Help! Pre-engagement drama

mdberruti · April 2013

Here's the deal:

My boyfriend Sean and I have been wanting to get married for years, but we've never had the means because of college and lack of income. Now he has a good job and we are about to graduate with the 'means.' We have both talked about it and we want to get married this fall.

However, my sister is getting married June 2nd and people (mainly his mother) are telling us to wait to be engaged until after her wedding so we don't take away from "her moment." My boyfriend is being pressured because of this reason to wait to ask me, and I feel bad and guilty doing anything as well.

The thing is, I've been dreaming of getting engaged at this time and would love to have an engagement/graduation party. I also want to have enough time to plan my own wedding.

I want to be there for my sister... but why does my moment have to be delayed? Can we both enjoy the best times of our lives?

Sincerely,

Distressed.

motoLyn · April 2013

HI and welcome to the board, that said, no need no end your post as a letter to Dear Abby.

First you being engaged isn't going to take away from your sister's wedding. That event has been planned for a while I assume and there is no snow ball's chance in hell that your engagement will over shadow her wedding. Does you sister even think it will ruin her wedding day? I hope now, cause if she does then she has a couple of things she needs to work on. IF your boyfriend is ready to propose then that's his and your decision. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I would like to think that if you got engaged that it be more happiness showered upon your family. Also don't pull the "I need enough time to plan my wedding", get engaged first then figure out when you would like to get married. It could be this year, next year or in 2015 for all you know. Have great day now, bye bye.

LaSak87 · April 2013

She gets one day for her wedding. It would be one thing if your boyfriend was planning to propose at her wedding, but I really doubt that. That is the only case I could see where you would be taking away from her moment. It would be ridiculous for her to go crazy because you got engaged "around the same time" as her wedding.

Belle2188 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_help-pre-engagement-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:d182fbb0-73bc-4adf-85f6-a55662ec7728Post:fb54b8c2-d4df-4532-b290-e1c4354ade73">Re: Help! Pre-engagement drama</a>:
[QUOTE]She gets one day for her wedding. <strong>It would be one thing if your boyfriend was planning to propose at her wedding</strong>, but I really doubt that. That is the only case I could see where you would be taking away from her moment. It would be ridiculous for her to go crazy because you got engaged "around the same time" as her wedding.
Posted by LaSak87[/QUOTE]
I was at a wedding once where someone did that. The bride took it really well, but I think if it were me I think I would have cut someone.<div>
</div><div>That being said, OP, I really don't think you have to worry about overshadowing your sister. It's up to you and your BF and what you're ready for.</div>

Stina51286 · April 2013

In Response to Re:Help! Preengagement drama:[QUOTE]Here's the deal:nbsp;My boyfriend Sean and I have been wanting to get married for years, but we've never had the means because of college and lack of income. Now he has a good job and we are about to graduate with the 'means.' We have both talked about it and we want to get married this fall.However, my sister is getting married June 2nd and people mainly his mother are telling us to wait to be engaged until after her wedding so we don't take away from "her moment." nbsp;My boyfriend is being pressured because of this reason to wait to ask me, and I feel bad and guilty doing anything as well.nbsp;The thing is, I've been dreaming of getting engaged at this time and would love to have an engagement/graduation party. I also want to have enough time to plan my own wedding.I want to be there for my sister... but why does my moment have to be delayed? Can we both enjoy the best times of our lives?Sincerely,Distressed.nbsp; Posted by mdberruti[/QUOTE]

Tell your boyfriend to not listen to your mom and propose when he wants, just not at her rehearsal or at her wedding or on her wedding day.

