Unasking bridesmaids

TheBaysideBride · June 2013

Did I misread this? "Please tell me you aren't thinking of getting them smaller gifts than you get for all of your other attendants. That would be a real snub and incredibly rude."

All my BMs are getting the same gift, regardless of what I did. i'm just putting into perspective that an 11 year old and a 30 year old have very, very different roles, in addition to their age difference. From the quote above, I thought the poster was saying all BMs regardless of age should get the same present. which is crazy to me.

TheBaysideBride · June 2013

excuse me, regardless of what "they" did.

typing too fast.

first fitting is in an hour!

manateehugger · June 2013

TheBaysideBride said:

Did I misread this? "Please tell me you aren't thinking of getting them smaller gifts than you get for all of your other attendants. That would be a real snub and incredibly rude."

All my BMs are getting the same gift, regardless of what I did. i'm just putting into perspective that an 11 year old and a 30 year old have very, very different roles, in addition to their age difference. From the quote above, I thought the poster was saying all BMs regardless of age should get the same present. which is crazy to me.

But that's the thing: they DON'T have different roles. They all wear the required dress, show up, tell the bride she looks lovely and congratulations, walk down the aisle, and smile for pictures. Yes, a 30 year old might be more capable of planning a shower than a 14 year old. But it's not her job to do so.

My sister is helping me with my wedding. By your logic, she should get a better present than the other BM's just because she is more capable to help me than my out-of-town bridesmaids.

They should get the same value of present (value here can mean monetary or sentiment) as the rest of them.

Kate61487 · June 2013

TheBaysideBride said:

Did I misread this? "Please tell me you aren't thinking of getting them smaller gifts than you get for all of your other attendants. That would be a real snub and incredibly rude."

All my BMs are getting the same gift, regardless of what I did. i'm just putting into perspective that an 11 year old and a 30 year old have very, very different roles, in addition to their age difference. From the quote above, I thought the poster was saying all BMs regardless of age should get the same present. which is crazy to me.

No she's saying they should all get the same level of present. i.e. if you're spending $50 on the adults you shouldn't only spend $10 on the kids. If you're doing something super heartfelt and sentimental for the adults you shouldn't just slap a gc in an envelope for the kids. No one on here will ever tell you to get the actual same gift for everyone (we generally recommend against it, actually) but you want them to seem "even" or "fair"

TheBaysideBride · June 2013

ok, i guess i wans't clear. all of my BMs are getting the same gift, regardless of their involvement. It's a beautiful pearl necklace, I love it. My flower girl is getting a smaller one. So yes, I think younger BMs can get different levels of presents. the necklaces retail for $1200!! (i'm getting a very good deal on them). Not appropriate for a 14 year old.

TheBaysideBride · June 2013

which, to put this to bed, is I guess why I didn't ask any 14 year olds to be in my wedding

that and I would have had to pull them off the street since i dont have young relatives, which would be really weird....

aurianna · June 2013

I think... it may be possible... that a 14 year old girl, who is grown up enough to dress up like the other bridesmaids... is grown up enough to process down the aisle like the other bridesmaids... is grown up enough to pose in pictures like the other bridesmaids... is going to feel kind of crappy if she finds out she missed out on a $1200 necklace because she supposedly wasn't grown up enough for it. While getting her a more youthful styled item makes total sense, a huge discrepancy in value is kinda shady (especially because in 4 years maybe the necklace would be age appropriate for her). So yup, definitely for the best there isn't a 14 year-old in that particular wedding. Though it's very awesome they are getting such generous gifts..

It's wrong to treat the younger bridesmaids as second class just because they can't afford to throw a shower or aren't old enough to go to the bachelorette. Their gifts should definitely be of similar value.

Unasking bridesmaids

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