Dry v. Non-Dry Reception Help!

missyjp94 · October 2012

My fiance and I will be getting married in a couple of years. Both of us don't drink but our familes do. We'll be having our ceremony at the church that we both go to, and we're also thinking about having our reception there. It would be a very spacious place, and we would be able to decorate it how we want for a lower price since we go to the church. However, since it is a church, there can't be any alcohol at the reception. I don't know what to do. I want our guests to be able to have fun and enjoy themselves, but my fiance thinks that since this is our wedding, we don't have to provide alcohol. It would save us money and just make sense because we don't drink. I guess I just really want to avoid having a boring reception. We're a young couple, so I want it to be really fun! What do you guys think? Any pointers, tips, or advice? Thank you and best of luck to each of you while planning your wedding!

Summer2011Bride · October 2012

There is nothing wrong with a dry wedding. It isn't against etiquette to not have alcohol. Having said that, typically dry weddings don't last as long as those with alcohol and don't have as much of a "party" atmosphere. The one H and I went to that was dry, we ended up leaving after a few songs with our friends and going out to a bar. It's not that we HAVE to have alcohol to have a good time, but when dancing? Yeah, it helps to loosen us up so we are more comfortable making fools of ourself on the dance floor.

It's up to you and FI since you are paying. Again, nothing wrong with a dry wedding but just be aware that it may end earlier than you were hoping for.

FWIW, to save on money you could always do just beer and wine for alcohol (I understand this means you'd have to host it elsewhere besides your church, so that's up to you).

Chloeagh · October 2012

I don't think there's anything wrong with a dry wedding, but I completely understand your dilema. FI's and my families drink a lot. However, in order to keep costs down, we are holding the reception at the farm of the one side of our family's that doesn't drink and they are uncomfortable with the idea of us serving alcohol. We're hoping to convince them to let us do something for the toasts, though. Not enough that people can get drunk, but enough that I don't get kicked out of the family for having a dry wedding (jk, kinda). At the same time, we are choosing this venue because it doesn't cost anything, and we'll save even more money by not having alcohol, so we'll be okay with whatever they decide.

Do what you are comfortable with, both financially and otherwise. You save a lot of money by having your reception in the church and without alcohol, and that is definitely something to keep in mind. And you know your guest list better than us, so you know if they'll still have fun and party. How late I stay and how much I dance has nothing to do with how much I drink, but I know that's not true for some people.

mrsmtothek · October 2012

This is a toughie. Ultimately at the end of the day, you're right--this is your wedding. However, you're throwing a party for your family and friends who enjoy drinking. If you were in AA and felt uncomfortable around alcohol and couldn't handle being in the presence of it, it would be one thing. But not providing it at all for your guests just because you'd prefer not to kind of seems a bit selfish. I don't eat meat, but when I throw a party I always provide options for those who do because I know that other people enjoy it. Its the same idea here. Most people expect to go to a wedding to drink and dance--like PP mentioned it loosens you up and definitely encourages more people to stay and have fun.

Your wedding will be fun regardless of what you provide, but your guests will appreciate the option of having alcohol. It just depends how much you want to consider your guests needs over your own.

DramaGeek · October 2012

Our wedding was also dry. We planned not to serve alcohol anyway, but then when we decided to have the reception in the church fellowship hall we actually couldn't since it was against their rules.

We have some VERY big drinkers in the family, especially H's. In fact, when H's cousin got married 8 months after us, H, me, and the bride and groom were the only sober people left at the end of the night. We were a little worried that people would leave early because of that, but everyone stayed and had a blast. It was definitely a party atmosphere. Ok, maybe not a "party all night/night club" atmosphere, but people were having a great time, the dance floor was packed, etc.

I really think a lot of it is about the energy of the bride, groom, and other key people like parents, WP, etc. We were all having such a great time that everyone else had fun too. If we hadn't been on the dance floor, our energy wouldn't have been as infectious and it probably would have been a tamer reception.

Our ceremony started at 4:30 and we were asked to be out by 9 because it was a Saturday and the custodians needed to clean for church the next day. H and I left at 8:30 and there were still quite a few people left at that point, but I think most people cleared out between 8 and 8:30.

JoanE2012 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dry-v-non-dry-reception-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:b96c8a5e-563c-4032-a910-442ace5ea073Post:d5c374c2-29fa-4202-928e-a6b26f2b3bd0">Dry v. Non-Dry Reception Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I will be getting married in a couple of years. Both of us don't drink but our familes do. We'll be having our ceremony at the church that we both go to, and we're also thinking about having our reception there. It would be a very spacious place, and we would be able to decorate it how we want for a lower price since we go to the church. However, since it is a church, there can't be any alcohol at the reception. I don't know what to do. I want our guests to be able to have fun and enjoy themselves, but my fiance thinks that since this is our wedding, we don't have to provide alcohol. It would save us money and just make sense because we don't drink. I guess I just really want to avoid having a boring reception. We're a young couple, so I want it to be really fun! What do you guys think? Any pointers, tips, or advice? Thank you and best of luck to each of you while planning your wedding!
Posted by missyjp94[/QUOTE]

Not having alcohol because you and your FI don't drink really isn't a good reason by itself as the reception is for your guests, not you. However, if the reason is to save money or to have it at a certain location that won't allow it, I think that's fine. As other people mentioned, people will probably leave early and won't be dancing up a storm if it's dry. I know I usually won't hit the dance floor unless I've had a drink!

