More Kid Problems

delujm0 · October 2013

A few points here:

1) ok the cousin's wife situation seems odd - if they are separated and living apart, it would be technically fine for her to not be invited. I would follow up with your cousin on their status before sending invites though...because if they are officially back together (and a pregnancy may be the catalyst for this happening), it is completely rude and against etiquette to leave her off of the invitation.

2) you are under no obligation to invite babies, toddlers, children, etc. It is a completely reasonable cutoff to say your niece/nephew can come but no other children.

I would consider the newborn angle though, especially if your reception isn't accessible to where the newborns would be left (and if you really want the mothers there). Newborns need to be fed every 3-4 hours, and breastfeeding moms need to feed or pump that often as well. We are only inviting one child to our wedding: our niece/nephew (due Thursday!) who will be about 8 months old at the time. We have a few other friends and relatives with children who won't be invited.

I saw two of my friends who are currently pregnant and due before the wedding - one will have a 4 month old and the other will have a 2 month old at the time. The mother of the 2 month old also will have a 2 year old. I told them if it's easier for them to bring the newborns, that is fine. But they both said no way - the wedding would be their first chance to get drunk and really blow it out since the births and they were looking forward to "pumping and dumping." Both of them have parents in the area who can babysit.

The mother of the 2 month old, whose husband is a groomaman, is planning to leave the 2 year old with her parents and have a sitter with the 2 month old at the hotel (which is across the street from the venue). She is planning to run to the hotel between the ceremony and reception to pump so that she'll be good for the rest of the night, and she figured if there's trouble with the baby she'll be close enough to go deal with it. The sitter is a friend of hers that she chose herelf.

I do have a cousin who lives in New Zealand and has two children...i don't antitipate him making the trip for the wedding, but if he does i will obviously allow him to bring his children - it's the least i can do if he and his wife are brave enough to bring two small children on about 28 hours worth of flights!

The point of all of this is: newborns sleep constantly and are rarely fussy - so allowing nursing mothers to bring them along shouldn't be a huge problem, and offering that is a nice thing to do, even though it might not even be taken advantage of. However, you are in no way required to do so if you don't want to.

PennyMMH · October 2013

alisonmarie658 said:

PennyMMH said:

I probably should have clarified better. I'm having a small wedding. I am only inviting so many people. I've already had to cut people that I actually WANT at my wedding. The wife I'm not inviting, is separated from my cousin. He still uses her as a booty call. She only got pregnant, because my sister and other cousin did, and she doesn't like everybody else getting the attention she feels she deserves. She'd probably show up wearing white. I may sound like I'm being petty or all bridezilla-ish, but I only get 1 wedding day and I don't feel I should have to worry about screaming babies during the ceremony, little brats putting their fingers in the icing of the cake or somebody else whining because she's not the center of attention.

As soon as you invite people to your wedding, it is no longer just about you. Grow up and learn how to deal with people like an adult.

Funny. Seeing as how in an article on how guests can ruin a wedding (12 Ways to Ruin a Wedding), The Knot rates my issue as a 4 out of 5 on the Totally Ruined Wedding Scale. Hmmm. So does that mean the writer of that article needs to "grow up and learn how to deal with people like an adult", as well?

OliveOilsMom · October 2013

PennyMMH said:

I understand that it's not all about me. And I can deal with people like an adult. But why should any of my other guests have to put up with it either? Should my grandmother have to worry about ushering out a crying baby? Should my mother have to worry about making sure nobody sticks their fingers in the cake? I don't feel they should. They should be able to have a good time just like the rest of us.

Why would grandma usher out the crying baby? Is she the mother? Probably not. The parents should be the one who takes the crying baby out of the ceremony. They should have enough sense to do that. And the nieces and nephews you are inviting to your wedding, could easliy be the ones who stick their fingers in the cake! My very well behaved nephew did just that at my brother's wedding. And guess what? It didn't ruin the day!

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

PennyMMH said: alisonmarie658 said: PennyMMH said:

I probably should have clarified better. I'm having a small wedding. I am only inviting so many people. I've already had to cut people that I actually WANT at my wedding. The wife I'm not inviting, is separated from my cousin. He still uses her as a booty call. She only got pregnant, because my sister and other cousin did, and she doesn't like everybody else getting the attention she feels she deserves. She'd probably show up wearing white. I may sound like I'm being petty or all bridezilla-ish, but I only get 1 wedding day and I don't feel I should have to worry about screaming babies during the ceremony, little brats putting their fingers in the icing of the cake or somebody else whining because she's not the center of attention.

As soon as you invite people to your wedding, it is no longer just about you. Grow up and learn how to deal with people like an adult.

Funny. Seeing as how in an article on how guests can ruin a wedding (10 Ways to Ruin a Wedding), The Knot rates my issue as a 4 out of 5 on the Totally Ruined Wedding Scale. Hmmm. So does that mean the writer of that article needs to "grow up and learn how to deal with people like an adult", as well?
________________________________________________

I think I took a Cosmo quiz once that rated me a 9 of 10 on needing to consider broadening my sexual horizons like surprising my honey in the bedroom. So obviously I went and bought a sexy halloween costume.

