Are there exceptions to the "don't wear white to a wedding" rule?

KickAssMOH · October 2013

I'm attending a friend's costume party wedding, and was planning to borrow costumes from a coworker (H and I are not that into halloween and didn't feel like spending time/money planning outfits we'd never use again). My coworker brought me a cleopatra outfit and some matching guy cosutme. The cleopatra gown is bright shiny satiny WHITE. Crap. I'm close with the B&G and would never want to offend or upset, but are costume weddings an exception? I've been told that she'll be keeping her white gown on for both the ceremony and reception. What would you do?

melbelleup · October 2013

Nope. I'd be upset if you wore white. Go to walmart, you can find cheap costumes there or ask your friend(s) if they have anything that isn't white.

climbingsingle · October 2013

I'd never wear white to a wedding under any circumstances.

delujm0 · October 2013

The only time it's appropriate to wear white is if you are in the wedding party and the bride has for some reason selected white BM dresses.

However, i do have to ask - with a costume wedding is the bride even wearing white? i think it would be pretty weird for the bride and groom to be wearing traditional wedding attire while all of the gusts are in halloween costumes. i mean if the bride isn't wearing white, i guess you can go ahead and do it.

KatWAG · October 2013

I wouldnt wear it. Can you dress in all black? Maybe a LBD and some fun tights. Add cat ears and a tail and be done with it.

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

I would find an alternative. When is the wedding? If it's next weekend, hit the after halloween sales. You could get a great costume for at least 50% off.

The only other thing I can think of would be to find a giant purple/gold sash/scarf/drape-y thing and drape it so that gold/purple is the majority color of your costume.

photokitty · October 2013

IMHO if you have a wedding costume party you have already thrown all the traditional rules out. You know the other rule about not dressing slutty at a wedding - 75% of all women's Halloween costumes are sexy something-or-another. I think if you dress as cleopatra it's fine, princess Leia also fine, a ghost in a white sheet - go for it...BUT...dressing as a bride NOT fine. Otherwise if you tell people what to wear you can't expect anything but that they comply with your costume request.

And I am appalled at guests in white at weddings!! But I think a costume party negates the no white rule.

Maggie0829 · October 2013

I'm sorry I got stuck at the "costume party wedding" portion of this post.

photokitty · October 2013

If she bought it for you and you get to keep it and don't want to wear white - Can you buy a rit dye cheap at the grocery store and dye it a color? Or wear the accessories with a dress you already own? One that will no doubt fit better and look hot on

bunni727 · October 2013

Why not just ask your friend what she's wearing? She might not even be wearing white anyway.

Someone wore white to my wedding, and it was no big deal to me, but I usually avoid it because some people do care about that kind of thing.

krizzo17 · October 2013

photokitty said:

IMHO if you have a wedding costume party you have already thrown all the traditional rules out. You know the other rule about not dressing slutty at a wedding - 75% of all women's Halloween costumes are sexy something-or-another. I think if you dress as cleopatra it's fine, princess Leia also fine, a ghost in a white sheet - go for it...BUT...dressing as a bride NOT fine. Otherwise if you tell people what to wear you can't expect anything but that they comply with your costume request.

This.

KickAssMOH · October 2013

I solved my problem! I'm wearing another long dress I have that is not white, and just adding the "cleopatra" accessories. I was also just really excited to hear people's perspectives on a costume party wedding. B&G are my good friends and I love them, so I'm trying not to be judgey... But it makes me feel better when I can hear it from all of you guys instead

JoanE2012 · October 2013

Maggie0829 said:
I'm sorry I got stuck at the "costume party wedding" portion of this post.

This.

Maggie0829 · October 2013

@KickAssMOH - will the bride and groom be in costume? And if so, what will they be dressed as?

You will need to come back and post some pictures (you can always smudge out the faces for identity purposes). I really am interested to see what this is going to look like.

climbingsingle · October 2013

Yes, please come back with pictures!

cowgirl8238 · October 2013

I third the pictures!

KickAssMOH · October 2013

It's going to be like a frat party!!! ...but with kids there .... celebrating the marriage of two really goofy people. Their wedding website asked that their guests not dress inappropriately, so there shouldn't be many "slutty ____" costumes. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> The groom has "something amazing planned" for his costume, which I am very much looking forward to seeing. The Bride is going to wear the same white dress for both the ceremony and (3 hours later, too much gap!...but i guess we all needed time to change) reception, but will be adding to her outfit to make it more of a cosutme.

MrsLillyG · October 2013

No white imo. Wear a dress, pin a gift bow and card to it ($2?) and call yourself a birthday present.

Maggie0829 · October 2013

KickAssMOH said:

It's going to be like a frat party!!! ...but with kids there .... celebrating the marriage of two really goofy people. Their wedding website asked that their guests not dress inappropriately, so there shouldn't be many "slutty ____" costumes. The groom has "something amazing planned" for his costume, which I am very much looking forward to seeing. The Bride is going to wear the same white dress for both the ceremony and (3 hours later, too much gap!...but i guess we all needed time to change) reception, but will be adding to her outfit to make it more of a cosutme.

