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who pays for bridesmaids dresses?

matcogrlmatcogrl
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I have four bridesmaids, my cousin (MOH), my friend from high school, my husbands' friends wife, and my sister. The situation is that three of my bridesmaids are financially struggling and my sister is just cheap (but also having her own wedding 4 months after mine). Is it their responsibility to purchase their own dresses? I decided that i would let them all choose their own dresses, after i approved, because they all have different body shapes. But any dresses i have looked at have been between $100 - $120. I don't think it's too much money and they wont have to pay for anything else except for gas to the venue, which is less than an hour and a half away from all my maids. Plus we are booking rooms for our wedding party and immediate family. Someone help please!
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Re: who pays for bridesmaids dresses?

  • JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    Usually, BMs pay for their own dresses. If the bride is choosing the dress they have to wear (or choosing the line of dresses they must select from), she should first ask their budget so she can pick out the dress that is affordable for everyone. Since you're letting them pick their own dresses, then only they really need to know what their budget is.

    When you say "    any dresses i have looked at have been between $100 - $120," do you mean you've been browsing various dresses to get an idea of what they might pick and these are the price points you tend to see? If that's the case, don't worry about it. A frugal, resourceful BM will be able to find a beautiful dress that suits her well and is to your liking at a price she can afford.
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    They pay, but you must ask each one PRIVATELY what their budget is and then go with the lowest amount given.  If you ask them as a group "is 150.00 ok with everyone?" you have put them on the spot and made it hard for them to tell you it is too much.

    It doesn't matter if you think 100-120 is a reasonable price range.  All that matters is what they can afford.  Find that out first and then tune your search to their budget.
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  • libby2483libby2483 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Bridesmaids are responsible for purchasing their own dresses.  Normally, you would privately ask each girl her budget and then choose a dress that is under the lowest budget.  However, since you are letting them choose their own, they can purchase a dress that they can afford, which is very considerate of you.  David's Bridal has several dresses for under $100, and they may also be able to purchase from department stores or find the dresses used.  

    As a side note, if you require specific shoes and a specific hairstyle, you are required to pay.  However, if you let them wear any, say, silver shoes, they pay.  If you say, "I'm getting my hair and make-up done at X salon.  It costs X dollars.  Let me know if you would like me to book you an appointment.  Otherwise, feel free to do your hair and make-up on your own or at the salon of your choice" then they are responsible for paying.

    It sounds like you are already being very generous by paying for their hotel rooms, which is certainly not required, so I wouldn't worry about the cost.
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  • matcogrlmatcogrl
    First Comment
    thank you ladies for your responses, i will especially take into consideration talking to them all privately about what they would feel comfortable paying.
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Usually the bridesmaids pay for their own dresses.  Before going shopping for dresses, you should talk to them and figure out a budget.  If you want more fancy things that they can't afford, then you could offer to pay the difference but it is not necessary. 
    image
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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Definitely ask them privately. I was in a wedding in college and if the bride would have asked me, I would have hoped to be around $100. The dress cost me over $200 but I felt like I couldn't say anything, but I was pissed. 
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    A lot of times you can get dresses on sale at department stores and they're a lot cheaper than buying from David's or Another bridal shop where they usually need to be altered (alterations are expensive).

    I'd steer you toward Macy's, Kohl's, JCPenny or another inexpensive department store where you can get a good deal.
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    image
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  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Davids Bridal is having a bridesmaid clearance right now.  One of my girls paid just $50 for her dress...that was originally $149!
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    We went to David's Bridal, I just told the girls what color & length I wanted and let them go at it, this way they could pick out a style they liked & what worked in their budgets. The crazy part is they all ended up picking the same dress. Well it was a popular color so i went on e-bay and was able to find 3 out of the 4 dress in the right sizes for $35-40. The girls were ok with getting recycled dresses so I bought the dresses and paid for dry cleaning (watch for coupons) and even with dry cleaning the dresses were half of the brand new cost at the store.

