The wedding is off...

shaygray88 · April 2013

Hey ladies! I hope everyone is doing well. I come to you guys with a sad heart. My (now ex) FI has called off the wedding and is moving back to California. I really enjoyed you ladies and wish you all the best on your journey to your special days! I will miss yall! Much love:)

-Shalisha

tirathemrs · April 2013

Awwwww I'm soo saddened to hear this news....I pray everything is ok with you and FI and the new baby....you knw we are here if u need us

MrsBad13 · April 2013

Aww..hun..Im so sorry to hear this. Is there no working it out at all ? I will be praying for you guys and the new baby thats coming soon !

shaygray88 · April 2013

He says he still loves me but don't want to get married and he is adamant about moving. Its so embarrassing calling all of my family and friends to let them know. At least I didn't send invites. Thanks for the love and support.

fancywright2 · April 2013

Sorry to hear that. How are you doing? I'll be praying for you guys and the new baby.

island07b2b · April 2013

Shalisha I am sorry to hear that. I am sending you a BIG hug. Praying for you and your baby and for health and happiness for all of you.

shaygray88 · April 2013

Thanks ladies! it means so much to me

shaygray88 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_the-wedding-is-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:8cb2b807-ba53-4a26-a522-272a1e4e2d27Post:a86f0c23-3872-42ec-9abb-babb257ee7a8">Re: The wedding is off...</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry to hear that. How are you doing? I'll be praying for you guys and the new baby.
Posted by fancywright2[/QUOTE]

Honestly Im a complete wreck right now. Ill be fine though. The prayers are appreciated...

MrsBad13 · April 2013

Aww Hun..Im sending hugs your way. You have to look at it like atleast you didnt get married and the marriage turned out to be a disaster and mesirable because of whatever he was truly feeling. If I were you I would rather be calling off a wedding then be paying for a divorce that could get ugly. I know your hurting now but soon you will see God has you and that this was for the better it happen now and instead of later. Try and keep your head up. We are here whenever you need to talk.

lscot84 · April 2013

ill be keeping you in my prayers.

shaygray88 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_the-wedding-is-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:8cb2b807-ba53-4a26-a522-272a1e4e2d27Post:ab4f1ce5-76d0-4a7c-8bf8-727d479a5f15">Re: The wedding is off...</a>:
[QUOTE]Aww Hun..Im sending hugs your way. You have to look at it like atleast you didnt get married and the marriage turned out to be a disaster and mesirable because of whatever he was truly feeling. If I were you I would rather be calling off a wedding then be paying for a divorce that could get ugly. I know your hurting now but soon you will see God has you and that this was for the better it happen now and instead of later. Try and keep your head up. We are here whenever you need to talk.
Posted by MrsBad13[/QUOTE]

Thanks so much:)

rmasoka · April 2013

Am sorry to hear this. I am praying God gives U a peace that passes ALL understanding esp for the baby. I pray U find God's strength to be perfect in Ur weakness.

nbrown501 · April 2013

I am so sorry to hear that. I will keep you in my prayers.

zantster · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_the-wedding-is-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:8cb2b807-ba53-4a26-a522-272a1e4e2d27Post:724f62e0-c3ac-4402-a003-13c7d9f7b038">The wedding is off...</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey ladies! I hope everyone is doing well. I come to you guys with a sad heart. My (now ex) FI has called off the wedding and is moving back to California. I really enjoyed you ladies and wish you all the best on your journey to your special days! I will miss yall! Much love:) -Shalisha
Posted by shaygray88[/QUOTE]

I am so very sorry that you are deeply hurting right now and feeling the complicated emotions that comes with going from planning your wedding and starting a family to planning for a new and different life without the one you thought would be your husband and co-parent. Your brain takes a while to process all of that. But I know that God is with you and by accepting His will and not fighting for a man that obviously does not deserve you, you will come out the winner in the end. I know it's hard to see it now. But there is nothing good that could come from entering a marriage with someone who does not want to be married. That would only lead to bitter resentment and that is not something that you want your child to grow up feeling that their parents don't love each other. Both you and the baby deserve so much better than what your ex represents. And his moving away just shows that he is not capable of putting the needs of those he loves at the same level as himself.