Knottie1450123632 · October 2012

we are just doing beer and wine

missyjp94 · October 2012

Thank you all. S and I are a young couple, so we have tons of energy and want the reception to be fun. A couple of my bridesmaids won't be 21 (including my maid of honor and myself) so I'm not sure if this makes a difference on the situation? Our DJ that we will have is a couple of guys we know that are young also, so I think that they'll be able to help give us the "party feel." I guess I'll just give it more time to think about it and weigh our options.

Viczaesar · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dry-v-non-dry-reception-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:b96c8a5e-563c-4032-a910-442ace5ea073Post:4585d360-497a-4dea-be0b-3e89fde65288">Re: Dry v. Non-Dry Reception Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]No one would expect alcohol at a church reception. I think your wedding sounds perfectly wonderful. Spend that alcohol money on FOOD!
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

I don't think people should ever expect alcohol and I have no problem with dry weddings, but not all churches forbid alcohol.

missyjp94 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dry-v-non-dry-reception-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:b96c8a5e-563c-4032-a910-442ace5ea073Post:4585d360-497a-4dea-be0b-3e89fde65288">Re: Dry v. Non-Dry Reception Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]No one would expect alcohol at a church reception. I think your wedding sounds perfectly wonderful. Spend that alcohol money on FOOD!
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div><font color="#800080">That's very sweet of you, thank you :)</font>

</div>

Chloeagh · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dry-v-non-dry-reception-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:b96c8a5e-563c-4032-a910-442ace5ea073Post:1c6aa9e7-c3be-4b2e-867c-689d8b1bbe80">Re: Dry v. Non-Dry Reception Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you all. S and I are a young couple, so we have tons of energy and want the reception to be fun. A couple of my bridesmaids won't be 21 (including my maid of honor and myself) so I'm not sure if this makes a difference on the situation? Our DJ that we will have is a couple of guys we know that are young also, so I think that they'll be able to help give us the "party feel." I guess I'll just give it more time to think about it and weigh our options.
Posted by missyjp94[/QUOTE]
Because of the nature of my family, I tend to expect (not expect like it should be there, expect like it's always been there before) alcohol when I go to weddings. But if I knew the bride and/or groom were underage, I would expect it to be dry.

Sassenach1743 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dry-v-non-dry-reception-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:b96c8a5e-563c-4032-a910-442ace5ea073Post:d5c374c2-29fa-4202-928e-a6b26f2b3bd0">Dry v. Non-Dry Reception Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I will be getting married <strong>in a couple of years.</strong>
Posted by missyjp94[/QUOTE]

<div>Just wondering why you're thinking about this now if you're not planning to wed for another couple of years? </div><div>
</div><div>Why not wait until you're actually planning to decide this? </div>

NOLAbridealmost · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dry-v-non-dry-reception-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:b96c8a5e-563c-4032-a910-442ace5ea073Post:5c80cd23-75d9-444b-af9d-cad1b2c6d7a4">Re: Dry v. Non-Dry Reception Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Dry v. Non-Dry Reception Help! : Just wondering why you're thinking about this now if you're not planning to wed for another couple of years? Why not wait until you're actually planning to decide this?
Posted by brita722[/QUOTE]

<div>It's normal to try to find a venue more than a year out and if she chooses her church's venue, there's no booze. </div>

missyjp94 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dry-v-non-dry-reception-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:b96c8a5e-563c-4032-a910-442ace5ea073Post:5c80cd23-75d9-444b-af9d-cad1b2c6d7a4">Re: Dry v. Non-Dry Reception Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Dry v. Non-Dry Reception Help! : Just wondering why you're thinking about this now if you're not planning to wed for another couple of years? Why not wait until you're actually planning to decide this?
Posted by brita722[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div><font color="#800080">
</font></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;background-color:#ffffff;"><font color="#800080">Well, since you're a fellow bride, I think you could agree that it's always good to plan ahead. Soon enough we will have to choose our ceremony venue and reception venue (about a year in advance). It's always good to get ideas on your ceremony, venue, etc. in advance and it'll make planning those things easier in the future. Thank you for your concern, though.</font></span>
</div>

