Disgusted how mean some ladies are to others on the forum.

ViennaDarling · January 2012

Wow. I wanted to use the knot forum so I can get ideas, ask questions, and get advice from other ladies experiences or other ladies possibly going through the same things but after reading hours of posts I feel very uncomfortable using the forum and after this post refuse to. I am not taking about everyone or the majority but I have not read this kind of behavior on other wedding forums (personal attacks; making fun of other bides typos, grammar and misspelling, or just being darn right nasty, catty, and calling other brides names) I have ADHD and I am a bit dyslexic so homonyms are not my strong point and I misspell things often without notice.

I only wanted to say something because when someone sees such behavior on such a reputable site it takes away from the site and causes others to go elsewhere for advice. Which I will do (I am sure some of you will be please to read that lol) I think the policy needs to be strictly enforced. If someone rants it seem the disapproved attach and make fun of them? It’s sad and shows how bad some women behind a screen can and will treat others so wrongly.

I am going to write to the knot for I am in human behavior and journalize (yeah a dyslexic in journalize funny I know) and this is a story to be told. People should be responsible for verbal abuse and bullying even if it is online. I posted this in wedding party because it is the best example of this behavior. God bless and please e kind to one another.

Now all the girls guilty of this behavior can show thier true colors, I am sure it is coming. Have fun!

PhoneCardLady · January 2012

You have a private message

meganb1977 · January 2012

I agree that people can be too critical sometimes and that even if they are misguided, the other brides are looking for help, and not to get outright shot down. Those who get impatient replying to the same questions, didn't have to take the time to reply to those questions. And those who don't want to deal with the spelling and grammar errors didn't have to take the time trying to read those posts.

zitiqueen · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_disgusted-mean-ladies-others-forum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3d64c9b3-d6cb-4aeb-9490-d4531bf1ff13Post:20f723d9-083e-4935-b371-7cde75b696c4">Disgusted how mean some ladies are to others on the forum.</a>:
[QUOTE] Wow. I wanted to use the knot forum so I can get ideas, ask questions, and get advice from other ladies experiences or other ladies possibly going through the same things but after reading hours of posts I feel very uncomfortable using the forum and after this post refuse to. I am not taking about everyone or the majority but I have not read this kind of behavior on other wedding forums (personal attacks; making fun of other bides typos, grammar and misspelling, or just being darn right nasty, catty, and calling other brides names) I have ADHD and I am a bit dyslexic so homonyms are not my strong point and I misspell things often without notice. I only wanted to say something because when someone sees such behavior on such a reputable site it takes away from the site and causes others to go elsewhere for advice. Which I will do (I am sure some of you will be please to read that lol) I think the policy needs to be strictly enforced. If someone rants it seem the disapproved attach and make fun of them? It’s sad and shows how bad some women behind a screen can and will treat others so wrongly. I am going to write to the knot for I am in human behavior and journalize (yeah a dyslexic in journalize funny I know) and this is a story to be told. People should be responsible for verbal abuse and bullying even if it is online. I posted this in wedding party because it is the best example of this behavior. God bless and please e kind to one another. Now all the girls guilty of this behavior can show thier true colors, I am sure it is coming. Have fun!
Posted by ViennaDarling[/QUOTE]

RunsWithBears · January 2012

So here's my experience.

I've spent some time here on TK and also on Weddingbee. I don't post much on either, but I read treads when I have questions on stuff or am bored. And I'll tell you this, IMO, the ladies on TK give, overall, much better advice. And if I ever have a question, I'll post it on TK and not Weddingbee. Sure, sometimes it can be a little harsh, but 9 times out of 10 people are only rude when the poster refuses to acknowledge she (or he) is being rude, unreasonable, doing something completely ridiculous (such as kicking out a BM for being pregnant), etc. If you (general you) have a bad idea, they are going to tell you. They are going to be blunt and honest about it. They are not going to help you be rude or less rude, they are going to help you to not be rude at all. I will agree that sometimes some women on here can be mean (FFF comes to mind) but I just don't participate in those threads and it honestly doesn't make their advice any less valid.

On Weddingbee, everyone is very nice. However, they are almost too nice. Most will support bad ideas (kicking out BMs, cash registries, etc) and keep telling you that "It's your day! Do whatever you want!" The majority won't call you out if you are being ridiculous - even when it does need to be done. And if you don't phrase everything just right, they will call you mean and rude when in fact, you're just being honest and blunt and your post is just not what they wanted to hear.

