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Opinionated Bridesmaid....Again...

fperez7542fperez7542
100 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Last week I posted that I bought my blue garter and one of my bridesmaids said that the BM are suppose to give that to me at the bachelorette party.  I felt bad because I didn't know.  Then the ladies on here reassured me she was wrong.

This past weekend the BM and I were at my house when the mail man came on Saturday.  I finally received a package I ordered in February from The Knot.  I ordered monogramed cocktail napkins and the cake cutter set also monogrammed.  They look great by the way although it did take a month and 2 days for delivery.  Before even saying that's nice she said the cake cutter set is something people are suppose to give you on your bridal shower.  I felt bad again but then I thought, first I don't even know when my bridal shower is and what if I don't get it and then have to spend much more to get it quick right before the wedding.  I was very happy with the sale I got 200 monogrammed napkins and cake cutter set for $40. 

I just let it go but jeeeez I think if I want to get whatever I should and not feel bad or awkward about it.

Mini Vent Over :-)
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Re: Opinionated Bridesmaid....Again...

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Where is she getting this sh!t? I have never heard of either of those things being "how it is done."
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • addieth4addieth4 member
    10 Comments
    Thats a great sale! Was that here on the Knots shop??

    Its tough with bridesmaids, I have a very opinionated one as well that is butting heads with me about her dress and her shoes and everything else she thinks she would like her way. I just calmly remind her who's wedding it is. 

    I agree with you though, I suppose 30 years ago those things would have been gifts at your bridal shower and bachelorette, but nowadays those "old school" etiquettes are gone. Dont feel bad you got the things you needed now. I would have done the same (what if no one got them for you at all, then what!) Now your wedding shower guests can focus on getting you stuff from your registry. 

    Just remember, breathe in, breathe out. All this hard work will pay off soon and it will be done and over with. :)
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  • triciaholden1987triciaholden1987
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    edited April 2013
    I disagree with your BM.  You saw what you want, and kudos for you to get it ahead of time!!  

    My neighbor told me not to worry about a cute name hanger from etsy because she would get it for me at my shower, and it never happened.  Now I am frantically ordering!!!!

    Keep strong, sounds like you have a long 5 months ahead of you!

    EDIT:  Because kiddos and kudos are two TOTALLY different things.  Happy monday.
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  • TerriHuggTerriHugg member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    Just ignore. I believe she is coming from a good place in just trying to help. She is just misinformed. The same thing happens on the boards sometimes. People come from a good place when giving advice, they just don't always know as much as they think they do. 
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  • fperez7542fperez7542
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_opinionated-bridesmaidagain?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e65811c4-7f0a-433c-bcee-01beacc50072Post:d80dae62-de16-4da3-9f1c-e593aea391c5">Re: Opinionated Bridesmaid....Again...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Where is she getting this sh!t? I have never heard of either of those things being "how it is done."
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    omg Addie I have no idea! It is just odd since I've been lurking here I haven't read anything about what shouldn't be bought by the bride because it will be a bachelor or bridal shower gift.  I'm just going to stay quiet and not open boxes when people are at home.
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  • IVajAzzlEmyHoohAIVajAzzlEmyHoohA member
    10 Comments
    She seems crazy.  You should kick her out.

    Ain't nobody got time for that.
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  • fperez7542fperez7542
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_opinionated-bridesmaidagain?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e65811c4-7f0a-433c-bcee-01beacc50072Post:b2fe63a3-bdbf-4948-beaa-7b7408f5a1ff">Re: Opinionated Bridesmaid....Again...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thats a great sale! Was that here on the Knots shop?? Its tough with bridesmaids, I have a very opinionated one as well that is butting heads with me about her dress and her shoes and everything else she thinks she would like her way. I just calmly remind her who's wedding it is.  I agree with you though, I suppose 30 years ago those things would have been gifts at your bridal shower and bachelorette, but nowadays those "old school" etiquettes are gone. Dont feel bad you got the things you needed now. I would have done the same (what if no one got them for you at all, then what!) Now your wedding shower guests can focus on getting you stuff from your registry.  Just remember, breathe in, breathe out. All this hard work will pay off soon and it will be done and over with. :)
    Posted by addieth4[/QUOTE]


    Addieth,

    Yup! I caught a sale on February 28th.  I do plan ordering a few more things from The Knot Shop but I have to make sure I give myself enough time for delivery too.  I am very happy with the items, not so much the turn around time. 

