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Bach party

melbelleupmelbelleup member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Okay, so I know that you can not invite someone to the shower that isn't invited to the wedding, but does the same thing apply for bach parties? I assume yes, but I had to explain it to my fiance as he was talking with his BM about ideas for the party for him but wanted to invite someone who was not invited to the wedding... I told him that they can't invite him but if he wants him to go we can invite him to the wedding we just weren't planning on it... I just want to make sure I'm correct on this...
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Re: Bach party

  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yes, you are correct. Only invite people to the bach who are invited to the wedding. It is unclear from your post, but your Fi should not be planning his own party.
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  • melbelleupmelbelleup member
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    edited September 2013
    Okay I thought so. He's not planning it, his BM just wanted to throw ideas at him and think about the guest list.
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  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
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    Yeah, just have FI say "Hey, BM, thanks for getting my bach party together. I just want to make sure we didn't invite anyone not invited to the wedding. That's kind of a dick move, you know?"
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  • melbelleupmelbelleup member
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    PDKH said:
    Yeah, just have FI say "Hey, BM, thanks for getting my bach party together. I just want to make sure we didn't invite anyone not invited to the wedding. That's kind of a dick move, you know?"
    Yeah, I think what it was was they were thinking of people in the area it's going to be at that could attend it without even thinking about the guest list. When FI told me who they were thinking of having there I shut it down. I then told him who he could have there (list of the guys invited to the wedding) and that we could add more ppl to the wedding if he wants them there then they could be at the bach party.
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  • ElcaBElcaB member
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    I think it'd be awkward. I got invited to a friend's bachelorette but not her wedding. I didn't go because awwwwwkward.  
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  • LakeR2014LakeR2014 member
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    @melbelleup  Although, I agree that's rude, around here, it seems to be the norm for bachelor parties to invite casual friends who aren't invited to the wedding.  Many in my area view it as a guys night out/party and so invite friends of friends, etc.  I don't get it, and have mentioned it to my FI, but all his friends, just see it as a party and like that they get to enjoy the 'party' without the 'fu-fu' wedding, lol.   It's a guys thing.


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  • melbelleupmelbelleup member
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    LakeR2014 said:
    @melbelleup  Although, I agree that's rude, around here, it seems to be the norm for bachelor parties to invite casual friends who aren't invited to the wedding.  Many in my area view it as a guys night out/party and so invite friends of friends, etc.  I don't get it, and have mentioned it to my FI, but all his friends, just see it as a party and like that they get to enjoy the 'party' without the 'fu-fu' wedding, lol.   It's a guys thing.


    Yeah, I think this is how my FI and his BM were viewing it as. Just a big kick back party and time to have fun with the guys. He actually asked me if I wanted a joint party, but I passed. I want a girls night yo! (not that any of my girls have offered and no I didn't go fishing for one either. If I don't get one, that's okay too!)
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  • Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
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    LakeR2014 said:
    @melbelleup  Although, I agree that's rude, around here, it seems to be the norm for bachelor parties to invite casual friends who aren't invited to the wedding.  Many in my area view it as a guys night out/party and so invite friends of friends, etc.  I don't get it, and have mentioned it to my FI, but all his friends, just see it as a party and like that they get to enjoy the 'party' without the 'fu-fu' wedding, lol.   It's a guys thing.


    Same thing happened with FI... his brother always seems to need his entourage with him so he brought some friends to the bach party that are not invited to the wedding. No one really cared.... most guys don't care about things like that.
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  • allispainallispain member
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    bubblegum1309 said:
    LakeR2014 said:
    @melbelleup  Although, I agree that's rude, around here, it seems to be the norm for bachelor parties to invite casual friends who aren't invited to the wedding.  Many in my area view it as a guys night out/party and so invite friends of friends, etc.  I don't get it, and have mentioned it to my FI, but all his friends, just see it as a party and like that they get to enjoy the 'party' without the 'fu-fu' wedding, lol.   It's a guys thing.


    Same thing happened with FI... his brother always seems to need his entourage with him so he brought some friends to the bach party that are not invited to the wedding. No one really cared.... most guys don't care about things like that.
    DH had that happen too - one of his GMs decided to bring his brother with him (weird, since I think DH had met this guy maybe twice before) but I guess the GM just saw it as a chance to have his brother join in on a fun night out.

    My BMs asked if I wanted to some some friends from our grad program join us during my bachelorette party. Since none of them were invited to the wedding, I said thank you but no, I would rather not since I don't want their feelings to be hurt that they won't be at the wedding. My BMs didn't really get where I was coming from (again - they saw it as just a fun night to hang out), but they respected my decision.
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  • LakeR2014LakeR2014 member
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    @bubblegum1309 agreed.   It's a guy free-for-all night with the boys.   No one cares who's wedding or celebration it is, it just means they get to party with the boys.   I say let them do it.  If they don't care, why should we?
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  • clg1213clg1213 member
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    Am I the only one who wondered if this was about some sort of classical music thing?!?  LOL
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  • vk2204vk2204 member
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    You are correct. But most guys don't see the harm in it. I got in to an argument with one of our groomsmen about it, he said it is absolutely okay to be invited to a bach party but not the wedding and he could not understand my reasoning behind it! I wanted to punch him lol and we weren't even talking about my wedding!
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  • ashleyepashleyep member
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    I might not mind being invited to a bachelorette party, depending on who it's for. A coworker or club member that I don't hang out with much, fine, as long as there's no lingerie shower. A friend who I'm not as close to anymore? No thanks, I'm probably already bummed I didn't make the cut.

    That being said, even though I might not mind, I would definitely recommend against doing it.
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