You can vent on either site, but on Weddingbee you'll get more "Oh I'm so sorry this is happening! You're right, they are being so mean!" responses and on TK you'll get more "Dude, it's not that big of a deal, suck it up."

schylerzoe · January 2012

I feel the same way. It sorta shoots you down too because you are on here trying to talk to other brides to get some input. I was really excited to start posting on this site because I'm getting married really soon. I thought that I would be able to ask questions without people acting like 3 year olds. I don't really don't have anyone else to turn too. I don't have family. No mom or dad. So I really depended on this site to help. Either way if someone is rude or shoots down your idea, if YOU really like it or you are still unsure about something just don't stress about it.

vsgal · January 2012

If you want rainbows and puppies, go to Weddingbee. If you want friends and family after the wedding, stay here.

jemmini6 · January 2012

The posts that are most likely to have 'mean' (aka, honest) replies are often those where the bride is planning to do something really horrible, like kicking out a bridesmaid because she didn't plan a shower.

What would you prefer? Everyone coddling them and telling them "OMG, you are so right, how dare that bitch not plan you a shower so that everyone can bring you gifts." and then let her do it and ruin that friendship forever over a stupid party? If that's what you are looking for, perhaps you should try weddingbee...they give terrible advice over there. Sure, it will make you feel good when you post and have everyone validate and support you, but is it worth it in the end if you ruin all your friendships after the wedding is over?

Or should we tell her bluntly "That's really rude. You are not entitled to a shower and if you kick your friend out of your wedding over something so petty, it will end your friendship forever and you will look like a bridezilla to everyone else invovled." It might not feel good to be told you are wrong, because the wedding industry builds up so much hype over what you have to do, or what people have to do for you that it can be disorienting to find out that what you thought was justified was so vehemently opposed here. However, I guarentee you that if you take the advice here in stride and really think about it, it will save you a lot of grief in the long run with the people you care about.

Sure, sometimes people may give that advice a little more crudely, but in my experience, if you try to sugar coat things, then they think it's really not that bad and that they can do it anyways. But if you say it very blunt, it gets through to people that if internet strangers find something so offensive, your friends & family definitely will, so it's more effective in steering people away from doing things that will end up hurting them in the long run.

Regardless though, these types of posts won't change the manner in how people respond on here. For those that have thicker skin, these boards are amazing resources that you can trust to always get honest advice. For those that don't have thicker skin and take everything said on the internet personally, you are probably right that you shouldn't post here. However, I promise that if you lurk for a while, you'll see where most of the advice comes from and might learn a thing or two.

Best of luck with your wedding planning. I hope that you find the help that you need, whether it's here or somewhere else.

andrea2473 · January 2012

Often times, grammar and spelling is corrected because it was so poor that it made the OP very hard to read. Some people come in with run-on sentences, no paragraphs, no caps, text message style typing, etc. Stuff like that makes it impossible to understand what they are saying. All posters are asking is to make yourself as clear as possible. However, some do make unnecessary corrections when it was obvious what the OP was saying, but the former happens far more often. We aren't being english teachers. We just want to be able to read the posts clearly.

And yes, some posters are harsher than others with advice, but they are still quite correct. As far as I know, you will get the most helpful advice on TK. Even if it comes with a spoonful of vinegar. I got flamed a few times before I figured out how to communicate on these boards. It happens.

ViennaDarling · January 2012

We have vulgarity as well…Classy.

I can agree Wedding Bee can be too nice but I enjoy it much more because negative “uncouthly blunt” responds to anyone’s written issue or concerns even if you think your advise is so top notch you have to express it is simply uncalled for.

If you don't have something nice to say don't say it will always be the way of class, which it is clear you need not look for that or expect it on this site. I do however see it in a lot of the brides but it seems some of the ones who hate on others post the most are the ones on the board all day.

jemmini6 · January 2012

Well Vienna, I tried to explain it as best as I could, but clearly TK just isn't for you. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

andrea2473 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_disgusted-mean-ladies-others-forum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3d64c9b3-d6cb-4aeb-9490-d4531bf1ff13Post:fabe77e5-a80c-4fc5-80dc-5652d50a3e3c">Re: Disgusted how mean some ladies are to others on the forum.</a>:
[QUOTE] <strong>We have vulgarity as well…Classy.</strong> I can agree Wedding Bee can be too nice but I enjoy it much more because negative “uncouthly blunt” responds to anyone’s written issue or concerns even if you think your advise is so top notch you have to express it is simply uncalled for. If you don't have something nice to say don't say it will always be the way of class, which it is clear you need not look for that or expect it on this site. I do however see it in a lot of the brides but it seems some of the ones who hate on others post the most are the ones on the board all day.
Posted by ViennaDarling[/QUOTE]

I don't understand this part. What are you referencing?

