downpayment on a house?!!?

kelisabethc · July 2010

I was told that there are sites that you can register for assistance with the down payment on a house. I don't know anything about these sites and before I spend a lot of my time researching them I wanted some opinions. I know that a lot of people feel the honeymoon funds are tacky, is this in the same class as that?! Help please!

Hellokatie0517 · July 2010

Yup, tacky. More than likely you'll get a lot of cash at the wedding. Sock that away for a down payment.

jagore08 · July 2010

Yes, it's in the same class. If you really want money for a down payment then when people ask your parents for BP, have them say that you guys are really trying to save for a house. If they want to give you cash, they will. No need for one of those sites that will take a cut of the gift given to you and your FI.

bananapudding91 · July 2010

I agree with the PP, just use some of the cash you're given. I don't feel it's tacky, but it's all a matter of personal opinion. Avoid offending anyone or seeming greedy/tacky, and just graciously accept the gifts. If you end up with multiples, return some for cash or something. Anything is better than nothing.

AmoroAgain · July 2010

Oh god. Yeah, they're bad.

Simply Fated · July 2010

The thing with this idea is, it's the same thing as asking for a specific gift. Like, Cash Only, except you are telling people where to put that cash. I can't explain it, but it's just... too demanding for my taste.

AmoroAgain · July 2010

I just feel like, if you're going to buy a house, you should be prepared for the financial responsibility entailed in that, which includes saving up for the downpayment.

Goldlie11 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_downpayment-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e742465e-17e9-4ae6-99fb-624edd0a55faPost:7afdbf61-5974-429d-931b-5f7ebcd11def">Re: downpayment on a house?!!?</a>:
[QUOTE]I just feel like, if you're going to buy a house, you should be prepared for the financial responsibility entailed in that, which includes saving up for the downpayment.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]
Ditto!

TheWalkers11 · August 2010

I agree with the original poster..We in fact are asking for cash in a subtle way to go towards the purchase of a house. However we will include 2 registry places. We are not taking a honeymoon. We will somehow word it along the lines of "Help us begin our new lives together by building our new home" ...not sure about how we will put it.. I feel as though they would be more inclined to give cash because they know what its going towards. People are over analyzing this! Do what you want.. its your wedding!

AmoroAgain · August 2010

Ugh, I hate the "do what you want, it's your day" crap. It's just an excuse to be a brat, tbh.

Walker, you're "including" this little note where? In your invites? I hope not, because you're not supposed to do that. Also, this line: "Help us begin our new lives together by building our new home" is not the least bit subtle.

TheWalkers11 · August 2010

AmoroAgain - We plan on putting them on our invites and wedding website so there! Who died and made you queen.. there is no right or wrong way to do a wedding. The world will still go round if brides do what they want. Everybody is different. After being on the knot boards for a couple of weeks im getting the impression that you brides are SOOO judgmental.. I don't even get it!? The point of the boards is to share and support other brides to be. I was simply offering my opinion and letting people know what we intended to do.
Ps: you also said

"I just feel like, if you're going to buy a house, you should be prepared for the financial responsibility entailed in that, which includes saving up for the downpayment."

So how is this any different from brides receiving help from their parents to pay for the wedding??????

AmoroAgain · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_downpayment-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e742465e-17e9-4ae6-99fb-624edd0a55faPost:94715d4b-8250-4a97-b180-f78ad98a59cc">Re: downpayment on a house?!!?</a>:
[QUOTE]AmoroAgain - We plan on putting them on our invites and wedding website so there! Who died and made you queen.. there is no right or wrong way to do a wedding. The world will still go round if brides do what they want. Everybody is different. After being on the knot boards for a couple of weeks im getting the impression that you brides are SOOO judgmental.. I don't even get it!? The point of the boards is to share and support other brides to be. I was simply offering my opinion and letting people know what we intended to do. Ps: you also said "I just feel like, if you're going to buy a house, you should be prepared for the financial responsibility entailed in that, which includes saving up for the downpayment." So how is this any different from brides receiving help from their parents to pay for the wedding??????
Posted by TheWalkers11[/QUOTE]
Oh that's a great thing to do! No one died and made me queen, but yes, there IS an etiquette to weddings. It's called Emily Post-- check it out. You definitely need a copy. It isn't outdated, it's just polite and nice-- something which seems to be amazingly lacking when it comes to events.

