Bridesmaid Issues

zaria115 · September 2013

I've been friends with one of my bridesmaids since the 2nd grade, and I know she has always been odd and arrogant, but I never let it get to me. So, this past weekend we went wine tasting for my bachlorette party and while we were having a drink at a bar after dinner she lost it. The entire weekend she looked miserable and showed up super late and was rolling her eyes at the other girls and myself but we just ignored her and were still nice. But once we were at that bar and we were only on our first real drink of the night and some guys started talking to us and wanted to get us all a round of drinks, so we were all being friendly and having fun, expect the one and she had her arms crossed with a sour expression on her face, well one of the guys said something to the girl and she started swearing and called the security guard over and then she ran out of the bar. She took a cab back to the house we were staying at where my mom and aunt were and was then swearing at my mom and saying that the other girls and I were whores and being inappropriate and stormed out of the house, throwing and pounding on doors, now she wont respond to calls or texts and I don't really know what to do. But I am really shocked and mad since, no one was even drunk and we were standing around talking, it was all pretty tame for a bachlorette party....any advice? And my wedding is in two weeks.

southernbelle0915 · September 2013

zaria115 said:

I've been friends with one of my bridesmaids since the 2nd grade, and I know she has always been odd and arrogant, but I never let it get to me. So, this past weekend we went wine tasting for my bachlorette party and while we were having a drink at a bar after dinner she lost it. More info needed. The entire weekend she looked miserable and showed up super late and was rolling her eyes at the other girls and myself but we just ignored her and were still nice. Did you consider asking your friend why she "looked miserable" and was super late? Also, how was she late if you all were staying in a house together? Perhaps she has something personal going on in her life and needs a friend. But once we were at that bar and we were only on our first real drink of the night and some guys started talking to us and wanted to get us all a round of drinks, so we were all being friendly and having fun, expect the one and she had her arms crossed with a sour expression on her face, well one of the guys said something to the girl and she started swearing and called the security guard over and then she ran out of the bar. What did he say? Are you not at all concerned that he said something offensive to her? As friends, why did no one go with her or make sure she was ok? She took a cab back to the house we were staying at where my mom and aunt were and was then swearing at my mom and saying that the other girls and I were whores and being inappropriate and stormed out of the house, throwing and pounding on doors, now she wont respond to calls or texts and I don't really know what to do. A lot happened in that sentence and it seems a lot is left out. But I am really shocked and mad since, no one was even drunk and we were standing around talking, it was all pretty tame for a bachlorette party....any advice? And my wedding is in two weeks.

Unless she's a grade-A basket case and a lying bitch, you and your friends must have done/said something to lead to this. People don't just call their friends inappropriate whores, storm out on them at the bar, complain to their family and then not answer phone calls or texts. Either a lot is missing out of this story, or she needs serious mental help. I'm willing to bet it's the former.

I'd do some reflecting on what you and your friends may have done to provoke this and write her an email about that (if she's still not answering the phone/texts).

zaria115 · September 2013

So, she came late because she said she had to work, but it turns out she was late because she went out for drinks after she got off work. I asked her if she wanted to carpool numerous times, and she said "No", even the other girls tried to coordinate with her. So, when she arrived she said she was just busy, I left it at that. Everyone was being extreemly nice to her and accommodating. She didn't even pay her portion of the wine tasting, my mom had to.

And when we were out I was standing next to her and I could hear what was being said, and nothing was inappropriate and we were getting ready to leave the bar, and were just wrapping up and getting ready to pay the bill, when she lost it. And I did go out after her and the only thing she could manage to say were cuss words, which no one felt like dealing with, so she got into a cab and left.

