Embarrassing Bridesmaid

Re: Embarrassing Bridesmaid

• KeptInStitches member

  

  September 2013

  Remember that she and her husband, who you do like very much, gave you the check together. Keep the check, cash it, and write a polite thank-you note.

  

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• Grabows14 member

  

  September 2013

  Just do a generic Thank You note. It's the polite thing to do. Returning the gift seems too rude. 

  Dear So and So,

  Thank you for the beautiful gift. Blah Blah.

  Sincerely Jewelry24 and H.

  

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• misssunshine17 member

  

  September 2013

  Returning the check is a slap in the face, so cash it and send a basic thank you note. 

  
  

  Dear X, 

  Thank you for your generous gift. We plan to use it on XYZ. It will be such a help in the beginning of our marriage. 

  Thanks again, 

  Jewely

  
  

  After that, just let the relationship fizzle. Good for you for not letting it rattle you. 

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• phira member

  

  September 2013

  I would send a very bland thank you note, cash the check, and work on neutrally distancing yourself from her.

  
  

  I think being worried about etiquette when someone else breaks the rules is totally normal. There's this sort of mindset that's very ... "They broke the rules and upset me/everyone, so to show them that's wrong, I'm going to follow the rules."

  
  

  In this case, I think that accepting her generous gift, thanking her, and then distancing yourself from her and ending the friendship both follows etiquette AND is a nice middle finger to her for being a crappy person.

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• jewely24 member

  

  September 2013

  I know, and I do want to remember her husband for sure.  However, understandably he packed up and moved out Sunday morning and I don't know where he will be staying, so I know if I send it to "their" house he'll never even see it.  Considering just sending him one to his parents house for him and the kids and not worrying about her.

  
  

  Seriously, I never in a million years thought I'd be dealing with something like this at my wedding, a month ago my biggest concern was people adding extras to the RSVPs (which no one did!)...

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• KeptInStitches member

  

  September 2013

  In that case, would it be worth sending each of them a thank-you note?

  

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• TheBaysideBride member

  

  September 2013

  keep the money.

  she clearly has issues that have nothing to do w/ you. Something like that.... wow. just wow. beleive me she wanst' thinking about you when she did it....

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• itzMS member

  

  September 2013

  jewely24 said:

  So after 6 months of hectic planning and lots of DIY, we finally got married this weekend.  And it was unbelievably beautiful, more than I ever could have imagined, all of the little kinks somehow worked themselves out and everything went fabulously!  Except for one thing that I'm just not sure how to deal with in a "wedding" sense, as I know exactly how I'll deal with it in a "life" sense.

  
  

  I've known one of my bridesmaids for 10 years, we got super close as she was planning her own wedding and we had continued to be up until the last year or two when things weren't quite as good as they used to be.  But I wanted us to be friends, so I asked her to be a bridesmaid, hoping that would bring us closer again and she would put some kind of effort into our relationship (not my wedding, our relationship).  It wasn't going all that great and I was beginning to think our relationship would just fizzle after the wedding.  Until the reception.  In front of everyone there, including her husband, she made a drunken spectacle of herself cheating on her husband with one of my husband's groomsmen.  I just considered it incredibly disrespectful to me and my husband, our guests and most of all her poor husband, who I'm also very close to.  Just to be clear, this isn't a "she ruined my my special day, how dare her" kind of a thing (she didn't btw, I still married the man of my dreams), it's more of a "how dare she be so selfish, have such little respect and hurt a good friend of mine in such a public way" kind of a thing.

  
  

  So, honestly I have nothing to say to her and have no interest in continuing this relationship.  However she did give us a very generous wedding gift (check).  Do I return it, just never cash it, or do I keep it and enjoy it??  And what the heck do I write in the thank you note????  I'm leaning towards just returning it so that I can just forget the thank you note.  Just not sure what to do, and not sure why I'm so worried about the etiquette, since she never seemed to be....

  What was the cheating?

  I mean, if she had her panties off in the middle of the dance floor, that's one thing...but I don't know if I'd concern yourself so much over a some drunken dance floor kissing to return a gift.
  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  September 2013

  jewely24 said:

  So after 6 months of hectic planning and lots of DIY, we finally got married this weekend.  And it was unbelievably beautiful, more than I ever could have imagined, all of the little kinks somehow worked themselves out and everything went fabulously!  Except for one thing that I'm just not sure how to deal with in a "wedding" sense, as I know exactly how I'll deal with it in a "life" sense.

  
  

  I've known one of my bridesmaids for 10 years, we got super close as she was planning her own wedding and we had continued to be up until the last year or two when things weren't quite as good as they used to be.  But I wanted us to be friends, so I asked her to be a bridesmaid, hoping that would bring us closer again and she would put some kind of effort into our relationship (not my wedding, our relationship).  It wasn't going all that great and I was beginning to think our relationship would just fizzle after the wedding.  Until the reception.  In front of everyone there, including her husband, she made a drunken spectacle of herself cheating on her husband with one of my husband's groomsmen.  I just considered it incredibly disrespectful to me and my husband, our guests and most of all her poor husband, who I'm also very close to.  Just to be clear, this isn't a "she ruined my my special day, how dare her" kind of a thing (she didn't btw, I still married the man of my dreams), it's more of a "how dare she be so selfish, have such little respect and hurt a good friend of mine in such a public way" kind of a thing.

  
  

  So, honestly I have nothing to say to her and have no interest in continuing this relationship.  However she did give us a very generous wedding gift (check).  Do I return it, just never cash it, or do I keep it and enjoy it?? It's from her and her husband. I would cash it and enjoy it.  And what the heck do I write in the thank you note???? "Dear BM and BM's H, Thank you so much for your generous gift. We are so appreciative and plan to use it for _____________. Sincerely, jewely24"  I'm leaning towards just returning it so that I can just forget the thank you note.  Just not sure what to do, and not sure why I'm so worried about the etiquette, since she never seemed to be....

  Her antics at your wedding are a separate issue from her wedding gift. If you want to distance the friendship because of this, go ahead. But this gift is from them as a couple. Not just her.

  *********************************************************************************

  
  

  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  September 2013

  Just send them a thank-you note, cash the check, and then distance yourself from her.  Like you say, she didn't ruin your wedding although she was selfish and disrespectful.
  

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