How to address invite to gay couple that hasn't come out

scowie15 · July 2013

We would like to invite a couple dear friends of ours to our wedding. They have been together for over twenty years and live together. However, they have never actually come out and announced their relationship status. So how do I address the invitation? Do I send one invite with both of their full names on it with an "and" in the middle or do I send them each a separate invitation to the same address? Does Emily Post have an answer for this?

cruffino · July 2013

i don't know about emily post, but my cousin is in a similar relationship and when i address anything to him and his partner, i just send one piece of mail and use both of their names, i.e.: mr. john doe and mr. john doe.

Jen4948 · July 2013

Send a separate invitation to each.

scowie15 · July 2013

They are more than roommates and they have never exactly hid their status whatever that means, but they just haven't announced it either. I just don't want to offend anyone.

BarbLovesDave · July 2013

Just pretend they are roommates and address it as you would to any other set of roommates.

I have some friends who are obviously in a same-sex relationship, but have not made it public. I refer to them as roommate.

Lots of people share houses, for lots of reasons.

MuppetOverlord · July 2013

How do they identify themselves? Have you ever received a Christmas card from them or present? Do they sign it from both?

My cousin's been living with a woman for about 25 years. We don't know if they are gay or if they are just lifetime partners but they identify as a social unit and we treat them as such. So when I address them, it's Ms. Melanie Smith and Ms.Tanya Lewis and that's also how they address themselves.

It sounds the similar to the situation you are referring to.

NOLAbridealmost · July 2013

StageManager14 said:

Address it as any other non married couple. Both names, no "and". I don't get why this is an issue. Do people generally go around showing everyone on the street their private mail in your area?

Are they out to you? If they know you know that they're a couple then send it like you would to any couple. I completely agree with Stage... no one else is going to see the mail addressed to them.

If they don't want you to know that that they're together, then obviously just send it like you would to two roommates.

AJuliaNJ · July 2013

Do they consider themselves married? If not, the appropriate way of addressing an unmarried couple is:

Mr. John Doe

Mr. Adam Jones

Street Address

City, State, Zip

If they have come out to you, I don't see any problem with addressing it this way. If you've only heard through the grapevine and you are one of the people they haven't come out to, you can send separate invites. I don't think that's the case though.

Like PPs said, it's not like people are going to be going through their mail.

SewInLoveWithDMB · July 2013

I have not read the above responses, but I'm assuming they all say to send each person their own invitation.

And I would not include the "and Guest" after their names.

KDM323 · July 2013

Unless you've received mail, cards, presents, etc. from them where they've signed off as a "couple" I would send them separate invites just like you would to any other set of roommates.

LiLe422 · July 2013

NOLAbridealmost said:

StageManager14 said:

Address it as any other non married couple. Both names, no "and". I don't get why this is an issue. Do people generally go around showing everyone on the street their private mail in your area?

Are they out to you? If they know you know that they're a couple then send it like you would to any couple. I completely agree with Stage... no one else is going to see the mail addressed to them.

If they don't want you to know that that they're together, then obviously just send it like you would to two roommates.

What @NOLAbridealmost said ^^

Redbride801 · July 2013

Also, they may not have come out bc they don't find the need to come out. I never came out to my family. (I'm straight), so why should they? I have a ver similar situation with a family member. I sent the save the date to aunt and guest. At Christmas, aunt's roommate/friend/partner told me how excited they were for the wedding, so I addressed one invite to both of them, on two different lined

daisey18 · July 2013

Is it standard for any couple who is living together to "announce it" ? I've never gotten a nifty announcement from my friends when they decided to shack up.

If they are generally affectionate in public when they are out together- i.e. they sit close, occasionally hold hands, touch each others back or waist, etc- then of course send them just one invitation as you would for any other couple. If they act like they are strictly friends in front of you and everyone else, THEN treat them like roommates.

[efs]

phira · July 2013

I guess ... I'm confused as to how they're not out. Is it because they've never announced, ala facebook, "We're in a relationship?" Or is it because they've never indicated in any way that they're a romantic couple?

If they're romantically involved, and you know it, and they KNOW you know it, then they're out to you. And if they're out to you, address the invitation to:

[first person] and [second person]

The address they share

allispain · July 2013

phira said:

I guess ... I'm confused as to how they're not out. Is it because they've never announced, ala facebook, "We're in a relationship?" Or is it because they've never indicated in any way that they're a romantic couple?

If they're romantically involved, and you know it, and they KNOW you know it, then they're out to you. And if they're out to you, address the invitation to:

[first person] and [second person]
The address they share

This. Maybe they simply don't feel the need to say - "Hey guys, we're gay, in case you couldn't tell." My sister did this when she first started dating women as well as men - she brought her girlfriend home, held her hand at the dinner table, and gave her a kiss goodnight when she left. She never said, "I'm gay and this is my girlfriend," it was simply implied by their interaction together. If the relationship you're describing is like this - where it's obviously but just never been vocalized to you as them having come out - I would treat them like every other couple on your list and put both name separated by "and" on the same line.

How to address invite to gay couple that hasn't come out

Re: How to address invite to gay couple that hasn't come out

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