MOH Mistake???

vcosta285 · July 2012

So I recently got engaged and while talking to a girl friend over lunch we started discussing wedding ideas. She recently got married and had a similar budget- so she was very eager to help. Caught up in the excitment I asked her to be my MOH and now two weeks later, I feel like I made a big mistake. She is very opinionated, and a little selfish and I have barley begun planning and she is already driving me nuts. Am I stuck with her? Idk what to do. Help!!

Gabrielle76 · July 2012

You can't un ask someone to be in your bridal party, once you ask her, she's in. So yes, you're 'stuck' with her as your MOH. However, just because she's your MOH doesn't mean she has to be involved with the wedding planning, only that she shows up in the right dress. Just stop discussing wedding things with her, aside from what's essential.

SugarFoote · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-mistake-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d8d2760f-64f1-4eed-8c47-c100dd1f9c36Post:9dacb03d-50a1-4e45-9ea8-5f4de92bdc19">MOH Mistake???</a>:
[QUOTE]So I recently got engaged and while talking to a girl friend over lunch we started discussing wedding ideas. She recently got married and had a similar budget- so she was very eager to help. Caught up in the excitment I asked her to be my MOH and now two weeks later, I feel like I made a big mistake. She is very opinionated, and a little selfish and I have barley begun planning and she is already driving me nuts. Am I stuck with her? Idk what to do. Help!!
Posted by vcosta285[/QUOTE]

Why did you ask her if she is opinionated and selfish? Why are you friends?

OP, you have 2 choices.
A) Deal with it and leave her in your wedding.
B) Kick her out and destroy the friendship.

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

Unless you want to ruin the friendship you have with her, you need to keep her in the wedding. I know you just got excited, but this is why we advise people to wait awhile to ask their WP members, so that no one asks rashly and then regrets it. You don't have to discuss your wedding with her if you don't want her input on things. And I suppose if you find her horrendously selfish and no longer want to continue a friendship with her, then go ahead and kick her out. Just know that you won't be able to maintain a good relationship with her if you do this.

aerinpegadrak · July 2012

Yup, you're stuck with her, unless you never want to talk to her again. Just don't bring up wedding stuff around her. Even if she's the MOH, she's not required to help with, or even know, the details.

pkontk · July 2012

I agree with PPs. Keep wedding talk with her to a minimum. It sounds like she'll be enthusiastic enough to still want to hold your flowers during the ceremony and sign the marriage certificate as a witness, if that is necessary.

dixfam4 · July 2012

I would do your wedding on your own, are you able to talk to you mom about it? That way you can say you don't want to leave her "out" also, why not tell Your MOH thanks for all her help, but what you really NEED her to do is concentrate on your Bridal Shower or Bachlorette party. That way she is busy, concentrating on that and leaving you in peace!!!

That way you avoid a stressful situation, don't lose a friend or get into an unnecesary arguement or hurt feelings before your "day" You want it to be a happy and memorable time ...

glitzymandy · July 2012

You could always have 2 mohs and let them share the duties

Jessc16 · July 2012

Honestly I would say no...it would crush her feelings too cuz being someone's MOH is like a huge thing to some ppl....I was beyond thrilled when asked to be MOH....but this person wouldn't give much detail as to want they wanted or looking for in everything wedding, such as venue, music, food, etc....so I said "ok ill look up some stuff I know u might like, call a few ppl and we'll go from there"...she agreed and since she was dealing with finals said it'd be a great load off her shoulders the next few wks til school was out....understanding enough right?? _ a few wks later I get a loooong text not a call saying how she didn't want me to be her MOH anymore because I wasn't paying her much attention...I wasn't doing all the "duties" I was supposed to do....I could still be a bridesmaid but not MOH....yet the person she picked didn't bother once to even help with last minute details the wk before, I did! Even down to fluffing the dress right before it started and it was a personal matter as to why I still had to be a bridesmaid...and it was her wedding day, I could swallow my pride and help the girl get ready and calm her nerves....I'm just saying maybe u should tell her to help with other stuff so she's not constantly getting on ur last nerve...or like other ladies have said on here "oh thank u I'll take that into consideration"

LaMaFa · July 2012

You do need to keep her as your MOH, however, I would also suggest keeping wedding talk to a minimum and just politely deflecting whenever you can. If there is someone else who will be more suited to working with you in helping pull together wedding plans AND who is Willing to do that, you can always ask them to be a second MOH. I have two MOH myself as I am very close to two of my BMs and for me it was the right thing to have both as MOH. I can understand how you asked in the excitement of the moment, all you can do now is comfort yourself and ensure you are happy and less stressed in pulling off your wedding, what's done is done, just move along and make sure you don't destroy your good friendship. HTH!

myweddplan · July 2012

In Response to MOH Mistake???:
Absolutely not! it is your wedding. she had hers and no doubt did what she wanted. while she may have had the expirience of wedd planning, this is your turn. if you are not happy with her, sit her down for a talk. tell her what you are not happy with and what you would like to have done. the MOH's job is to make the BRIDE happy. if she cannot do the job she needs to do, then she does not deserve to be you MOH. your day should be "your perfect" and no one has the right to hinder that. she can still be a bridesmaid, you don't have to completely remove her from wedd party. but open your communication lines and let her know what you are not happy with. if she truely is a good friend she will understand. or if you need to, have a "second MOH"... if any explainations are needed... maybe you "can't choose between the two". we are not stuck in the throw back days anymore. you can change your mind. if you changed your mind about your fiancee would you still marry him? NO! so why the hack would you not be allowed to change your MOH? your day means your day!

LisaRae333 · July 2012

I have two Maids of Honor and I never hear from either I them. I think it's lucky to have someone who is engaged.

Msmarikita · July 2012

Being MOH in a wedding to me is a special place to be in at a wedding! if your not happy with her my opinion is to demode her, my friend recently got married and was not happy with her MOH and ended up telling me that I should have been it that i would be the best at it, so i was bummed that she dind't call her off on it and gave me that chance!! maybe there is someone else in your party that deserves that spot, trade her off with a bridesmaid, I WOULD!!!

shayagunn · July 2012

I'm in the same situation... only it's my entire party.

Not one of my bridesmaids has helped me with anything at all. Not one of them has said anything to me about the wedding, and it's in less than 2 months.
Ohh, and my MOH straight out told me she didnt want to help me with my wedding.

I feel stuck with all of this, because I don't want to be rude or lose any friends, but I feel like at least one person in my WP should want to help me... I WISH I had someone that was actually excited or outspoken about helping me.

adialesa · August 2012

Do you have another friend/family member that you would rather have as your MOH? If you do, then you can tell her you want two MOH's and the new one would make the speech at the wedding reception and the original one could maybe do it at the rehearsal so she still feels as important.

I've been in 10 weddings and have seen it all happen and am now planning my own. I am lucky to have my twin sister be my MOH and I wouldn't have it any other way. If I was in the same position I'd still let your friend keep her title but have someone else involved to take off the responsibility she is taking on so that you aren't as stressed about it.

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