kmmssg · February 2012

Agree with many things here. I would be devastated if a sibling invited a friend and threw me to the curb. I have a sister I really really really do not care for, but I'd still invite her.

I agree with CMG that you planned backwards a bit here. It doesn't matter how lovely a venue is or how cheap it is if it limits you so much on being able to invite immediate family.

I really encourage you to find a different venue that will at least hold the people you want to invite plus your FI's siblings. You can leave the grown nieces/nephews out of it, but please don't ditch the brothers for friends. They are his brothers forever so you don't want to hurt that relationship.

I wish you the best of luck in this and I hope you will come back and tell us how everything works out.

ginadog · February 2012

If you have his parents (2), plus four brothers and their SO (8), do you still have room for 5? It sounds like you can omit the grown nieces/nephews.

amanda1611t · February 2012

Invite all siblings and their significant others.

invite parents on both sides and grandparents if they are they can come, as you said your mother cannot.

Don't invite cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, or nephews.

invite only friends that you will br friends with for at least the next 10 years

and only invite friends that you have been invited to their home.

thats the best advice i can give!

Sydney91 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_having-small-weddingwho-can-leave-off-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:bcca402a-e5d5-43dd-88e3-6183b473e3dePost:938e51f7-c452-4c84-ac56-1854d6a44fd2">Having a small wedding...who can I leave off the guest list?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are getting married in Temecula at the Wine Country Wedding Chapel in Old Town on Saturday, May 12th. It's a very cute wedding chapel that's small and intimate and will hold around 15 people. We are doing our best to limit the guest list, but are running into a problem with his family. My fiance has 4 brothers who are all married with grown children. If we invite all of them plus his parents, we won't be able to invite any of our close friends. Our question...how rude would it be to just invite his parents and our close friends to the wedding and send out wedding announcements afterwards to the rest of the family. <strong>BTW my mother will not be attending the ceremony since she's in a nursing home confined to a wheelchair. </strong>We have promised to bring her a DVD a ceremony for her to watch and enjoy. Also none of my siblings will be attending since we are not on speaking terms
Posted by 696891437505774[/QUOTE]
So is my mother, but she's going to be there. Why can't she come too?

Having a small wedding...who can I leave off the guest list?

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