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The joy of demanding sisters...

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Re: The joy of demanding sisters...

  • leia1979leia1979 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    tmk, I agree that you don't need a ring to be engaged. My issue is that OP says she's not engaged. If two people are planning a wedding, they should just consider themselves engaged.

    We can only go by what the OP says, so if she says she's not engaged, we're going to tell her not to plan until she is engaged.  If she says she is engaged, and both she and her finace consider themselves engaged, then there's no issue here.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_joy-of-demanding-sisters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:86c7db06-348c-487e-90cf-763101ab5945Post:00372d60-ef81-4ae1-92b9-46d3b9403029">Re: The joy of demanding sisters...</a>:
    [QUOTE]tmk, I agree that you don't need a ring to be engaged. My issue is that OP says she's not engaged. If two people are planning a wedding, they should just consider themselves engaged. We can only go by what the OP says, so if she says she's not engaged, we're going to tell her not to plan until she is engaged.  If she says she is engaged, and both she and her finace consider themselves engaged, then there's no issue here.
    Posted by leia1979[/QUOTE]<div>
    <div>I can totally understand everyones reasoning.I suppose i just get hung up on technicality of the engagement ring to say im engaged. i know now that i can say im engaged even without the ring which will make things so much easier to say anyways.</div><div>
    </div></div>
  • polkadot111polkadot111 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Seriously? Holy cow this whole post is full of fail.

    Usually I'm the nice one, but seriously? You are totally being irrational and ridiculous. You don't own a whole year for your wedding, especially when you're not engaged. Your sister is engaged. You are not. I would think she gets to pick a wedding date and you can move yours around hers. Your sister is not 'selfish' or whatever, YOU ARE. She got engaged, she picked a date. No issues.
    Used to be bourgehm. +1,500 posts. Silly knot
    image
  • edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]Seriously? Holy cow this whole post is full of fail. Usually I'm the nice one, but seriously? You are totally being irrational and ridiculous. You don't own a whole year for your wedding, especially when you're not engaged. Your sister is engaged. You are not. I would think she gets to pick a wedding date and you can move yours around hers. Your sister is not 'selfish' or whatever, YOU ARE. She got engaged, she picked a date. No issues.
    Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]



    I disagree. I think that the OP and her SO need to decide if they are engaged. From the sound of it, they are. But they should be on the same page about that. Therefore, there's not a problem with planning. She set a date, and she and her SO are both actively planning. That means that the sister gets to decide what she wants to do. Either she pays for her own wedding, or she waits. I think the sister sounds like a piece of work for saying that OP is not engaged, so she can't get married and can't have Mommy's money. If OP and her SO decide they are engaged, no one can say otherwise.
    image
  • polkadot111polkadot111 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_joy-of-demanding-sisters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:86c7db06-348c-487e-90cf-763101ab5945Post:e31b80f7-6264-4f07-9d78-7c8693afcbf5">Re: The joy of demanding sisters...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I disagree. I think that the OP and her SO need to decide if they are engaged. From the sound of it, they are. But they should be on the same page about that. Therefore, there's not a problem with planning. She set a date, and she and her SO are both actively planning. That means that the sister gets to decide what she wants to do. Either she pays for her own wedding, or she waits. I think the sister sounds like a piece of work for saying that OP is not engaged, so she can't get married and can't have Mommy's money. If OP and her SO decide they are engaged, no one can say otherwise.
    Posted by SilverLining1[/QUOTE]


    Read the first sentence of her original post. She says that her and her BOYFRIEND are NOT ENGAGED yet. This means they aren't. If she doesn't even call herself engaged, then she's not.
    Used to be bourgehm. +1,500 posts. Silly knot
    image
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_joy-of-demanding-sisters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:86c7db06-348c-487e-90cf-763101ab5945Post:e31b80f7-6264-4f07-9d78-7c8693afcbf5">Re: The joy of demanding sisters...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I disagree. I think that the OP and her SO need to decide if they are engaged. From the sound of it, they are. But they should be on the same page about that. Therefore, there's not a problem with planning. She set a date, and she and her SO are both actively planning. That means that the sister gets to decide what she wants to do. Either she pays for her own wedding, or she waits. I think the sister sounds like a piece of work for saying that OP is not engaged, so she can't get married and can't have Mommy's money. If OP and her SO decide they are engaged, no one can say otherwise.
    Posted by SilverLining1[/QUOTE]

