Inviting the bridesmaid's parents?

stampadhesive · April 2013

I have 3 bridesmaids. Two of my bridemaid's parents are very upset that they are not invited to the wedding. Is it in poor taste to not invite them?

The girls are:

1. a friend from elementary school (parents don't care about not being invited)

2. a friend from high school (parents are upset they are not invited. I never hung out at her house in high school and only met her parents a few times.)

3. a friend from college (parents are upset they are not invited. I have never been inside their house but they did take me out to dinner a few times in college and shared a ride with them out of state so they could visit family and me & the bridemaid could attend a wedding.)

I'm feeling really guilty about this but I do not have the extra money to invite 6 more adults at $100 a head.

Kate61487 · April 2013

not necessary at all. Of our 10 adult BP members we invited the parents of 3 (only 2 sets of parents, b/c two were brothers). All three were childhood friends of H's where he and his mom were very close to the whole family (we invited all the siblings as well as their kids).

Lauren Frost · April 2013

If you've only met them a couple times I don't think they should be upset about it. How are your bridesmaids reacting to it?

stampadhesive · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-the-bridesmaids-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0540d2bf-944b-4952-b440-7eb44460786cPost:d732b15d-bb99-43c9-b77a-6e65cefad55b">Re: Inviting the bridesmaid's parents?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you've only met them a couple times I don't think they should be upset about it. How are your bridesmaids reacting to it?
Posted by Lauren Frost[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Well, they let me know that their parents are upset. I apologised but didn't even make an offer of maybe inviting them. </div><div>
</div><div>The college friend sent me a text saying, "My parents want to know if they can come to your ceremony. They understand that they are not invited to your reception."</div><div>
</div><div>Ugh. I feel awful.</div>

smalfrie19 · April 2013

I think its weird that your BM parents are upset. That being said, both of my BM parents will be there, but that is because one is my sister, so of course OUR parents will be there and the other is my best friend since 8 and her mother is like a second mom to me and I am very close with her and her husband. But thats just me. If I were having good work friends, or adult friends stand up with me I would definitely not invite their parents.

This kind of reminds me of Friends when Joey basically invited his parents to Monica and Chandler's wedding. I always thought that was weird.

mlg78 · April 2013

Don't feel bad... I find it strange that those two are upset by this... Of our 8 wedding party members we're only inviting parents of 4 (2 of which are the same set and they're my fiancé's aunt & uncle as well as another groomsman is another set of aunt & uncle)...so in reality we're really only inviting my MOH's parents. Hold your ground!

annmarie714 · April 2013

I was always under the impression BP parents are invited BUT my BP were all friends from my childhood. The one BM that was from college has an awesome family that I've gotten close to so we invited them.

Even if they're willing to only come to the ceremony, I wouldn't invite them to just the ceremony. That's screaming for trouble on your wedding day with them changing that to "We'll just go to the reception and not eat" and is against etiquette.

You don't have to invite them, but I'd let your BMs know that the wedding is close family/friends only and unfortunately you aren't able to invite their parents. Are any of them married/getting married? Hopefully they understand this.

yellowdaisies84 · April 2013

No you definitely don't have to invite them. I think it's silly of them to get offended by this. You're not close with them, and it's completely your choice.

One way to respond is to reply to your bridesmaids and tell them to please pass on this message to their parents: 'There are so many people we would love to have been able to invite, but we're trying to keep our wedding small- planning only for our families and our closest friends. This means we can't invite everyone we'd like, as much as we'd love to. I'm sorry that we can't extend an invitation. It means so much to me that you're interested, and I so wish I could have everyone there with us!" You can suggest that you plan a get-together with them after the wedding so that they can meet your new husband and catch up.

If you hear anything back about pushing the idea of allowing them to attend the ceremony, then send this message: "Fiance and I are just not comfortable inviting guests to attend the ceremony if we are unable to include them in the reception. I'm sure you understand."

If you get any messages back about WHY can't they come to the reception? WHY aren't they invited to the wedding? even after explaining yourself like this, you can say that you are on a strict budget and limited space at the reception venue, but don't leave it at that- make sure that you mention that you are choosing to have a small intimate wedding because that is what you really want.