Well, best of luck to you on a different wedding website. I personally side-stepped some poor decisions by lurking and posting here, but not everyone can benefit from the style of these boards.

froggatt.clare · January 2012

Yes, some people can be snarky on these boards. But after you've seen your 5th "Can I kick out a bridesmaid for not throwing me a shower, not wanting to wear pink feathery 5 inche heels, asking to do her own hair, piercing her nose" etc, it makes you feel snarky. The snark comes out when the entitlement from the bride comes out. And these women could have just as easily searched for their quesiton and found out the boards' answers.

Also, TK has moderators who warn people who are overtly mean and use too many swears, so you don't need to worry about that.

Often, the advice on these boards will help keep the bride grounded, and allow her to remain friends with people after the wedding. We aren't going to back up poor behavior, and shame on anyone who does. If I was being a bridezilla, I'd want to know so I could change before I alienated the people most dear to me.

MyNameIsNot · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_disgusted-mean-ladies-others-forum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3d64c9b3-d6cb-4aeb-9490-d4531bf1ff13Post:fabe77e5-a80c-4fc5-80dc-5652d50a3e3c">Re: Disgusted how mean some ladies are to others on the forum.</a>:
[QUOTE] We have vulgarity as well…Classy. I can agree Wedding Bee can be too nice but I enjoy it much more because negative “uncouthly blunt” responds to anyone’s written issue or concerns even if you think your advise is so top notch you have to express it is simply uncalled for. <strong> If you don't have something nice to say don't say it</strong> will always be the way of class, which it is clear you need not look for that or expect it on this site. I do however see it in a lot of the brides but it seems some of the ones who hate on others post the most are the ones on the board all day.
Posted by ViennaDarling[/QUOTE]

<div>You just don't get it. Someone that doesn't step in to help you avoid embarrassing yourself is not helping you, even if they seem nice.</div><div>
</div><div>I suppose you wouldn't want anyone to tell you if you had spinach in your teeth, either.</div>

TiffannieF · January 2012

Get over yourself.

And, no, I don't feel guilty for being honest. But thank you for blessing me...that's what I need from somebody who judges strangers and calls them names, accusing them of bullying...is a blessing from God.

ETA: And read the posts...we at no time call women names and say they are horrible, we just tell them that something is rude or goes against etiquette. Cheese and crackers...stop taking things so personal.

ViennaDarling · January 2012

Ha-HA Now your are talking. Such cleaver advice ah? HAHA

I notice a few who are notorious for being uncouth, and being blunt is one thing, the way you say it what determines if your "Blunt" is just someone giving kind advise or another’s ill distastefully opinion.

I don’t’ apologize for calling out others uncouth ill advise because it only makes the guilty angry and show themselves. Sweet I am a genius! HAHA Have fun. LOL

-ta.� ut��J�� I can agree Wedding Bee can be too nice but I enjoy it much more because negative “uncouthly blunt” responds to anyone’s written issue or concerns even if you think your advise is so top notch you have to express it is simply uncalled for.

If you don't have something nice to say don't say it will always be the way of class, which it is clear you need not look for that or expect it on this site. I do however see it in a lot of the brides but it seems some of the ones who hate on others post the most are the ones on the board all day.

Meghannsix · January 2012

I'm sorry, but good grammar and spelling are important in all kinds of places, not just wedding related message boards. That's generally why I chime in with an occaisonal correction. Learning opportunities are everywhere. Don't use your disability as a crutch.

TiffannieF · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_disgusted-mean-ladies-others-forum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3d64c9b3-d6cb-4aeb-9490-d4531bf1ff13Post:9b2445eb-d9b9-43f6-8682-9441c08f8bcb">Re: Disgusted how mean some ladies are to others on the forum.</a>:
[QUOTE]Advise = verb Advice = noun I find it really hard to believe you're in journalism. Or, as you put it, "i n journalize."
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

Yes, I did notice this...

Simply Fated · January 2012

"Don't use your disability as a crutch." This X 10. Be grateful people are willing to help you. Say thank you and move on.

RaptorSLH · January 2012

[QUOTE] I am going to write to the knot for I am in human behavior and <strong>journalize</strong> (yeah a dyslexic in <strong>journalize</strong> funny I know) and this is a story to be told.
Posted by ViennaDarling[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Dyslexic or not, I suggest you learn how to spell your major. The "s" and "z" keys may be close together, but "e" isn't anywhere near "m." That you made such a mistake twice suggests that it was what you intended to type.</div><div>
</div><div>Being dyslexic should not bar you from <strong>journalism</strong>, but does mean you'll need to work doubly hard at your proofreading skills to be taken seriously in your field. If you find The Knot forums to be judgmental about small typographical errors, you are likely to find the prospective employers who will read your resume doubly so.