lyndausvi · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dry-v-non-dry-reception-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:b96c8a5e-563c-4032-a910-442ace5ea073Post:4585d360-497a-4dea-be0b-3e89fde65288">Re: Dry v. Non-Dry Reception Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>No one would expect alcohol at a church reception.</strong> I think your wedding sounds perfectly wonderful. Spend that alcohol money on FOOD!
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>Unless you are getting married at a Catholic church hall in Delaware. Everyone one of the church halls I've been to have built in bars. After my cousin's funeral we all went down to the church basement and proceeded to drink beer poured from the built in taps at the built in bar. ::shrugs::</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>Back to the OP - ditto stage and Drama. There is nothing wrong with a a dry wedding, just be realistic with your expectations.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>ETA - and yes I also expect alcohol at ALL social events I'm invited to. Mostly because I've NEVER been invited to a single social event that didn't have alcohol. Weddings, b-day parties, Mother's day at grandma's, kid's b-day parties even funeral receptions have alcohol available. </div><div>
</div><div>However, that is MY social group yours might be different. Most expectations are based on past experiences. I've been attending wedding for 40 years. If I've always seen alcohol I don't think my expectations are unrealistic based on my experience. Not that I would not attend, leave early or think it's lame. I would just find it odd.</div>

libby2483 · October 2012

There is nothing wrong with a dry wedding. However, just realize with a dry reception, many people won't stay as long and there will be less of a party atmosphere. If this party vibe is something you want, I would recommend serving alcohol. I have never been invited to a dry wedding, so I can't speak from experience...but if I was at a dry wedding and several of my friends were also there, we would probably stay for a little while, then all hit a bar together.

missyjp94 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dry-v-non-dry-reception-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:b96c8a5e-563c-4032-a910-442ace5ea073Post:636d9b9b-476c-4d10-b836-945182b6d654">Re: Dry v. Non-Dry Reception Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]There is nothing wrong with a dry wedding. However, just realize with a dry reception, many people won't stay as long and there will be less of a party atmosphere. If this party vibe is something you want, I would recommend serving alcohol. I have never been invited to a dry wedding, so I can't speak from experience...but if I was at a dry wedding and several of my friends were also there, we would probably stay for a little while, then all hit a bar together.
Posted by libby2483[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div><font color="#800080">Thanks for your help! I think you might be right. I know for me, it's easy to let loose and have fun, dance the night away, etc. without alcohol, but I realize others aren't like that.

Someone also suggested to maybe offer video games or something instead, to still make it a fun reception. Games like Rockband, Just Dance, Mario Kart, etc. I think this would reflect S and well I because we both like video games and he enjoys making video games. Do you guys think this would be a good alternative? Or do you think guests would think it's dumb?</font>

</div>

mrsmtothek · October 2012

I would say no to the games. Adults know how to mingle and have fun on their own; those who want to dance will dance, those who don't won't. Also, keep in mind that a lot of people don't need alcohol to loosen up. Most geniunely enjoy having a couple drinks as a social activity. For this reason its often expected at an event like this, because it propels conversation, laughter, and dancing. Is it needed for those things? No. But most adults I know (me included) would be disappointed with the lack of alcohol, and like PP have suggested would probably leave early to go to a bar. Again, your wedding will be fun with or without alcohol, but providing it is a nice gesture to your guests that you're thinking of them. Its the same reason why you provide appetizers, a nice hot meal, dessert, and favors: your guests!

missyjp94 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dry-v-non-dry-reception-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:b96c8a5e-563c-4032-a910-442ace5ea073Post:8cebe164-cfb2-44fb-98e7-396d96951ee4">Re: Dry v. Non-Dry Reception Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]I would say no to the games. Adults know how to mingle and have fun on their own; those who want to dance will dance, those who don't won't. Also, keep in mind that a lot of people don't need alcohol to loosen up. Most geniunely enjoy having a couple drinks as a social activity. For this reason its often expected at an event like this, because it propels conversation, laughter, and dancing. Is it needed for those things? No. But most adults I know (me included) would be disappointed with the lack of alcohol, and like PP have suggested would probably leave early to go to a bar. Again, your wedding will be fun with or without alcohol, but providing it is a nice gesture to your guests that you're thinking of them. Its the same reason why you provide appetizers, a nice hot meal, dessert, and favors: your guests! :)
Posted by mckemowse[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div><font color="#800080">Sounds good, thanks for your help!
</font>
</div>

kelleywill · October 2012

We are haveing a toast and thats it i dont want any more than that. One the price its just to much. And i dont want drunk people at my wedding. I dont want people falling over drunk acting stupied and driveing home drunk. I would feel horrible if somone left my wedding and got in a accedent. But if you have it at a church to me i wouldnt expect it being a wet wedding. But how fun it is will be up to you and your friends and how you guys are.

puppetrick · November 2012

We had a dry wedding and everyone had the art of mingling DOWN PAT.

Everyone enjoyed themselves and stayed into the night - (we didn't even have DANCING!) It was way cheaper than if we WERE to include alcohol - and people still enjoyed themselves..we DID have a photobooth which made things interesting as well

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