Please just focus on nurturing your personal relationship with God and gathering close family and friends who will be the village you need to help with your child. Now is the time to let your ex go, accept his decision and focus on just you so that you can be stress free for your child. In God's time the one He has chosen for you will appear when you are at peace and not even looking. Listen to inspirational music, sermons, etc., to keep your spirits up. And if you want to PM me feel free. Just let me know if you have so I can check. God bless.

zantster · April 2013

Oh and by the way, when you call your family and friends don't feel like you have to give them a ton of information. If they ask what happened, you can just tell them that you both decided it wasn't a good fit and amicably decided to go your separate ways. They don't need to know anything else. And hopefully your family can be discreet as well. It ain't nobody else's business what happened.

LeciaB · April 2013

Love I am so sorry you and the beautiful baby are in my prayers and I send hugs and love you way...

RanyattaCasey · April 2013

Sending prayers your way. This is tough but you seem like a strong woman so I know you will get through this. Praisse be to the Glory of God because know that you will have a testimony and he has something great in store for you. Now stand back and watch him work. God is truly a miracle worker. I have a bit of testimony for you. I am about to send you a private message so check it when you have time.

nursing2u · April 2013

Shalisha... sweetie.. I am soo sooo sorry.. I know that you have soo much running through your head right now.

I am praying for guidance and healing for you. I know that a break up can be very difficult and just hurt you to the core... Being pregnant can make it more emotionally challenging..

Question.. are you moving with him.. It may sound like a stupid question, I just wasn't sure.. and him not wanting to get married.. does that mean he doesn't want to be with you.. or just doesn't want to get married.. and what is he saying about your bundle of joy coming soon...

You know we are here for you.. although I know it may be hard to talk about right now...

BIG SIS HUG COMING YOUR WAY!!!!!

keysmit · April 2013

Aww.. I am sorry to hear this.. I pray that you remain strong especially for the baby.. we want you to have a healthy baby.. I pray that things turn around for you.. Because you know God can and will turn things around. As far as your family and friends. do not feel embarrassed.. and as zanster mentioned you do not have to give a ton of info.. we are so here for you if you need to chat, etc..

footballwife77 · April 2013

Shalisha- BIG HUGS. Cry it out, go through the motions, do what you need to do, focus on yourself and the baby. So very sorry you are going through such a rough time.

CreoleBride30 · April 2013

In Response to Re:The wedding is off...:[QUOTE]In Response to The wedding is off...:Hey ladies! I hope everyone is doing well. I come to you guys with a sad heart. My now ex FI has called off the wedding and is moving back to California. I really enjoyed you ladies and wish you all the best on your journey to your special days! I will miss yall! Much love: ShalishaPosted by shaygray88I am so very sorry that you are deeplynbsp;hurting right now and feeling the complicated emotions that comes with going from planning your wedding and starting a family to planning for a new and different life without the one you thought would be your husband and coparent.nbsp;nbsp;Your brain takes a while to process all of that.nbsp; But I know that God is with you and by accepting His will and not fighting for a man that obviously does not deserve you, you will come out the winner in the end.nbsp; I know it's hard to see it now.nbsp; But there is nothing good that could come from entering a marriage with someone who does not want to be married.nbsp; That would only lead to bitter resentment and that is not something that you want your child to grow up feeling that their parents don't love each other.nbsp; Both you and the baby deserve so much better than what your ex represents.nbsp; And his moving away just shows that he is not capable of putting the needs of those he loves at the same level as himself.nbsp; Please just focus on nurturing your personal relationship with God and gathering close family and friends who will be the village you need to help with your child.nbsp; Now is the time to let your ex go, accept his decision and focus on just you so that you can be stress free for your child.nbsp; In God's time the one He has chosen for you will appear when you are at peace and not even looking.nbsp; Listen to inspirational music, sermons, etc., to keep your spirits up.nbsp; And if you want to PM me feel free.nbsp; Just let me know if you have so I can check.nbsp; God bless. Posted by zantster[/QUOTE]