In fact, I'm not a bride. I was one, but I'm past all the haze and glaze of wedding planning, where you get sucked in and think "IT'SMYDAY AND I'LL DO WHAT I WANT!" And yes, you sound just like Cartman when you do that.

There's a huge difference between parents WILLING GIVING their CHILDREN money for a wedding, and running around asking for a handout from friends. See the difference? See it? That's a really terrible comparison to make, honestly.

flutgrl1 · August 2010

I would totally love to donate to a DP registry as opposed to buyings someone housewares.

TheWalkers11 · August 2010

9792 posts.. seriously.. that is a bit over the top! I never said any" its all about me bs.." in fact.. my fiance and I and our families think its a wonderful idea! We are going to have a great wedding. Just because brides don't do it your way or rules made up by the wedding gods doesn't mean we aren't being polite. Most parent's "GIVE" their sons or daughters money because they know they can't afford to pay for a wedding.. to take the burden off of them. I see absolutely no difference asking for guests to contribute to a live-long investment like buying a house. Its not like I'm saying "give cash or else!" We are putting the option out there for people who don't like registries or don't know what to get for a wedding present. We obviously come from two different worlds and that's alright.. that what makes everybody different. Anyways.. I'm done with this conversation because you just proved me right once again by thinking brides to be/married women on this site are so ridiculous!

Muffin'sMom · August 2010

If you were going to do it your own way anyway, tacky or not depending on the poster, then why did you ask? Just sayin....

AmoroAgain · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_downpayment-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e742465e-17e9-4ae6-99fb-624edd0a55faPost:1825a1a7-7a4a-4b6c-a8c2-4cf8314e8d8c">Re: downpayment on a house?!!?</a>:
[QUOTE]9792 posts.. seriously.. that is a bit over the top! I never said any" its all about me bs.." in fact.. my fiance and I and our families think its a wonderful idea! We are going to have a great wedding. Just because brides don't do it your way or rules made up by the wedding gods doesn't mean we aren't being polite. Most parent's "GIVE" their sons or daughters money because they know they can't afford to pay for a wedding.. to take the burden off of them. I see absolutely no difference asking for guests to contribute to a live-long investment like buying a house. Its not like I'm saying "give cash or else!" We are putting the option out there for people who don't like registries or don't know what to get for a wedding present. We obviously come from two different worlds and that's alright.. that what makes everybody different. Anyways.. I'm done with this conversation because you just proved me right once again by thinking brides to be/married women on this site are so ridiculous!
Posted by TheWalkers11[/QUOTE]
OH NO! I've been on here for over a year and have a lot of posts! OHmy!! Considering that I live overseas and am a SAHW with no kids, yea, I have a lot of time on my hands.

banana468 · August 2010

You're not supposed to put ANYWHERE within the contents of your invitation what you'd like as a present. That includes any money for a downpayment.

I also see a huge difference between parents who come forward and volunteer to pay for their children's weddings and asking guests in a formal invitation to help pay for a downpayment. The two aren't really comparable. One is a person or couple coming forward when not asked at all. The other is putting in writing that you're looking for a handout.

If you want cash, just don't register, But writing it in a note and enclosing it in the invitation is just bad form.

FWIW, I don't know of many couples that can't use cash.

TheWalkers11 · August 2010

Just tell me one thing.. who made up this bogus "rule" of forbidding people to put it on the invitation??? Parents pay for the wedding because the want to offer an nice gesture and take the stress of the new couple. How can I make that more clear! So.. how it is okay to have a huge box marked "Cards" .. the couple expects money its plain and simple and for anyone who tries to say they don't is in denial. We are not looking for a hand out hunny- we are paying for the wedding entirely ourselves and are not taking a honeymoon. We are simply putting the option out there for guests. Again- I'm not saying its right for everyone but for my family and friends it works!

