Not Engaged Yet

Am I the only one?

DD

Thanks to all who responded. I feel 100% better now.
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Re: Am I the only one?

  • edited December 2011
    Aw Tiger. Sorry you're not sleeping well! We seem to be kind of along the same timeline with our guys here. Awaiting proposals, know they're coming soon but not exactly when.

    I have worried before that I won't react the way people "expect" me to. I'm not an overly girlie girl. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a tomboy. I just never was the type to ooh and aah over guy's butts, have crushes on actors i'll never meet or scream over the lead singer of a band. I don't know if I'll be ecstatic or overly emotional, don't know if i'll cry or be at a loss for words. BUT I can say that I know BF is the one I want to marry without a doubt.

    I have to say I felt the same way the first time we tried on rings. I was disappointed (in myself) that I wasn't giddy. I had trouble finding things I even liked, and I felt like I was just confusing the heck out of BF. I told my mom one day "maybe I'm just not going to be like most other girls with this". When I finally did find "the ring", I reacted exactly how i'd always expected. I couldn't take my eyes off of it, I didn't want to give it back to the sales woman...it takes everything I have not to stare at it online all day.

    I personally wouldn't talk with your BF about this if you're not questioning the relationship (just you're potential reaction). You could confuse him and make him feel that you don't want to get engaged. Trust that you will react the way you feel in your heart. If you over think things, you can get in your own way. Remind yourself how you feel for your guy, and let everything else resolve itself when the time comes.
  • edited December 2011
    I think it might just be nerves. After FI and I got engaged, I had those types of feelings also. He had those feelings right after he bought the ring. We talked through the feelings. And decided it was very normal. We both said we would be concerned if the other person was NOT experiencing these feelings. You are a mature woman who realizes the implications of what marriage is. You are taking it seriously.

    As for taking time off work, that might really concern your bf. FI and I talked it over one night in bed (we have most of our important conversations in bed). Maybe make him his favorite dinner? And discuss it over dinner? We have important conversations in bed because I get very nervous having direct eye contact during these types of conversations. If we talk on the couch or in bed, we can snuggle and talk. And our talks go so much better.
    ~~December 3, 2011~~
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    This isn't about the proposal. It honestly doesn't matter if you're excited for the proposal or not - are you excited to marry him and be married to him and have/raise a family together? Those are the real point of all this. I think it's empowering to know that you would be okay (eventually) if you had to or chose to walk away. You aren't with him because you don't feel strong enough to be on your own, or because your identity is tied to him. You are with him because you love him and want to be with him, because he makes you happier than being alone or with anyone else. It's totally okay and normal to know you COULD live without him. For what it's worth, I am looking forward so much to being married, and the proposal and pending wedding were fun but never my main focus. I'm not daydreaming about pretty white dresses - I'm fantasizing about when we are married a few weeks and get his orders to relocate, and waking up every morning at 4am while he's in training to prep his meal for the day, and having dinner ready when he drags himself home at night, and rubbing his sore shoulders and tired feet. I look forward to trying to get pregnant, and having him rub my feet and listen to my belly while we're expecting. I dream of taking care of each other as husband and wife (and best friends, still), and I feel like that's the real point of it all. If thinking of some of those things or similar with your guy make you gooey, then you're on the right track!

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  • Hazel_BHazel_B member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If this is just about your reaction, I wouldn't bring it up to your BF at all.  Basically, I agree with Allusive on that one.

    FI did surprise me with the ring, I had no idea it was coming. I did not react in a really excited way because I was surprised and caught offguard. However, I also would never react by getting ridiculously excited or crying or whatever. That just isn't me. I'll have to ask FI what he thought of my reaction.

    Just remember,  it is normal to feel nervous about big life changes. If you weren't a little nervous I'd say you were over confident. Also, just be yourself and don't overthink it too much. If you aren't a gushy person, you won't react that way and your BF won't be expecting that type of reaction because it isn't you. If you are a very excitable person, you will react in that way and your BF will expect that type of reaction because that is who you are.
  • edited December 2011
    I think your just having life change jitters.   You said you don't have to be with him, you want to be with him.  That is the way it should be.

