Wedding Woes

Well, there's no good title for this one.

Dear Prudence,
I am 40 years old and until recently a single father. A little over a year and a half ago, I met a woman who totally changed my perspective on life. I’d never believed in soul mates, but she made me a believer. We could complete each other’s sentences and had the kind of love that I’d never felt for anyone. After six months we bought a house together, merged families, and I proposed. Three months ago my fiancée had a major stroke, lost all function on one side of her body, lost her speech, and is disabled. She will likely never return to work or the life she had. She can now walk some and has regained some speech, but it is limited. Her arm still has no function. This has created a future that I had not envisioned nor signed up for. Every day is a reminder of what once was, and so is a constant source of hurt and pain. I am committed for at least a year, which is how long I knew her before her stroke, to assist her in regaining as normal a life as possible. But I cannot envision going through the rest of my life like this. I know she will be devastated if I leave, but I will be devastated if I stay. Additionally, I do not think it fair to my own child, who has a limited number of years remaining at home. This is a tragedy no matter what choice is made. I welcome your thoughts.

—Life Changes in a Minute

Re: Well, there's no good title for this one.

  • He's pretty much an azz. Honestly, if someone is truly your soulmate, then a disability isn't a big deal. You go on.
  • What a dipshit. "I want to marry you! But I don't buy all that better-or-worse, sickness-and-health crap, so I'll be leaving you if anything terrible happens, k?" 
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  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    they're both kind of stupid, if you ask me. they shouldn't have bought a house together after only knowing each other for 6 months. now he feels too guilty (or maybe too finanicially invested?) to leave. who knows if he'd feel that kind of pressure if they didn't make all these commitments without marriage that early into the relationship.
  • Am I the only one who feels bad for this guy?  He has barely known this woman, really, and now he's being told that the "for better" and "in health" times are all done, and now it's worse and sickness until one of them dies.
    image
  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    i don't feel badly for him, since he *did* commit to this woman financially. but i feel badly that he's going to be labled as a louse for feeling the way he does. i would hope he'd make sure she is set up for proper long term care before he leaves if he ever really loved her, if it wasn't only lust.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_well-theres-no-good-title-for-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:e87ae287-00bb-4cdc-8eae-1551aafaa346Post:dc84b966-f4c9-4d10-b011-575fedb0fb2f">Re: Well, there's no good title for this one.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Am I the only one who feels bad for this guy?  He has barely known this woman, really, and now he's being told that the "for better" and "in health" times are all done, and now it's worse and sickness until one of them dies.
    Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

    <div>This kind of happened to my friend A.  She met a guy she really liked and they were getting serious and then she was diagnosed as metastatic.  He stuck around for a little bit, but he just couldn't handle it and bailed.  They weren't engaged or anything, but they were really in love.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Plus, the letter writer has a daughter.  I don't blame him for being concerned about her. </div><div>
    </div><div>The only thing I have to say is that if he's the primary caretaker/care coordinator, he needs to find someone to take over the duties ASAP. </div>
  • In Response to Re:Well, there's no good title for this one.:[QUOTE]Am I the only one who feels bad for this guy?nbsp; He has barely known this woman, really, and now he's being told that the quot;for betterquot; and quot;in healthquot; times are all done, and now it's worse and sickness until one of them dies. Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]
    I feel bad for him. It's not like they are married already. If it is not the life he wants, he should leave her. Honestly I think she is selfish for expecting him to take care of her. They should sell the house and move on.
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