AmoroAgain · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_downpayment-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e742465e-17e9-4ae6-99fb-624edd0a55faPost:731e93b7-0398-4083-bb9f-77a934f58fda">Re: downpayment on a house?!!?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Just tell me one thing.. who made up this bogus "rule" of forbidding people to put it on the invitation???</strong> Parents pay for the wedding because the want to offer an nice gesture and take the stress of the new couple. How can I make that more clear! So.. how it is okay to have a huge box marked "Cards" .. the couple expects money its plain and simple and for anyone who tries to say they don't is in denial. We are not looking for a hand out hunny- we are paying for the wedding entirely ourselves and are not taking a honeymoon. We are simply putting the option out there for guests. Again- I'm not saying its right for everyone but for my family and friends it works!
Posted by TheWalkers11[/QUOTE]

Oh, well, that would be tradition, dating back forever. Jesus, Mary and Joseph. WTH is your problem?

CardsDO NOT HAVE TO HAVE MONEY IN THEM. Sometimes, they're really just CARDS.

Parents willingly give money to their children, totally different from you walking around with your hand out. Do you give money to bums on the street doing that? Same principle.

Are you being deliberately obtuse or are you really just this illogical?

Calypso1977 · August 2010

walkers, Amoro is correct.

you can, however, send a really clear message that you do not want gifts, but rather cash. simply do not register, and decline offers for showers. your parents can discreetly spread the word if asked why you are not registered or what you would want. this is what we did, and we got 95% cash at our wedding.

you coudl also forego the big wedding, and use that for a downpayment... problem solved. if your parents are paying for the wedding, discuss with them whether they'd be willing to give that money for a house instead of a party - a much better investment.

shellydiane820 · August 2010

I'm sorry but if I was a guest that recieved an invite with any sort of gift reference, I would side eye. Its so rude. Walker, if they don't say it to your face, they will definitely be talking behind your back.

jnic0319 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_downpayment-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e742465e-17e9-4ae6-99fb-624edd0a55faPost:731e93b7-0398-4083-bb9f-77a934f58fda">Re: downpayment on a house?!!?</a>:
[QUOTE]Just tell me one thing.. who made up this bogus "rule" of forbidding people to put it on the invitation??? Parents pay for the wedding because the want to offer an nice gesture and take the stress of the new couple. How can I make that more clear! So.. how it is okay to have a huge box marked "Cards" .. the couple expects money its plain and simple and for anyone who tries to say they don't is in denial. We are not looking for a hand out hunny- we are paying for the wedding entirely ourselves and are not taking a honeymoon. We are simply putting the option out there for guests. Again- I'm not saying its right for everyone but for my family and friends it works!
Posted by TheWalkers11[/QUOTE]

Your going to offend a lot of people by doing this, in fact it could work to your disadvantage. It is extremely rude, and Amoro is just trying to help you and save you embarrassment. Please do not put this on your invites, believe me most people give a check at the wedding and a gift at the shower anyway; however, if I saw that on an invite I would give you a gift just out of spite and it wouldn't be off the registry (in fact i'm doing that at a wedding this weekend) call me a bitch but I was insulted but a series of rude gestures. You shouldn't assume that everyone is even going to give you a gift. FSIL had a very expensive, beautiful wedding and got a number of empty cards with "sorry we got laid off" or very small monetary gifts with "sorry this is the best we could do." Times are tough and you may get a few of those as well, you should just be happy to be with your family and friends celebrating your marriage, leave the gift info off and just use the cash you get towards your DP.

vsgal · August 2010

Darling, you have a card box for two reasons. Number one, cards are small and easily lost in a pile of gifts. Number two, sometimes there is money in cards and people generally know that. You put them in a locked box so they don't mysteriously disappear when no one is looking.

Just so you are aware, asking for cash in your invitation packet is very tasteless. You are assuming that people are going to give you a gift. You can insert something in the shower invites, but no mention of cash. If you asked for cash in the invite, I would be inclined to get you some horrible, useless gift that you could not return.Two tackies do make it right.

