how big of a gap is too big?

melbelleup · August 2013

What is the most acceptable gap?

My ceremony to my reception is about 10 minutes on a main road. My ceremony starts at 1:30pm. We MUST be out of the church by 3:30pm for evening mass. My ceremony will be about 30-45 minutes long. My parents have now decided they'd like us to do a receiving line, but it might just be me and my FI. We're inviting 230 guests currently, so a receiving line will eat up a lot of our time. Then of course, the photos. My thing is, I would like to take photos in different locations. First at the church, then outside of the church (which are all fine and dandy) and we can continue to take outside images after 3:30pm. I would also like my FI and I to have our picture taken with our two dogs. To do this, the best option would be to have them taken at my SIL's house which is where everyone will be getting ready anyways. It is about 10 minutes from the reception site.

Our reception place serves dinner an hour after it starts, with us needing to be there thirty minutes after it starts to introduce the WP. I'm trying to figure out what time I should start the reception because it's really not that far away. All of my family is from the area it is in, all of his will be OOT guests. My coordinator recommended a 3:30pm start for reception, but that would mean we'd have to be there and ready by 4pm, which I don't know if it's possible. She also said we could push back until 4pm, but I didn't know if that is too big of a gap?

Teddy917 · August 2013

Any gap at all is too big. Do some photos before the wedding and while you're taking the rest after, host a cocktail hour for your guests. But I would try to make it no more than an hour. Any longer and guests might go home if the bride and groom aren't there, or at least not party all night.

arrippa · August 2013

Since I think any gap is too big of a gap, have you thought about doing first look pictures? It's a good way to get some of the more out of the way pictures done and save the church pictures for after the ceremony. It would cut down on the time needed after the ceremony for pictures and you won't be rushed to get them all. You can do your after the ceremony pictures during a cocktail hour and then join them for dinner.

melbelleup · August 2013

My FI refuses to do photos before the wedding, sadly. I can do BM's and me before, but any with him or his guys won't be happening. We're having appetizers and open bar at the reception place before food is served, but they won't be allowed in until it's the set time.

s-aries8990 · August 2013

melbelleup said:

What is the most acceptable gap?

My ceremony to my reception is about 10 minutes on a main road. My ceremony starts at 1:30pm. We MUST be out of the church by 3:30pm for evening mass. My ceremony will be about 30-45 minutes long. My parents have now decided they'd like us to do a receiving line, but it might just be me and my FI. We're inviting 230 guests currently, so a receiving line will eat up a lot of our time. Then of course, the photos. My thing is, I would like to take photos in different locations. First at the church, then outside of the church (which are all fine and dandy) and we can continue to take outside images after 3:30pm. I would also like my FI and I to have our picture taken with our two dogs. To do this, the best option would be to have them taken at my SIL's house which is where everyone will be getting ready anyways. It is about 10 minutes from the reception site.

Our reception place serves dinner an hour after it starts, with us needing to be there thirty minutes after it starts to introduce the WP. I'm trying to figure out what time I should start the reception because it's really not that far away. All of my family is from the area it is in, all of his will be OOT guests. My coordinator recommended a 3:30pm start for reception, but that would mean we'd have to be there and ready by 4pm, which I don't know if it's possible. She also said we could push back until 4pm, but I didn't know if that is too big of a gap?

Honestly, if your ceremony goes from 1:30-2:15, and your reception site it about 10 minutes away, I'd say to start your reception at 2:30. 3:30 is WAY too long.

Just because it isn't convenient for you doesn't mean it's ok to inconvenience your guests with a long gap. Take bridal party photos before hand. Do a first look. Do a rock-the-dress photo shoot at a separate time where you can have lots of fun pictures with your dogs.

See if you can have the cocktail part of the reception last 90 minutes instead of just an hour. You always should be hosting your guests properly, and having a gap that is over 60 minutes when the reception site is only 10 minutes is rude.

