i got engaged on new years day this year and am getting married Sept 20, 2014. Most of the "big stuff" is done at this point and I've been browsing the etiquette boards and having some issues searching finding answers to some of my questions.
what is the appropriate way to let guests know about attire? our ceremony will be on the beach and the reception is tented on grass so i want to make sure people are comfortable. i know you aren't supposed to "demand" certain attire - is putting the information about the ceremony being on the beach and the reception on the grass enough? honestly i really don't care what people wear but don't want people to feel over dressed. sidenote - i was at a black tie wedding last night and there was one lady wearing black pants and a pink blazer and more than 50% of the girls were wearing short non-fancy dresses. i found it very odd
tables - we're using 60" round tables. one place we looked at rentals had 10 people per table and another place gave us a diagram with 8 people. we likely will have some space issues but i wanted to make sure 10 isn't too many?
guest list - this is really the main thing that is stressing me out. we're getting married in cape cod which is 5.5 - 6 hours from philly (where we live and 90% of my fiance's family and friends are from). most of my family lives in the boston area (1.5 hours away). our reception is tented and we want the cocktail hour in front of the tent if at all possible for the view. we are trying to get the largest tent possible to make sure we have room to accommodate our ever growing list. given that it is "semi-destination" i'm thinking we will have a higher % of regrets but honestly everyone we've talked to about the wedding is super pumped about it and a lot are trying to make vacations out of it. i've personally cut my list down a lot (including not inviting people i've been invited to's weddings that i'm not close with anymore), my fiance's list is also trimmed. both of us have large families and completely different groups of friends. my parents are paying for a lot of the wedding so my thought is they can basically invite who they feel is appropriate - there is only one friend/couple on their list that i'm not close with. i'm still waiting for my fiance's parents list. based on the way our list is right now we can "squeeze" everyone in (230) if we do 10 people per table. my guess is that we will end up closer to around 175. i know there are 29384 factors that come into play and its different for every wedding. however this # is based on only those currently in relationships and no children. we are not giving single guests +1s (every single guest will know someone else there). my plan was to send save the dates (probably in january) addressed to the single guests (only) and if they are in a relationship by the time we send out invitations we will add their name. is this okay? i've heard horror stories of guests adding other people to RVSP cards. has anyone every printed different RSVP cards for those in relationships (2 lines) vs. single (1 line)? Or actually handwriting names on the RSVP cards as to not cause any confusion? should i be offering any babysitting services?
transportation - the place i'm getting married is a "resort" aka motel with about 40 rooms on site. there is also another motel .3 miles away (that has a 1 night minimum) i think there are about 40 rooms there. i believe there is enough room at both of these hotels to accommodate those who do not live in the town. there is also another hotel .5 miles away. these are the 3 options we are including on our website and are all very affordable (like 100 bucks a night). would it be okay not to provide transportation to the guests? there is plenty of parking where we are getting married and if people do not want to drive they can walk (5-10 mins) - not on a major road. is this okay?
food - we're doing buffet with a pasta, fish and beef along with a few sides so we are not having a food choice on the response card. i know at least one guest (who probably wont come) has celiacs and one guest is vegan (although i think now he eats fish) and another has crazy weird diet restrictions. i'm going to make sure we have at least 1 of the hor d'oeuvres be vegetarian and gf. should i also leave a spot for guests to include dietary restrictions? should i put something on the wedding website? or if someone has issues will they likely reach out to us? i'm not sure if we are having menus or if there will be labels at the buffet - should i include V, GF etc. on the food label?
i'm trying to make sure i follow proper etiquette as much as possible, thanks
i know there was something else i wanted to ask about but i can't remember