Drunken Bridesmaid?

alexshep09 · April 2013

Hello,

I am having trouble deciding over what to do about a potential bridesmaid. I already have asked my best friend to be my maid of honor and i have two other girls that I have yet to ask to be my bridesmaids.

However, I am concerned over one of these girls as being my bridesmaid. My wedding is taking place the day after her 21st birthday. She has mentioned that she plans to go out and get very drunk for her birthday. Since I am about to turn 22, I understand the want to go out and celebrate a birthday, especially your 21st. My concern is that if I ask her to be my bridesmaid that she will be very hungover or even possibly still drunk the next day for the wedding. I am unsure of whether to ask her to be a bridesmaid because of this issue. I think that she expects to be asked and feels that this is not a concern.

I would like to have her up there with me because she is a good friend of mine and i have a very small amount of potential bridesmaids, but i would not want her to if she is going to have trouble doing it. We will be having a traditional catholic wedding which will consist of a very long ceremony.

What do you think that I should do about this situation?

renegade gaucho · April 2013

Ask her. Hopefully, as a mature adult she will not get so out of control on her birthday that she won't be able to stand up in your wedding the next day. If she has to miss out on your wedding because she's too hung over, that's her problem, not yours.

Maggie0829 · April 2013

What PP said.

Also, I would hold off asking anyone else until you are closer to your wedding date, about 6-9 months out. Relationships can change and once your ask there is no going back. I would just enjoy your time being engaged and planning your wedding and wait on asking your bridal party.

itzMS · April 2013

Yep. Ask her. She will be adult enough to make the choice.

FWIW, my bridesmaids were all late-twenties and one of mine got so drunk the night before at our rehearsal dinner that she threw up. No one saw that coming.

It will be okay.

Tami87 · April 2013

Completely agree with previous posters. There is no reason to make this decision now wait until you are closer to your wedding date. Relationships do change especially in your early 20s.

If when your wedding gets closer you still consider this girl a close friend then ask regardless of what you think she may do the night before. She is an adult and that is on her. Also while Catholic wedding ceremonies can be longer bridesmaids are typically seated in the front row so she will not be standing up front for the whole time if that was part of the concern.

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2013

So she's 19 now? When I was 19, I always thought my 21st would be a drunkfest. In all honesty, I didn't drink anything. Don't overthink this but I would also say don't ask anyone to be in your WP until at least February 2014. A lot can happen between now and then

renegade gaucho · April 2013

Even if it is a drunkfest, it doesn't mean she will be hungover the next day. In any case, it's pretty silly to be worrying about how your friend might be celebrating her birthday a year and a half from now.

vanityink · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_drunken-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e477f778-56d1-4ab6-a5a4-d203cdc4dc09Post:c0a0f066-a6f0-4822-850d-c9f2a4fc43e8">Re: Drunken Bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]So she's 19 now? When I was 19, I always thought my 21st would be a drunkfest. In all honesty, I didn't drink anything. Don't overthink this but I would also say don't ask anyone to be in your WP until at least February 2014. A lot can happen between now and then
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

Same here. I always thought I would go out with friends to a bar, etc. I ended up on vacation with my parents over my 21st and had a daiquiri with my mother to celebrate.

And even if she does go out and drink (and drink alot), it will all be fine. If I could sit through a boring lecture in college hungover, she can deal with a hangover at your wedding ceremony and still function.

Maggie0829 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_drunken-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e477f778-56d1-4ab6-a5a4-d203cdc4dc09Post:c0a0f066-a6f0-4822-850d-c9f2a4fc43e8">Re: Drunken Bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]So she's 19 now? When I was 19, I always thought my 21st would be a drunkfest. In all honesty, I didn't drink anything. Don't overthink this but I would also say don't ask anyone to be in your WP until at least February 2014. A lot can happen between now and then
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

Agreed! On my 21st birthday I went out to dinner with my Mom and had 1 drink. 3 weeks later is when my H (BF at the time) and a few friends went to the ocean and partied for the weekend. For what it is worth, I got pretty darn drunk but was the first one up each morning and out on the bech soaken up some sun at 10am. Oh to be 21 again...the hangovers were so short lived or non-existent.