Like PPs said, she gets one day, that's it!

lennonkdc · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_help-pre-engagement-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:d182fbb0-73bc-4adf-85f6-a55662ec7728Post:32086d6c-8a5f-41d6-a7ab-f5aefbb052bf">Help! Pre-engagement drama</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's the deal: My boyfriend Sean and I have been wanting to get married for years, but we've never had the means because of college and lack of income. Now he has a good job and we are about to graduate with the 'means.' We have both talked about it and we want to get married this fall. However, my sister is getting married June 2nd and people (mainly his mother) are telling us to wait to be engaged until after her wedding so we don't take away from "her moment." My boyfriend is being pressured because of this reason to wait to ask me, and I feel bad and guilty doing anything as well. The thing is, I've been dreaming of getting engaged at this time and <strong>would love to have an engagement/graduation party</strong>. I also want to have enough time to plan my own wedding. I want to be there for my sister... but why does my moment have to be delayed? Can we both enjoy the best times of our lives? Sincerely, Distressed.
Posted by mdberruti[/QUOTE]

<div>You don't get throw yourself either an E party or a grad party- other people throw them for you. </div><div>
</div><div>My SO and I have been dating for almost 10 years, and he didn't become my FI till last June. There were plenty of times when I thought 'It'd be prefect if we could get engaged now b/c yadda yadda yadda...' but it didn't happen. We got engaged when we were ready, had good job and had the 'means' to plan a wedding, but guess what, weddings are EXPENSIVE and STRESSFUL and not fun to plan.at.all. So if you're still in college my advice to you is wait a year (at least) get a good job, see what your student loan bill does to your budget and then save as much as you can. Then get engaged. Then plan your wedding</div><div>
</div><div>Oh- and there's no such thing as pre engagement- thats called dating. And engagement isn't the finish line, its a mile post on the journey that you and your SO are on. Sit back and enjoy every part of it. </div>

kaitlynmichelle · April 2013

Lennon is wise. From someone who has been dating her BF for over 8 years, I agree with everything she said.

In regards to your sister, so long as your BF isn't planning on proposing at the wedding, you should be fine.

ravenray · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_help-pre-engagement-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:d182fbb0-73bc-4adf-85f6-a55662ec7728Post:aabf04d8-9f03-4ae1-bbbf-507c135f60c2">Re: Help! Pre-engagement drama</a>:
[QUOTE]HI and welcome to the board, that said, no need no end your post as a letter to Dear Abby. First you being engaged isn't going to take away from your sister's wedding. That event has been planned for a while I assume and there is no snow ball's chance in hell that your engagement will over shadow her wedding. Does you sister even think it will ruin her wedding day? I hope now, cause if she does then she has a couple of things she needs to work on. IF your boyfriend is ready to propose then that's his and your decision. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I would like to think that if you got engaged that it be more happiness showered upon your family. Also don't pull the "I need enough time to plan my wedding", get engaged first then figure out when you would like to get married. It could be this year, next year or in 2015 for all you know. <strong>Have great day now, bye bye.</strong>
Posted by motoLyn[/QUOTE]
Yay Finding Nemo Reference!<div>
</div><div>OP the other people are really wise. You both only get one day. It is fine and ok to get engaged while your sister is engaged. </div>

kelley198721 · April 2013

I don't see anything wrong with getting engaged now. If your sister or the rest of the family gets mad and feel that you're stealing her spotlight, then they are just being ridiculous.

I also echo what others have said about your SO not proposing at your sister's wedding...now THAT'S stealing her spotlight.

Blue & White · April 2013

OP, the previous posters are pretty wise.

I figured I'd put in my two cents. My sister got engaged in July and married in December. My BF didn't have the ring yet in July and we both decided it'd be best to wait until she was married (because frankly, it was only 6 months...) Point of the story? When he DID propose in February, I still had no idea lol. My brother, on the other hand, plans to propose soon (a few months after my proposal). I am SO EXCITED for him and can't wait.

You know your sister. If she'd be mad, hold off till July (not that you REALLY have a say in "when" he pops the question unless you pop the question...) If not, it could be really fun for you to be engaged at the same time (if your parents are paying at all, it may be financially hard on them for you both to get married close together, though, so you may want to wait until you have the "means" to pay for your own wedding just in case.)

Have fun with the relationship. Go for a kayak ride or something

I so want to do that this weekend

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