MIL doesn't like how I want people to walk down the aisle...please help.

ladybug278 · June 2013

It's not a fake wedding. Why would you say something like that?

STARMOON44 · June 2013

There is no traditional way that people who have been married for 3 years walk down the aisle.

Customarily, people who are renewing their vows in a religious ceremony walk down the aisle together. Since they are already husband and wife.

This "ceremony" is fake, because you are already married.

NYCBruin · June 2013

NM86 said:

My husband and I have been married for 3 years. We didn't have a wedding, we just signed the papers and had always said we would have a traditional wedding when we things in order. So we planned our wedding for October of this year. Planning is going well, except my MIL doesn't like how I want people to walk down the aisle. My DH's father is going to be our officiant, so I wanted him to walk down first with my MIL. Then my DH and my mom. Next will be the groomsmen and the bridesmaids. Followed by DH's daughter and our son.Then my dad and me. For whatever reason she is against DH walking with my mom. She told DH that traditionally the mom walks her son down the aisle and that she should just have my mom walk me down the aisle instead. I am not really getting this. DH was married once before and she walked with him down the aisle...but this is OUR wedding...not his previous one and this is how I wanted things to go. Is it bad if I stick to my wants on this? I have let her and DH run the show on just about everything with the planning (DH's parents are funding the majority of the costs with this, although we have put up quite a bit of money too) and this is the only thing I suggested and would like. All I hear is how all my ideas are not correct and they keep referring to his previous wedding and I have not said a word against it or anything else. What should I do? DH was fine with the order and walking my mom down the aisle until he spoke to his MIL. Now they both think I am crazy or something....this wedding is turning into more stress than it should be.

You did have a wedding. By definition a wedding is the day that you got married. Your wedding was the day you "just signed the paperwork." Stage said you are planning a fake wedding because you can't have two weddings unless you are planning on divorcing your husband between now and October.

You are having a vow renewal. As @STARMOON44 said, people who are renewing their vows in a religious ceremony usually walk down the aisle together.

ladybug278 · June 2013

We don't feel that way, but I could see how people can think that. Yes we are already married, but we didn't have a ceremony...so we are having one in October. It's not a fake wedding. Since we didn't have a ceremony yet, my dad wasn't able to walk me down the aisle like he would have liked to. So he really wanted to. Originally we were going to walk down together. I think I may just have my brother walk with my mom so MIL gets what she wants and my dad gets to walk me down the aisle too.

STARMOON44 · June 2013

It's not really about feelings. You already have a marriage license, yes? So you can't get married again. So this isn't a wedding. Because at weddings you get married.

blueobsidian · June 2013

NM86 said:

We don't feel that way, but I could see how people can think that. Yes we are already married, but we didn't have a ceremony...so we are having one in October. It's not a fake wedding. Since we didn't have a ceremony yet, my dad wasn't able to walk me down the aisle like he would have liked to. So he really wanted to. Originally we were going to walk down together. I think I may just have my brother walk with my mom so MIL gets what she wants and my dad gets to walk me down the aisle too.

So basically, the three years of marriage don't count because you didn't get to put on a pretty dress and walk down the aisle. Congratulations on disrespecting your relationship, your husband, and the institution of marriage all in one fell swoop.

You are married. A wedding is the event when you get married. If you have a wedding where you are not getting married, it is fake. People here like to call it a PPD (Pretty Princess Day) because it is a fake reenactment of something that already happened.

NYCBruin · June 2013

STARMOON44 said:

It's not really about feelings. You already have a marriage license, yes? So you can't get married again. So this isn't a wedding. Because at weddings you get married.

This. x1000

ladybug278 · June 2013

Okay. Thank you for your input. We are not disrespecting anything by having a ceremony. We are treating it like a vow renewal but with more of a wedding feel. Thank you again for the input, I didn't know it was a touchy subject here.

daisey18 · June 2013

I don't see why you'd bother to fight with your MIL about this. If she's willing to come to your vow renewal and play along with it like it's a wedding- let her walk with her son. If this was an actual real wedding, your husband walking with your mom would look WEIRD.

HisGirlFriday13 · June 2013

Honestly, I stopped caring when I read the 'we're already married' bit. There's no etiquette for this, or customs and traditions, because married people do not have fake weddings or re-enactments of their weddings.

That said, he who pays gets a say. If that's your MIL, then she gets what she wants and you don't. Sorry.

smalfrie19 · June 2013

lemclane said:

Honestly, I stopped caring when I read the 'we're already married' bit. There's no etiquette for this, or customs and traditions, because married people do not have fake weddings or re-enactments of their weddings. That said, he who pays gets a say. If that's your MIL, then she gets what she wants and you don't. Sorry.

