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Snarky Brides

first wedding feud

So my wedding planning up to this point has gone really really smoothly. There haven't been any feelings hurt, and I had managed not to offend anyone. But I think my FMIL thought it was going to perfectly... I'm having my FI's two sisters be two of my eight bridesmaids, because I know them, and we're friends. The rest of my bridesmaids are girls I've been best friends with for years. My FMIL apparently thinks it's okay to decide who gets to be my bridesmaid, because she told my FI's brother's wife (who I've met once for half an hour) that she got to be my bridesmaid. When my FI told her that we weren't having his SIL be a bridesmaid his mom got furious and told us that we were breaking all the rules and that we need to tell his brother that his wife isn't going to be involved in our wedding. So we called him and asked that his wife stand up during the rehearsal dinner and say the top ten things you need to know when living with one of the family. But then she went behind our backs to try to get her the same dress my bridesmaids are wearing. Now my FI and his mom are doing battle and his sister-in-law is caught in the middle, and I don't know what to do about it.

Re: first wedding feud

  • Stay out of it.

    FI needs to say, "Mom, YOU owe SIL an apology.  YOU stepped out of bounds and YOU created this mess.  If you'd like, I'll call her and apologize on your behalf."

    MIL is out of line but don't get pulled into it.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_first-wedding-feud?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:c699c6de-7b9c-405a-8a3a-08d675637844Post:d324ce68-439e-4367-ade2-97d0698626fe">first wedding feud</a>:
    [QUOTE]So my wedding planning up to this point has gone really really smoothly. There haven't been any feelings hurt, and I had managed not to offend anyone. But I think my FMIL thought it was going to perfectly... I'm having my FI's two sisters be two of my eight bridesmaids, because I know them, and we're friends. The rest of my bridesmaids are girls I've been best friends with for years. My FMIL apparently thinks it's okay to decide who gets to be my bridesmaid, because she told my FI's brother's wife (who I've met once for half an hour) that she got to be my bridesmaid. When my FI told her that we weren't having his SIL be a bridesmaid his mom got furious and told us that we were breaking all the rules and that we need to tell his brother that his wife isn't going to be involved in our wedding. <strong>So we called him and asked that his wife stand up during the rehearsal dinner and say the top ten things you need to know when living with one of the family. </strong>But then she went behind our backs to try to get her the same dress my bridesmaids are wearing. Now my FI and his mom are doing battle and his sister-in-law is caught in the middle, and I don't know what to do about it.
    Posted by rlaulusa[/QUOTE]

    <div>What is the meaning of this top ten list? </div><div>
    </div><div>As for the rest, your fiance needs to speak to his mother and firmly explain the situation.  She has no place deciding who is in the wedding.  I'm confused, is the MOG trying to get the dress for herself or the SIL, or is the SIL trying to get the bridesmaid dress for herself? So confused. Bottom line thouh, you are the only ones who chose who is in the WP.  </div>
  • Personally I would talk directly to your FSIL but that is just the way I handle things.  I am assuming she is normal and completely understands how this situation is not your fault and completely ridiculous.  The fact you approach her directly shows strength on your part and respect for her.

    My FMIL did something similar- the day after our engagement- she asked my FH if he was going to ask his brother to be his BM right in front of the brother.  This had already been decided- but it definitely took away from the moment - and made it look like he was only asked to meet family expectations.

    I couldn't imagine the same situation happening to someone we had no intention of asking.  The collateral damage by itself is catastrophic.  Good luck and keep us posted on the result!!
  • The SIL is the one who apparently went to my FMIL wanting to be put in the WP. So it was either put her in the WP or not have her or any of my FI's sisters in the WP. It was ridiculous that I was put in this situation, but it was even more ridiculous that my FILs wouldn't listen to or accept my solution to the problem. Apparently how the SIL feels on my wedding day is more important than how I feel on my wedding day. And the SIL is too socially awkward to understand how uncomfortable a situation it will be.
    I eventually decided that it wasn't worth burning bridges and decided to include a ninth, that's right a ninth, bridesmaid. I guess that makes me a pushover. 
  • Damn, that sounds a little crazy.  Sorry you have to deal with that!
  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    Your FMIL sounds like a flippin' peach. My FMIL is ridiculous too. I feel your pain.

    SIL sounds like she is just as peachy keen, tough. Who approaches the MOG about the WP? Also, I'm pretty sure you are under no obligation to have her in your WP.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_first-wedding-feud?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:c699c6de-7b9c-405a-8a3a-08d675637844Post:81efd02f-438b-4e95-a3f1-86ddedc0b86d">Re: first wedding feud</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well we fought hard, but in the end FMIL got her way. Apparently including my FI's SIL in any way other than having her be a bridesmaid is not good enough. So now I am being forced to include a girl I barely know in my WP, and as a result she will be more involved than my own sister.
    Posted by rlaulusa[/QUOTE]

    If you give in on this one, be prepared for a lifetime of battles, now that she knows you'll eventually give in to whatever she demands. I'd kill this idea immediately, shut down all discussion, and let that be the end. This is ridiculous.
  • Just remember, you only live your wedding day once, live it how you want to remember it!!! It may be tough to be confrontational, but the other posters are right, if you give in now, this will be just the beginning of their crazy behavior!
  • I would go directly to FSIL and explain to her that she is not a bridesmaid because she hasn't been a big part of your life, but you hope that you will become closer in the future. Perhaps invite her to get ready with you and your other bridesmaids?


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