the whole no kids debate

vineheart137 · June 2013

No I didn't invite any of my students to my wedding.

Pookieson · June 2013

Why the hell does anyone care. I had a limited kid wedding. I have a 6 year old. Guess what? It doesn't mean I like everyone else's children! We invited first cousins and some close friends kids and people who were traveling a distance to share the day with us. I met opposition from some guests who actually argued why their special snowflakes weren't invited (all of them were over 16 mind you....) It isn't anyone's business why I did or did not invite everyone's children (though it was due largely to space). I wouldn't get on here and tell you not to have a kid-free wedding because I don't care. Why do you?

xxstardust · June 2013

I love children. FI loves children. I teach 6th grade; he teaches HS. I am a camp counselor and work with kids age 3-15 all summer. I think several students, from both of us, will probably come to the church (I've had kids ask when/where the church is, and so has he). I will be happy to see them there.

By the time I get to the reception, after spending every day of the year with hundreds of kids whom I adore? It's grownup time, ya'll, regardless of how much I love them. I need a kid free zone!

Of course, we have almost no children in our family (we are the first to marry, at 24 years old - no one but one friend of mine has had time to make babies yet).

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

xxstardust said:

I love children. FI loves children. I teach 6th grade; he teaches HS. I am a camp counselor and work with kids age 3-15 all summer. I think several students, from both of us, will probably come to the church (I've had kids ask when/where the church is, and so has he). I will be happy to see them there.

By the time I get to the reception, after spending every day of the year with hundreds of kids whom I adore? It's grownup time, ya'll, regardless of how much I love them. I need a kid free zone!

Of course, we have almost no children in our family (we are the first to marry, at 24 years old - no one but one friend of mine has had time to make babies yet).

If you invite people to your ceremony, they should be invited to the reception. The reason is because the reception is to thank them for coming to your ceremony.

Summer2011Bride · June 2013

I just invited who I wanted to be at my wedding to my wedding. We did have some children there, but not every single child of every single person invited. Just like I had some co-workers and not others, and some friends and not others. Part was money/space concerns, but mostly, I just wanted to be surrounded by the people we are close to on our wedding day, child or adult.

There is nothing wrong with wanting an adult-only event. Not everyone coos or fawns over children, and there's nothing wrong with not inviting them. I think idiot adults can "ruin" weddings just as much as children, so I also agree that having kids doesn't automatically mean the wedding will be "ruined." But even if kids are doing things that most would consider just cute kid stuff, it doesn't mean everyone wants that at their wedding. Just like some people would prefer a very small, intimate affair while others want a huge 500 person wedding, having kids or not is simply another preference when planning a wedding.

Belle0720 · June 2013

We invited our 2 nieces, nephew, and 2 cousins who are 1-7 years old because I love them and couldn't imagine not having these people who are such a big part of our life with us on our wedding day. But that still leaves out at least 10 other kids and I can think of a lot of reasons why I don't want to include them all.

*I love kids. I also love adult time.

*I'm close enough to these kids that I'm familiar with their behavior and how both myself and their parents react to temper tantrums. I have zero problem telling my nephew to knock it off if he's acting like a brat. I would not feeling comfortable doing the same for my FI's second cousin's girlfriend's child and I don't know how they would handle it either.

*Space

*Money

*For me, it will annoy me if someone's baby/child starts crying/laughing/screaming in the middle of me saying my heartfelt vows to my FH. I honestly think I'll react better if it's my niece vs. someone's baby who I've never met. I don't know if that's rational but it's true.

Lastly I'll say I just think it's a personal decision and while I did just give some reasons why I'm not inviting most children to may wedding, I don't think there's a need to justify why or why not a couple is having children at their wedding.

aphrodite0869 · June 2013

Not all people think the wedding will be "ruined" by children. We are not inviting children to our wedding because there would end up being more children than adults and also it would double our desired budget and we can not afford more than we are already doing we (like many others) are pay for it ourselves. Between my FI and I we have four children who are going to be in the WP but after they eat they are leaving with family. We would just prefer an adult environment (as we dont have that very often) for a day that is about us. It doesn't mean we don't like children or don't want them there, it's just what we are choosing to do. After all, it is our wedding and if people can't accept it or can't find a baby sitter they are more than welcome to decline and it won't hurt my feelings because I understand sometimes you don't have a sitter. It is all about preference.

Jen4948 · June 2013

Kate61487 said:

brielise88 said:

We're including 3 children in the ceremony, but are not inviting any other children. One of the little girls is in the wedding solely because we wanted her to be invited and didn't want to have to justify things to anyone else. We specifically did not want my cousin to bring her children because they are monsters that have ruined various family events. As in screaming for hours because my mom (who barely knows him) gave him an art set and he wanted a flat screen TV. So now when people ask about kids we can say that we are only having children that are in the ceremony. The children will also be picked up by their grandparents at some point after dinner.

If I didn't have a niece and nephew we would not be having any children at the wedding. We are definitely having more of a party atmosphere and I do think having a lot of children at the wedding wouldn't work. We have a lot of college friends coming and there will be a lot of drinking. So it's not so much that they would ruin the wedding. As @NYCBRUIN said it creates a different atmosphere. Yes people bring their children to parties where there is drinking but I think a wedding, at least a wedding like ours, is on a different level. Would you take your child to a bar or night club? And I also know that my brothers and their wives would rather ship their kids off at a certain point in the evening than have to worry about them all night while they're trying to have a good time.