Teddy917 · August 2013

If the reception venue won't let anyone in until dinner, I'd find a different venue.

melbelleup · August 2013

Teddy917 said:

If the reception venue won't let anyone in until dinner, I'd find a different venue.

They let them in an hour before dinner. And I can't just "find a different venue" There are very few in my budget in my area and most aren't available for my date already.

NYCMercedes · August 2013

Your guests are scheduled from 1:30 to 2:15 for the service and from 2:15 to 2:30 for travel time. That means you start your reception at 2:30. I can't imagine your coordinator would recommend anything else. They will be entertained while you take care of business. You can have cocktail hour be an hour and a half, if you need more time for your personal stuff. Dinner would then be at four. This isn't rocket science.

vk2204 · August 2013

Can your venue open up a half hour earlier and still have your 4pm start time? Like the doors will open at 3:30 so your guests can go there early and you don't have to be there until 4:30?

courtski2004 · August 2013

That large of a gap is very inconsiderate to your guests. What shall they occupy themselves with while they wait to go to the reception? Is there a later time after the 3:00 mass that you can get married at the church?

grumbledore · August 2013

melbelleup said:

What is the most acceptable gap?

My ceremony to my reception is about 10 minutes on a main road. My ceremony starts at 1:30pm. We MUST be out of the church by 3:30pm for evening mass. My ceremony will be about 30-45 minutes long. My parents have now decided they'd like us to do a receiving line, but it might just be me and my FI. We're inviting 230 guests currently, so a receiving line will eat up a lot of our time. Then of course, the photos. My thing is, I would like to take photos in different locations. First at the church, then outside of the church (which are all fine and dandy) and we can continue to take outside images after 3:30pm. I would also like my FI and I to have our picture taken with our two dogs. To do this, the best option would be to have them taken at my SIL's house which is where everyone will be getting ready anyways. It is about 10 minutes from the reception site.

Our reception place serves dinner an hour after it starts, with us needing to be there thirty minutes after it starts to introduce the WP. I'm trying to figure out what time I should start the reception because it's really not that far away. All of my family is from the area it is in, all of his will be OOT guests. My coordinator recommended a 3:30pm start for reception, but that would mean we'd have to be there and ready by 4pm, which I don't know if it's possible. She also said we could push back until 4pm, but I didn't know if that is too big of a gap?

Make sure the cocktail hour starts when your guests arrive at the reception location - so if the receiving line ends at, say, 3:00, and it's a 10 minute drive to the reception site, I would have the reception site ready to serve apps and cocktails or whatever at 3:00 so guests can have something when they arrive. I wouldn't plan to get to the reception site yourselves any later than 4:00. I think that's pretty reasonable, assuming you aren't going to make the guests wait until 6:00 to eat dinner...

melbelleup · August 2013

courtski2004 said:

That large of a gap is very inconsiderate to your guests. What shall they occupy themselves with while they wait to go to the reception? Is there a later time that you can get married at the church?

My coordinator said most don't go straight to.. which I find odd. But she said people would go to the hotel and check in, go grab starbucks, go home for a little (this is what my parents do to let out our dogs in between ceremonies and receptions) Sadly no since they have evening mass on Saturday's as well.

grumbledore · August 2013

Maybe I miscalculated - how long do you anticipate the receiving line will take? With that many guests, I added 45 minutes but perhaps that was too long... hmm...

Whatever you do, make sure people aren't getting to the reception site and being greeted by nothing, or having to wait outside.

melbelleup · August 2013

vk2204 said:

Can your venue open up a half hour earlier and still have your 4pm start time? Like the doors will open at 3:30 so your guests can go there early and you don't have to be there until 4:30?

According to the reception place, no... which I don't get. Maybe I'll just beg FI to let him see me before the wedding. How long do pictures usually take? I know my brother's took 30- 45 minutes

melbelleup · August 2013

grumbledore said:

Maybe I miscalculated - how long do you anticipate the receiving line will take? With that many guests, I added 45 minutes but perhaps that was too long... hmm...

