First off I apologize if this is not the correct board for this. I posted here because the lady mentioned in this post was originally in the wedding party.
Also, I have talked to a couple other people that I know and a couple other knotties but I wanted to see if other people had the same general opinion....
I posted about the original situation on the etiquette board called Invite Bridal Party Parents (if you want to go and read the original posting and replies) but I have copied and pasted what I said in that post here (regarding the conflicts to keep a long story short-ish) ..... I have a girl as a bridesmaid who is a mutual friend of mine and my fiance's. She is/was an alcoholic for many years but had been sober for 6 years straight. She has been having some personal issues and began drinking again (last 6 month) She has only had 1 episode where we had to go help her. She lives in the apartment right above us and doesn't drive so she does all her drinking in her apartment.
An update on the situation. I talked to her (heart to heart and as a friend not a bride) and she brought up the wedding. She looked my straight in the face and said that she will drink before and after the ceremony and at the reception if she wants to and that she doesn't care if she gets so far gone that she ruins the night. What do I do? I was and still am so shocked that she said that. I know that was rude of her. I am still shocked by it. She refuses to get help. Her parents are aware of the seriousness of the situation and have tried to get her to get help. She would say she can't afford it and they offered to pay. She comes up with one excuse after another. I honestly think she doesn't think she needs help. I saw her mom today and told her what happened, her mom was brought to tears by it because now (and I quote) "my daughter is beginning to hurt others".
The most recent update is that she did not stop the drinking and has mixed it with pain killers (both prescribed and non prescribed) and has been given morphine from people she knows who are not doctors nor are they in the medical field at all. Anyway I tried talking to her as a friend (not a bride) again trying to get her side of things in terms of why she is doing these things (maybe something was going on that I wasn't aware of or something) and it went downhill VERY VERY fast. Anyway it ended up with her texting my FI a very long message the next night saying not nice things about me and saying to "find a new bridesmaid because she was out". Sadly, but honestly, that was a relief for us due to the events that had taken place in the not so long ago past and the recent future. This situation (drinking and pills) has been ongoing for the past 6 months.
Since then she has not apologized (and I am not expecting her to since she has not been one to ever apologize for anything) for things that she said and did but she is acting as if nothing happened and my FI and I are wondering if she thinks she is still in the wedding party. We're not sure how to handle it if she does think that she is in the bridal party. She hasn't mentioned anything wedding related and we're scared to bring it up since we do not know how she will react to the conversation. These events have been with in the past 2 months with the most recent only last week. At this point my FI who is one of the most patient people I know has decided that he is done with her until she gets help.
We have been advised to hold her to her word (what she said) and that is what we are thinking of doing. Anyway, our question is.... do we HOLD her to her word (since we have the messages from her saying she is out) or do we HAVE her in the wedding party?
Please no disrespectful comments about people who are alcoholics. I know everyone has their own opinions about people being alcoholics (which would be an entirely different thread / post). Please answer with what you would do in this situation. Thanks