On the other hand, I have been to more kid-friendly weddings where drinking is non-existent or minimal and almost every couple had a child. I was at a few of those weddings as a child and I can remember the kids taking over the dance floor. That's fine too, but it's not for us.

I have a hard time imagining anyone who really wants a club atmosphere at their wedding. Throbbing bass so loud you can't hear yourself think and sweaty people grinding all over each other and having sex against the wall in a dark corner? not at all the atmosphere I wanted, but perhaps I'm off base there and there are some people who want that. To each their own.
We had a drinking/dance party atmosphere with a lot of kids in attendance. The alcohol was freely flowing, the dance floor was packed, the kids thinned out as the night went on, but our niece and nephew (who were 6 and 7) powered through to the end. But our family and friends are full of excellent parents; the children are all well behaved and have manners and would never do any of the asinine things I hear about on here. If there were a holy terror in the group I probably would have figured out a way to not invite him or her.
I don't think anyone should have to justify why they want their party to be kid-free, but I get how it can be hard for people like loca (and me) to understand when the kids are such an integral part of the family it's impossible to imagine it any other way. I just have to remind myself that not all families are made up like mine.

Some people do prefer club-type parties-even for weddings. You don't have to understand it-and they don't have to justify it. But regardless of your feelings, you have to respect theirs.

If they come to your wedding, you do have the right to expect them not to complain about the presence or involvement of kids. That's fair.

But if you (generic here on out) get invited to a club-type wedding and/or your kids are not invited, then you do have to not bring your kids and make arrangements to have them babysat-at your own expense, and you do have to keep your feelings on the matter to yourself.

32daisies · June 2013

StageManager14 said:

What I don't get is why it matters to anyone what anyone else chooses. I never see anyone without kids starting random threads trying to convince people who invite kids that they shouldn't, but every few months we get a thread like this, and it's like

That GIF is worth quoting, but so is what Stage said.

We went back and forth, made specific choices and offers, and are ending up with a largely child-free wedding, and I'm glad. Our wedding is late in the day and dinner will be served late, and there will be alcohol. With the make-up of our families and friends, it will be an adult party, and not a suitable place for kids. I should know; I planned it, after all.

It's just not very logical to say, "The kids were the best part of my wedding, why don't you want them at yours?" I have two cats I'm really crazy about, and they're the best part of my day every day. Why didn't you have cats at your wedding? (No, in all seriousness, the cats won't be at my wedding either. They both declined.) It's a matter of preference. Build the day that you want, and enjoy it. Who cares what anyone else does.

loca4pook · June 2013

Didn't mean to offend. As I wrote earlier, I was just more curious. I am on a wedding high and had so much fun with the kids at my wedding, that I just was curious as to other's opinions. trust me, I get the financial aspect for sure.

OjitosVerdes · June 2013

This:

Harry87 said:

Because I don't like kids or find them cute.

And this (thanks Stage!):

This debate is as personal as is whether or not you entirely depilate your pubic hair or not. There are a million reasons - financial, personal opinion/tolerance, cultural practices, etc. that influence what each person decides. There is no right or wrong answer, and rarely will an internet debate change someone's opinion on the matter.

Personally, in my own experience, rarely have children added to the "fun" of a wedding. But rock on with your bad self if you feel otherwise. My opinion, in addition to the fact that rug rats would add dozens to our guest list, led to our decision to have a nieces and nephews only wedding.

xxstardust · June 2013

fyrefly76 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

xxstardust said:

I love children. FI loves children. I teach 6th grade; he teaches HS. I am a camp counselor and work with kids age 3-15 all summer. I think several students, from both of us, will probably come to the church (I've had kids ask when/where the church is, and so has he). I will be happy to see them there.

By the time I get to the reception, after spending every day of the year with hundreds of kids whom I adore? It's grownup time, ya'll, regardless of how much I love them. I need a kid free zone!

Of course, we have almost no children in our family (we are the first to marry, at 24 years old - no one but one friend of mine has had time to make babies yet).

If you invite people to your ceremony, they should be invited to the reception. The reason is because the reception is to thank them for coming to your ceremony.

She's not inviting them to the ceremony. They're coming because the ceremony is at a church, they know the day and time, and they have chosen to show up. It'll be great to see them there, give a hug to them and their parents, then go party with the grownups.

Thanks for clarifying - they aren't actually invited, but (here at least) it's fairly common for the time/place of a wedding ceremony to become common knowledge in a school and for kids to go see teachers get married. I know several women I work with had students show up at the church when they got married and I had a few parents ask me if I would mind if the kids came and saw me in my dress. I went to the church to see a teacher get married as a kid as well - seeing her and taking pictures with her was a really fun childhood memory and I'm looking forward to having that at my own wedding.

NOLAbridealmost · June 2013

aurianna said:

We saw no reason to spend any extra money to invite kids when we don't know these kids.

This. Unless I am close to a kid in their own right, I'm not paying to include them in the most expensive party I'll ever throw.

vineheart137 · June 2013

Oh trust me I'm always super careful about posting pics of my students! ^_^

PrettyGirlLost · June 2013

We are not planning on inviting children outside of children in the wedding party due to space issues and because our reception venue is just not appropriate for children; it's in a restored mansion that also serves as an art gallery. Not child proof by any means.

the whole no kids debate

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