Asking Bridesmaids

Re: Asking Bridesmaids

• Kate61487 member

  

  April 2013

  The best way to ask is really just to do it in person (or over the phone if you can't) and in private (so if they do need to decline they're not totally put on the spot).  All the the 'will you be my bridesmaid?' cards and other trends that have started are just another way for the wedding industry to make more money on a totally unnecessary item.  Plus someone receiving a big gift basket full of wedding things will likely feel pressured to say yes, even if they really can't afford it or don't want to.

  

   
  

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• Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member

  

  April 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_asking-bridesmaids-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:902fe215-0f12-46b2-8b42-da5db18a6eeePost:b804467a-18c4-4075-9830-e99cf24273d4">Re: Asking Bridesmaids</a>:
  [QUOTE]The best way to ask is really just to do it in person (or over the phone if you can't) and in private (so if they do need to decline they're not totally put on the spot).  All the the 'will you be my bridesmaid?' cards and other trends that have started are just another way for the wedding industry to make more money on a totally unnecessary item.  Plus someone receiving a big gift basket full of wedding things will likely feel pressured to say yes, even if they really can't afford it or don't want to.
  Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]
  
  All of this.
  
  Just call them up or get together for a drink or dinner and ask them individually.

  
  

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• Tami87 member

  

  April 2013 edited April 2013

  Another vote for just ask individually in person if possible. I loved getting to see the reaction of my friends verses sending a card. There was a lot of excitement and hugs and one of my bridesmaids even teared up. A lot of the cutesy will you be my bridesmaid cards and gifts come off as cheesy to me and are not really my style.

  

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• AddieCake Beyond the Wall member

  

  April 2013

  With all the people out there looking for "fun and unique" ways to ask, at this point, honestly, the most unique way is probably to just straight up ask, seeing as how everyone appears to be doing the "cute and unique and creative" thing now. You'll be unique by NOT doing that. 

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• harper0813 member

  

  April 2013

  I asked in person and gave them food. Macarons, to be specific. I agree with asking face-to-face, and adding yummy food doesn't hurt!

  
  

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• gailpete member

  

  April 2013

  DD asked the local ladies in person and wrote nice letters to those out of town.  It doesn't need to be fun, unique or include gift baskets.
  
  Also, since the wedding isn't until next summer (according to your bio) they shouldn't be asked for quite a while.  Many brides come on these sites complaing that they asked the BMs too soon and now want to kick them out of the wedding because something has happended.
  
  Are you the bride or the mother of the bride?

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• mom2thebride member

  

  April 2013

  Thanks for the advice.  I am the mother of the bride, just trying to help out.  My DD works long hours and seldom gets time to even think about things related to the wedding.  I get the job of coming up with ideas or information for them to review and then they are making decisions.  So far, it's been working out ok.  I have gotten a couple of "oh mom!" comments though ; ) All in all, I think our arrangement works well because even though my dd and I have totally different tastes in things, we are so close, and I know what she likes.  Please keep your fingers crossed that at the end of this, we are still the best of friends!  How much do you think I should charge her for my services?  : )

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• Jen4948 Houston member

  

  April 2013 edited April 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_asking-bridesmaids-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:902fe215-0f12-46b2-8b42-da5db18a6eeePost:a2fbcad8-02ad-40dd-96f4-5c0a55230740">Asking Bridesmaids</a>:
  [QUOTE]Any unique ideas on how to ask the bridesmaids?  2 are bestfriends from gradeschool and 2 are future sister in laws, so there shouldn't be any surprises that they are bing asked or unexpected refusals.  Just want to do something fun and unique.  Thanks!
  Posted by mom2thebride[/QUOTE]
  
  Forget about "fun" and "unique" and just ask them directly.
  
  I would not be comfortable being asked to be a bridesmaid in a "fun" or "unique" way-especially if there was a possibility that I'd have to turn it down.  Even though you say that's not the case here, being cute and/or coy about your request does come off as though you don't take it or the commitments you're asking your bridesmaids to make seriously, and that can be off-putting-especially when a lot of money, time, or resources are involved.

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• Jen4948 Houston member

  

  April 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_asking-bridesmaids-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:902fe215-0f12-46b2-8b42-da5db18a6eeePost:08861d5c-0434-48a3-8adf-5b2aa5a0a3ea">Re: Asking Bridesmaids</a>:
  [QUOTE]With all the people out there looking for "fun and unique" ways to ask, at this point, honestly, the most unique way is probably to just straight up ask, seeing as how everyone appears to be doing the "cute and unique and creative" thing now. You'll be unique by NOT doing that. 
  Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]
  
  I think that by virtue of this post, we should make this thread a sticky.

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• Yellobat member

  

  April 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_asking-bridesmaids-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:902fe215-0f12-46b2-8b42-da5db18a6eeePost:a2fbcad8-02ad-40dd-96f4-5c0a55230740">Asking Bridesmaids</a>:
  [QUOTE]Any unique ideas on how to ask the bridesmaids?  2 are bestfriends from gradeschool and 2 are future sister in laws, so there shouldn't be any surprises that they are bing asked or unexpected refusals.  Just want to do something fun and unique.  Thanks!
  Posted by mom2thebride[/QUOTE]
  
  I have been a bridesmaid 5 times and each time I've been asked over the phone and once via email.  I had never heard of cute ways to ask but wanted to do something fun. The attendants I'm planning to ask are my dearest friends and I think at one point or another over the years I've told them all I want them in my wedding one day.  I am sure that all but one will not decline (and the last one may only because she is an actress and her schedule is not definite too far in the future).  My sister will be my MOH and she said "I want you to ask me in a creative fun way", so I started researching that.  I am planning to give or send (depending on if they live across the country or closer by) a gift box with a ring pop inside attached to a dangling message of decorated squares of paper saying "will you be my bridesmaid?" and on the back writing each a heartfelt not about why she is special to me.  I will probably call the ones that I won't be able to give the box in person beforehand and send the box afterward for fun.  To each her own, I like packages and surprises and would have liked this as a bridesmaid.

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