All of THIS! Shalisa, know that God is with you every step of the way. I feel your pain and understand your pain. This happened to me too. Just know that you put your faith, trust, hope in God and he will open great doors for you. Spend this time getting closer to God and improving your spiritual journey. God is preparing you for grace. The promises of God does not come easy, but he is preparing you. My heart truly feels for this situation. But you will get through this!!!!!! I learned that the one thing you are so focused on, God may remove it from us because he wants to be your first priority. When I learned that and practiced that, God blessed me abundantly. Praying for you.

Cha

CaseynMike · April 2013

Shay my heart goes out to you. I agree with the pp that have been posted. I pray that God gives you a sense of peace and understanding. I pray that he guides your strength to you for your baby. We never know why things happen the way they happen but God always has a plan for us and when we aren't working according to the Master's plan he will give us a storm in our lives then calm us down. Trust he is with you always and I also agree that you shouldn't tell your family ALL the deets..just tell them enough to answer their questions. I will be praying for you and the Knot is here for you. One other thiing I must say is that FOR YOUR HEALING you MUST forgive your ex for all of this...God forgives us EVERYDAY all the time so if he can do that for us we can surely walk by his word and learn to forgive people. You may want to understand WHY your ex decided to go to Cali and tell you that he loves you but doesn't want to marry you...we all feel in our heads there is some alterior reason for things taking place, please don't try to figure it out. Much love and many hugs to you...

Case

shaygray88 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_the-wedding-is-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:8cb2b807-ba53-4a26-a522-272a1e4e2d27Post:4a239556-67e4-4d64-a9b0-4929e08a8f03">Re: The wedding is off...</a>:
[QUOTE]Shalisha... sweetie.. I am soo sooo sorry.. I know that you have soo much running through your head right now. I am praying for guidance and healing for you. I know that a break up can be very difficult and just hurt you to the core... Being pregnant can make it more emotionally challenging.. Question.. are you moving with him.. It may sound like a stupid question, I just wasn't sure.. and him not wanting to get married.. does that mean he doesn't want to be with you.. or just doesn't want to get married.. and what is he saying about your bundle of joy coming soon... You know we are here for you.. although I know it may be hard to talk about right now... BIG SIS HUG COMING YOUR WAY!!!!!
Posted by nursing2u[/QUOTE]

He wants me to move with him and says he wants to be with with me but doesn't want to get married cause he feels we are stable... Thank you

shaygray88 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_the-wedding-is-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:8cb2b807-ba53-4a26-a522-272a1e4e2d27Post:6eb6d12c-2178-488b-bfce-5bcb464f2f29">Re: The wedding is off...</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh and by the way, when you call your family and friends don't feel like you have to give them a ton of information. If they ask what happened, you can just tell them that you both decided it wasn't a good fit and amicably decided to go your separate ways. They don't need to know anything else. And hopefully your family can be discreet as well. It ain't nobody else's business what happened.
Posted by zantster[/QUOTE]

Thank you. I don't have a lot of people in my corner so I really appreciate it

nursing2u · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_the-wedding-is-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:8cb2b807-ba53-4a26-a522-272a1e4e2d27Post:a94f4782-06a8-4540-89c3-5f12a6060f39">Re: The wedding is off...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The wedding is off... : Thank you. <strong><em>I don't have a lot of people in my corne</em></strong>r so I really appreciate it
Posted by shaygray88[/QUOTE]

Shalisha.... hunni.... you have us behind you..... whenever you need to talk or anything... I am here... you are going to be ok...

