Wedding Party

MOH HELP! What should I do?

 I know that plenty of people ask this question but I am in need of advice. First off we are getting married June 16. We have been more then helpful when it comes to the wedding party. We bought all the shoes and the dresses for everyone and all the shirts for the guys (beach wedding not wearing tux's) My MOH had to have this $300. dress she did not want to go to the same place as the others she found a place to go to and made the appointment and told me about it after and I had to rearange my schedule to go. Let that go not a big deal. So she finds the dress that she wants then already before the dress is even ordered is talking to the saleswoman about the alterations she wants done. The only reason she needed me there was for the money. Never asked my opinion on the dress or anything about the dress. The alterations she wanted done were more then the dress she wanted to order a dress and have it completely designed her way. They told her they can alter the dress not remake it so to speak. She was measured for the dress and that was the end of the dress issue. When the others were looking at davids's for their dresses the MOH drove an hour just to be there then had the nerve to tell my 18 year old daughter who is 5'7" 105 lbs that she looked fat and alot of the dresses she has tried on don't fit her correctly. My daughter as well as the rest of the wedding party was heated. (My MOH Is the biggest out of them all. Not that size is an issue i'm not a small person myself) The woman helping us had to excuse herself and later pulled me aside to apologize for walking away she said she loves her job and almost said something inapropriate to the MOH. As I was paying for the 5 dresses the MOH was in my face and the woman taking my payment had to say a few times excuse me may we finish. At this point all but one of my wedding party went to wait outside. That same night before she met up with us she gave my FI a sob story and left her very uncontrolable child with him. I took the other girls out to dinner to try and calm everyone down about all the things the MOH had said and done and had to explain that she really is not that bad I have known her since we were 9 and everyone was ready to give her another chance. By the time I got home atlease 2 hours later she still had not picked up her son my FI was on the verge of pulling out his hair. That hole Fiasco was done and over with and I was happy. The caterer had asked me suggestions about the food and she pipes in well I have already been calling around to have a pig roast I don't think we will be needing you! At this point I am getting upset and make it clear that I am not traumatizing any children and HE IS CATERING MY WEDDING! She got angry and didn't like that idea. So on to the past two days UGH she picks up her dress and it is to big she tells the woman and the woman says im sorry we either measured you wrong or wrote down the wrong numbers we can take care of this for you. SHE TELLS HER NO! She takes the dress and leaves with it then calls me back and says well you are paying for my dress to be altered I need it taken in hemmed and I want to add flutter sleeves. REALLY! Then tells me that the weekend before my wedding she planned a spa day and to tell everyone that they have to be there at that day and time. (how about checking with people first?) Then this was the thing that got me she suggested to me that I should help pay for the spa day for everyone. I did not want a bridal shower we live together and I am one of those people I have what I need I don't want people going out of their way to get us things when we are all set.  I have family that is unable to come to the party that is asking about a bachelorette party that I was looking forward to but she wants to do the spa day! Sorry about the book but I need some serious advice on this situation. She has not done anything at all in helping to plan other then trying to knock the caterer out of the way. She has not helped with anything and the only time I hear from her is if money is involved. I do not want to kick her out of the wedding party it's coming up in June and I am just so lost. Any help would be greatly greatly appreciated!

Re: MOH HELP! What should I do?