Chloeagh · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_drunken-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e477f778-56d1-4ab6-a5a4-d203cdc4dc09Post:d96ef49a-4c73-4692-9074-ddde46acf614">Re: Drunken Bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Drunken Bridesmaid? : Agreed! On my 21st birthday I went out to dinner with my Mom and had 1 drink. 3 weeks later is when my H (BF at the time) and a few friends went to the ocean and partied for the weekend. For what it is worth, I got pretty darn drunk but was the first one up each morning and out on the bech soaken up some sun at 10am. <strong>Oh to be 21 again...the hangovers were so short lived or non-existent.</strong>
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]
This made me laugh. When I was 20, I had 5 drinks and was hungover for the entire next day. I literally couldn't eat anything until dinner (didn't throw up, though!). And it wasn't like that was my first time drinking.

On the other hand, on my 21st, I went to the bar with my dad and had one glass of wine. It was a Wednesday, though, so I hadn't planned on it being a drunkfest.

erinlin25 · April 2013

If she is your friend, ask her. Do not assume she will be hungover (which she might) but so could every person! It will not effect your wedding day and they should be responsible enough to handle themselves--if not, you will get married either way. She can choose to get wasted and then will have to suck it up the next day. She will because she is your friend. Be sure to have some water available, tylenol and applesauce (best hangover cure, I swear) available so she is ready to walk down the aisle.

jemmini6 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_drunken-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e477f778-56d1-4ab6-a5a4-d203cdc4dc09Post:c0a0f066-a6f0-4822-850d-c9f2a4fc43e8">Re: Drunken Bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]So she's 19 now? <strong> When I was 19, I always thought my 21st would be a drunkfest</strong>. In all honesty, I didn't drink anything. Don't overthink this but I would also say don't ask anyone to be in your WP until at least February 2014. A lot can happen between now and then
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

<div>Ha ha, ditto. I ended up being the most sober person of my friends on my 21st birthday. But then again, my roommate also said she wasn't going to drink much on her birthday either, and she ended up still throwing up at 5PM the next day...</div><div>
</div><div>But yeah, don't ask ANYONE until 6-9 months before your wedding, regardless of your ages. Sh*t happens to everyone and you never know who you'll still be close with, or you might have new people you are close with by the time your wedding rolls around.</div>

Sjmiller418 · April 2013

Ask her if you want her there and then forget about the 21st birthday worries. Like others have stated her plans for 21st could completely change but she should know her limits and what will put her into a non-functioning hangover(happend after my 21st for two days couldnt do anything).

Most likely you'll be having a rehearsal and dinner the night before so shell have to decide if those are things she wants to make even though its her birthday. I would assume that if shes close enough to be a bridesmaid then your one of the people she wants there on her birthday and maybe you could plan something for after the dinner to take her out for drinks to celebrate and then hopefully things wouldn't get too crazy.

mandibride2be · April 2013

Are you having a rehearsal dinner? because if so that is a problem.

If not she should be fine and if she is truly a good friend she will be adult enough to control herself because she has a celebration the next day. She has all the time to enjoy hersel. I know like the other ladies for my 21st I thought I was going to a club with my friends instead my now FI took me pumpkin picking and we were so tired we came home cooked some dinner and enjoyed a glass of wine with my family lol. You are a good friend of hers if she is going to be in your bridal party so are you going out with her? If so suggest another alternative or give her some distractions like let's go outdancing! If she does go crazy however set up a nice little hangover kit for her lol !

Thank goodness I'm avoiding that I'm a young bride too....I'm asking my sister and cousins to be in my bridal party. I did so because I am having a destination wedding. And since I'm young and my friends aren;t since childhood I don;t want to look back and think what was I thinking. sounds awful but it's true.

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