    I think I'm just going to do as I please.  If asked I'll say I've never heard of that.
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  • fperez7542fperez7542
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_opinionated-bridesmaidagain?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e65811c4-7f0a-433c-bcee-01beacc50072Post:324d50a5-644c-4ee2-aa04-5814fe2a1f9e">Re: Opinionated Bridesmaid....Again...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I disagree with your BM.  You saw what you want, and kiddos for you to get it ahead of time!!   My neighbor told me not to worry about a cute name hanger from etsy because she would get it for me at my shower, and it never happened.  Now I am frantically ordering!!!! Keep strong, sounds like you have a long 5 months ahead of you!
    Posted by triciaholden1987[/QUOTE]


    See! that's what I didn't want to think oh people will get it and then pay probably two times what I would have if it was done on time.  I don't like depending on people at all.
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  • fperez7542fperez7542
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_opinionated-bridesmaidagain?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e65811c4-7f0a-433c-bcee-01beacc50072Post:d0f0b4d6-c0ad-4022-a8e1-50d3f65837fe">Re: Opinionated Bridesmaid....Again...</a>:
    [QUOTE]She seems crazy.  You should kick her out. Ain't nobody got time for that.
    Posted by IVajAzzlEmyHoohA[/QUOTE]

    hmm...Kick her out because she thinks certain things are to be bought by guests not me?  That's a little harsh.
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  • speshlsnowflAkEspeshlsnowflAkE
    10 Comments
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_opinionated-bridesmaidagain?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e65811c4-7f0a-433c-bcee-01beacc50072Post:d0f0b4d6-c0ad-4022-a8e1-50d3f65837fe">Re: Opinionated Bridesmaid....Again...</a>:
    [QUOTE]She seems crazy.  You should kick her out. Ain't nobody got time for that.
    Posted by IVajAzzlEmyHoohA[/QUOTE]
    I agree. She doesn't know what she is talking about,and she is going to cause you too much confusion as you plan! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /><div>
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    Any fool can make a rule,and any fool will mind it. ~Thoreau photo specialdaygif_zpsac5730d3.gif
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  • sarahbear32sarahbear32 member
    First Comment
    That bridesmaid is overstepping.  She should agree with whatever you say because it's YOUR day.  She shouldn't be causing you anguish.

    Tell her she's no longer a bridesmaid.  YOu need more supportive friends.
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  • IVajAzzlEmyHoohAIVajAzzlEmyHoohA member
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_opinionated-bridesmaidagain?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e65811c4-7f0a-433c-bcee-01beacc50072Post:632024dc-447e-4f84-8f16-d249b8c9283b">Re: Opinionated Bridesmaid....Again...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Opinionated Bridesmaid....Again... : hmm...Kick her out because she thinks certain things are to be bought by guests not me?  That's a little harsh.
    Posted by fperez7542[/QUOTE]

    <div>She's dumb and crazy and she's only going to cauze you so much stress.  End the crazy now.</div>
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I would give her a little slack.  It sucks when you have plans to give something to someone and they beat you to the punch.  Not once, but twice.     

    My dad does that all the time.  He sees a sale at xmas and buys it for himself when one of us already had bought it.     Ugh.  We actually asked him stop buying stuff between thanksgiving and xmas.  Ha.

    Anyway, don't feel too bad.  How would you know?  I would not stop buying stuff you want, just maybe not share the information with your BM so she does not get disappointed again.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • maybehArtEmaybehArtE member
    First Comment
    In Response to Re:Opinionated Bridesmaid....Again...:[QUOTE]That bridesmaid is overstepping. nbsp;She should agree with whatever you say because it's YOUR day. nbsp;She shouldn't be causing you anguish.Tell her she's no longer a bridesmaid. nbsp;YOu need more supportive friends. Posted by TexAsPrincEss00[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this. It is YOUR day and you should do what you want.
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  • harper0813harper0813 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Tell her, "Well, I took care of it for you. You're welcome!"
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  • Sierra524Sierra524 member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    What is up with all this "it's your day! Do what you want!" Stupid trolls.
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  • MyFiAncERockSMyFiAncERockS member
    First Comment
    Definitely kick her out.  It's YOUR DAY and she's being a brat.
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  • MuppetFanMuppetFan member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    I wonder if she bought all this stuff for you already and is stick with a garter and an engraved fperez cake cutter set.

