Out of Towners and the Rehearsal Dinner

DreaandHal · June 2012

I'm from California and am getting married in NYC. I would really like to invite my out of town family to the rehearsal dinner BUT I have no budget for it.

Is there any poliet, fun way to invite them, and not buy there dinner?

whitsy · June 2012

No. If you invite them, you have to pay for it.

aragx6 · June 2012

No, if you invite them you must host them. That said, an RD can be a super casual thing -- you could pick up some pizzas and soda and have it at a local park if you want.

adamar15 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_out-of-towners-and-the-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1cd4bb6a-0591-4748-b7cb-9a0eb9335f89Post:4f8bc9c1-ab04-4da0-9454-fca5d4062872">Out of Towners and the Rehearsal Dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm from California and am getting married in NYC. I would really like to invite my out of town family to the rehearsal dinner BUT I have no budget for it.<strong> Is there any poliet, fun way to invite them, and not buy there dinner?
</strong>Posted by DreaandHal[/QUOTE]

Nope.

baystateapple · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_out-of-towners-and-the-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1cd4bb6a-0591-4748-b7cb-9a0eb9335f89Post:4f8bc9c1-ab04-4da0-9454-fca5d4062872">Out of Towners and the Rehearsal Dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm from California and am getting married in NYC. I would really like to invite my out of town family to the rehearsal dinner BUT I have no budget for it. <strong>Is there any poliet, fun way to invite them, and not buy there dinner?</strong>
Posted by DreaandHal[/QUOTE]
Read this sentence again. Then think about how it would sound coming from someone else.

"We would love for you to come to our party. But you are on your own for food and drink."

Summer2011Bride · June 2012

No can do. You must host the dinner, meaning you pay. However, it doesn't need to be a five-course meal at a fancy restaurant. It can be pizza, a backyard BBQ, etc.

lyndausvi · June 2012

No there is not.

But there are ways to welcome people on a budget. I know NYC is expensive, but look around for a place you have a cocktail reception. It doesn't have to be long 1.5-2.5 hours? Some light hors d'oeuvres and cocktail.

thurmanpowell · June 2012

Only if you don't serve "Dinner" at all.

I second the cocktail hour idea. Just make sure you specify that there will be no dinner beforehand, so people don't show up hungry.

triciaholden1987 · June 2012

I have been to weddings before, where the 6pm dinner is for the wedding party only, and then at 7:30pm the remaining wedding guests can arrive.

angelsong21 · June 2012

If you invite them to the rehearsal dinner, you must buy them dinner. Instead, could you invite them to a get-together after the dinner? Most of our guests stayed at a hotel that didn't have a restaurant/bar. They offered to let us use their meeting room and breakfast area to host a little get-together the night before the wedding with little snacks and canned drinks so everyone would just have a space to hang out and not disturb other guests at the hotel. Maybe this is an option? I know it can be tough to work with a limited budget. If not, you could let these friends know you're going to be hanging out at X that evening around a certain time if they'd like to join you. Then you will not be hosting them and they would purchase their own food/drink.

MomJen · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_out-of-towners-and-the-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1cd4bb6a-0591-4748-b7cb-9a0eb9335f89Post:4f8bc9c1-ab04-4da0-9454-fca5d4062872">Out of Towners and the Rehearsal Dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm from California and am getting married in NYC. I would really like to invite my out of town family to the rehearsal dinner BUT I have no budget for it. Is there any poliet, fun way to invite them, and not buy there dinner?
Posted by DreaandHal[/QUOTE]<div>Why not have a dessert party at the hotel? You could do it in your room and have some fruit and pick up desserts with coffee and tea served. If you chose to you could also serve an inexpensive Prosceco.</div><div>Or arrange with the hotel for a do it yourself ice cream sundae party - my niece did that and it was great and inexpensive. We all had a blast.</div><div>

</div>

MomJen · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_out-of-towners-and-the-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1cd4bb6a-0591-4748-b7cb-9a0eb9335f89Post:4f8bc9c1-ab04-4da0-9454-fca5d4062872">Out of Towners and the Rehearsal Dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm from California and am getting married in NYC. I would really like to invite my out of town family to the rehearsal dinner BUT I have no budget for it. Is there any poliet, fun way to invite them, and not buy there dinner?
Posted by DreaandHal[/QUOTE]<div>Why not have a dessert party at the hotel? You could do it in your room and have some fruit and pick up desserts with coffee and tea served. If you chose to you could also serve an inexpensive Prosceco.</div><div>Or arrange with the hotel for a do it yourself ice cream sundae party - my niece did that and it was great and inexpensive. We all had a blast.</div><div>

</div>

aragx6 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_out-of-towners-and-the-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1cd4bb6a-0591-4748-b7cb-9a0eb9335f89Post:c17466a7-abb9-4190-a530-589d18909f3e">Re: Out of Towners and the Rehearsal Dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]I have been to weddings before, where the 6pm dinner is for the wedding party only, and then at 7:30pm the remaining wedding guests can arrive.
Posted by triciaholden1987[/QUOTE]

Then you have been to the weddings of <em>very </em>rude people.

RebeccaB88 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_out-of-towners-and-the-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1cd4bb6a-0591-4748-b7cb-9a0eb9335f89Post:c17466a7-abb9-4190-a530-589d18909f3e">Re: Out of Towners and the Rehearsal Dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]I have been to weddings before, where the 6pm dinner is for the wedding party only, and then at 7:30pm the remaining wedding guests can arrive.
Posted by triciaholden1987[/QUOTE]

That's just as bad as not paying at all.

OP, just get some pizzas or Subway trays and chips, and go to someone's house or your backyard. The venue may even have a room you could borrow for an hour or two.

lb1212 · June 2012

you could let these friends know you're going to be hanging out at X that evening around a certain time if they'd like to join you. Then you will not be hosting them and they would purchase their own food/drink.
Posted by angelsong21[/QUOTE]

It's nice to have directions from the hotel to the Ceremony/Reception Sites (and how to get back to the hotel) as well as directions to nearby restaurants, pharmacies/ stores (so they could grab forgotten items). If you included a timeline of events, you could easily add the get together to the wedding packet. Most hotels will pass these out to guests as they check in, like they would a guest bag.

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