LesPaul · August 2010

Walker - you are aware, aren't you, that gifts are optional? No one is obligated to give you any wedding gift. At all. That's why such information isn't included on or with the invitation - it implies that you are expecting monetary or registry gifts. It is perfectly acceptable for friends and family to simply wish you well with a greeting card.

jasmineh7777 · August 2010

I would say the reason that sort of information should not be included in invitations is because you are assuming that each guest will give a gift. Likely, they will. But putting gift information in the invites makes you look entitled and greedy.
"Hey, I'm getting married, and this is what I want you to buy me."

You should not assume that everyone wants to buy you something, and by including that info. that is exactly what you are doing.

jayjoe · August 2010

" in fact.. my fiance and I and our families think its a wonderful idea! "

Its so thuper thpecial that you and your family think its a wonder ful idea!!!

If i ever recieved a wedding invitation with registry info or not so subtle "give us money to buy a house so we dont have to be responsible and save on our own!!", i would not attend and there would be no gift at all.

AmoroAgain · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_downpayment-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e742465e-17e9-4ae6-99fb-624edd0a55faPost:31fa8f1d-b198-461b-9f7f-554ad5d922ed">Re: downpayment on a house?!!?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: downpayment on a house?!!? : Your going to offend a lot of people by doing this, in fact it could work to your disadvantage. It is extremely rude, and Amoro is just trying to help you and save you embarrassment. Please do not put this on your invites, believe me most people give a check at the wedding and a gift at the shower anyway; however, if I saw that on an invite I would give you a gift just out of spite and it wouldn't be off the registry (in fact i'm doing that at a wedding this weekend) call me a bitch but I was insulted but a series of rude gestures. You shouldn't assume that everyone is even going to give you a gift. FSIL had a very expensive, beautiful wedding and <strong>got a number of empty cards with "sorry we got laid off" or very small monetary gifts with "sorry this is the best we could do." Times are tough and you may get a few of those as well, you should just be happy to be with your family and friends celebrating your marriage, leave the gift info off and just use the cash you get towards your DP.</strong>
Posted by jnic0319[/QUOTE]

This happened to us as well. My mom, sister and several of our friends couldn't afford to give us anything or even very much. Weddings should really be about the celebration and NOT how much money you can gouge from your guests, or how many gifts you can receive- it's about the celebration. I felt terrible when one of my uncles, who I know is not doing well, gave me $30. It was just $30, but if I hadn't known how incensed he would have been by my returning it, I would have. Everyone had to travel for our wedding, and it was just nice to be able to spend time with them (we had a very small wedding) since we rarely see each other anymore.

Can you imagine the embarrassment someone feels already in knowing that they really can't afford to give a gift, but remembering that little tagline on the actual invite saying, "HEY! Give us money for a house!" if that person is in jeopardy of losing their own?? UGH.

jnic0319 · August 2010

Where did the OP go??

kristinanddan · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_downpayment-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e742465e-17e9-4ae6-99fb-624edd0a55faPost:30a82a9e-ad21-4a16-b969-6e5c85a95471">Re: downpayment on a house?!!?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry but why the hell are you having a wedding and expect people to help you out with your house downpayment? Why not skip the wedding and put that chunk of wedding money towards your downpayment? Honestly, if I see this type of registry, I immediately think "tacky" and "Well shiit, why are you spending money on a wedding if you need help with paying your house downpayment?"
Posted by Champagne Supernova[/QUOTE]

EXACTLY! If you want a house spend your money there and have a small wedding. Or have a big wedding and just save up longer to buy the house.

And fwiw - we bought a house and paid for our wedding within 6 months of each other without any help from our parents, and we certainly didn't hit up our guests for cash.

MairePoppy · August 2010

Mentioning gifts, at all, on a wedding invitations is presumptuous. Gifts are voluntary.I have never received a request for cash or donations in a wedding invitation, don't know anyone who is that rude. If I got an invitation like that, I would gift the couple a crocheted toilet paper cover and turn down the wedding invitation.

jasmineh7777 · August 2010

Kristinanddan- Your dog is too cute! Border collie?

downpayment on a house?!!?

Re: downpayment on a house?!!?

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