    <div>Thank you. I live with my Fi and talked to him a short while ago and he agrees we are engaged, and that the ring is only a technicality since we would be getting married with or without the engagement ring next year.</div><div>
    </div><div>My sis already knew about this but believes that although our date was set first, because she planned her wedding earlier in the year she can demand mom pay for hers and i move mine. if i werent engaged and my fi was not involved the whle thing would be ludicrous but it isnt the case. </div>
  • edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters... : Read the first sentence of her original post. She says that her and her BOYFRIEND are NOT ENGAGED yet. This means they aren't. If she doesn't even call herself engaged, then she's not.
    Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]



    I think we established that the OP did not differentiate between being engaged and having a ring/fancy proposal.
    image
  • polkadot111polkadot111 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_joy-of-demanding-sisters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:86c7db06-348c-487e-90cf-763101ab5945Post:502f0c68-67c6-40f9-819f-7006230affe2">Re: The joy of demanding sisters...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters... : Thank you. I live with my Fi and talked to him a short while ago and he agrees we are engaged, and that the ring is only a technicality since we would be getting married with or without the engagement ring next year. My sis already knew about this but believes that although our date was set first, because she planned her wedding earlier in the year she can demand mom pay for hers and i move mine. if i werent engaged and my fi was not involved the whle thing would be ludicrous but it isnt the case. 
    Posted by Karnala[/QUOTE]

    How do you go from calling him your BF to calling him your FI within a day... without a proposal. I'm lost.
    Used to be bourgehm. +1,500 posts. Silly knot
    image
  • redheadtmkredheadtmk member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Correct me if I misunderstood, but the "only pay for one wedding a year" rule was the parents idea. With 7 kids, and the willingness to pay 10,000 per wedding, I think that is a reasonable rule. Nobody is saying the sister can not get married the same year, just that the parents are not going to shell out 10,00 to both girls in the same year. i think being willing to pay for a couple things like the dress is fair and reasonable. Whether we agree with the rule or not, the sister knowingly chose a date after the OP had already started planning with her family and FI. She had to know that was going to cause drama and hurt feelings.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_joy-of-demanding-sisters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:86c7db06-348c-487e-90cf-763101ab5945Post:bf59d418-6fb6-4d19-a485-b77757feec11">Re: The joy of demanding sisters...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters... : How do you go from calling him your BF to calling him your FI within a day... without a proposal. I'm lost.
    Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

    <div>read through the whole conversation...</div>
  • polkadot111polkadot111 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_joy-of-demanding-sisters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:86c7db06-348c-487e-90cf-763101ab5945Post:00372d60-ef81-4ae1-92b9-46d3b9403029">Re: The joy of demanding sisters...</a>:
    [QUOTE]tmk, I agree that you don't need a ring to be engaged. My issue is that OP says she's not engaged. If two people are planning a wedding, they should just consider themselves engaged. We can only go by what the OP says, so if she says she's not engaged, we're going to tell her not to plan until she is engaged.  If she says she is engaged, and both she and her finace consider themselves engaged, then there's no issue here.
    Posted by leia1979[/QUOTE]

    Leia said it best. She said she's not engaged.
    Used to be bourgehm. +1,500 posts. Silly knot
    image
  • edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters... : Thank you. I live with my Fi and talked to him a short while ago and he agrees we are engaged, and that the ring is only a technicality since we would be getting married with or without the engagement ring next year. My sis already knew about this but believes that although our date was set first, because she planned her wedding earlier in the year she can demand mom pay for hers and i move mine. if i werent engaged and my fi was not involved the whle thing would be ludicrous but it isnt the case. 
    Posted by Karnala[/QUOTE]



