Wedding Etiquette Forum

NWR: Rude Prego comments

I have a friend who is 5 months pregnant. She keeps getting comments from people that she is "big" for only 5 months. WTF?! Who says that to a pregnant person?! Its exactly like how the media is making fun of Kim K all the time because she gained so much weight. Shes pregnant, leave her alone.

I cannot believe that people are sooo rude and would even make a comment about something like that. Ive never been pregnant, but I do know that pregnancy should be looked at as a beautiful thing, not something that is commented on, judged and put down.

So, here is my question...my friend is really polite and non confrontational, so she isnt sure how to handle comments like these. Personally, I would probably just punch somebody in the face, buttttttt that is not an option. So, any tips I can give her on how to approach this?

Also, why do people constantly compare their pregnany to another persons pregnancy? She is getting a lot of comments like "Oh, I was much smaller when I was 5 months pregnant." Ugh.

On the bright side, she has a ton of friends that are there for her and supportive of her pregnancy. The people she are getting comments from are practically strangers. Which makes it even worse. 
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Re: NWR: Rude Prego comments

  • 'Baby is happy and healthy at 5 months, but thank you for your concern!'



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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-rude-prego-comments?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceb87bb4-df2c-45da-aab0-d1a5648f7236Post:9a4f28f2-d1de-4963-8bb3-0e96dce97264">Re: NWR: Rude Prego comments</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd probably be super catty about it. Say things like "Hey thanks, if there's anything I wanted to hear while on a hormonal roller coaster, it's how fat I am. Would you like to comment on my tired skin next?"  or "Gee, how sweet of you to tell me. Since we're on the topic of insensitive things to say, you have a big mouth."   or "IT'S NOT A BAYBEH IT'S A TOOMAH!"
    Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]

    LMAO...I think these are all totally acceptable, but my friend is def not catty. People can be super mean and rude & she will still be the nicest person ever to them. Ill keep these in mind for my future. lol.
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  • Some people are so dumb!  A woman in my office is in the exact same position.  She is only 4 and a half month, but is pretty big.  In her situation, it is because of a pretty touchy medical situation.  I know this, many don't.  A coworker commented on how big she was, asking if she was sure it wasn't twins. . . . when the pregnant woman walked away, the coworker asked me if what she said was rude or insensitive.  I said yes.  I feel like its ok to stand up for the pregnant friend even if she doesn't want to say something herself.  I'd flat out tell them that they are rude (not in front of the pregnant woman though if it would make her even more uncomfortable)
  • I know for a fact I'm going to be the meanest preggo that ever was. If someone said that to me, I'd probably stare at them with my best scowl, then say: 'Who the fluck are you?'
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I'm pretty nonconfrontational, so when people say something like that to me, I just say 'yep' and walk away. Or wait to see if they say anything else. It usually makes them feel awkward.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-rude-prego-comments?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceb87bb4-df2c-45da-aab0-d1a5648f7236Post:cf38c54a-066b-47a5-a3bc-865b4d33c25f">Re:NWR: Rude Prego comments</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know for a fact I'm going to be the meanest preggo that ever was. If someone said that to me, I'd probably stare at them with my best scowl, then say: 'Who the fluck are you?'
    Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

    All of this is exactly how Im going to be too! Hahaha. Beware of future-pregnant-zilla Sierra.
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  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    In Response to Re:NWR: Rude Prego comments:[QUOTE]I would say quot;I'm not pregnant!quot; and watch them fall all over themselves. Posted by prettybirdy27[/QUOTE]

    When someone asked the girl I share an office with asked if I was pregnant, I told her she should've said no.
  • I've never been pregnant but I'd probably be a mean one too. A coworker of mine would get a lot of comments and she was sick of it that she told people she was carrying quads. People shut up very quickly lol!
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    OMGGggggggggggg I am not looking forward to this kind of stuff.

    I really don't think I can handle it. I think I will be so so so mean to someone if they call me "big".

    I hate when people treat pregnant women like they aren't people anymore.
  • "I'm pregnant. What's your excuse?"


    "I'm having triplets. I'm actually severly underweight. Are you having triplets, too?"



    "My weight is fine. Thank you for your concern. You should be more concerned about your own weight."


    "Worry about yourself!"





