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Etiquette

Mother of the Groom

Hi Knotties,

I would like to know what are the duties of the mother of the groom? What is her role in the wedding?

I would like to include my future mother-in-law in our wedding plans etc.

Thanks

Re: Mother of the Groom

  • Her role is to show up on the wedding day, if she chooses, and wear clothing appropriate for the level of formality of the occasion.  If they both wish, the groom and his mother may share a dance following the bride's dance with her father (if applicable).    

    The mother of the groom doesn't have any "duties."  She doesn't have to pay for anything or plan anything, though you can choose include her in any way that you want by inviting her along to fittings or asking for her opinion.  You shouldn't tell her what to wear, though if she asks you can tell her what colors you are using so she can pick something complimentary.     The MOB and MOG generally wear corsages (and the fathers wear boutiniers), and all parents are listed in the program.  


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  • Well, the only people who technically have "duties" are you and your future husband. Anyone else should offer to help, not be asked. Now, that said, your FMIL would probably appreciate the odd update ("Hey FMIL, your son and I are going to look at reception venues on X weekend. You're welcome to join, as we'd love to hear your thoughts") or invite ("My mom and my BMs are coming to look for my wedding dress with me. It wouldn't be the same without you!"). Don't expect her to do anything, but always keep the invitation open for her to tag along or keep in communication about key details (my FMIL is a scrapbooker, so anything paper related she's already claimed. So we discuss lots about programs, invites, etc.). Keep her up to date on what you're doing, but don't smother her with details. And certainly do not expect her to be excited or involved. Some FMILs are just not into that sort of thing.
  • My FMIL wants to know everything and she is very upset because we didn't invite her to come look at the reception venue. She feels left out. I will definately start inviting her more often now and getting her more involved in our wedding.

    She asked my FI why has she not seen my dress yet, even though I don't even have my dress yet. It is at the factory and will be ready for collection when I have paid in full. They also didn't allow me to take any pictures.

    She was upset because her wedding invite wasn't address MOM but actually by her real name. She is also upset because her name followed her partners name and didn't appear first on the envelope. Anyways, minor issues LOL

    Thanks for the advise :)
  • Yeah, those are minor issues she is being redic over. I'd definitely go with your plan to try to include her more, but overall ignore her crazyness lol.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-of-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:67f79076-d7f7-4411-96d3-721981f439f7Post:e28628df-63f8-4e82-ace8-f0097eac69bf">Re: Mother of the Groom</a>:
    [QUOTE]My FMIL wants to know everything and she is very upset because we didn't invite her to come look at the reception venue. She feels left out. I will definately start inviting her more often now and getting her more involved in our wedding. She asked my FI why has she not seen my dress yet, even though I don't even have my dress yet. It is at the factory and will be ready for collection when I have paid in full. They also didn't allow me to take any pictures. She was upset because her wedding invite wasn't address MOM but actually by her real name. She is also upset because her name followed her partners name and didn't appear first on the envelope. Anyways, minor issues LOL Thanks for the advise :)
    Posted by cherisedb[/QUOTE]

    Oh my god, do we have the same FMIL?
  • I would just ask her what elements of the wedding she would like to be involved in (as long as you don't mind).


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  • edited January 2012
    My Mom passed away a long time ago so I have really been trying to include my FMIL the best I can. I'm starting to think she doesn't really want to be included based on her reactions to things I invite her too. This is very disappointing to me, especially because my Mom isn't here. FMIL and I don't have an a great relationship anyways. So I have started including one of my Aunts in most of the planning. FMIL drama is too much for me.
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  • I am very close to my FMIL because in the three years and four months I've been with my FI, we were long distance for nearly two and a half of those years. We lived at home with our parents during that long distance period & I spent many weekends at his house. I have a lot in common with my FMIL and we are a lot alike. As a result, she has been pretty involved in wedding stuff. She came with me and my mom when I tried on dresses. She has toured reception venues with us and scouted out an affordable hotel for our OOT guests since the city the wedding's in is kind of pricey. I'm glad to have her help and welcome her input, but as mother of the groom she's not obligated to do anything. I choose to include her, but not everyone will have the same experience.
  • edited January 2012
    FI's parents generously offered to take care of the rehearsal dinner (which was once traditionally a responsibility of the groom's family - not always the case these days), so my FMIL has been very involved in that. I was more than happy to delegate something to her and I think she's happy to have something wedding-related to do.
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  • Oh Kristen.

    OP, don't pay attention to Kristen's links.  It is rude to expect anyone to do anything and pay for anything for your wedding besides you and your groom.

  • The mother of the groom doesn't really have any duties.  It's considered rude to expect other people to do things for your wedding.  If she offers, that's great, but she's not obligated to help.
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