Speaking of gifts, interesting article

loca4pook · October 2013

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/25/fashion/weddings/when-you-cant-forget-the-gifts-you-didnt-get.html?pagewanted=all&_r=2&

loca4pook · October 2013

continuation of that article..

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/01/fashion/weddings/empty-handed-guests-just-forgive-or-forget.html?ref=weddings

We all say "gifts arewn't requirements" but truth be told, everyone I know can EASILY name the people who did not give a gift! LOL. It does seem to be true

Also, it mentions a good point about the "year to give a gift". I like how it says "what are they waiting for? To see if the marriage fails".

I think that is a kinda of a good point. Why would someone wait entire year to actually give a gift? Anyone here actually get a wedding gift a year later? If so, what was the context?!?

I hear people say "you have a year" but does anyone actually do that?!??!

LDubHawksFan · October 2013

I will admit that at first I was really surprised how many people didn't give us gifts, and I remember for the most part who they were (it was like a third of our guestlist), but I got over it really quickly.
We've had 2 people mention after the wedding how they need to give us a gift, sil like 2 months after, and a friend like two months ago! Ha and actually a few weeks ago my in-laws' neighbor came over with a card and gc as our present almost a year later, so it happens I guess.

HisGirlFriday13 · October 2013

loca4pook said:

continuation of that article..

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/01/fashion/weddings/empty-handed-guests-just-forgive-or-forget.html?ref=weddings

We all say "gifts arewn't requirements" but truth be told, everyone I know can EASILY name the people who did not give a gift! LOL. It does seem to be true

Also, it mentions a good point about the "year to give a gift". I like how it says "what are they waiting for? To see if the marriage fails".

I think that is a kinda of a good point. Why would someone wait entire year to actually give a gift? Anyone here actually get a wedding gift a year later? If so, what was the context?!?

I hear people say "you have a year" but does anyone actually do that?!??!

I did. Twice, actually. One of my best friends from college and my cousin got married a month apart. I crocheted them full-sized blankets -- a feat that takes a not insubstantial amount of time, thankyouverymuch -- and I couldn't get them done before their weddings. It took me until about nine months after the first wedding, 10 months after the second, to get them both done and mailed to them.

In both cases, I had no beliefs the marriages would fail; I just couldn't physically get their gifts done any faster. I mean, I suppose I could have given them a different gift, but I really didn't want to.

NYCBruin · October 2013

loca4pook said:

continuation of that article..

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/01/fashion/weddings/empty-handed-guests-just-forgive-or-forget.html?ref=weddings

We all say "gifts arewn't requirements" but truth be told, everyone I know can EASILY name the people who did not give a gift! LOL. It does seem to be true

Also, it mentions a good point about the "year to give a gift". I like how it says "what are they waiting for? To see if the marriage fails".

I think that is a kinda of a good point. Why would someone wait entire year to actually give a gift? Anyone here actually get a wedding gift a year later? If so, what was the context?!?

I hear people say "you have a year" but does anyone actually do that?!??!

I have. Not a full year, but maybe about 6 months. It had nothing to do with not thinking the marriage was going to last. I was in law school and just wasn't in a good place financially at the time of the wedding. I waited until the summer to give a gift when I had more disposable income from my summer job and wasn't paying tuition.

allispain · October 2013

I would just like to say, I think it's ridiculous that the first article calls these couples who have a handful of guests who didn't give them gifts "giftless couples." So, all the other gifts they received don't count? I'm sorry that's just silly.

Now, do I remember who did and didn't give me gifts at my wedding? Sure I do - I got married only a couple months ago and I have a very good, detail-oriented memory. One of those people was my own sister - who lives paycheck to paycheck, and I was just happy that she was able to take a couple days off of work to come to my wedding, due one of the ceremony readings, and celebrate with us. Who cares if she bought me a present or gave me a check? She was there.

SomethingBeautiful08 · October 2013

"The greatest gift is a portion of one's self"~ Emerson. That is one bad part about keeping such close tabs on wedding counts is that it makes those that didn't give gifts stand out. That is one reason I kept our guest list tracker seperate from any tool I used to make sure I wrote thank you notes.

Aray82 · October 2013

loca4pook said:
continuation of that article..