    Hollywood projects this image of what love is/supposed to be.   It isn't always like that in real life.  

    I agree with Calindi-- When I was waiting for FI to propose, I was looking forward to the proposal, the wedding planning, the dress the whole deal.   As soon as he proposed, that went out the window.  I am more excited about the idea of waking up with him every morning.   Sitting on the porch in the eveing looking over the field next to the home we are building. Raising our children together and one day having our grandchildren over for a visit. 


  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Tiger, I think you're normal. I get those jitters too. And BF has told me in the past that he could live without me; he just doesn't want to. And in a different way, that's just as romantic. We aren't being forced together by some whim of fate- we're CHOOSING to be together.

  • cu97tigercu97tiger member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Thank you everyone. So so much. BF is the one I want to be with. He makes me want to be a better person (and I know that's from a movie, Jack Nicholson maybe? but it is the truth).

    I think up until a month or two ago, I was idealizing the engagment and wedding. But it's like calindi says, my favorite thing to do is daydream about everyday life with him. Having babies, supporting each other through new adventures, job changes, etc. That's the part I'm looking forward to. The wedding celebration will last but a few hours... the marriage is forever!

    I'm off to work, but of course will check back in from there!
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  • edited December 2011
    Tiger, it is totally normal! I feel the same way sometimes. Its just so much going on and it feels fast because you've been waiting for it and now it is real and happening. I wouldn't let it bother you. Honestly. When I get anxious and start having trouble sleeping I take an Advil pm and that seems to do the trick. Try not to worry about it. How ever he proposes you will have the perfect reaction. You love him and no matter how it happens you will be beyond excited to finally be able to say that you are going to be his wife! :) ***HUGS***
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  • lmwilberlmwilber member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Liv, I love that quote! 

    Tiger, I think that its totally normal to feel nervous. It means that you have a health respect for what marrage means, and your not some silly little BSC 19 yr old who just wants her PPD. I know that you want to have the 'correct reaction' to BF's proposal, but I have a feeling that so long as the words 'yes I will marry you' are uttered, then its a perfect reaction. 
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  • edited December 2011
    I sometimes get the same feelings. I had a dream once that BF proposed and I was like "yes, I'll marry you, it's about time." I thought to myself, what kind of response is that!!!! I'm supposed to be super excited and crying with happiness! But after I realized it was just my anxiety speaking in the dream, I felt better about it. I think it's better NOT to daydream about it b/c I want it to be a total surprise and I don't want to rehearse my response!! I want it to be spontaneous and genuine (of course, I'll be saying yes, but I don't want to think about all the ways it could happen).

    So I think it's normal to feel like that. Just capture your thoughts and stop thinking about the proposal. Just enjoy the moment and know that it will happen at the right time.
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Liv, I love CS Lewis.

    Another thing Tiger: figure out the little things that you find perfectly romantic and adorable about the two of you. It doesn't have to fit in with a movie or anything like that. It's those unique little things, that may not be "textbook" romantic but they're wonderful all the same! That helps me too.

    I just read a terribly romantic book. So I stopped for a minute to think of romantic things BF has done for me. It doesn't exactly fit in with pop culture, but it IS perfect for us. And it made me swoon all over again.

  • MidniteRaeMidniteRae member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My reaction is one of the reasons why I don't like surprises. I also don't like to open presents in front of other people for this reason. If your reaction is the only thing, I wouldn't talk to your bf about it. 
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  • cu97tigercu97tiger member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Bren, actually he did two things yesterday that made me swoon. One was he practically raced me to a door so that he could open it first. Then, after we were done bowling, he insisted on carrying my ball. Small things, but they reminded me what a great guy he is and how lucky I am. 

    Thanks again to everyone. I'm going to DD my original post now :)
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