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  • harper0813harper0813 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2013
    A friend of mine is in a similar situation, but the opposite. She is 6 months pregnant but she looks closer to 4 months - she is not big at all. I mean, she's a petite person, but people have been asking her if the baby is healthy and suggesting she see a doctor or eat more/healthier. She's been really polite about it, saying that she goes to the doctor and that the baby is perfectly healthy, but it's getting annoying. I feel bad.

    Your poor friend - I'd imagine that's getting on her nerves big time. If I were her, I would coolly say, "Thanks for your concern," and walk away.

  • I've been pregnant twice and my daughter just had a baby. I had lots of rude comments. During the first pregnancy I was so meek and had my feelings hurt I would walk away so people didn't see my crying. Most of them had to eat their words when I walked back in after maternity leave looking like I'd never had a baby. Years later with the second child I was at another office with a whole new set of 'you look so fat' comments. I used many of the above comments, if they asked if I was having twins, I'd say triplets. Or I'd say I wasn't pregnant I was on a chocolate cake diet. Most of the time that did the trick.

    My daughter had a 'hollywood' pregrnacy and barely showed. Lucky.

    I now manage a very large office and once in a while a poor pregnant girl comes into my office upset about all the fat comments. So I spend a lot of time holding hands and consoling them, and givine them zingers like you ladies did.

    It is rude and unncessary to comment on someone's weight especially when they are pregnant. Tell your friend that all those other women are silly, jealous and have no manners. She has a healthy baby, good luck to her.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-rude-prego-comments?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceb87bb4-df2c-45da-aab0-d1a5648f7236Post:66cb37e0-df59-43e5-b87d-d377fff3de6f">Re: NWR: Rude Prego comments</a>:
    [QUOTE]"I'm pregnant. What's your excuse?" "I'm having triplets. I'm actually severly underweight. Are you having triplets, too?" "My weight is fine. Thank you for your concern. You should be more concerned about your own weight." <strong>"Worry about yourself!"</strong>
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    <div>Get those free Vistaprint business cards printed up with a shortened link to that adorable little kid. She can just pass the rude coworker a business card and walk away.</div><div>
    </div><div><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4A6Bu96ALOw" rel="nofollow">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4A6Bu96ALOw</a></div>
  • "That's interesting.    Exactly where did you get your medical degree and how did you come to specialize in obstetrics?"
     

    I had this too and when I went for my 20 wk US, I made them assure me that DD was alone in there.
  • Humor is a great way to deflect rude comments. I'd say something like "Thanks for your concern, but the extraterrestrials that impregnated me with a hybrid human alien baby are a large race, and they assured me that this is perfectly healthy."
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-rude-prego-comments?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceb87bb4-df2c-45da-aab0-d1a5648f7236Post:e3e5ffdd-ee96-41da-a8fc-7e02ba239552">Re:NWR: Rude Prego comments</a>:
    [QUOTE]Humor is a great way to deflect rude comments. I'd say something like "Thanks for your concern, but the extraterrestrials that impregnated me with a hybrid human alien baby are a large race, and they assured me that this is perfectly healthy."
    Posted by ErinElizabethR[/QUOTE]

    <div>Hahaha, I like this one the best!</div>

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  • In Response to Re:NWR: Rude Prego comments:[QUOTE]Humor is a great way to deflect rude comments. I'd say something like "Thanks for your concern, but the extraterrestrials that impregnated me with a hybrid human alien baby are a large race, and they assured me that this is perfectly healthy." Posted by ErinElizabethR[/
    QUOTE]

    Hawt.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • This is my third pregnancy and I never "show" until the very end, but then I just get huge in like, two seconds.  People comment on it because it's so sudden.  Then of course, you have complete strangers who make "wow, aren't you ready to pop" comments (which, ew).  I just walk away without comment.  Really, I don't think rudeness deserves a response.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-rude-prego-comments?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceb87bb4-df2c-45da-aab0-d1a5648f7236Post:e3e5ffdd-ee96-41da-a8fc-7e02ba239552">Re:NWR: Rude Prego comments</a>:
    [QUOTE]Humor is a great way to deflect rude comments. I'd say something like "Thanks for your concern, but the extraterrestrials that impregnated me with a hybrid human alien baby are a large race, and they assured me that this is perfectly healthy."
    Posted by ErinElizabethR[/QUOTE]

    <div>Love this!  If I was going to respond, it would be with something just totally off the wall like that :)</div>
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  • My mom is 5'3 and gained 80 lbs when she had me (she went from 100 lbs to 180 lbs). I guess because of that I just feel like gaining a fckton of weight is a normal part of pregnancy. I don't see why "you're big for 5 months" can't just be an observation - why does it have to be insulting? Why can't the response just be, "I know! I can't imagine what I'll be like at 9 months!" 

