Let me get your opinion on the best way to handle this situation. I have a bridesmaid who is older (40 yrs old) who you would think would be the most mature but has been nothing but drama. I want to tell her she is out but I don' know how to do it tactfully. Here is what happened:
My wedding is an outdoors/rustic/cowboy wedding on September 1st, 2013.
I want the event to be pretty casual and focused on spending time with loved ones rather than a big elaborate party. I asked the BM to be in it because we have been close for 3 years and she is like a big sister that I could always talk to. However, she has started playing my other two bridesmaids against each other. She doesn’t like my MOH so she doesn’t include her in anything because my MOH couldn’t be at some dress fittings because her uncle (like a dad to her) was dying with leukemia and was driving 5 hours to go spend his final days with him every weekend until he passed away. I was cool with the MOH not being there because family is more important. Then this BM started being really mean to my mom when we went to go look at the venue I had chosen. She basically almost had my mom in tears and my mom said she wouldn’t go to any more wedding functions if she was going to be there. Of course I was mad at the BM I mean that’s my mom for Christ sake but I held my tongue thinking maybe she was just having a bad day. Next thing she did was order her own BM dress to wear without asking me first. This dress was made out of taffeta and brown and honestly a trash bag would have looked better. I absolutely hated the dress and nicely asked her to return it because it was not the sundress style dress that I had pictured the girls wearing. I found a lady out of Florida who makes custom dresses which fit my style perfectly and I was so excited. Everyone loved the dresses except for this BM. The girls could have the dress made with any neckline they wanted so it could complement each girls figure nicely. The only condition is that it had to be the same color (dark purple) with the hand crocheted lace at the bottom. My other girls eagerly gave me their measurements to have the dresses ordered but this BM flat out has ignored any request to get the measurements because she wants her dress not the one I chose. This BM also took it upon herself to schedule my bachelorette party/bridal shower in May. May???? My wedding is September 1st so I asked her nicely to reschedule it for August. I won’t even have save the dates or invitations out by the end of May. Plus who takes a bachelorette party 4 months before the wedding???? She flipped out on me and told me May was my only option so take it or leave it. I responded by saying I’m moving it to August with the other girls and if she can’t be there that’s fine but I feel more comfortable with that decision. She then said she was out but to have good luck with the wedding stuff. I said that’s fine and that I asked her to be a part of an important event in my life because I valued our friendship but I’m not going to force someone to be in the wedding if they don’t want to be. I must admit I felt some immediate relief. However, 30 minutes later one of my other girls called saying this BM put herself back in the wedding and is planning stuff still. How do I nicely tell her to get out and stop planning stuff? I want to ask my sister to be in the wedding instead so there is less tension and stress between the wedding party.