This. and the fact that your MIL is paying for a fake wedding...I wouldn't even argue. If you wanted things to be YOUR day, perhaps you should have planned them that way on your dime 3 years ago.

Sierra524 · June 2013

Search the boards for "PPD".

That is exactly what you are doing.

With that being said, it doesnt matter what is "traditional" because this is not a wedding. However, why cant your MIL walk down with HER son, instead of your mom walking down with him? Thats fucking weird.

rajahmd · June 2013

Peledreamsofrain · June 2013

Seriously, if a dress and a party is more real to you than being able to decide if your H lives or dies after an accident, then you need therapy.

rajahmd · June 2013

thejucheidea · June 2013

NM86 said:

Okay. Thank you for your input. We are not disrespecting anything by having a ceremony.

You're insulting all of the people who can't have a legally binding ceremony by law. Do you know how many LGBT people would love to have the right that you're saying isn't special in the least?

KDM323 · June 2013

I will never understand why people waste money on fake weddings.

You are married. You had your wedding.

I would not be concerned with who is walking with who...I would trash this entire idea. It is a fake wedding, a gift grab and insulting to the entire institution of marriage.

EEY0RE9 · June 2013

I love it when grown adults act like children and impose their own opinions on others. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, thoughts and actions. I get it she's already married, but who wouldn't want the big ceremony and reception to feel like the star of the night? This may be a "vow renewal" to us ut to her it may mean much more. I've limit my posting on here because of the lack of adults on here. Weddingwire has nicer and more understanding forums.

EEY0RE9 · June 2013

To answer your question I would stick to my guns and have it my way. It is your day after all. Unless it would mean a lot to your husband.

Angelface225 · June 2013

Wow, in 2 posts you managed to call everyone children, mention how much nicer WW is AND use the "Its your day" line.

Peledreamsofrain · June 2013

Post removed due to GBCK

artbyallie · June 2013

EEY0RE9 said:

I love it when grown adults act like children and impose their own opinions on others. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, thoughts and actions. I get it she's already married, but who wouldn't want the big ceremony and reception to feel like the star of the night? This may be a "vow renewal" to us ut to her it may mean much more. I've limit my posting on here because of the lack of adults on here. Weddingwire has nicer and more understanding forums.

What's childish is playing dress-up in a wedding gown when one is already married.

AddieCake · June 2013

I'm trying to figure out how the giving of one's thoughts or opinions equates to being childish. I guess adults don't do that. Hmmm. I've been doing the last 20+ years wrong.

OP, I've never seen the groom escort anybody. He's always just up at the front waiting.

NOLAbridealmost · June 2013

I lost track of who wanted to walk whom, but just wanted to chime in that it's weird for the MOB to walk with the groom. Never seen that done before. Seems incredibly odd.

misssunshine17 · June 2013

If you skipped your college graduation, would you put a cap and gown on three years later? No. It would be so weird. This is no different.

Pretending to be a bride like the last three years of your marriage is a slap in the face to the life you've created together.

Simply Fated · June 2013

Why should YOUR mother walk with HER son? Are you walking with HIS mother? No, you aren't. You made it very clear that one of the reasons for this mockery of a "wedding" is that you didn't get to walk with your dad down the aisle.

Let me take a wild guess... your fiance wants to walk down the aisle with your mother instead if his own and we're all hags for not knowing that?

Marrin713 · June 2013

I sure did it wrong

After our courthouse ceremony, I was so happy I didn't care if there was a reception or not.

manateehugger · June 2013

I don't understand how a happy three year marriage could be missing a dress up day. Why do you need this re-do if you and your husband are happy and fulfilled in your marriage?

I just don't get it.

BostonGIrl4732 · June 2013

I also have never seen a groom walk down the aisle with a MOB. I would find that really odd if I was at a wedding and saw that.

clg1213 · June 2013

It sounds like planning has had its frustrations. I get that....my mother is quite talented at frustrating me! That said, I think I'd just make a small shift to accommodate your MIL in the processional pairings. I think that's an area where her opinion is more relevant than it would be in something like type of flowers in the bouquet.

I do understand where the folks are coming from who dislike this sort of event, but it doesn't bother me...in this case in particular, people surely know the "deal" (I've seen people argue it is like lying to guests when you've done the legal side previously for some reason but it was more recent and isn't being mentioned). Yes, there are guests involved too so it isn't quite "to each her own," but I think that's between you and them. It doesn't offend my sense of marriage (and I do very much believe in marriage equality).

MIL doesn't like how I want people to walk down the aisle...please help.

Re: MIL doesn't like how I want people to walk down the aisle...please help.

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