    You'd be surprised how many people come on here saying that they'll be engaged soon blah blah, and they've planned their whole wedding, but they haven't actually agreed to be engaged with their BF. That's where the confusion comes from and why lots of people are like "oh eff this post".
    image
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_joy-of-demanding-sisters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:86c7db06-348c-487e-90cf-763101ab5945Post:b137fea1-9c23-4566-b2f9-cd9e9f965811">Re: The joy of demanding sisters...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Correct me if I misunderstood, but the "only pay for one wedding a year" rule was the parents idea. With 7 kids, and the willingness to pay 10,000 per wedding, I think that is a reasonable rule. Nobody is saying the sister can not get married the same year, just that the parents are not going to shell out 10,00 to both girls in the same year. i think being willing to pay for a couple things like the dress is fair and reasonable. Whether we agree with the rule or not, the sister knowingly chose a date after the OP had already started planning with her family and FI. She had to know that was going to cause drama and hurt feelings.
    Posted by redheadtmk[/QUOTE]<div>
    Exactly</div>
  • polkadot111polkadot111 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I see that you changed your mind or whatever because of what people said, but it just seems odd that within a few hours you've changed your relationship status... Have you had a long conversation with you bf/fi/whatever within that time? At first you were VERY sure he was BF. Whatever.
    Used to be bourgehm. +1,500 posts. Silly knot
    image
  • polkadot111polkadot111 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_joy-of-demanding-sisters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:86c7db06-348c-487e-90cf-763101ab5945Post:b137fea1-9c23-4566-b2f9-cd9e9f965811">Re: The joy of demanding sisters...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Correct me if I misunderstood, but the "only pay for one wedding a year" rule was the parents idea. With 7 kids, and the willingness to pay 10,000 per wedding, I think that is a reasonable rule. Nobody is saying the sister can not get married the same year, just that the parents are not going to shell out 10,00 to both girls in the same year. i think being willing to pay for a couple things like the dress is fair and reasonable. Whether we agree with the rule or not, the sister knowingly chose a date after the OP had already started planning with her family and FI. She had to know that was going to cause drama and hurt feelings.
    Posted by redheadtmk[/QUOTE]


    I see no issue with the parents. That makes total sense. The parents just simply can't afford 70,000 in one year. The issue here is the sisters (the OP and her sister), IMO.
    Used to be bourgehm. +1,500 posts. Silly knot
    image
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_joy-of-demanding-sisters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:86c7db06-348c-487e-90cf-763101ab5945Post:26dae180-29cc-4732-a080-71fa5ca888ec">Re: The joy of demanding sisters...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I see that you changed your mind or whatever because of what people said, but it just seems odd that within a few hours you've changed your relationship status... Have you had a long conversation with you bf/fi/whatever within that time? At first you were VERY sure he was BF. Whatever.
    Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yes, actually i hafe had the chance to talk with my Fi. he agrees it's just a technicality and for all intents and purooses we are engaged, just no ring. that is why the title has changed.</div>
  • polkadot111polkadot111 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I also think it's off that the OP is waiting for a proposal, but now suddenly thinks she's engaged. You only get engaged once. You can't be 'engaged', then get engaged (through a proposal). Then I guess you're just EXTRA engaged? If you're already engaged, then you aren't going to get engaged again.
    Used to be bourgehm. +1,500 posts. Silly knot
    image
  • edited December 2011
    I think that many men want to make a big show of a proposal and think that it's necessary, because everyone will be asking how he did it, let me see the ring, etc. I do agree that it seems silly to have a big proposal after being engaged already. Something more private for the two of them seems more appropriate to me, but its just preference.
    image
  • polkadot111polkadot111 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Well to be engaged both people need to be deciding to be 'engaged'. If the OPs BF agrees that they're engaged, there should be no need for a big showy proposal. OP, if you think you're engaged, whatever. That's great. But, if you aren't sure or if you made that choice to call him your FI and be engaged on your own, then slow down.
    Used to be bourgehm. +1,500 posts. Silly knot
    image
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_joy-of-demanding-sisters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:86c7db06-348c-487e-90cf-763101ab5945Post:ff9b4d1e-b1bd-477e-962b-23feca74a123">Re: The joy of demanding sisters...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I also think it's off that the OP is waiting for a proposal, but now suddenly thinks she's engaged. You only get engaged once. You can't be 'engaged', then get engaged (through a proposal). <strong>Then I guess you're just EXTRA engaged?</strong> If you're already engaged, then you aren't going to get engaged again.
    Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