You have nothing to feel awful about. If things don't go smoothly, you can call your bridesmaids and say, "I am just calling because I wanted to know if you could help me smooth things over with your parents. I can't invite them to the wedding but it's stressing me out that it is upsetting them. I'd really appreciate you handling this for me."

egeurts · April 2013

You don't need to invite them. If you don't know them well enough to feel like you are friends with them and want them to share in your special day, you don't need to invite them to your wedding. You have no obligation to your bridal party's parents (except maybe a young flower girl or ring bearer).

We had 3 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen. 2 were my husband's siblings, so obviously their parents were there. I invited my MOH's parents because I knew them well and spent a lot of time with them when I was younger. We debated about inviting my 3rd bridesmaid's mom because we know her well, but decided against it in the end, for a variety of reasons. And the 2 groomsmen were fine without their families- we don't know them all that well and there was no reason to even consider it.

AddieCake · April 2013

I agree it's weird they are upset. Why would they want to go to your wedding when they barely know you?

stampadhesive · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-the-bridesmaids-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0540d2bf-944b-4952-b440-7eb44460786cPost:673bc207-1d44-4e5b-af7c-b1af12ecbff8">Re: Inviting the bridesmaid's parents?</a>:
[QUOTE]I was always under the impression BP parents are invited BUT my BP were all friends from my childhood. The one BM that was from college has an awesome family that I've gotten close to so we invited them. Even if they're willing to only come to the ceremony, I wouldn't invite them to just the ceremony. That's screaming for trouble on your wedding day with them changing that to "We'll just go to the reception and not eat" and is against etiquette. You don't have to invite them, but I'd let your BMs know that the wedding is close family/friends only and unfortunately you aren't able to invite their parents. Are any of them married/getting married? Hopefully they understand this.
Posted by annmarie714[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Yea, I am not responding to the request to attend the ceremony. My etiquette book says that because it is being held in a church, I obviously can't tell anyone they can't attend the ceremony. However, I guess I don't have to be so clear as to say they can come to the ceremony. </div><div>
</div><div>And no, none of them are getting married or are in serious relationships.</div>

stampadhesive · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-the-bridesmaids-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0540d2bf-944b-4952-b440-7eb44460786cPost:e9a1f7e6-cb09-4908-9f4c-6cf68c12fafc">Re: Inviting the bridesmaid's parents?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree it's weird they are upset. Why would they want to go to your wedding when they barely know you?
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I think the thought process behind inviting bridesmaids' parents is that their daughters are spending a lot of money to participate in your wedding and inviting to the reception is a sign of respect and appreciation. Both of these parents love a party. </div><div>
</div><div>I also received a nice gift from my registry from my aunt's neighbor, whom I have never met, who lives 8 hours away before I event sent my invitations. It was a gesture to receive an invite but I didn't invite that person. I did write a very gracious thank you note though.</div><div>
</div><div>It's so hard when people are practically asking to be invited.</div>

libby2483 · April 2013

I think it's odd that they are upset. Why would they care about being invited if they aren't close to you? I wouldn't feel obligated to invited them, especially if you have only met them a couple of times.

Three of our BP members were siblings, so their (our) parents were obviously invited. As for non-family BP members: We invited the entire family of two BP members; these were people that I grew up with whose entire family I am close to. We invited the parents of four BP members; these were all parents one or both of us had met on multiple occassions. We didn't invite the parents/families of two BP members because we had never met them. So, we just took it on a case-by-case basis. All of the parents/families that we did invite came (except one), but I never heard any unhappiness expressed from those who were not invited.

[Deleted User] · April 2013

The ones that said, can they just come to the ceremony, I would say yes. Chances are that both of the mom's just love weddings & would love the chance to see their daughters dressed up. If you can, have a nice individual shot of each BM done & you can send the parents a 5x7 or even an 8x10 with a nice note saying "You're daughter looked so beautiful, i wanted to share it with you"

harper0813 · April 2013

I'm expecting one of my BMs and her parents to be upset the same way yours are. This girl invited my parents to her wedding, but my parents were like second parents to her in high school. She slept over at our house once a week and she was my best friend - but I never went to their house and I just don't know her parents well at all. I think they'll feel insulted because my parents just attended their wedding, but I know that if I invite them, I'll make a lot of other parents feel bad. I AM inviting my MOH's parents, as I know them extremely well (her mom was my high school music teacher).

I think the way you handled it was perfect. Tell them sorry, and if they bring it up again, stand your ground - kindly. Explain to them that you wish you could invite more people but you are unable to.

jemmini6 · April 2013

How old are your BMs? I think it's kind of odd that parents of adult children still expected to be invited to the same events. I get that you grew up with them, but that doesn't mean you are close to them now...