</div>

thejucheidea · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_disgusted-mean-ladies-others-forum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3d64c9b3-d6cb-4aeb-9490-d4531bf1ff13Post:f175c6b3-7ae8-4649-ae45-f12a4fcadf63">Re: Disgusted how mean some ladies are to others on the forum.</a>:
[QUOTE] Ha-HA Now your are talking. Such cleaver advice ah? HAHA
Posted by ViennaDarling[/QUOTE]

Cleaver advice, eh? I've been looking to get a new knife set... any cleaver recommendations, ladies?

adktd2boots · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_disgusted-mean-ladies-others-forum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3d64c9b3-d6cb-4aeb-9490-d4531bf1ff13Post:1a2f4229-ed02-4278-8b8f-29595978e7e5">Re: Disgusted how mean some ladies are to others on the forum.</a>:
[QUOTE]Well Vienna, I tried to explain it as best as I could, but clearly TK just isn't for you. <strong><u>Don't let the door hit you on the way out.
</u></strong>Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

kennazebrowsky · January 2012

I can totally see what you are saying. I have learned to take it with a grain of salt . I do believe most girls are giving their best advice on here. Some times posts get out of hand, but you have to try to not let it hurt your feelings.

zitiqueen · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_disgusted-mean-ladies-others-forum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3d64c9b3-d6cb-4aeb-9490-d4531bf1ff13Post:6c315fd7-fe02-4dd6-ac52-aaf262bcdc80">Re: Disgusted how mean some ladies are to others on the forum.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Disgusted how mean some ladies are to others on the forum. : Cleaver advice, eh? I've been looking to get a new knife set... any cleaver recommendations, ladies?
Posted by ahstillwell[/QUOTE]

Maybe she butchers meat with a clever. Oh wait -- meet. Meet with a clever.

ViennaDarling · January 2012

BA HA so much anger and hostility “laughing” Like cheese to a mouse ha-ha. Thanks for the entertainment. The more distasteful you get the more fun it is for me. LOL

Oh FYI: Albert Einstein could not spell, ha-ha so how bright are you to judge intelligent by a typo or spelling. Oh and if you need more to be nasty about ....well…I am sure with your class you will find it. BA HAHA Thanks for the good time.

bandjwedding2012 · January 2012

I'd say most people on these boards are trying to help you not do things that will make you look stupid in the end. We all get excited about planning our weddings and we want to help out other brides. I've found that most the people on these boards are nice, they want to make sure that after your wedding people are still talking to you. They want to make sure that you remember what's important, and sometimes you just need a swift kick in the butt. Yes there are a few that get down right cruel and mean but they usually go away very fast on these boards. Maybe you should lurk a little longer and see what's actually happening here.

OBX2011 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_disgusted-mean-ladies-others-forum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3d64c9b3-d6cb-4aeb-9490-d4531bf1ff13Post:74439cec-b95a-48c7-be55-3424a3ea2cc4">Re: Disgusted how mean some ladies are to others on the forum.</a>:
[QUOTE]BA HA so much anger and hostility “laughing” Like cheese to a mouse ha-ha. Thanks for the entertainment. The more distasteful you get the more fun it is for me. LOL Oh FYI: Albert Einstein could not spell, ha-ha so how bright are you to judge intelligent by a typo or spelling. Oh and if you need more to be nasty about ....well…I am sure with your class you will find it. BA HAHA Thanks for the good time.
Posted by ViennaDarling[/QUOTE]

Are you done now? For someone that doesn't care that much for TK, you sure are spending quite a bit of time going back n forth with everyone.

Here, I will make it simple: if you don't like it, then leave.

P.S. You don't "judge intelligent" btw. You "judge intelli<strong>gence" </strong>

TiffannieF · January 2012

I second the troll.

LittleMissCutiePie · January 2012

I third. MUD.

Viczaesar · January 2012

You know what I find disgusting? How horribly some people treat their supposed nearest and dearest, all in the name of "It's MY DAY!!!!!"

PhoneCardLady · January 2012

Well, I know I was blasted and flamed for asking a question when I wasn't engaged. To me this is totally wrong!

Now to me telling it like it is something that's ok. You do not need to be snarky when you say it. I have, on occasion deferred to Emily Post and quoted from her book on wedding ettiquette. That way no one can say I'm wrong when I have a source.

I don't expect things to be sugar coated either. Even if a question has been asked 1000 times, I would give the same reply. Also, know that some of the forums here are better than others.

Don't give up because of one bad experience.

Disgusted how mean some ladies are to others on the forum.

Re: Disgusted how mean some ladies are to others on the forum.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards