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So apparently, I'm having a DW

Or at least that's what FI's aunt believes. (Yes, smalfrie, the crazy one). She told me today at lunch, "I don't know how many people from our side of the family will come, since you've decided to have a destination wedding. It's just going to be very hard for people to manage that."

We are getting married in my hometown -- which is a tiny little middle-of-nowhere-town in Central PA. It's 111 miles (I just Google-mapped it) from where FI and I currently live (and where all of his family still lives) to the church where we're getting married. 111 miles. 111 miles!!

This is not a destination wedding. *headdesk*
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I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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Re: So apparently, I'm having a DW

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    daria24daria24 member
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    I'm from a tiny middle of nowhere town in Central PA. H's family was all 80 miles away. They all came. People in that area have to drive 45 minutes to a movie theater, two hours for a wedding is nothing.
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    She sounds nutty. 
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    She IS nutty! lol and 111 miles is NOT that bad. its like MAYBE a 2 hr drive, depending on how fast you drive. And two hours is NOTHING where I am from. But everything on the West Coast is measured in hours not in miles. 
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    In Response to So apparently, I'm having a DW:
    [QUOTE]Or at least that's what FI's aunt believes. (Yes, smalfrie, the crazy one). She told me today at lunch, "I don't know how many people from our side of the family will come, since you've decided to have a destination wedding. It's just going to be very hard for people to manage that." We are getting married in my hometown -- which is a tiny little middle-of-nowhere-town in Central PA. It's 111 miles (I just Google-mapped it) from where FI and I currently live (and where all of his family still lives) to the church where we're getting married. 111 miles. 111 miles!! This is not a destination wedding. *headdesk*
    Posted by lemclane[/QUOTE]
    To be fair, there are people from my little Central PA hometown that have not traveled that far, but mostly the older folks.  My bet is that they find straight roads without potholes scary.

    When we looked into DH's family tree, it took them a solid 150 years to relocate out of 2 Central PA counties - 2 because they used to be one county.  Besides the crazy aunt, does your FI's family normally travel around?

    But no, it's not a DW.  It's a wedding in the bride's hometown.
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    edited May 2013
    In Response to Re: So apparently, I'm having a DW:
    [QUOTE]In Response to So apparently, I'm having a DW : To be fair, there are people from my little Central PA hometown that have not traveled that far, but mostly the older folks.  My bet is that they find straight roads without potholes scary. When we looked into DH's family tree, it took them a solid 150 years to relocate out of 2 Central PA counties - 2 because they used to be one county.  Besides the crazy aunt, does your FI's family normally travel around? But no, it's not a DW.  It's a wedding in the bride's hometown.
    Posted by gottahavashorti[/QUOTE]

    I get that for a lot of people, the location of my hometown is a little baffling. But it's a straight shot up ONE ROAD (and it's a road in pretty good condition, actually...for PennDOT). And FI's cousin, aunt's son, went to Penn State; clearly FI's aunt can manage the 2.5 hour drive. And most of the rest of FI's family drives from Central PA to Ocean City, NJ, every summer for vacation. They can handle this drive.

    As I said to my mother today, "No one plans a DW to [our hometown]. Ever. Unless you want to see lots of trees, cows, and Amish people and have crappy cell service."

    ETA: FI's Aunt is assuming that because people were unwilling to drive the 2.5 hours to State College to attend her son's graduation, they will be equally unwilling to drive 2.5 hours to my hometown for our wedding. I don't have the heart to tell her that a wedding =/= a college graduation ceremony, and that most people are more excited about the former than about the latter.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    FI and I live 2 hours apart. The plan is for me to move in with him next year right before the wedding (when my job allows). Our wedding will be near his current house, which is where both of us will be living at the time. My mother was pretty upset we're not having it in my hometown (3.5 hours from the actual site) even though I haven't lived there myself in 12 years, don't have an attachment to a church, and hardly ever go there which would make planning impossible. She recently said she's just thinking of it as a destination wedding! It's 3.5 hours, that's nothing!
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    My MIL complained at first about our South Jersey wedding and how far it was from her home in Long Islands.  Now mind you this is the same woman who went to AC every weekend.  Our location was not that much further.       

    Not only that we lived in the islands.   So we actually picked a place closer so they would not have to take a plane.  And I was from DE, so my family also had to travel.