BostonGIrl4732 · April 2013

My grandmother was SHOCKED I wasn't inviting my bridesmaids' parents. I've never met one of the girl's mother, I've only met the other a few times, and I'm not super close to the others. My sister is my MOH (so she'll be there) and the other girl I used to live with and her mom is like a second mom to me so she will be there. I got to the sense from my grandmother that it used to be good etiquette to invite BP members' family.

Jen4948 · April 2013

That seems weird to me. The only instance I can think of where the parents of bridesmaids would expect invitations would be if the bridesmaids are minors.

tigersgirlgv · June 2013

Is this the first time your BMs have been in a wedding? I would guess that the parents are excited to see their daughters' dressed up in the wedding, especially if they haven't been in a wedding before. Is that a reason to expect an invitation? No, but I understand their motivation.

MobKaz · June 2013

We struggled with this issue for my daughter's wedding. We in no way felt obliged to invite any set of parents, nor did we feel we were breaching etiquette by not extending an invitation.

My daughter grew up with 4 of her 6 BMs. Of the 4, my daughter knew two sets of parents well. She had brief encounters with the other 2 sets of parents. She did not know the parents of BM #5 at all. BM #6 was the grooms sister.

We felt it would be awkward to include some but not all of the parents. We opted not to invite any of them. However, our motive, had we invited those 2 sets, would have been because of an established relationship, and not because their daughters were involved in a "production".

Because this was a hometown wedding, the mom's of those 2 BM's did indeed attend Mass. They were there to witness the wedding, though, and not be an "audience" member for their daughters.

AJuliaNJ · June 2013

When I was MOH, my friend invited my mom and her husband. I didn't even think of inviting the wedding party's parents, but I just mentally went through the list and the only ones where the parents aren't invited in their own right have parents who live out of town. If one of the parents complained, I'd probably invite them, but realize that is not practical for all people and venues.

Is your ceremony at a church or the venue? If it's at a church, anyone can walk in and see the wedding so their parents can do that.

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

It's inappropriate that they're upset. Nothing in etiquette says you need to invite the families of your bridal party. Do not feel pressured to invite these people.

Of my two BMs who are friends, one set of parents is invited and one set is not. I am close to one set of parents and I am not close to the other set. End of story.

schellzinator · June 2013

My guess is that PP are correct in saying they are excited to see their daughters dressed up walking down the aisle as a bridesmaid. I know that my mom and grandmother came to the ceremony of a high school friend of mine because I was a bridesmaid and it was the first wedding that I was actually a member of the wedding party. However, by no means did they expect an invitation to the reception. If they show up for the ceremony - I wouldn't make a big stink of it - just set boundaries early that you have a limited invites/budget for the reception.

I think the idea of getting a picture of their daughter dressed up is really nice and I know my mother loved that when the bride did that for her!

wittykitty14 · June 2013

I think they're overreacting, and need to get over themselves a bit. Yeah, maybe they were just excited to see their daughters all dressed up, but this is a wedding, not prom.

I have 5 bridesmaids, and I'm inviting the families of two of them. I've been good friends with those two since high school, and spent a lot of time at their houses and hanging out with their families. I invited the parents and the BMs siblings because I'm close with them, not because I feel obligated.

Hopefully these parents will understand. Don't worry, you're definitely not in the wrong! Good luck!

Jen4948 · June 2013

Parents of adult wedding party members do not get an automatic invitation to the wedding. These people aren't "entitled" to be upset because they don't get to see their daughters in the outfits walking up and down the aisle.

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

schellzinator said:
My guess is that PP are correct in saying they are excited to see their daughters dressed up walking down the aisle as a bridesmaid. I know that my mom and grandmother came to the ceremony of a high school friend of mine because I was a bridesmaid and it was the first wedding that I was actually a member of the wedding party. However, by no means did they expect an invitation to the reception. If they show up for the ceremony - I wouldn't make a big stink of it - just set boundaries early that you have a limited invites/budget for the reception.

I think the idea of getting a picture of their daughter dressed up is really nice and I know my mother loved that when the bride did that for her!

That's what pictures are for. It's sweet parents want to see their kids dressed up but this isn't prom. Their "kids" are adults and its inappropriate to want to attend a wedding to see your daughter/son walk down the aisle as a BM/GM. If they attend, it should be because they want to see the bride and groom get married...

Inviting the bridesmaid's parents?

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