    There are bunch of pregnant women in my small office (randomly) right now, and a few have gone on vacation and come back looking much more pregnant. It's totally normal for folks in the office to say, "OMG you've gotten so big!" But it's endearing. Everyone is excited that their bellies are getting bigger and showing! They've known each other in some cases for over 6 or 7 years. I stay out of it because I'm newer and don't know everyone as well, but I don't think anyone has ever been insulted by such comments.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-rude-prego-comments?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceb87bb4-df2c-45da-aab0-d1a5648f7236Post:febc0e53-9bd1-47b3-9eca-a874528e2ea9">Re:NWR: Rude Prego comments</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:NWR: Rude Prego comments : All of this is exactly how Im going to be too! Hahaha. Beware of future-pregnant-zilla Sierra.
    Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

    FI and I actually joke about this all the time. I have mad PMS, so I can't even imagine what I'm going to be like!!!

     

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-rude-prego-comments?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceb87bb4-df2c-45da-aab0-d1a5648f7236Post:4457ba2a-a0b0-4c02-b2ce-ea91684e2300">Re: NWR: Rude Prego comments</a>:
    [QUOTE]My stock line:  "How good of you to notice." Deliver this with the Cold, Icy Stare Of Death, combined with Turning On Heel And Sweeping Away In Silence.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>I was thinking the opposite of this..."Wow, that was rude" but with a big smile. </div>
  • My sister is going through the same thing. She's only about 5 months now but looks like she's about to pop... (expecting twins though)
    However, my mom made those kind of comments prior to the twin knowledge.

    I'm sensitive about my weight, so not sure how I would take it in that situation - probably burst into a dramatic crying fit to make them uncomfortable?

    Fi is kind of already afraid of what I'll be like when that time comes, as PMS reallllly affects me.
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  • I would tell them to kiss my @ss and have a blessed day : )

  • Meh... i think that's just something people say to pregnant women.  Most people have no idea what is "big" or not for a typical pregnancy.  And really, every woman carries differently, and even different pregnancies can carry differently on the same woman.  It's just something people say.  I never felt any of it deserved/needed a response.

  • LeguLegu member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    The comments I got were unreal! Probably the same everyone else gets, but I'd never been around pregnant people so I was like, wtf?. The omgyou'resoBIG! Used to get me... My coworkers and I would laugh about it, and I saw it as excitement to see baby growing. From strangers, however... I'd usually reply with "I know, right? 5 months and already huge! So judging by my size you must be what, 4 months along? Oh, you're not pregnant... Awkward..." smirky smile walk away My worst one was the same obnoxious imbecile who'd ask me on a daily basis: "Haven't you dropped that baby yet?" Dropped!?! I used to just walk away from him muttering about his rude comments. Then I got so [hormonal] one day, I just turned round and said "oh yeah, I DROPPED the baby last night. OH is in AE now, and I have a new hobby of shoplifting basket balls for a game after work". He actually just looked at me for about 5 seconds trying to make out if I was kidding, then walked of, and hasn't said a word to me since. ReSULT!. Wait until people start thinking its okay to randomly start touching her belly... That's a whole new ball game. X
    So, maybe things don't always go as planned... Maybe that's okay. I may be alone for now, but my baby boy is on his way, and I wouldn't change a thing.
  • Just say, "If you touch my belly I get to touch yours."
  • I always figured that I would buy a couple of these shirts

     Don't Touch Maternity T-Shirt
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-rude-prego-comments?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceb87bb4-df2c-45da-aab0-d1a5648f7236Post:c0153eb9-f1ee-4cb7-a661-d273f96d74c4">Re: NWR: Rude Prego comments</a>:
    [QUOTE]I always figured that I would buy a couple of these shirts  
    Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

    Or these two....

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