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Breaking the bank for a bachelorette party??

smolli88smolli88 member
10 Comments Name Dropper
edited August 2013 in Wedding Etiquette Forum

Okay, so let me first leave a disclaimer that I'm not sure where this topic goes, so I put it here...hope that's okay with everyone.  Oh, and I'm sorta new to this whole posting thing :)

Anyways, I am in a friend's wedding this October.  Her MOH has asked for input on bachelorette party ideas, and finally sent us an email today with a plan.  Her idea is to rent a limo and pay for a hotel suite for a night, go out to dinner, hit up some bars, ride around town, then go back to the hotel.  It sounds like fun and I am on board for it.  The problem?  She wants each bridesmaid to fork over $100.  A PIECE. I am barely making it by as it is!!  (And I know I'm not the only one in the group who is strapped for cash!!)  So for one evening, we have to pay for hotel/lodging, food, drinks, and a gift, which can easily cost us over $200 each for a one night event.  (This is on top of paying for a dress, shoes, and accessories for the wedding itself)

Am I being unreasonable?  Am I just being an old foagie??  
I guess in hindsight $100 is not THAT much, but considering I don't currently have a full time job, I just don't have any extra money.  Is there a polite way to tell the MOH that this idea is just too costly?

 

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Re: Breaking the bank for a bachelorette party??

  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    Is it $100 for the whole night? Or is that just for starters and more money will be asked of you later?

    Reply... "I'm so sorry, MOH, but my budget is a bit tight right now. I'll have to see what I can do. When do you need to know by?"


    In the meantime... My advice to you is, try to cut corners. Is taking your own car or public transportation cheaper for you? You can offer to meet them there, instead. Or omg, you need to be up early the next morning for work/dentist/graverobbing so you'll have to pass on the hotel stay. (That's what I'm doing... skipping the hotel because I have work. The other girls might get annoyed at me, but I KNOW the bride will understand.)

    You might have to offer what you CAN afford, or skip the bach party and ask the bride if it's okay that the two of you do something on a different night.

    The MOH should have asked everyone's budget, first, before asking people to pay up. That's not fair to you and I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    It doesn't sound ridiculous (because many bach parties are a flight & hotel away), but if it's out of your budget, it's out of your budget. I would tell them asap if you decide to go, or not. The MOH shouldn't have asked for a number without consulting you, anyway. 
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  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    If it's $100 plus your cost of drinks/dinner then definitely speak up and tell her it's out of YOUR budget...don't tell her that her idea is too expensive.  Just tell her you can't swing that amount right now, especially with the cost of the dress for the wedding, gifts, etc.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    If $100 is out of your budget then let the MOH know you'd like to be involved, you just can't afford something like that right now. Suggest a cheaper alternative. 
    *********************************************************************************

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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    What can you afford? I think yes, definitely tell her that's out of your budget, but go into that knowing what would be in your budget. If you're in for a night at home with wine and movies (which sounds fun to me) offer that, but also remember it's okay to just not go, and it's okay for her to say that it's what the bride wants, everyone else is okay with it, and they'll be sorry to miss you.
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  • ashleyepashleyep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited August 2013
    Can you talk to her? $100 doesn't seem like that much to me, so I probably wouldn't bat an eye, but if it's out of your budget, just give her a heads up. Do you *have* to stay in a suite? If you can't afford the hotel, you can go out for the evening and go home.

     I planned my friends and we ended up staying at my place because I didn't want to ask everyone to fork over $60 for a room. And we took the subway in and out of the city. If you have a limo, you might not need a hotel
    Anniversary
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  • MayDay513MayDay513 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments 5 Answers First Anniversary
    smolli88 said:

    Okay, so let me first leave a disclaimer that I'm not sure where this topic goes, so I put it here...hope that's okay with everyone.  Oh, and I'm sorta new to this whole posting thing :)

    Anyways, I am in a friend's wedding this October.  Her MOH has asked for input on bachelorette party ideas, and finally sent us an email today with a plan.  Her idea is to rent a limo and pay for a hotel suite for a night, go out to dinner, hit up some bars, ride around town, then go back to the hotel.  It sounds like fun and I am on board for it.  The problem?  She wants each bridesmaid to fork over $100.  A PIECE. I am barely making it by as it is!!  (And I know I'm not the only one in the group who is strapped for cash!!)  So for one evening, we have to pay for hotel/lodging, food, drinks, and a gift, which can easily cost us over $200 each for a one night event.  (This is on top of paying for a dress, shoes, and accessories for the wedding itself)

    Am I being unreasonable?  Am I just being an old foagie??  
    I guess in hindsight $100 is not THAT much, but considering I don't currently have a full time job, I just don't have any extra money.  Is there a polite way to tell the MOH that this idea is just too costly?