    Love this.
    Why don't people read the damn sticky or lurk before posting???
     




  • edited December 2011
    I feel like this needed to be quoted<div>
    </div><div>[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters... : Whoa, okay 1st, slow your roll gf.  
    Posted by IrishDreamer[/QUOTE]
    </div><div>
    </div><div>I literally LOL'd super loud. </div>
  • IrishDreamerIrishDreamer member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_joy-of-demanding-sisters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:86c7db06-348c-487e-90cf-763101ab5945Post:05d740cb-c86e-4ca2-8b5b-7dea253bee41">Re: The joy of demanding sisters...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel like this needed to be quoted I literally LOL'd super loud. 
    Posted by thelamarrs[/QUOTE]

    Lamarr, :) I felt it needed to be said
  • marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_joy-of-demanding-sisters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:86c7db06-348c-487e-90cf-763101ab5945Post:15f78e9a-320a-4c09-9736-b3905c29b5d9">Re: The joy of demanding sisters...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think that many men want to make a big show of a proposal and think that it's necessary, because everyone will be asking how he did it, let me see the ring, etc. I do agree that it seems silly to have a big proposal after being engaged already. Something more private for the two of them seems more appropriate to me, but its just preference.
    Posted by SilverLining1[/QUOTE]

    <div>This. OP has said her FI agrees they are engaged for all intents and purposes. Honestly, I think we're going to see much more of a trend these days toward couples booking things and making plans, then doing the proposal/ring thing. Quite honestly, if both parties are on board, I don't see the problem. Like I've said before, I wouldn't want to do it that way, but if it works for people, that's great.</div><div>
    </div><div>So as I see it, OP has three options:</div><div>
    </div><div>-Move her wedding back a year to take advantage of the funds.</div><div>-See if her sister is willing to split the wedding fund for that year.</div><div>-OP and her FI pay for their own wedding.</div><div>
    </div><div>OP, stick around and tell us more about you and your SO. Ages? Occupations? Favorite foods/colors/books?</div>
  • MLekathLEENMLekathLEEN member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    This gave me a headache. Since your apparently engaged now, if neither of you or your sister have booked a venue and put a deposit down, next year is still fair game for mummy and daddy's money. First one to book wins. Good luck. Cco- love the new picture <3 I also lol'ed at the practically pregnant thing. That is so true.
  • SKP82SKP82 member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    This is a classic case of the OP wanting to have her cake and eat it, too.  She wants to plan her wedding rightthisverysecond, but she also wants the exciting and congratulations that come with a proposal.  If you plan before the engagement, you don't get the to-do of the proposal, OP.  Sorry.

    She didn't think she was engaged until she came on here.  So she did plan this entire time not thinking she was not engaged.  Glad we could help ya out with that, OP.  *sarcasm*

    I don't understand how you could soooo not be on the same page with your SO.  First, she came on saying he was her BF and she was NOT engaged.  Then she gets flamed for planning a wedding while not being engaged.  Then, goes to SO ("Honey, the girls on TK say we're not engaged and we shouldn't have planned our wedding yet.  So, can we just say we're engaged so I don't get flamed anymore?")  SO agrees, OP comes back "We're engaged."  WTF?

    We can only know what the OP tells us.  If she tells me she's not engaged, I'm going to believe her and tell her to stop planning.
    IMG_6364
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
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