    Point is some people just like to complain.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    My FH and I haven't decided on an exact location for the wedding but FMIL told us that if we have the wedding by us most of her family wouldn't come. We start looking closer to where FH is from and if we have the wedding in town A, which is 45 mins northwest of FH's hometown, they would come but if we did it in town B, which has special meaning for me and is 45 southeast, most would not come. His family is so screwy that I just ignore most of them, especially because it's like "Do what we tell you, where we tell you or we won't come!"
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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    We definitely declined a graduation there - having moved a few states away, making the day long trip home to spend 1 day in PA sittng in traffic for spring graduation which would be really long and overcrowded and not be able to see ANY of our friends and family was not a smart way to spend our time or money seeing as we'd have 0 quality time with anyone but the seat of the car.  If it were a wedding in the same location without graduation traffic and we were already visiting home?  No biggie.

    I would drive that far to go see trees, cows, and Amish people.  I miss corn, cows, blind curves, and other such strange things.
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    In Response to Re: So apparently, I'm having a DW:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: So apparently, I'm having a DW : I was thinking the same thing.  I have relatives rarely get out and say they don't know how I can handle all the people in Pittsburgh.  They sometimes act how bit Pittsburgh is as if it is NYC or LA.
    Posted by snippet17[/QUOTE]
    To be honest, I kinda consider Pittsburgh and Philly to be different countries than the T.  I had more culture shock every semester at college in the Philly suburbs than when I studied abroad.
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    daria24daria24 member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
    Which town in PA? It sounds like mine, but pretty much all of Central PA in like that. And I don't miss it one bit.
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    In Response to Re:So apparently, I'm having a DW:
    [QUOTE]Which town in PA? It sounds like mine, but pretty much all of Central PA in like that. And I don't miss it one bit.
    Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

    Daria, YGPM.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    Is this the aunt that think your cousin can't do a reading because she's pregnant? I can't even remember if that was you. If its that aunt, I would be tempted to tell her she's more than welcome not to come.
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    In Response to Re: So apparently, I'm having a DW:
    [QUOTE]Is this the aunt that think your cousin can't do a reading because she's pregnant? I can't even remember if that was you. If its that aunt, I would be tempted to tell her she's more than welcome not to come.
    Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

    That was me! And yes, same aunt. She and I already had words once (http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_lemclane) about her not being welcome at the wedding. At this point, I've told FI that I'm going to smile, nod, and ignore her. I'm not even gonna bean-dip her, 'cause that still takes effort. 

    I mean, at the end of the day, people will either come or they won't. Our wedding is five months away; we haven't even ordered invites yet, let alone sent them, so I'll worry about RSVP declines in September. 
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    daria24daria24 member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to Re:So apparently, I'm having a DW:[QUOTE]Daria, YGPM. Posted by lemclane[/QUOTE Replied. Seriously H is from West Chester and we use completely different words. It's only 80 miles I don't understand how it can be that different.
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    edited May 2013
    In Response to Re:So apparently, I'm having a DW:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:So apparently, I'm having a DW:[QUOTE]Daria, YGPM. Posted by lemclane[/QUOTE Replied. Seriously H is from West Chester and we use completely different words. It's only 80 miles I don't understand how it can be that different.
    Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

    Replied. And ditto. OMG so ditto. 
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
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    edited May 2013
    This aunt sounds as though she just want to stir up trouble, she wants to make people unhappy, and she wants to put you down. Your wedding is like, what business of hers? Next time she says something horrible, ask her why she's being so mean to you. Ask her why she's so negative, ask her why she is so critical of you. Just confront her and put her on the spot. She deserves no more than that. PS. I spent so much time in central PA. There a Christian camp at the top of every mountain. Passing those buggies on all the windy roads is taking their lives in your hands.
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    In Response to Re:So apparently, I'm having a DW:[QUOTE] Seriously H is from West Chester and we use completely different words. It's only 80 miles I don't understand how it can be that different. Posted by daria24[/QUOTE] I live about an hour and half north of the WI and IL border and there are ton of words that is used in WI and people from IL are so confused about them. My mom's best friend has 6 kids and 4 were raised mostly in IL and 2 in WI, they say things so differently. The younger two will call drinking fountains "bubblers" and the older ones call them "water/drinking fountains."
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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    So then... question. When does a wedding become a DW? Because my FH just recently called our wedding a DW. We're getting married in his hometown. But he told me to "think of it like a DW" and... I can't. We currently live 500 miles apart, but it's not a DW.....
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    In Response to Re:So apparently, I'm having a DW:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:So apparently, I'm having a DW:[QUOTE]Daria, YGPM. Posted by lemclane[/QUOTE Replied. Seriously H is from West Chester and we use completely different words. It's only 80 miles I don't understand how it can be that different.
    Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]