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/01/fashion/weddings/empty-handed-guests-just-forgive-or-forget.html?ref=weddings

We all say "gifts arewn't requirements" but truth be told, everyone I know can EASILY name the people who did not give a gift! LOL. It does seem to be true

Also, it mentions a good point about the "year to give a gift". I like how it says "what are they waiting for? To see if the marriage fails".

I think that is a kinda of a good point. Why would someone wait entire year to actually give a gift? Anyone here actually get a wedding gift a year later? If so, what was the context?!?

I hear people say "you have a year" but does anyone actually do that?!??!

Actually--my FI goes by the year rule and I'm trying to break him of this habit :P

loca4pook · October 2013

Make sense of crocheting a blanket or financial reasons...Question for you both. Did you tell them "I have a gift and this is why you don't have it yet" kinda thing? The reason I ask is..I do think friendships get lost over things like this, so i personally would be worried the person would think I just didnt't feel like giving a gift, rather than i had a genuine plan to give them something at a later time.

natswild · October 2013

At my brother's best friend's wedding, I gave them a card, and told them that I would do a painting of the two of them, so got some photos of them, and finished it 6months later. It still sits in their living room

WinstonsGirl · October 2013

We just received a handmade quilt for a wedding gift. We've been married 1.5 years. Another couple has told us they still have a wedding gift for us, but we haven't seen them much since they're building their own house and are super busy (i.e., they go to work and come home and are building it themselves). I still think the thought is nice of them and am happy they're even thinking of us at this point

MyNameIsNot · October 2013

loca4pook said:

Make sense of crocheting a blanket or financial reasons...Question for you both. Did you tell them "I have a gift and this is why you don't have it yet" kinda thing? The reason I ask is..I do think friendships get lost over things like this, so i personally would be worried the person would think I just didnt't feel like giving a gift, rather than i had a genuine plan to give them something at a later time.

Who ends a friendship over no wedding gift?

If someone decided not to be friends with me anymore because I hadn't gotten them a wedding gift, I wouldn't want to be friends with them anyway.

HisGirlFriday13 · October 2013

loca4pook said:
Make sense of crocheting a blanket or financial reasons...Question for you both. Did you tell them "I have a gift and this is why you don't have it yet" kinda thing? The reason I ask is..I do think friendships get lost over things like this, so i personally would be worried the person would think I just didnt't feel like giving a gift, rather than i had a genuine plan to give them something at a later time.

One of the women was my cousin, whom I am so close to we are almost sisters, and one of them was my BFF from college, whom I actually set up with her husband. In neither case was I worried that they would stop being my friend.

But I did ask for input -- what colours would they like, which room they wanted it to match, etc. -- so they knew it was coming.

I agree with PPs; if people stop being my friend over a wedding present, they weren't very good friends to begin with.

delujm0 · October 2013

i certainly hope that all of these brides that are so incensed that they didn't get gifts from one or two people were writing out timely thank-you notes to everyone else. I would be a lot less insulted about not receiving a gift than i am when i give someone a gift and they can't seem to write a thank you note for it. And i know they got it...because 99% of the time, it is a check, and it gets cashed.

i do NOT agree with the article's suggestion that the bride "gently" ask these people if they sent a gift in the guise of thank you note completion. that is so rude. unless you have received a gift and truly don't know who sent it, this shouldn't be mentioned. technically, you are not owed a gift. drop it.

i do kind of agree with the passive-aggressive "hey did you get my gift? i haven't received a thank you note so i wasn't sure" though. seriously, lack of thank you note is one of the worst transgressions in my opinion.

Xstatic3333 · October 2013

I know who didn't give a gift for exactly that reason; I triple checked to make sure I didn't miss any TYs. It will affect my relationship with these people zero.

ETA We missed a couple of gifts back when I trusted H, then BF, to take care of it for his own friends. I still feel awful and am trying to make up for it with baby gifts.

daveANDkristen · October 2013

OMG the part about "gently" mentioning the lack of gift under the guise of TY note completion was the worst part, to me. Who could bring themselves to do that?

A few people didn't get us a gift, and I truly could not care less. The only people who pissed me off a bit were the family members who RSVP'd yes and then no-showed, and on top of that never sent a gift. Only because I think it's rude as fuck that they were included in my headcount but couldn't be bothered to show up, and when I say gift, I really mean even a congratulatory card.

Speaking of gifts, interesting article

Re: Speaking of gifts, interesting article

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