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Etiquette

18 year olds, invites, and plus 1s

So between FI and I we have 4-5 nieces/nephews/cousins who are 18 (thus they get their own invite) but they are still in high school. So what is the etiquette on plus 1s? Do they get a plus 1? Are we required to invite boyfriends or girlfriends? I realize they are considered adults but they are also still in high scool. And some of them will be traveling with their families.  Thoughts??

Edit: Spelling
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Re: 18 year olds, invites, and plus 1s

  • If they're still in high school and will be at the time of your wedding I would just put them with the parents invite.  That may not be correct but oh well.
  • I agree, if they're in HS, i'd invite them w/ the parents and not  invite w/ Plus-1 unless they have very serious bf/gfs.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If they're still in high school I'd just invite them on their parents' invitation with no plus-ones.  They'll know other people at the wedding.
  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    edited February 2013
    You're not required to give anyone a plus 1.

    If they're in a relationship you should invite them with their SO, but, honestly, if they're still in high school I would say you don't. I'm not saying that high school relationships aren't valid, important or won't last... just that they are still in high school.

    edited for clarity, hopefully
    image
  • In Response to Re: 18 year olds, invites, and plus 1s:
    [QUOTE]Depends. If any of them have SOs that come to other family events, then they should be invited with SOs on their own invitation.
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    This.

    Find out if these young adults have SO's. If they do, then give them their own invite and include the SO. If not, then I think it's ok to include them on their parent's invite.
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  • If you can afford to let them bring a date, go for it.

    I always loved dressing up and going to weddings with my boyfriend when I was in high school.

  • Well the wedding is June 1st, so they will technically be out of hs, but only by like a week.

    One niece has a bf and lives locally but Im not sure I trust the bf. He may be great, I havent met him, but she tends to be a handful and her last bf is now in jail for beating her up and attackign her mother and aunt. So I dont have much faith in her choice in SO.  Plus she has cousins who are only a year older and Im afraid she may throw a fit if we invite their SOs and not hers.....basically Im screwed either way!

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 2013
    You do not need to give them a +1 if they are single unless you are giving all single guests a +1. If they have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you should invite the boyfriend or girlfriend. I think the fact that they are in high school is irrelevant. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • In Response to Re: 18 year olds, invites, and plus 1s:
    [QUOTE]Well the wedding is June 1st, so they will technically be out of hs, but only by like a week. One niece has a bf and lives locally but Im not sure I trust the bf. He may be great, I havent met him, but she tends to be a handful and her last bf is now in jail for beating her up and attackign her mother and aunt. So I dont have much faith in her choice in SO.  Plus she has cousins who are only a year older and Im afraid she may throw a fit if we invite their SOs and not hers.....basically Im screwed either way!
    Posted by Katoners[/QUOTE]

    Doesn't really seem fair to your niece or her bf. Especially since other young people in her circle are being invited with SO's, I'd probably invite hers as well. 

    If invites are going out while he's in high school, I'd put him on his parents invite.  Inviting his SO is up to you, but if you can afford it it's always a nice offer.
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  • In Response to Re: 18 year olds, invites, and plus 1s:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: 18 year olds, invites, and plus 1s : Doesn't really seem fair to your niece or her bf. Especially since other young people in her circle are being invited with SO's, I'd probably invite hers as well.  If invites are going out while he's in high school, I'd put him on his parents invite.  Inviting his SO is up to you, but if you can afford it it's always a nice offer.
    Posted by daveANDkristen[/QUOTE]

    I agree, but thats kind of what Im wondering is where do you make that cut off? If I invite her bf do I have to invite the 16 year olds bf too?  To me this has a more confusing cut off point.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Yes, you should invite the 16-year-old's boyfriend. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I think it's really nice of you to be so considerate of the 18yo crowd. Heck, I'm 19 and a BM and I know I'm not getting a +1 on my invite! 

    The only thing I will say about +1 vs. no +1 for the single ones is this: if you've got, say, 3 who have SOs and 2 who don't, you run the risk of really alienating the single ones if their cousins aren't good at handling both the family and their SOs. I had friends in HS who vanished for months when they started dating people. If I'd been at a party where someone figured that I'd be fine hanging out with friend X and her boyfriend, I'd have been bored to tears--they wouldn't have so much as looked at me! 

    Either way, you SHOULD invite the SOs. 
  • edited February 2013
    In Response to Re: 18 year olds, invites, and plus 1s:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: 18 year olds, invites, and plus 1s : On the other hand, if this gem of a boyfriend has assaulted members of the family, OP can leave him off regardless of age.
    Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, she said that the 18yo girl's previous boyfriend was the jerk.  How is it fair to leave off the current bf, who OP said she has never met?  I mean, I think it's fine if she doesn't invite SO's for those still in high school.  I just don't think this particular SO should be excluded because the girl previously dated a jerk.

    ETA: Quote

    In Response to Re: 18 year olds, invites, and plus 1s:
    [QUOTE]Well the wedding is June 1st, so they will technically be out of hs, but only by like a week. One niece has a bf and lives locally but Im not sure I trust the bf. He may be great, I havent met him, but she tends to be a handful and her last bf is now in jail for beating her up and attackign her mother and aunt. So I dont have much faith in her choice in SO.  Plus she has cousins who are only a year older and Im afraid she may throw a fit if we invite their SOs and not hers.....basically Im screwed either way!
    Posted by Katoners[/QUOTE]
    image
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  • I definitely wouldnt invite the ex. Fortunately his being in jail forced them to break up and let me off the hook there.

    The neice and her new bf have broken up and gotten back together 3 times in the last week (according to facebook). So hopefully they will fully break up soon and I wont have to worry about any of this.

    We planned for +1s for everyone so in case anyone was in a relationship at the time invites go out we would be prepared. We are now leaning towards just sucking it up and inviting everyone wiht a +1.  FI keeps saying he doesnt even want to invite the neice because of all the problems she has created at family gatherings.  It seems like the best thing will just be to invite the bf if they are together at that time.

    As far as I know none of the HS aged cousins living out of town have SOs so that will solve that issue.

    Thanks for the advice ladies
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  • dtbluvdtbluv member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its
    edited February 2013
    Chiming in late here, can you ask the parents what they prefer/think you should do?

    For me, at 18, I wouldn't have expected to bring a boyfriend to a family member's wedding, and if there was any travelling involved my parents would have vetoed a date automatically.

    But, on the other side of things my 16 yo cousin has a boyfriend that routinely goes camping with her family, and he's been to enough family functions that I actually know him, so he'll be invited to our wedding.

    I think for that type of thing it depends on the autonomy of the 18 yo.  I was still living with my parents and followed any/all rules they had in place for me, and they tended to be more on the strict side of things as far as boys/relationships were concerned.

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