Just Engaged and Proposals

Engagement ring

I know this may sound bad, but what if you don't exactly love your engagement ring? We have been engaged for a little while now and I thought I would grow to love my ring, but its not exactly what I dreamed it would be. What would be your advice? Thank you! 

Re: Engagement ring

  • First, I think you should speak to your FI about this, if you want to change your engagement ring. He picked it out for you and had his reasons for choosing it. Maybe if you hear these reasons, you will like the ring more? If you decide to change the ring, there are various ways to do so....

    What exactly don't you like about the engagement ring?

    If you do not like the setting, perhaps you could get another setting and have the diamond transferred from the old one to the new one.
    Or do you not like the shape of the diamond? In that case, you could have a new diamond put into the setting, and have the old one put into something else to wear if you want to keep it for sentimental reasons.
    Is it the metal color? The entire ring itself?

    Talk to your FI, and see what he thinks and wants to do. Be prepared for hurt feelings, however. GL!
  • Before you say anything, really think about it.  Your FI may have put a lot of thought and time into your ring.  My FI is very proud of my ring and I know it would crush him if I told him I didn't like it (I do).  Keep in mind what the ring represents.  Also, picking out your wedding band could kind of make up for it if you pick out one you really love :)
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  • My ring is three round diamonds, 1/2 carat t.w., white gold.

    I don't like the setting at all. And I was really hoping for a solitaire. The shape of the diamonds is ok, but I wanted princess.
    I feel really awful that I let this bother me. I know there is more imporant things in life. And the last thing I want to do is hurt his feelings. Ugh! :( 

  • Wear it for awhile, you might be surprised at how it grows on you.  If it doesn't, talk to your FI.
  • I did not love mine at first, but after wearing it for a while and knowing how proud FI was of the ring, I began to love it!  It also helped when I picked out my wedding bands.  I couldn't have choosen a better ring.  He knows me better than I know myself!
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  • I agree that this might hurt your FI's feelings, especially if he put a lot of time and thought into picking it out. I think that if you wear it a while, you might grow to love it. After all, it is the ring that your future husband bought for you when he asked you to spend your life with him - the sentiment behind it is more important than the shape of a diamond.

    Yet this is why I am a proponent of women picking out their own e-rings, along with input from the man.
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
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    Do you really not like the ring or are you just disappointed thats its not what you pictured? IMO that ring should have sentimental value for you and it shouldn't really matter if its not exactly what you would have picked out. Your FI will probably be hurt if you ask him if you can get a different one. I say just think about the positives with the ring you have forget about what you wanted and it will be easier to love the ring your FI proposed to you with.

  • I agree with the other girls that you may want to wear it for a little bit longer to see if it grows on you.  And remember that sometimes drab rings turn gorgeous once paired with a pretty wedding band. 

    At the same time, I can understand how you feel.  It must feel rotten to not love a piece of jewelry you are expected to wear everyday of your life.  FI and I are both practical people and we went shopping together.  He has good taste in jewelry, but he would have never picked out my engagement ring because it's so different.  I got to pick out just what I wanted and he made the decision (when he was ready) to buy it. 

    If you still don't love the ring, by all means, talk to your FI.  I know my FI wouldn't be crushed if I didn't like what he picked out.  He says it's more important for me to love the ring and actually want to wear the ring than to feel obligated to wear it, yet hate it.
  • I agree with PP. This is a serious thing and you want to make sure you give it time before talking to your FI about it. This will probably hurt his feeling but if you cannot stand the ring then talk to him and maybe he will understand...i think it is important to go ring shopping with your FI to make sure something like this dose not happen. Me  and my FI have been ring shopping and there are some things that he loves that i hate so i know that shopping together is crucial so when he can afford to replace my "place holder" ring that we will both be satisfied.
    good luck
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  • I know this is hard to do because we brides make such a big deal about engagement rings these days, but do try to remember that the ring that truly matters is the one he puts on your finger when you say "i do".
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  • Thanks so much girls for all your advice!
  • Just here to offer a guy's perspective... :)  How long is 'a little while' that you've been engaged?  And did you two talk about getting engaged and what you'd like in a ring before he proposed?

    My FI and I talked about our future together from time to time, marriage eventually came up, and once that topic had come up so did rings just as a general conversation like oh I'd like this and that looks good, etc.; I eventually had enough bits of info to know she would be most happy with a solitaire and a six-prong setting, no basket or anything like that around it.  I convinced her what with taxes and the economy, etc. that engagement was a good year off and then surprised her a month later and she's ecstatic about the ring.

    So in my case it was easy, but if you didn't get into the details with your FI before he got it, what you ended up with is probably what he thought you'd like, which doesn't sound like it was quite correct.  Unfortunately as the PP's pointed out, could be some hurt feelings if you bring it up now, and I agree; he probably has a lot of pride in what he bought and he could definitely take it the wrong way no matter how well you present your wanting something different to him.  I can't think of any good way to bring it up to him before the wedding with no risk.

    I think what I'd recommend is wait it out, you may grow to love it and it becomes a non-issue, particularly if you find a wedding band you really love, or, for your first wedding anniversary, ask him if you can, as your anniversary gift from him, upgrade it to a solitaire.  It would go over a lot better presenting it at that time and in that manner, throw something in about how a single diamond better represents you or your marriage or how anniversaries come around once a year, or whatever else you come up with, guys don't care about stuff like that so it will work and no feelings hurt, you just have to wait two years to do it. :)

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  • I've been in your situation and I disagree with those who say that you should just keep it to yourself. I did for over 2 months and it was awful!!!

    FI and I tell each other everything, he is truly my best friend and confidant. He was very proud of the ring he bought, so not wanting to hurt him I lied. I'm a very truthful person and the whole thing just ate me up inside. It was miserable.

    Telling him was very difficult, but I wish I had done it sooner. While he wasn't mad at me for not liking it (he was more upset with himself that he hadn't picked a ring I loved) he was very hurt that I had not told him. We agreed I would wear the ring for one more month "just to be sure" but ultimately it still wasn't me. Being the stand up guy he is, we are now looking together for a new setting for the diamonds. At the end of the day, he just wants me to be happy.

    Marriage is about honesty and faith in each other. I didn't want ours starting with secrets and lies. As long as you are caring and compassionate when you tell your FI, he will understand. Have a little faith in him :)
  • Katysbug05 - Thank you for understanding! We were literally in the exact same situation! Glad things worked out for you!

    I didn't say anything about the ring at first because I thought I would grow to love it, and I didn't want to upset my FI. But it had been like 4 months, and I just didn't want to hide this anymore. We talked and he was a little upset at first, but he understood. We went ring shopping together just the other day. I am very thankful to have such a wonderful and loving soon-to-be hubby. <3

  • I am glad things worked out for you and your FI. Although I didn't tell my FI what ring I had in mind, I was always drawn to those "flashy" rings. I told him what ever ring he decides to get me is the ring I will be happy with. When he proposed to me, the ring was completely different from what I thought I would get or what is in stores. What makes it different is the fact that he gave me his mother's ring who he lossed in a car accident 11 years ago. He was very close to his mom and while he could have went to a jewellry store and bought me a "flashy" ring, he chose to give me something so near and dear to him and his family and that is an honour :)
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