When she got back to the house she slammed the cab door shut, pounded on the front door and began swearing at my relatives about how disrespectful the situation was, when I think her behavior was more disrespectful.

kmmssg · September 2013

Have you ever seen her act like this before?

zaria115 · September 2013

No, I have never seen her act this way. I also usually do stuff with her one on one and we have a great time. We even like 2 blocks away from each other, I've heard from her sister and other friends that shes done extreme things, but have never seen it first hand. I'm pretty easy to please and passive, so we usually just do whatever is convenient for her and her work schedule, which is maybe why I haven't seen this side before. But I have no idea what to do.

southernbelle0915 · September 2013

zaria115 said:

So, she came late because she said she had to work, but it turns out she was late because she went out for drinks after she got off work. I asked her if she wanted to carpool numerous times, and she said "No", even the other girls tried to coordinate with her. So, when she arrived she said she was just busy, I left it at that. Everyone was being extreemly nice to her and accommodating. She didn't even pay her portion of the wine tasting, my mom had to.

And when we were out I was standing next to her and I could hear what was being said, and nothing was inappropriate and we were getting ready to leave the bar, and were just wrapping up and getting ready to pay the bill, when she lost it. And I did go out after her and the only thing she could manage to say were cuss words, which no one felt like dealing with, so she got into a cab and left.

When she got back to the house she slammed the cab door shut, pounded on the front door and began swearing at my relatives about how disrespectful the situation was, when I think her behavior was more disrespectful.

zaria115 said:

No, I have never seen her act this way. I also usually do stuff with her one on one and we have a great time. We even like 2 blocks away from each other, I've heard from her sister and other friends that shes done extreme things, but have never seen it first hand. I'm pretty easy to please and passive, so we usually just do whatever is convenient for her and her work schedule, which is maybe why I haven't seen this side before. But I have no idea what to do.

It sounds like there's a lot you don't know. Like I said, unless she's a total basketcase, people don't just act like this. I would reach out to her and let her know you've never seen her this way and you're seriously concerned about her. Ask her if she's ok. From what you said it really sounds like she's unstable and needs help. The fact that you've never seen this side of her makes me think there's something going on.

If not and she pulled this out of thin air, she probably needs mental help and I would hire security at your wedding in case she goes BSC again. If you kick her out or ask her not to come, it will end your friendship with her.

zaria115 · September 2013

Yeah, I would like to avoid kicking her out, I'm not sure if I want to go to that extreme, we've been friends for a long time. But I have a feeling she just won't show up. But who knows what will happen. There are many unknowns with some of this, I keep asking the other girls if they seen something I missed, but everyone says the same thing, and the guys were talking to everyone, but nothing inappropriate.

zaria115 · September 2013

But should I try calling her, or just leave it and wait to hear from her?

KeptInStitches · September 2013

If she doesn't show up, then she doesn't show up. The wedding police won't come arrest you.

Otherwise I'd give it a couple days, then maybe call her up and ask if she wants to go get coffee. You could talk about that night (as friends, outside the context of the wedding) and try to sort out what happened.

Xstatic3333 · September 2013

zaria115 said:
But should I try calling her, or just leave it and wait to hear from her?

I'd call her and ask if she's ok. Say you've never seen her so upset, you're worried, and you want to help. If she doesn't call back, I'd give it a few days before you try again. Is there any reason to think she was unhappy with the bachelorette plan? Is she going through anything with work, her health, or her SO?

ceceibson · September 2013

OP, you said this girl was drinking after work before she arrived at your bachelorette party. That may be your answer.

I dated a guy once who would every so often have an "episode" like you describe. It made no sense to me at the time because we were drinking the same amount and it wasn't much. Maybe 2 or 3 drinks into our evening, he would go completely crazy.

Turns out he in fact had a terrible drinking problem. To the point where he was drinking at work for several hours before he and I got together. So, while I thought he had consumed what I had -- 2 or 3 drinks -- the truth was he had been drinking for hours prior.