I know that this is a LOT.. to figure out... Just pray about it and GOD will absolutely direct your steps!!!!

keyaira04 · April 2013

I am so sorry and will be praying for you!

MissusD1116 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_the-wedding-is-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:8cb2b807-ba53-4a26-a522-272a1e4e2d27Post:15509b87-2c8a-44c3-b10a-5d5bd57deb15">Re:The wedding is off...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:The wedding is off...: All of THIS! Shalisa, know that God is with you every step of the way. I feel your pain and understand your pain. This happened to me too. Just know that you put your faith, trust, hope in God and he will open great doors for you. Spend this time getting closer to God and improving your spiritual journey. God is preparing you for grace. The promises of God does not come easy, but he is preparing you. My heart truly feels for this situation. But you will get through this!!!!!! I learned that the one thing you are so focused on, God may remove it from us because he wants to be your first priority. When I learned that and practiced that, God blessed me abundantly. Praying for you. Cha
Posted by CreoleBride30[/QUOTE]

This times 2! Bless you!

raven&mark · April 2013

Awwww hun, I am sooooo sorry to hear this. I know you are an emotional roller coaster right now as you have so much to take in. Im throwing nothing but hugs and prayers your way. Im sure you are a strong woman. You will get through this with time and prayer. I know its a hard pill to swallow but you MUST stay strong for you and the baby. Im happy he was honest with you now instaed of waiting til after everything was all siad and done. Take that as a blessing. Accept what has come to you and keep walking with your head high. And never feel bad for letting people know what's going on. He's the one needs to be feeling bad. Only a coward would do something like this. Just know that there is something better in store for you and you will be blessed when you least expect it. God Bless you and I wish nothing but the best for you and your child!!!

zantster · April 2013

I am definitely in your corner and would be happy to talk to you more if you PM me and then tell me to check my PM.

He does not value you and you do not need to settle for that.  He is no more important than you are as a child of God.  Can you imagine how it would be if the tables were turned and you said you were moving to timbuktu and if he wanted to he could come but if not oh well? He'd probably look at you like you were crazy.

Even if he was moving because he got offered a big new high-paying job or something reasonable, how could you be sure he wouldn't pull something else unexpected once you got out to California or decide he wants to be with someone else? People want to say that marriage is just a piece of paper. But that paper gives you legal and financial benefits that cohabitating does not and I'm sure he knows it.  THAT is what is stable, not the isht he's pulling. That is a big reason why gays want to marry so that they can get federal and state benefits like social security through a spouse, inheritance benefits, medical rights, etc. You are doing the right thing by just letting him move on down the road.

Otherwise, you could end up 10-15 years later wishing you had let him go a long time ago. If he wants to know his child he will make the effort and if he doesn't then no amount of jumping when he says jump is going to do it. What God has for you is for you. And it won't come with a whole lot of chaos and complication.  Just lean on Jesus and He will make your crooked places straight.

M1ssJ · April 2013

We are always in your corner. I am so sorry to hear this hun. I will lift you up and ask God to continue to direct your path so that His will is done for you and your beloved little one. PM me if you need anything.... cuz if I have to ship you wine and skype cry with you , we can make it happen

shaygray88 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_the-wedding-is-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:8cb2b807-ba53-4a26-a522-272a1e4e2d27Post:86926230-3ea2-4b73-a5b0-9b0f9f30c11f">Re: The wedding is off...</a>:
[QUOTE]We are always in your corner. I am so sorry to hear this hun. I will lift you up and ask God to continue to direct your path so that His will is done for you and your beloved little one. PM me if you need anything.... cuz if I have to ship you wine and skype cry with you , we can make it happen :)
Posted by M1ssJ[/QUOTE]

lol aww that so sweet. thanks you made me laugh:)

The wedding is off...

Re: The wedding is off...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards