Elopement then family ceremony that includes our children

Jen4948 · July 2013

@LMc0322, my guess would be that the flag is for the last line of that post.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

Jen4948 said:

@LMc0322, my guess would be that the flag is for the last line of that post.

For what though?

And It's a swan! Yes, you may borrow. But it probably won't help because both the swan and I are equally confused about wtf is going on.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

StageManager14 said:

@LMc0322, Well at least I'm in good company. But now I have to rewatch Hot Fuzz because I'd forgotten it was a swan, dammit.

@Jen4948, what exactly about the last line violates TOS? And how does that explain Lia's flag?

I love that movie. We went to England the week of the 4th for vacation. I convinced FI that we needed to go to Wells because it was a really nice, old town with an awesome Cathedral . All of those things were true. But really, I just wanted to walk the streets where Hot Fuzz was shot. And it was awesome.

Jen4948 · July 2013

LMc0322 said:

StageManager14 said:

@LMc0322, Well at least I'm in good company. But now I have to rewatch Hot Fuzz because I'd forgotten it was a swan, dammit.

@Jen4948, what exactly about the last line violates TOS? And how does that explain Lia's flag?

I love that movie. We went to England the week of the 4th for vacation. I convinced FI that we needed to go to Wells because it was a really nice, old town with an awesome Cathedral . All of those things were true. But really, I just wanted to walk the streets where Hot Fuzz was shot. And it was awesome.

My guess is that someone has found that the snark meters have been off the charts lately. Whether or not that violates TOS, ask a moderator, not me.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

'Snark' does not violate TOS. If people think that's 'abuse', the internet is probably not for them.

ETA: Does 'someone' mean you?

QueerFemme · July 2013

PackersJen said:

Who the hell are any of you to judge what is important and meaningful to me, my fiance and our family?! Or anyone else's for that matter?! I came here for camaraderie and ideas and have gotten nothing but run ins with Bridezillas!! I will look elsewhere for fellow brides who are at least willing to get to know me before judging me. Account is being deleted as soon as possible.

I am really late to this party, but we are all here to tell you when your idea is really bad. When your idea is really good, you will get the camraderie and ideas.

You are basically recreating a fake wedding, with a fake officiant, for the delight (or not) of your friends and family. I'm not even sure why you don't understand why that makes no sense.

It's perfectly acceptable to have a private elopement. It's perfectly acceptable to have a "welcome home/celebration" party with your friends and family. It's also perfectly acceptable to come home from your trip/wedding and give your children some token of your love and tell them, that your marriage has solidified your family, etc.

What is not ok, and totally against etiquette, is to have a fake re-do. Your friends and family want to witness your marriage, your real one. Not a theatrical recreation of what you already did.

Have the family thing, then go to a beach somewhere, and recite private vows to each other on your honeymoon. No need for an officiant.

People on this site will not co-sign bad ideas, and ideas that are totally against etiquette. No one here attacked you, or jumped on you. They just told you, your plans were bad and rude.

Jen4948 · July 2013

I didn't do the flagging; nor do I have an opinion on whether or not snark violates the TOS.

I'm just guessing that whoever did do the flagging considered those posts too snarky for their personal taste.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

Jen4948 said:

I didn't do the flagging; nor do I have an opinion on whether or not snark violates the TOS.

I'm just guessing that whoever did do the flagging considered those posts too snarky for their personal taste.

Ok, thanks for clarifying.

ashleyep · July 2013

I just want to add that I think we would all love to have that private ceremony with our husbands and a big public show for everyone else. The thought of saying my vows, something that seems very intimate, in front of 150 guests is scary. But unfortunately, we can only have one wedding.

And having your kids acting as best man and maid of honor and bridesmaids to walk you down the aisle is something you do at a wedding. But you already had a wedding when you eloped. That is, in fact, a real wedding. Having a commitment ceremony when you can actually get married and already are married is probably very offensive to those couples who have commitment ceremonies because they can't make a legal commitment to each other.

At the end of the day, you can do whatever you want. Maybe your guests won't care, but I can tell you that I wouldn't be thrilled about watching you get dressed up and pretend to get married for the second time. You asked for our opinion and we gave it. It's your choice whether or not to take our advice.

pibetafly09 · July 2013

QueerFemme said:

Your wedding day is when you get married. If you want to elope, fabulous.. have a kickass party when you return. If you want to have a wedding with your family included, don't elope. You can certainly take a pre wedding vacation together and enjoy that private time together. PPDs are tacky, and the fake re-do cheapens your wedding. You get one wedding. Unless you get divorced in between the two, the second is nothing more than a theatre performance. Guests attend to witness your marriage. Not to witness a fake do-over.

Agree. If you are set on having a private vow ceremony, do the private vow ceremony and then have a reception after with friends and family. But doing a fake ceremony to reenact what happened in your real ceremony would be weird and not nearly as meaningful as just having one ceremony.

Pepper6 · July 2013

I'm still not seeing a good reason for doing two separate ceremonies. All the weddings I've been to where children are involved is done the same time as the B&G are married. And they normally don't give their own vows, but the B&G sometimes include wording like 'family' or something into their vows to each other.

If you want a 'private' moment with just you and your H, it's called the honeymoon.

RatBride · August 2013

Go and do whatever is right for you and your family. If you want a romantic intimate legal ceremony and then a big family and friend filled wedding ceremony with vows and cake and champagne and dancing then do it!

Here in England, you can't (legally) be married outdoors so you can't be married on a beach or in your parents back garden etc. and you can't be married un an unlicensed venue so until you sign that legal document in a licensed place you're not married so you HAVE to go separately to sign the wedding register at the town hall etc anyway (if you wanted a garden ceremony for example). So why not make it special!!

tally7 · September 2013

just do what you want there are some people here who just really hate what you said so they wont give you advice they are just going to let you know why you are wrong to want the two ceremonies

arrippa · September 2013

tally7 said:

just do what you want there are some people here who just really hate what you said so they wont give you advice they are just going to let you know why you are wrong to want the two ceremonies

Periods are your friends.

The OP hasn't been here for a few months, so she probably won't see your bad etiquette advice.

Grabows14 · September 2013

moemacWed30594 said:

tally7 said:

just do what you want there are some people here who just really hate what you said so they wont give you advice they are just going to let you know why you are wrong to want the two ceremonies

Periods are your friends.

The OP hasn't been here for a few months, so she probably won't see your bad etiquette advice.

Actually No one likes a period....

tally7 · October 2013

Thank you your advice is wonderful your are a great person I am glad you replied with your wonderful things to say ....lol

mimiphin · October 2013

tally7 said:

Thank you your advice is wonderful your are a great person I am glad you replied with your wonderful things to say ....lol

You're.

Elopement then family ceremony that includes our children

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