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mom not involved

tabby24802000tabby24802000 member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
i am 31 years old and getting married for the second time.  I have two little boys (10 and 5).  My fiance has never been married and when i married the first time i went to the courthouse and got married in an old prom dress.  i had no one there except my parents brother and grandpap.

Since day one my mom has been negative saying "i dont know why you have to have a big (im having 115 people) weddding you have been married.  I have tried explaining to her that he hasnt and i never did.  it has come to the point where we have made it clear we are paying for it all and we are NOT asing her or anyone else to pay anything. 

Heres the problem she seems as if she doesnt care.  When i piced out our colors she just ok.  When we piced out our invitations she didnt say anything about them.  We have gotten other wedding things and she just blows it off.  i have told everyone when we are going dress shopping and my sister in law has just had a baby and my mom has volunteered to stay home and watch him since we were making it a girl day.

How do I get her to be happy and want to be involved?  or do i just ignorfe it and try to move past it?
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Re: mom not involved

  • covejackcovejack
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think it's best if you just move past it.  Your Mom has made it clear that she's not interested in wedding planning with you.  You'll drive yourself nuts trying to get her to be happy and involved.  Do yourself a favour, and don't expect too much of her on this.  Good luck with your planning and congrats.
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  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Since your wedding is still over a year away, there really isn't a lot to get excited about.  Perhaps when it gets closer she'll be a little more into it.  However, don't hold your breath, and don't be disappointed if she doesn't get terribly excited, ever.
    Planning Bio
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  • mcskatcatmcskatcat member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I think she's made it clear that she's not interested.  TBH, some people just don't give a damn about all the wedding details.  That might partly be it.  I think you should find someone else to share your excitement with - like your FI. 

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  • tabby24802000tabby24802000 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    my mom was actively involved in my sister's and brothers in law wedding which is why i was shocked she acted this way.  But as some of you said i am going to try and let it go because i wont be disapointed. thanks
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  • mcskatcatmcskatcat member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Good to hear, Tabby.  I wouldn't give her the chance to disappoint you.  Good luck!
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  • Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-not-involved?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:74b69312-f2ab-4b84-b411-0008496f1ac6Post:6a47a483-51cb-4913-81c6-b24b77e55bc7">Re: mom not involved</a>:
    [QUOTE]Stop sharing your plans with her. Keep everything on a need-to-know basis. It's nice if mom is excited,  but since you know she isn't, don't open yourself up for her criticism.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    This!
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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  • mob2689mob2689
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with other none to minimal talk to her about your wedding. I am just courious, and you don't have to answer it on here. Does she like your FI? If not, that could explain her comments.
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  • tabby24802000tabby24802000 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    sheloves my Fiance in fact ev eryone in my family does.



    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-not-involved?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:74b69312-f2ab-4b84-b411-0008496f1ac6Post:e308d0a4-36b8-4ce5-b62b-e590644874cf">Re: mom not involved</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with other none to minimal talk to her about your wedding. I am just courious, and you don't have to answer it on here. Does she like your FI? If not, that could explain her comments.
    Posted by mob2689[/QUOTE]
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  • bstentbstent member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This makes me sad.... How is your relationship with your mom usually? You say she was involved in your brother's wedding, are her and your brother closer than you and her are? It just seems weird if this isn't her typical behaviour. I know a lot of PP say to stop talking to her about it and lower your expectations, but before doing that if it was me I'd sit down and talk to my mom about it and find out her reasons. It really depends on the type of relationship you have, though.
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  • tabby24802000tabby24802000 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    we are normally close that is why it hurts. 
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