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Alcohol or Not?

kaylaharmon2014kaylaharmon2014
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum

I am struggling back and forth with whether or not to have alcohol at the wedding.  His family is filled with drinkers, my dad's side and step dad's side of the family drink as well but then there is my mom's side of the family...... they are Mormon and very staunch and judgmental.  As much as I like drinking, I am not sure whether or not I am comfortable with getting looks and possibly chastised.

Help?!  Frown

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Re: Alcohol or Not?

  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Who's paying? If you and Fi are, then it's up to the both of you to decide what you want. If you don't have alcohol, will your fianc get judged the same way you would have been? It sometimes works both ways.
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  • kaylaharmon2014kaylaharmon2014
    First Comment
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alcohol-or-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b80e8227-1b7f-4b38-ba31-3680f83f43c7Post:4c590fcd-637a-47fc-a5b7-2599dd874bed">Re: Alcohol or Not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Have you discussed this with your FI? I would also sit down with all of the parents and ask them what thier feelings are and how they feel thier family is going to react.
    Posted by Ctexasgurl26[/QUOTE]

    I did discuss it with my FI, but he has tougher skin and told me not to worry about it... and honestly I wasn't very worried about it until my grandmother sent me a nasty text over the f-bomb being dropped on my FB wall the other day.  She also proceeded to tell me that she and other members of my family were very "disgusted and disappointed" about some of my lifestyle choices.
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  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    It sounds like they're going to judge no matter what. If they don't like alcohol, they don't need to drink. You might as well enjoy your own wedding.



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  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alcohol-or-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b80e8227-1b7f-4b38-ba31-3680f83f43c7Post:1db93969-d5a8-43b9-9a17-aaa69540211f">Re: Alcohol or Not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Alcohol or Not? : I did discuss it with my FI, but he has tougher skin and told me not to worry about it... and honestly I wasn't very worried about it until my grandmother sent me a nasty text over the f-bomb being dropped on my FB wall the other day.  She also proceeded to tell me that she and other members of my family were very "disgusted and disappointed" about some of my lifestyle choices.
    Posted by kaylaharmon2014[/QUOTE]

    <div>To be honest, it sounds to me like there's no real pleasing some of your family members.</div><div>
    </div><div>I'm all about taking into consideration the deep feelings and beliefs of the ones you love.  But it should be a decision made out of love, not fear.  It sounds like some of your family members are just being nasty about some of your personal choices (I don't know what those choices are, but your grandmother is even mad about someone else posting the F word on your wall?  That's crazypants).  Don't give into emotional blackmail.  It's your wedding, and being a good hostess doesn't mean you can't have alcohol because some family members don't want it.</div>

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  • kaylaharmon2014kaylaharmon2014
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alcohol-or-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b80e8227-1b7f-4b38-ba31-3680f83f43c7Post:28af89d0-e577-4a01-8f81-933bb5ae056e">Re: Alcohol or Not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Alcohol or Not? : Is it an issue to invite Mormons to a wedding where alcohol is being served? Or is it only an issue because they're your family? Also are you Mormon and does that impact the situation? Personally as long as you're paying for the wedding and not asking them to personally violate their beliefs I say "Let them deal with it." Half of FI's family are Orthodox Jews. We're providing Kosher meals and holding the wedding at a time when they can attend without violating religious law, but I'm also wearing a strapless gown and we're going to serve non-Kosher wine options at the reception. We're also not doing any of the gender segregation that usually accompanies an Orthodox wedding, because those aren't our beliefs. 
    Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]

    <p>It is against the Mormon religion to drink and though I was raised in the religion, I haven't gone to church or observed their standards since I was 13. I am 22 now.</p>
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    The way I look at it is you have 5 sides of the family (FI's mom, FI's dad, your dad, your step-dad, your mom.).  4 of the 5 drink.  I guess if your friends drink you could say 5/6 drink.  Heck  you drink.  Why are you letting 1/5 of them decide what the other 4/5 can do? Not only that you do not even observe their religion. 









    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • Teddy917Teddy917 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I'm LDS like your family. If I saw alcohol at a wedding, I would just ignore it and drink punch or water or something. I think as long as you have some nonalcoholic beverages, they should just politely ignore the alcohol.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alcohol-or-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b80e8227-1b7f-4b38-ba31-3680f83f43c7Post:4cc10a8d-b1f7-4ce1-8d03-24bce76ddbd7">Re:Alcohol or Not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm LDS like your family. If I saw alcohol at a wedding, I would just ignore it and drink punch or water or something. I think as long as you have some nonalcoholic beverages, they should just politely ignore the alcohol.
    Posted by Teddy917[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Question?  Do you think your answer would be different if it was your child, silbing or another really close family member?   </div>






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • winelover123winelover123 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment First Answer
    If you drink and it is not against your beliefs, go ahead and have alcohol. I have Muslim friends that I invite to girls' nights that have alcohol present. They choose to drink soda or water instead. Honestly, it sounds like your family is going to judge one way or another. If you want alcohol there, have it and don't be concerned about what others think.
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  • Teddy917Teddy917 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 2013
    To answer your question Lynd. I have close family that is no longer LDS, so I can say with absolute certainty that if I were to go to one of their weddings, I wouldn't bat an eye. It's their choice. I might not agree with it but its their decision.
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alcohol-or-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b80e8227-1b7f-4b38-ba31-3680f83f43c7Post:f2fa9740-9341-452a-a50f-0c14f60fa9e6">Re: Alcohol or Not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]The way I look at it is you have 5 sides of the family (FI's mom, FI's dad, your dad, your step-dad, your mom.).  4 of the 5 drink.  I guess if your friends drink you could say 5/6 drink.  Heck  you drink.  Why are you letting 1/5 of them decide what the other 4/5 can do? Not only that you do not even observe their religion. 
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    <div>Pretend I said this.  It is spot on.</div>
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  • harper0813harper0813 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alcohol-or-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b80e8227-1b7f-4b38-ba31-3680f83f43c7Post:f2fa9740-9341-452a-a50f-0c14f60fa9e6">Re: Alcohol or Not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]The way I look at it is you have 5 sides of the family (FI's mom, FI's dad, your dad, your step-dad, your mom.).  4 of the 5 drink.  I guess if your friends drink you could say 5/6 drink.  Heck  you drink.  Why are you letting 1/5 of them decide what the other 4/5 can do? Not only that you do not even observe their religion. 
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree with kmm. Lynda got it right.</div>
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  • kaylaharmon2014kaylaharmon2014
    First Comment
    Thank you everyone for all your lovely comments and bits of advice.  I feel a TON better and have decided that I'm not going to let a few sourpusses (AKA my grandmother) stress me out. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Good for you.  If they have a problem with anything at your wedding, you don't have to make it your problem.

    Best wishes!
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