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-help-what-should-i-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c76a664a-2f4d-415d-8e5f-0d28cb800020Post:35e35c96-b2d6-4af4-8840-9ebefa4c4ec5">MOH HELP! What should I do?</a>:
    [QUOTE] I know that plenty of people ask this question but I am in need of advice. First off we are getting married June 16. We have been more then helpful when it comes to the wedding party. We bought all the shoes and the dresses for everyone and all the shirts for the guys (beach wedding not wearing tux's) My MOH had to have this $300. dress she did not want to go to the same place as the others she found a place to go to and made the appointment and told me about it after and I had to rearange my schedule to go. Let that go not a big deal. So she finds the dress that she wants then already before the dress is even ordered is talking to the saleswoman about the alterations she wants done. The only reason she needed me there was for the money. Never asked my opinion on the dress or anything about the dress. The alterations she wanted done were more then the dress she wanted to order a dress and have it completely designed her way. They told her they can alter the dress not remake it so to speak. She was measured for the dress and that was the end of the dress issue. When the others were looking at davids's for their dresses the MOH drove an hour just to be there then had the nerve to tell my 18 year old daughter who is 5'7" 105 lbs that she looked fat and alot of the dresses she has tried on don't fit her correctly. My daughter as well as the rest of the wedding party was heated. (My MOH Is the biggest out of them all. Not that size is an issue i'm not a small person myself) The woman helping us had to excuse herself and later pulled me aside to apologize for walking away she said she loves her job and almost said something inapropriate to the MOH. As I was paying for the 5 dresses the MOH was in my face and the woman taking my payment had to say a few times excuse me may we finish. At this point all but one of my wedding party went to wait outside. That same night before she met up with us she gave my FI a sob story and left her very uncontrolable child with him. I took the other girls out to dinner to try and calm everyone down about all the things the MOH had said and done and had to explain that she really is not that bad I have known her since we were 9 and everyone was ready to give her another chance. By the time I got home atlease 2 hours later she still had not picked up her son my FI was on the verge of pulling out his hair. That hole Fiasco was done and over with and I was happy. The caterer had asked me suggestions about the food and she pipes in well I have already been calling around to have a pig roast I don't think we will be needing you! At this point I am getting upset and make it clear that I am not traumatizing any children and HE IS CATERING MY WEDDING! She got angry and didn't like that idea. So on to the past two days UGH she picks up her dress and it is to big she tells the woman and the woman says im sorry we either measured you wrong or wrote down the wrong numbers we can take care of this for you. SHE TELLS HER NO! She takes the dress and leaves with it then calls me back and says well you are paying for my dress to be altered I need it taken in hemmed and I want to add flutter sleeves. REALLY! Then tells me that the weekend before my wedding she planned a spa day and to tell everyone that they have to be there at that day and time. (how about checking with people first?) Then this was the thing that got me she suggested to me that I should help pay for the spa day for everyone. I did not want a bridal shower we live together and I am one of those people I have what I need I don't want people going out of their way to get us things when we are all set.  I have family that is unable to come to the party that is asking about a bachelorette party that I was looking forward to but she wants to do the spa day! Sorry about the book but I need some serious advice on this situation. She has not done anything at all in helping to plan other then trying to knock the caterer out of the way. She has not helped with anything and the only time I hear from her is if money is involved. I do not want to kick her out of the wedding party it's coming up in June and I am just so lost. Any help would be greatly greatly appreciated!
    Posted by jenjoe1115[/QUOTE]

    <div>1. Paragraphs really help others read a wall of text.</div><div>
    </div><div>2. You're letting your friend walk all over you.  You need to step up and set her straight.  You were kind enough to purchase everyones dress but you should have given them a budget.  At this point you should tell your MOH that she needs to take the dress back to the store and let them fix their mistake on measurements.  Then tell her that you will pay for the necessary alterations (if you agreed to pay for them in the first place and that only should include minor alteration).  After that she should pay for any extras she wants added.</div><div>
    </div><div>3. For the party, you really need to step up and tell her no.  It sounds like she's never heard the word before.  If you don't want it then don't let her push you into one.  Especially not one that's expensive and you shouldn't have to be hosting it either.</div>
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  • bongebonge member
    First Comment
    I think she is very rude. I can't believe she tried to tell your caterer what to do.

    I would NOT pay for the alterations as the dress place offered to bring in her dress & she refused, they would have done that part for free.

    I agree about saying no to the spa day.

    If you kick her out you disolve the friendship. I chose to disolve the friendship with my MOH & best friend (i did not kick her out, just ended the friendship which essentially meant i did not want her as MOH anymore, i did not replace her with another friend). My ex-bf tried to tell me what to do constantly & nothing was ever good enough. I had it & snapped. When i wrote it out on paper it was worse than i realised. Sometimes we have blinders on with people we love, it is a hard choice. Do what is right for you.
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  • Thats a tough onesince youve already paid for the dress and the wedding is so close she could act up and ruin it all for you. 

    She's psycho with those ppl you have to set limits as the previous posted suggested tell her to bring it back you'll pay for minor alterations let them correct their mistake she can pay for the fluffy sleeves and hopefully they'll throw in some horns and a tail too.
  • Thanks for your advice and yes paragraphs would've helped lol but I was on a tirade and really upset! This may sound odd but I am her only friend and have tried so hard to let her be a part of everything but that didn't happen. She wants to plan this like it's her own wedding. The thing that gets me the most other then knowing how to spend our money is her being rude to the bridal party especially my daughter! I do appreciate the feed back I need to put my foot down I really am being to nice. Thanks again
  • You need to tell her no and stop including her on any details of the wedding. Keep her on a need to know basis.