    Did MOH ask for your budget ahead of time? I feel like $100 is reasonable if it is for the whole night. However, I am in no position to talk about your finances and what you have on your plate. If it is possible to save $30-40 a month you would have enough. I would also ask do you have to stay in the hotel? Can you go home instead? That could cut costs.
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  • Pepper6Pepper6 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    $100 does seem reasonable for what's planned, but if she didn't consult anyone's budgets before she planned stuff, then it doesn't matter.  If YOU don't feel comfortable spending $100, plus food & drinks, then definitely speak up.  Hosting/attending pre-wedding parties are 100% optional and if you can't afford it, or just plain don't want to, there is nothing wrong with that.  You definitely shouldn't feel pressured into extending your budget just for a night out.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Yeah, $100 seems right in line with the actual plans, but it sounds like she didn't ask everyone about their respective budgets before she made plans.

    Let the MOH know that this is outside your budget.  Maybe it's also outside the other bridesmaids' budgets too.  If that's the case, hopefully the plans will be modified such that you can participate, but if not, don't feel bad about having to decline.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I agree with pp and I would respond to MOH that you like the ideas that she has come up with but unfortunately that you are not able to afford an evening like that. If you can provide suggestions for some alternatives, but at the very least, let her know what your budget is. The other BM who can't afford it should do the same.

    Not sure what your town is like but maybe you can get a hotel in an area that is within walking distance to places to go out to so then you can cut the expense of the limo. Or instead of getting a hotel room, just do the limo.

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  • Xstatic3333Xstatic3333 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Pepper6 said:

    $100 does seem reasonable for what's planned, but if she didn't consult anyone's budgets before she planned stuff, then it doesn't matter.  If YOU don't feel comfortable spending $100, plus food & drinks, then definitely speak up.  Hosting/attending pre-wedding parties are 100% optional and if you can't afford it, or just plain don't want to, there is nothing wrong with that.  You definitely shouldn't feel pressured into extending your budget just for a night out.

    This, and definitely don't feel guilty about it!
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  • smolli88smolli88 member
    10 Comments Name Dropper

    Thanks for all the responses!!  As far as I'm aware, the $100 does not include dinner or drinks.

     

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  • painterltpainterlt member
    Ninth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    I'm in a similar situation ....along with flying to th city where the bride lives, I am expected to take part in a activity that costs about $100 not including transportation, lodging, gifts and drinks.... I'm a poor grad student so I cannot afford to go..
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    painterlt said:
    I'm in a similar situation ....along with flying to th city where the bride lives, I am expected to take part in a activity that costs about $100 not including transportation, lodging, gifts and drinks.... I'm a poor grad student so I cannot afford to go..
    Then tell whoever is planning this, that you cannot attend!  Don't go broke trying to give the bride all these extras.  While they are nice to provide to the bride, they are not necessary.
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  • kefryarkefryar member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper

    If you can't afford it, tell the MOH. I'm in a wedding in october and the bachelorette party is a beach destination one. I simply told the MOH and bride that I will only be coming for one night, NBD.

    I think that when people are planning extravagant or destination parties, they expect that not everyone will be able to attend.

     

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  • KickAssMOHKickAssMOH member
    Sixth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    When I was younger, I went into credit card debt being a bridesmaid and attending pricey bachelorette parties. You live, you learn! It's just NOT worth it to pay for something you cannot afford in order to please others.
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  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    $100 isn't much at all. Which means that if a fellow bm couldn't pay $100, I wouldn't mind paying $125 so she could still come with us.



    Anniversary
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