Readings on Community?

ewilkins12 · July 2013

Hey all. We're looking for a reading for our ceremony that focuses on the importance of community in supporting a marriage (or it could be more generally about the importance of friends/family/community). We will separately have a community vow, so we're really looking for something touching/amusing/appropriate from literature, poetry, or even history or social science that hits the right note here. For context, we LOVED a reading at a wedding we went to recently on community by Jane Jacobs, the urbanist (yes we're nerdy). Too bad there's lots of overlap in attendance - otherwise we'd steal it! We're really stumped, so any and all ideas would really be appreciated!!

HisGirlFriday13 · July 2013

Before I can even begin to answer this question, I need to know what on earth a 'community vow' is.

Then I need to know if this has to be religious, non-religious, specifically religious, etc.

ewilkins12 · July 2013

Yes that's that I mean by a community vow - we will have our officiants read a vow that we ask everyone gathered to respond "we do" to. It'll be something about vowing to support our marriage.

Totally non religious ceremony. We're taking some inspiration from Judaism (7 blessings, walking the groom down the aisle with his parents) and Quakerism (period of silence during the ceremony) but our officiants are friends of ours and we're not religious at all.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

I would be uncomfortable if you asked me to do this. People came to your wedding. That's a clear sign they support your marriage. They're not getting married, you are. Keep the vows to just you and your FI.

HisGirlFriday13 · July 2013

Ditto @Lmc0322. I would be very uncomfortable with this. The vows are between you and your FI. Don't ask me to promise anything. I'm clearly supportive of your marriage or I wouldn't be attending your wedding. Weddings are not audience-participation events. They are spectator sports. Guests show up, smile, congratulate the couple -- that's it.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Ditto @Lmc0322. I would be very uncomfortable with this. The vows are between you and your FI. Don't ask me to promise anything. I'm clearly supportive of your marriage or I wouldn't be attending your wedding. Weddings are not audience-participation events. They are spectator sports. Guests show up, smile, congratulate the couple -- that's it.

I really like it when people come into threads and say what I meant to say, only 100x better than I said it.

HisGirlFriday13 · July 2013

It's a same-wave-length thing! Because we're awesome!

(Also, my snark factor is somewhere north of "OMFG, who lit the fuse on YOUR tampon?!" today...)

HisGirlFriday13 · July 2013

You are very welcome! I actually used that expression IRL. The man to whom I said it looked more than a little confused...

QueerFemme · July 2013

@ewilkins12

I know everyone else said the community acknowledgement part is a bad idea, and I totally do understand their reasonings. With that said though, we did this, and it was probably in my top 5 favorite things from the wedding.

I will say the following. As a queer person, and probably 80% of my guest list was friends, we are really, really, really connected to community. I'm not saying straight people aren't connected to community, but in my experience (having lived in both worlds), queer folks tend to develop family and community in different ways. A lot of us have zero connection (or very limited) to our biological families, and our community/friendship circle is much more significant in our lives. When you combine that with the fact that a large chunk of us work in social justice fields, the community aspect just becomes "bigger".

We had a completely non-religious ceremony as well. Here is a link to our ceremony (our friend/videographer) posted the links there for us. If you go to the 1:32 point, you'll see the community acknowledgement part. Hope it helps to give you some ideas.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2VXy2zXySI

ewilkins12 · August 2013

Thanks QueerFemme! I think the community vow idea, like most elements of a wedding ceremony, are pretty personal. We've been to a number of ceremonies where we've felt just thrilled to take a vow to support the couple, and we're confident that our family and friends will be excited and honored to be asked to do this. But of course it's not for everyone and I wouldn't suggest that it would be.

samanthajodances · August 2013

I'm totally curious about the Jane Jacobs quote! Can you post it or a link?!

heidirs731 · August 2013

I really like this idea and was thinking of doing something similar for our ceremony. Not a vow, but a kind of community blessing where those who wish to participate can raise a hand in prayer as the pastor says a blessing over our marriage. As you said, you are not religious, but I think the vow is really interesting idea. Though, I understand for someone people it might make them uncomfortable, and in that case, I'd just have the officiant say that those who wish to can participate.

As for advice on a specific vow to recite, I'd be really interested in reading some things you have come across that you do like, such as the Jane Jacobs quote. Maybe we can help rework it for you.

Readings on Community?

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