And obviously ratings and quizzes are always right (versus normal common sense), so I went and bought this:

This story is not true, but demonstrates how stupid ratings and quizzes are and how they make people justify ridiculous behavior.

ETA: quote boxes...

PennyMMH · October 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

PennyMMH said:

alisonmarie658 said:

PennyMMH said:

I probably should have clarified better. I'm having a small wedding. I am only inviting so many people. I've already had to cut people that I actually WANT at my wedding. The wife I'm not inviting, is separated from my cousin. He still uses her as a booty call. She only got pregnant, because my sister and other cousin did, and she doesn't like everybody else getting the attention she feels she deserves. She'd probably show up wearing white. I may sound like I'm being petty or all bridezilla-ish, but I only get 1 wedding day and I don't feel I should have to worry about screaming babies during the ceremony, little brats putting their fingers in the icing of the cake or somebody else whining because she's not the center of attention.

As soon as you invite people to your wedding, it is no longer just about you. Grow up and learn how to deal with people like an adult.

Funny. Seeing as how in an article on how guests can ruin a wedding (10 Ways to Ruin a Wedding), The Knot rates my issue as a 4 out of 5 on the Totally Ruined Wedding Scale. Hmmm. So does that mean the writer of that article needs to "grow up and learn how to deal with people like an adult", as well?

________________________________________________

I think I took a Cosmo quiz once that rated me a 9 of 10 on needing to consider broadening my sexual horizons like surprising my honey in the bedroom. So obviously I went and bought a sexy halloween costume.

And obviously ratings and quizzes are always right (versus normal common sense), so I went and bought this:

This story is not true, but demonstrates how stupid ratings and quizzes are and how they make people justify ridiculous behavior.

ETA: quote boxes...

Point taken.

banana468 · October 2013

I'm not understanding the desire to beat on the OP for doing something that's more than acceptable.

dramamonkey · October 2013

Slightly relevant side note:

FI and I have invited his co-worker/friend and his wife. They are VERY excited for the wedding - even though I've never met the wife - because they don't get to go out much. They have six kids under the age of eight, including an infant who will be 5 months old.

They booked one sitter for the other 5 kids MONTHS ago (before we sent the invitations), and are hoping to find a second sitter and/or family member who can watch the infant.

FI and I decided to make an infants exception for our wedding, however, because FI really wants them to be there even If they can't find a sitter. It's not what they want to do, but if it comes down to it, they'll bring the little one, sit in the back, and leave if baby starts to make a fuss. Most people are adults and know how to handle a crying infant.

grumbledore · October 2013

PennyMMH said:

alisonmarie658 said:

PennyMMH said:

I probably should have clarified better. I'm having a small wedding. I am only inviting so many people. I've already had to cut people that I actually WANT at my wedding. The wife I'm not inviting, is separated from my cousin. He still uses her as a booty call. She only got pregnant, because my sister and other cousin did, and she doesn't like everybody else getting the attention she feels she deserves. She'd probably show up wearing white. I may sound like I'm being petty or all bridezilla-ish, but I only get 1 wedding day and I don't feel I should have to worry about screaming babies during the ceremony, little brats putting their fingers in the icing of the cake or somebody else whining because she's not the center of attention.

As soon as you invite people to your wedding, it is no longer just about you. Grow up and learn how to deal with people like an adult.

Funny. Seeing as how in an article on how guests can ruin a wedding (12 Ways to Ruin a Wedding), The Knot rates my issue as a 4 out of 5 on the Totally Ruined Wedding Scale. Hmmm. So does that mean the writer of that article needs to "grow up and learn how to deal with people like an adult", as well?

As oft mentioned, TK is not always the best source or correct/good info/advice. However pps are in agreement that it's okay not to invite the baby in question.

doeydo · October 2013

I don't want babies or kids at my wedding either and it's perfectly acceptable to not invite them. OP, I share your nightmare of "screaming babies during the ceremony, little brats putting their fingers in the icing of the cake or somebody else whining because she's not the center of attention." As long as your cousin is calling himself "single", even if he still uses a "booty-call" or two, then you don't have to invite the wife he is separated from. Just omit the children's names from the invite. If your cousin (or any other guests whose kids you aren't inviting) RSVPs with their kids, then you give them a phone call to tell them that you are sorry but the invite was only meant for Mr. John Doe.

Jen4948 · October 2013

Just put the names of the people you want invited on your invitation. If you don't want to invite someone's baby, even if it's a newborn, then leave the baby's name off the invitation. You are not required to invite every single baby, newborn or no. It is rude for parents to expect invitations for their children, newborn or not, just because they are children/toddlers/babies/newborns. Their options are to come without the baby or not at all, and you do need to accept it graciously if they choose not to come. But you are not required to defend your decision to invite one child but not another.

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