    I've see more wedding too where it's not uncommon to pick a color & length of a dress & just let the girls pick. You can go shopping with each one to make sure they will blend. My niece did something interesting, she had her girls go and all get white knee length dress in a summer style (June ceremony) then they dyed them all in the same tub off dye. They all came out slightly different shades of light blue (her color) because of the different fabrics taking the dye color differently. But then they got yellow ribbon & a slik flower and made a sash to make one thing the same on all the dresses, the girls looked great, they coordinated beautifully and they all got dresses in their budgets.

    Another idea is depending on the sizes of your BM and what color you want, homecoming season is soon and those can run less expensive, or wait until after holidays when holiday cocktail dresses go on sale

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  • melbelleupmelbelleup member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    What you can do is ask each one individually about the cost that they are willing to pay. The only one in my party that couldn't afford the dress happens to be my best friend. She just moved and is working a minimum wage job. She plans to buy it at the end of the month though. The dress is $200. My mom has offered to alter the dress for every girl as needed as well, so they won't have to pay anymore. $200 is actually out of my price rage of my best friend, but I'm giving her time and even if needed, I will pitch in $50 or so. The dress is brand new though so I know it won't be going out of style for a little bit. What you can also do is tell them to pick their own dress and just give them color options or you can have everyone where a completely different dress. My cousin did this, idk why and it looked a little weird, but their theme was rainbow so it worked. People can get cheaper dresses at Burlington Coat Factory or something though if you just give them a color!
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  • crunchymamaof2 crunchymamaof2 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    melbelleup said:
    What you can do is ask each one individually about the cost that they are willing to pay. The only one in my party that couldn't afford the dress happens to be my best friend. She just moved and is working a minimum wage job. She plans to buy it at the end of the month though. The dress is $200. My mom has offered to alter the dress for every girl as needed as well, so they won't have to pay anymore. $200 is actually out of my price rage of my best friend, but I'm giving her time and even if needed, I will pitch in $50 or so. The dress is brand new though so I know it won't be going out of style for a little bit. What you can also do is tell them to pick their own dress and just give them color options or you can have everyone where a completely different dress. My cousin did this, idk why and it looked a little weird, but their theme was rainbow so it worked. People can get cheaper dresses at Burlington Coat Factory or something though if you just give them a color!
    Why would you pick a dress you knew she couldn't afford?

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    acove2006 said:
    melbelleup said:
    What you can do is ask each one individually about the cost that they are willing to pay. The only one in my party that couldn't afford the dress happens to be my best friend. She just moved and is working a minimum wage job. She plans to buy it at the end of the month though. The dress is $200. My mom has offered to alter the dress for every girl as needed as well, so they won't have to pay anymore. $200 is actually out of my price rage of my best friend, but I'm giving her time and even if needed, I will pitch in $50 or so. The dress is brand new though so I know it won't be going out of style for a little bit. What you can also do is tell them to pick their own dress and just give them color options or you can have everyone where a completely different dress. My cousin did this, idk why and it looked a little weird, but their theme was rainbow so it worked. People can get cheaper dresses at Burlington Coat Factory or something though if you just give them a color!
    Why would you pick a dress you knew she couldn't afford?
    That's my question.  Why would you choose a dress she already told you she can't afford?  do you think by giving her more time that eases her burden?  If you can't spare the money, more time doesn't make a difference.  You should rethink that.
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  • MandyMostMandyMost member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I'd think about all the other things the bridesmaid's are going to be expected to pay for, and have a conversation about that as well. For my brother's wedding my dress "only cost $150" or something like that, but I ended up shelling out around $800 total, between helping to host the shower and bachelorette, getting the alterations, getting the shoes that she required be dyed to match, etc. Honestly, it was a nightmare because the bride didn't taker her head out of her own ass for long enough to realize what she was "making" everyone do. I think she did give us a gift, but it was cheap tacky jewelry to wear for the wedding that anyone who had ever met me knew I would never wear again. 

    Think about what's most important to you--your friends, or your "perfect wedding", and then make decisions accordingly. I'd assume most decent people would enjoy the day more knowing that their friends were happy for them, and not pissy because of an inconsiderate bride and having to eat ramen to pay for an ugly dress they'll never wear again....however, there are clearly plenty of brides out there who think that matching bridesmaids is the most important thing, even if you have to go find strangers to stand there. 


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