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Mom making me feel bad

crystaldblcrystaldbl
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in Moms and Maids
The past week we have ordered invitations, the veil, headband, shoes and just been making some final decisions. I have asked my mom her opinion but in the end I have the final say. She wanted to change the invitation wording. I said no. She suggested a first dance song. I said no. She emailed me a picture of a veil and headband. I chose different ones. When deciding on the RSVP date I went with what she said and she made a comment about finally getting to make a decision. Now I feel bad. I always ask her opinion but we are extremely different people and just don't have the same tastes. We aren't fighting over it or anything. I just feel guilty after her comment about not having a say. I think that was her point. Sorry just needed to vent.
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Re: Mom making me feel bad

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Who is paying for the wedding?  If she is contributing, she should get some say in these things. If not, it is nice if you can at least find SOME stuff she could "win." This is a big deal to moms!  
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • AmsdragonflyAmsdragonfly member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    If she's paying for part of it, give her a little say. For instance, my mom is buying my gown for me, and she has been going gown shopping with me. I know I have the final say, but if she tells me something doesn't look "me" I take her opinion and move on. :) She knows what I like and she's trying to help, as I'm sure your mom is just trying to help. Either way, when you do say no, try to be gentle about it. For instance, " I really love the color blue about what you picked mom, but not so much the size/other colors invonved, etc.. Could we try to find something similar, but a little closer the what I was looking for?" Say something positive if you can. 
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  • crystaldblcrystaldbl
    First Comment
    In Response to Re:Mom making me feel bad:[QUOTE]Who is paying for the wedding? nbsp;If she is contributing, she should get some say in these things. If not, it is nice if you can at least find SOME stuff she could quot;win.quot; This is a big deal to moms! nbsp; Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]


    I paid for the invitations. She paid for the shoes. Which we did agree on. She offered to pay for the veil and headband. If she wants to bail on paying for them because it's not what she picked than that is fine. I'm planning on paying for everything. I don't expect her to pay for anything. I also don't want to be guilted into wearing something I don't like just because she offered to pay for it.
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited February 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-making-me-feel-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:dc56621e-1b52-4e72-b8de-198d57ca7a1dPost:4eff54eb-1e8b-45e6-9a53-619e74b18242">Mom making me feel bad</a>:
    [QUOTE]The past week we have ordered invitations, the veil, headband, shoes and just been making some final decisions. I have asked my mom her opinion but in the end I have the final say. <strong>She wanted to change the invitation wording. I said no</strong>. She suggested a first dance song. I said no. She emailed me a picture of a veil and headband. I chose different ones. When deciding on the RSVP date I went with what she said and she made a comment about finally getting to make a decision. Now I feel bad. I always ask her opinion but we are extremely different people and just don't have the same tastes. We aren't fighting over it or anything. I just feel guilty after her comment about not having a say. I think that was her point. Sorry just needed to vent.
    Posted by crystaldbl[/QUOTE]

    If she's not paying she doesn't get to decide; but at the same time if you aren't going to take her opinions into account why ask for them?  I showed my mom the jewelry pieces I was considering, but it's b/c I legitimately wanted her opinion. First dance song is definitely something that the B&G should determine on their own, but I agree with PPs that you should be nice about it (not saying you weren't, but "I said no" doesn't let us know how the conversation actually went)

    the one thing that did make me take pause, however, was the bolded.  I'm curious how she wanted to change it that you just shot it down.  I feel like usually that's one spot where the parents sign off is kind of important since it can lead to some seriously hurt feelings (whether justified or not)

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  • crystaldblcrystaldbl
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-making-me-feel-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:dc56621e-1b52-4e72-b8de-198d57ca7a1dPost:b8a22f7d-dd1b-4fd6-bb19-d372704eb82a">Re: Mom making me feel bad</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Mom making me feel bad : If she's not paying she doesn't get to decide; but at the same time if you aren't going to take her opinions into account why ask for them?  I showed my mom the jewelry pieces I was considering, but it's b/c I legitimately wanted her opinion. First dance song is definitely something that the B&G should determine on their own, but I agree with PPs that you should be nice about it (not saying you weren't, but "I said no" doesn't let us know how the conversation actually went) the one thing that did make me take pause, however, was the bolded.  I'm curious how she wanted to change it that you just shot it down.  I feel like usually that's one spot where the parents sign off is kind of important since it can lead to some seriously hurt feelings (whether justified or not)
    Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]

    I had it worded:
    Request the pleasure of your company at the celebration of their marriage.

    She wanted:
    Request your attendance at their wedding.

    I do want her opinions. I just don't want to feel guilty when I don't have the same opinions as her.
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