    Maybe she's someone that you should share more details with as you are doing them if you're going to share them with her after the fact  -or- do not share any details with her at all.




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    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited April 2013
    Seriously what is up with the mass influx of trolls lately?

    But I did giggle at the one whose "name" is  IVajAzzlEmyHoohA.

    Edit:  Ahh, yes, I forgot it is April Fools Day!  It is the trolls version of Christmas!

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_opinionated-bridesmaidagain?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e65811c4-7f0a-433c-bcee-01beacc50072Post:4f10bee3-dcee-47eb-841c-0c6558a280ea">Re: Opinionated Bridesmaid....Again...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Seriously what is up with the mass influx of trolls lately? But I did giggle at the one whose "name" is  IVajAzzlEmyHoohA. Edit:  Ahh, yes, I forgot it is April Fools Day!  It is the trolls version of Christmas!
    Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

    HA! Wow, I'm slow. I totally forgot about April Fools day as well!
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  • fperez7542fperez7542
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_opinionated-bridesmaidagain?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e65811c4-7f0a-433c-bcee-01beacc50072Post:8c7abefc-c8ab-49a6-b836-2d11469d5b31">Re: Opinionated Bridesmaid....Again...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Opinionated Bridesmaid....Again... : To be fair, vajazzling one's hoohah also seems a bit harsh.
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    Yes! This is a tough crowd.  I wouldn't ruin a friendship because she thinks I shouldn't buy a cake cutter.
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  • imAprEttyprincessimAprEttyprincess
    10 Comments
    Dude, she's obviously jealous.  Tell her to get over herself!
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  • fperez7542fperez7542
    100 Comments
    Ha! very funny.  Forgot about April Fools.
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  • emopnyemopny member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    In Response to Re:Opinionated Bridesmaid....Again...:[QUOTE]Seriously what is up with the mass influx of trolls lately?But I did giggle at the one whose "name" isnbsp; IVajAzzlEmyHoohA.Edit:nbsp; Ahh, yes, I forgot it is April Fools Day!nbsp; It is the trolls version of Christmas! Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

    Omg, that is so judgemental. It's totally her day, that's fact. Why are you married ladies here anyway? Don't you have husbands?
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  • MuppetFanMuppetFan member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    Then, I love April Fool's Day!
    image   imageimage
    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

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  • kaos16kaos16 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    To be fair, I have seen a lot of cake servers and toasting flutes given as gifts at wedding showers.  With that being said, what if you don't register for ones that you want?  Why does your BM think that she gets to choose what you would like to have.  I have no idea what glasses we toasted with or what server we used. . . . they were items that our venue had, that our venue kept.  I don't even recall taking a close look at them!
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  • spArklEkittEn92spArklEkittEn92 member
    First Comment
    Your friend is being really mean, and you should tell her. There's nothing wrong with buying the stuff YOU want for YOUR wedding!
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  • sarahbear32sarahbear32 member
    First Comment
    See, I tell my bridesmaids what to buy me.  And they do it. 

    Works out perfectly.
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  • hoffsehoffse member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 2013
    Sorry she's doing this OP.  It's going to keep happening.  I have one BM that is STILL sending me links to wedding ideas... and I'm getting married in 5 days.  I haven't used one suggestion she has sent me because our tastes are nothing alike, but I just keep trying to tell myself, "she's just excited and that's why she's telling me to do x, y, and z."  In reality it's incredibly irritating especially when I've told her 10x that we already have that idea nailed down, but it's just what she wants to do.  I think your friend is going to be similar.  Try to be patient, say "oh that's nice" or "oops" and then bean dip.  I've become the master at bean dipping recently... especially when this same bridesmaid keeps asking me how much everything (and I do mean everything) costs...
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  • harper0813harper0813 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    I think there is SOME sort of tradition that other people buy you toasting flutes, cake knife, or something... we received really lovely toasting flutes (that we wouldn't have otherwise bought) from FI's aunt. But that isn't to say that you have to use the gifts that people give you. Honestly, I think your friend means well, and I agree with PPs that it sounds like your friend already bought these items for you. Depending on how much you enjoy gushing about wedding things, you can tell her all the details so she knows where she can contribute, OR you can keep her in the dark because she doesn't need to be involved. And when she gives you an item, you thank her nicely and use the item if you want.
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