Just throwing that out there. I'm sorry this happened. From what I can read, it sounds like your bachelorette was otherwise a lovely, appropriate, gathering with friends.

cowgirl8238 · September 2013

I would definitly call your friend and explain your concern over the issue. I also like the idea of taking her out for coffee and discussing things (just the two of you). There is probably something that went terribly wrong for your friend that you are unaware of. I know for some, this behavoir would be meant to attract attention to themselves, so I would start with concerned and see how much she will tell you.

zaria115 · September 2013

So, I did call her and I left a nice and friendly message, but she won't call me back, she texted last night and said she won't speak to me unless it's in person, so I've been trying to find a time that works for her and I, but shes making it extremely difficult and the wedding is in 10 days. But in her text she did include that she no longer wants to be in the wedding... So, I guess that is that.

saseblon73 · October 2013

I am so sorry to hear that. :-( I can relate to you since my MOH is the same way right now. I have decided to just roll with it and see how it turns out. I have told the rest of the wedding party to just ignore her comments and bad attitude looks. She either comes around or she doesn't, but either way, I won't let it affect the rest of my wedding. I hope after all this that you two got to talk and figure things out.

jennybean1121 · October 2013

zaria115 said:

I've been friends with one of my bridesmaids since the 2nd grade, and I know she has always been odd and arrogant, but I never let it get to me. So, this past weekend we went wine tasting for my bachlorette party and while we were having a drink at a bar after dinner she lost it. The entire weekend she looked miserable and showed up super late and was rolling her eyes at the other girls and myself but we just ignored her and were still nice. But once we were at that bar and we were only on our first real drink of the night and some guys started talking to us and wanted to get us all a round of drinks, so we were all being friendly and having fun, expect the one and she had her arms crossed with a sour expression on her face, well one of the guys said something to the girl and she started swearing and called the security guard over and then she ran out of the bar. She took a cab back to the house we were staying at where my mom and aunt were and was then swearing at my mom and saying that the other girls and I were whores and being inappropriate and stormed out of the house, throwing and pounding on doors, now she wont respond to calls or texts and I don't really know what to do. But I am really shocked and mad since, no one was even drunk and we were standing around talking, it was all pretty tame for a bachlorette party....any advice? And my wedding is in two weeks.

Do you think that maybe she is jealous that all the attention is on you and you're getting married? The definition of arrogant is "having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one's own importance or abilities" and feeling superior. Making a scene puts attention on her even if it's negative. She probably showed up miserable because she wanted you all to ask "why?" "what's wrong?". There's a good chance that you haven't seen this side because maybe she hasn't had to be jealous over anything yet and you both have been equals since 2nd grade. She may have stormed off because on top of getting married more men are hitting on you!! Just my opinion though!! Maybe let her know that she's important and if there are any single guys drop some hints? Talk with her about what happened that night, if you don't ask you'll never know!

Jen4948 · October 2013

zaria115 said:

So, I did call her and I left a nice and friendly message, but she won't call me back, she texted last night and said she won't speak to me unless it's in person, so I've been trying to find a time that works for her and I, but shes making it extremely difficult and the wedding is in 10 days. But in her text she did include that she no longer wants to be in the wedding... So, I guess that is that.

Sounds like you're dodging a bullet. Is there any possibility that she has some kind of psychiatric issue that would explain her behavior? I'm not trying to be an armchair doctor here, but maybe that's the explanation.

erinlin25 · October 2013

She was drinking after work before wine tasting and then a bar? That seems odd, but OK. besides the point, she is your best friend, you've been friends for a long time. Something is obviously not right/bothering her, so stop being a bride for a minute and talk to your friend as a friend. Make time to see her and see what's up with her. Leave the wedding out of it for now. If she shows up great, if not Oh well, you will still get married. I hope all is well with your friend and that you can clear this up so you can enjoy your wedding week. If she avoids contact, let it go for now so you can enjoy this time. Sorry you have to deal with this. But try to keep the wedding out of it and find out what is wrong with your friend (whether she is a bridesmaid or not!)

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