Whatever you do, make sure people aren't getting to the reception site and being greeted by nothing, or having to wait outside.

The reception coordinator told me it depends on how early people get there, but normally they won't open the doors until it's time to start.

manjermj · August 2013

melbelleup said:

vk2204 said:

Can your venue open up a half hour earlier and still have your 4pm start time? Like the doors will open at 3:30 so your guests can go there early and you don't have to be there until 4:30?

According to the reception place, no... which I don't get. Maybe I'll just beg FI to let him see me before the wedding. How long do pictures usually take? I know my brother's took 30- 45 minutes

We didn't see each other before the wedding and still got tons of photos! Our ceremony was at 4, over at 5, cocktail hour started at 515 and we entered the reception at 6:30. Plenty of time for photos and we even had a bit of time to have a drink or two and some hor d'oevres.

Jen4948 · August 2013

If you have to do a receiving line and don't have time for everything else you want to do, I'd skip the photos in different locations or do them after the reception. Making guests wait that long for that while not being hosted is not considerate.

melbelleup · August 2013

Jen4948 said:

If you have to do a receiving line and don't have time for everything else you want to do, I'd skip the photos in different locations or do them after the reception. Making guests wait that long for that while not being hosted is not considerate.

That's what I was thinking I might have to do. Or just have pics of me and the dogs without FI since I can do those before the wedding.

Jen4948 · August 2013

melbelleup said:

Jen4948 said:

If you have to do a receiving line and don't have time for everything else you want to do, I'd skip the photos in different locations or do them after the reception. Making guests wait that long for that while not being hosted is not considerate.

That's what I was thinking I might have to do. Or just have pics of me and the dogs without FI since I can do those before the wedding.

That would be reasonable.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

Here are the choices you and your FI have made - you don't want to see each other before the ceremony so any pictures you take together must be after; you have chosen a ceremony venue where you will be kicked out by 3:30pm; you have chosen a reception venue where people can't show up more than an hour before dinner; you want to take photos with your dogs.

Since a first look is not an option, what about starting your ceremony later and skipping the receiving line (just visit guests at the reception during/after dinner - see if your parents are OK with this)? Could you start the ceremony at 2:30pm, end by 3:15pm, take 15 minutes of photos inside the chuch and then be out by 3:30pm? You could take 45 minutes of photos outside/with your dogs, leave for the reception venue at 4:15pm and arrive at 4:30pm for dinner. Guests could arrive at the hosted cocktail hour at 3:30pm and dinner could start at 4:30pm.

Something needs to give whether it's seeing each other before the ceremony, skipping the receiving line, etc. Because an unhosted gap is rude.

SKPM · August 2013

In addition to PPs suggestions for cutting the gap down, I would skip the WP introductions. Not to be rude, but anyone who doesn't already know that your bridesmaids are your sisters and roommates (or whatever) isn't going to care. There's no reason you and FI need to arrive more than 10 minutes before you're introduced into dinner.

crunchymamaof2 · August 2013

First, I think you have a really sucky coordinator considering the advice she's given you so far. Second, I think you're making this more difficult than it needs to be.

Take as many pictures prior to the ceremony as possible. You, You with your BMs, You with your family, etc. Your FH can take his pictures, him with his GM, and him with his family. If you start the ceremony at 1:30 it should look like this

Before 1:30- Pre wedding pictures

1:30-2:15- Ceremony

2:15-3:00- Receiving Line

3:00-4:00-Cocktail Hour (take the remainder of your pictures here, you and your DH, with your WP, with your families)

4:00- Dinner and Reception Start

I'd skip the WP intros and/or pictures with your dogs. I love my dog and all but if it meant a trip home during the wedding no thanks.