    The thing that would piss me off the most is her comments about your daughter. She can talk all day long until the cows come home about her dress, the caterer, flowers, ect. but your daughter is off limits. I'd definitely say something to her about it- in private. Let her know that her comments are unacceptable and won't be tolerated. And if it happens again, personally, I'd give her the boot.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-help-what-should-i-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c76a664a-2f4d-415d-8e5f-0d28cb800020Post:3fa4fb0b-7317-45e6-9c09-4def3dcdbb7c">Re: MOH HELP! What should I do?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You need to tell her no and stop including her on any details of the wedding. Keep her on a need to know basis. The thing that would piss me off the most is her comments about your daughter. She can talk all day long until the cows come home about her dress, the caterer, flowers, ect. but your daughter is off limits. I'd definitely say something to her about it- in private. Let her know that her comments are unacceptable and won't be tolerated. <strong>And if it happens again, personally, I'd give her the boot.
    </strong>Posted by mbody[/QUOTE]

    I have to agree with all of this, especially the bolded part.  When it comes to your daughter, that is 100% off-limits to speak to her like that.  WTH does she think she is??  I would've lost it if one of my friends ever spoke to my H or my children that way.

     

  • I was so irritated my wonderful FI said he was going to contact her about this issue. Everytime she texts me I cringe. I know she is taking her role to far and as it is she self appointed herself. I was just going to have bridesmaids but she was insisting on being the moh and I got the whole guilt trip how I've known her the longest then the whole well I'm never getting married so this is the closest thing for me. I'm hoping this gets resolved fast my wedding party is all asking not to sit near her the d.j. Is not allowing her to speak. She will talk for hours and she will take any topic and turn it into her. I don't want to have to worry about grumpy people just want everyone to have a good time.
  • I lost it on her. I am a very simple easy going person. But as far as my kids are concerned that's when I can get nasty. My kids are my world they I raised them alone till now and I will protect them no matter who says anything. Thank you so much for all your input I was really feeling like I was over reacting.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-help-what-should-i-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c76a664a-2f4d-415d-8e5f-0d28cb800020Post:7e68579c-dfc9-4406-af05-8a964d29d3ca">Re:MOH HELP! What should I do?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I was so irritated my wonderful FI said he was going to contact her about this issue.</strong> Everytime she texts me I cringe. I know she is taking her role to far and as it is she self appointed herself. I was just going to have bridesmaids but she was insisting on being the moh and I got the whole guilt trip how I've known her the longest then the whole well I'm never getting married so this is the closest thing for me. I'm hoping this gets resolved fast my wedding party is all asking not to sit near her the d.j. Is not allowing her to speak. She will talk for hours and she will take any topic and turn it into her. I don't want to have to worry about grumpy people just want everyone to have a good time.
    Posted by jenjoe1115[/QUOTE]

    <div>Again, YOU need to step up and set her straight.  You're avoiding confrontation and nothing will be resolved if your FI fights your battle with her.</div>
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  • Very true. I'm trying to think of the best way to confront her. He's in law enforcement it's easier for him lol. I just don't want to deal with her trying to turn it around on me and making me feel bad.
  • jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited April 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-help-what-should-i-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c76a664a-2f4d-415d-8e5f-0d28cb800020Post:96475c03-a8b4-4369-9c21-36f82b563eed">Re:MOH HELP! What should I do?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Very true. I'm trying to think of the best way to confront her. He's in law enforcement it's easier for him lol. I just don't want to deal with her trying to turn it around on me and making me feel bad.
    Posted by jenjoe1115[/QUOTE]
    Here's how I can see it going: Your FI confronts her and she then says you're not really feeling this way becuase you haven't said anything to her the entire time.  Then she resents your FI for getting in the middle of this when it's not really his place and you for not saying something directly to her.<div>
    </div><div>You are completely in the right here to say something to her and put your foot down.  She's walking all over you and, right now, you're letting her.  If you're worried she'll twist things and make you feel bad then you need to plan out what you're going to say.  Think of ways she could twist things and stick to your guns.  Try to keep calm during your conversation because two people flying off the handle (which I assume she will do from how you've described her) will not solve anything.  Keep the conversation in a positive light but tell her how you're feeling.  Then stop sharing details with her.  By not keeping her in the loop about everything she won't be able to try and control the details.</div>
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  • Seems like you need to grow a backbone (not being mean or snarky...just seems like when it comes to her, you cower and back down when you need to put your FOOT down).

    Stop having her be so involved. Need to know basis ONLY!

    Write her a lovely letter detailing how you feel and what you need from her as your best friend and MOH. Sometimes we word ourselves better and communicate our feelings better in letters. You can get your thoughts out in one clear letter and then ask her for a private meeting to talk it out. You can touch on important points you talked about in the letter and go from there.  If she still acts like an ass, I think it's time to ask her to be a guest instead of a MOH.
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