    Interesting perspective.    I'm from So. Chester County (near WC), have family in York and have travelled the world.   I find your observation interesting, yet not what I've experienced.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    daria24daria24 member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to Re:So apparently, I'm having a DW:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:So apparently, I'm having a DW:In Response to Re:So apparently, I'm having a DW:Daria, YGPM. Posted by lemclane[/QUOTE Replied. Interesting perspective. nbsp; nbsp;I'm from So. Chester County near WC, have family in York and have travelled the world. nbsp; I find your observation interesting, yet not what I've experienced. Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE] Even though my family is "English" all of my neighbors were Mennonite or PA Dutch, and for the first 8 or so years of my life I spent a lot of time with two ladies that lived next door, who spoke PA Dutch to me. So I have a lot of weird vocabulary.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2013
    In Response to Re: So apparently, I'm having a DW:
    [QUOTE]So then... question. When does a wedding become a DW? Because my FH just recently called our wedding a DW. We're getting married in his hometown. But he told me to "think of it like a DW" and... I can't. We currently live 500 miles apart, but it's not a DW.....
    Posted by lplions[/QUOTE]
    For me, DW means like Hawaii, Europe, the Caribbean, etc. Someplace where you might go on a really special vacation somewhere. Someplace far from where the couple or anyone they know lives. 






    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    In Response to Re:So apparently, I'm having a DW:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:So apparently, I'm having a DW: I live about an hour and half north of the WI and IL border and there are ton of words that is used in WI and people from IL are so confused about them. My mom's best friend has 6 kids and 4 were raised mostly in IL and 2 in WI, they say things so differently. The younger two will call drinking fountains "bubblers" and the older ones call them "water/drinking fountains."
    Posted by StephJean83[/QUOTE]

    Bubblers!! Good lord do I miss using that word. I mean, I guess I really don't use it anymore now that I'm not in school, but still. The word "bubbler" is a source of pride for Wisconsinites, us being the ones who inventing the "drinking fountain" and all.

    And "white soda".

    And pronouncing our state "WisGonsin", not "WisConsin". No, we do not say "WisCANsin".

    Also, OP, yours is not a destination wedding - that's ridiculous. My extended fam is driving an hour from Fond du Lac to MKE and FI's extended family is driving two from Kane County, IL. So similar to yours. And it's definitely not a destination wedding. If we were to choose destinations, you'd think we'd choose something a little more exciting! Like, you know, Milan!
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    See, in Western Wa (and kind all over the west coast) people don't think twice about driving an hour -2 hrs for a wedding. I mean that is just the way it is here.

    Anniversary
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    Zoberg, YES! If I were going to choose a destination wedding, trust me, I'd be picking somewhere exotic and fun, like Milan or Rome or Paris. Not Central Pa. Deep down I know this isn't a real issue, because Auntie is a little craycray, and most people won't blink at it.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    In Response to Re:So apparently, I'm having a DW:
    [QUOTE]Zoberg, YES! If I were going to choose a destination wedding, trust me, I'd be picking somewhere exotic and fun, like Milan or Rome or Paris. Not Central Pa. Deep down I know this isn't a real issue, because Auntie is a little craycray, and most people won't blink at it.
    Posted by lemclane[/QUOTE]

    No no! Didn't you know that Central PA is the most desired location for DW?!?! I want to honeymoon there! ;) maybe on my honeymoon i will make the 111 mile dr to see you lemclane! ;)
    Anniversary
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    In Response to Re:So apparently, I'm having a DW:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:So apparently, I'm having a DW : No no! Didn't you know that Central PA is the most desired location for DW?!?! I want to honeymoon there! ;) maybe on my honeymoon i will make the 111 mile dr to see you lemclane! ;)
    Posted by smalfrie19[/QUOTE]


    HAHA! Well at least someone loves me enough to drive that far! Thanks, smalfrie!
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    In Response to Re:So apparently, I'm having a DW:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:So apparently, I'm having a DW : What is white soda? I never heard of that one before
    Posted by snippet17[/QUOTE]

    Soda that's clear ("white") - Sprite, 7 Up, Sierra Mist, etc.
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    not that your aunts right but is 111 miles supposed to be a shirt distance? that sounds really far to me.
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    In Response to Re:So apparently, I'm having a DW:
    [QUOTE]not that your aunts right but is 111 miles supposed to be a shirt distance? that sounds really far to me.
    Posted by ridedatbike[/QUOTE]

    Well it would to someone who lives in Hawaii...

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