Push any of those times back an hour if you want a later ceremony start time.

melbelleup · August 2013

scribe95 said:

Just to clarify - is your groom refusing to do any pictures before the wedding because that's ridiculous. You don't have to have a first look but he needs to do his individual portraits and groomsman photos beforehand.

The only pictures after should be of the new couple; the full wedding party and maybe a few family shots.

He's refusing to see me before. We'll do him and his GM before though and hopefully his family. I'm assuming photos won't take long then? like 15-30 minutes?

LDubHawksFan · August 2013

It seems like you've sorted out what pictures you can do before. I'm not sure if you've done your e pics yet, or are having them done, but I would recommend taking some with your dogs then. That is what we did, though I never wanted one with him at the wedding. It might be a good way to compromise.

s-aries8990 · August 2013

melbelleup said:

scribe95 said:

Just to clarify - is your groom refusing to do any pictures before the wedding because that's ridiculous. You don't have to have a first look but he needs to do his individual portraits and groomsman photos beforehand.

The only pictures after should be of the new couple; the full wedding party and maybe a few family shots.

He's refusing to see me before. We'll do him and his GM before though and hopefully his family. I'm assuming photos won't take long then? like 15-30 minutes?

Tell him and make sure either you or he tell his family that you're doing pictures beforehand.

A agree with lwoehlk - can you do some e-pics with them?

doeydo · August 2013

Why doesn't someone bring the dogs to where you'll be getting pictures? That will get rid of some driving time for yourself and the groom.

artbyallie · August 2013

If you do all the pictures that don't require bride and groom together (bride and her family, bride and bridesmaids, groom and his family, groom and groomsmen, and so forth) there will be relatively few to take afterward. I think we wrapped up within maybe 30-45 minutes of the ceremony ending and that was with a receiving line included.

ETA: Our reception began immediately after the ceremony, with the meal being served.

Jen4948 · August 2013

doeydo said:

Why doesn't someone bring the dogs to where you'll be getting pictures? That will get rid of some driving time for yourself and the groom.

Because the location may not allow pets, and because someone there may be allergic.

I think any pictures with the dogs should be before or after the event-but not taken during between the ceremony and reception.

melbelleup · August 2013

s-aries8990 said:

melbelleup said:

scribe95 said:

Just to clarify - is your groom refusing to do any pictures before the wedding because that's ridiculous. You don't have to have a first look but he needs to do his individual portraits and groomsman photos beforehand.

The only pictures after should be of the new couple; the full wedding party and maybe a few family shots.

He's refusing to see me before. We'll do him and his GM before though and hopefully his family. I'm assuming photos won't take long then? like 15-30 minutes?

Tell him and make sure either you or he tell his family that you're doing pictures beforehand.

A agree with lwoehlk - can you do some e-pics with them?

We're not doing e-pics, we attempted to have the dogs in our STD pic, but it didn't go so well.

melbelleup · August 2013

doeydo said:

Why doesn't someone bring the dogs to where you'll be getting pictures? That will get rid of some driving time for yourself and the groom.

It'll be at a catholic church, not sure if my priest would be cool with that. That and I wouldn't make my dogs sit in a car. BTW- just so you know, why my dogs are so important- I show them competitively.

melbelleup · August 2013

artbyallie said:

If you do all the pictures that don't require bride and groom together (bride and her family, bride and bridesmaids, groom and his family, groom and groomsmen, and so forth) there will be relatively few to take afterward. I think we wrapped up within maybe 30-45 minutes of the ceremony ending and that was with a receiving line included.

ETA: Our reception began immediately after the ceremony, with the meal being served.

thanks! I'm going to ask my photographer for an estimate of how much time she thinks it will take, but she just had surgery so don't want to over load her on wedding photo stuff. She does all sorts of photos so I guess really, she'd be the best to judge if we'd have time to take photos with the dogs. If not I won't cry, but it will still suck.

how big of a gap is too big?

Re: how big of a gap is too big?

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