Time out. So you have to change? Meaning they asked their guests to get dressed in one outfit for the ceremony, mill around for 3 hours and then change into a costume for the reception?

delujm0 · October 2013

Maggie0829 said:

KickAssMOH said:

It's going to be like a frat party!!! ...but with kids there .... celebrating the marriage of two really goofy people. Their wedding website asked that their guests not dress inappropriately, so there shouldn't be many "slutty ____" costumes. <?xml:namespace prefix = o />The groom has "something amazing planned" for his costume, which I am very much looking forward to seeing. The Bride is going to wear the same white dress for both the ceremony and (3 hours later, too much gap!...but i guess we all needed time to change) reception, but will be adding to her outfit to make it more of a cosutme.
Time out. So you have to change? Meaning they asked their guests to get dressed in one outfit for the ceremony, mill around for 3 hours and then change into a costume for the reception?

Really. I would have to be VERY CLOSE to these people to attend this...it sounds terrible. i haven't worn a halloween costume in 15 years, and for good reason - i don't want to. if B or G wasn't a part of my immediate family, i'd probably find an excuse for this one.

16maybeless · October 2013

I am so curious to see photos of this. Now that you've added the details about the wardrobe change, the long gap, and the website request not to "dress slutty," the fact that it's a costume party is like, the least of my concerns.

KickAssMOH · October 2013

Yes. They are getting married in a church and asked us to wear proper church attire, and then they are having a reception somewhere else. I really do love these people though, and because of that I guess I'm just letting it all slide and going with the flow. After all, I am one of the lucky ones who got invited with their SO. (oooooh snap!)

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

KickAssMOH said:

It's going to be like a frat party!!! ...but with kids there .... celebrating the marriage of two really goofy people. Their wedding website asked that their guests not dress inappropriately, so there shouldn't be many "slutty ____" costumes. The groom has "something amazing planned" for his costume, which I am very much looking forward to seeing. The Bride is going to wear the same white dress for both the ceremony and (3 hours later, too much gap!...but i guess we all needed time to change) reception, but will be adding to her outfit to make it more of a cosutme.

Did anyone else think of the scene from Van Wilder where the kids get wasted at his party?

Maggie0829 · October 2013

KickAssMOH said:

Yes. They are getting married in a church and asked us to wear proper church attire, and then they are having a reception somewhere else. I really do love these people though, and because of that I guess I'm just letting it all slide and going with the flow. After all, I am one of the lucky ones who got invited with their SO. (oooooh snap!)

It is amazing the things you will do for the people you love

SP29 · October 2013

Well, in usual cases I would say never wear white.

But since this is a costume reception, then I think those rules go out the window and you can wear whatever you want.

Glad you found a suitable costume you are happy with.

photokitty · October 2013

I now think you can absolutely wear a white costume to the reception as long as you don't wear a white dress to the wedding ceremony. All bets are off when you not only request costumes, but also a change of attire.

For the record, gap or not I would be excited to go to this wedding. Other than the gap it sounds super fun! And ditto the photo request!!!

phira · October 2013

Well, I'll be in the minority:

Just ASK the damn bride. "Hey, [bride], I was going to go as Cleopatra for your wedding, but the costume dress is white. Should I find another dress, or would this be okay?"

Bride can respond either, "Oh, that's totally fine! People will be able to tell I'm the bride anyway. I can't wait to see your costume!" or, "Actually, I'd still prefer it if no one else wore white. I hope it's not too much trouble to get another dress--sounds like a great costume!"

Here's what I don't agree with:

The couple doesn't have to throw out every tradition if they're having a costume wedding, or a theme wedding, or any other kind of wedding where things are offbeat. Saying, "Just wear white, they threw out all the rules" is inconsiderate. All they did was ask guests to dress up in costume--it's still considerate and polite to double-check if you're unsure if your costume is appropriate for their wedding.

I have zero problem with costume weddings. Don't even care a little bit. We're not having one, and I've never been to one (although I have been to a Halloween wedding--it was just a traditional wedding + candy all over the place). But I'm not fazed by the concept.

I am not wearing white to my own wedding, so we're actually letting guests know (on our website, on a FAQ page) that they're welcome to wear white or ivory if they'd like.

CLI242009 · October 2013

phira said:

Here's what I don't agree with:

The couple doesn't have to throw out every tradition if they're having a costume wedding, or a theme wedding, or any other kind of wedding where things are offbeat. Saying, "Just wear white, they threw out all the rules" is inconsiderate.

This. I agree with you. Just because it's not "traditional" doesn't mean the rules don't apply. I've seen themed weddings done beautifully & still look elegant & classy. I work in a hotel & a few weeks ago we had a bride and groom who were really big gamers. Even met online through one of their games. They still did every big important part of a wedding, just everything was video game themed ^_^ frickin awesome to see.

Maggie0829 · October 2013

There is a big difference with having a theme and then requesting your guests wear costumes to your reception.

I mean I guess if the bride wanted to be the only one in white then on top of having a gap, asking her guests to first dress in church appropriate attire, then change into a costume for the reception she should have also specified that guests are not allowed to wear any white costume so as to not compete with her. I think we have surpassed the ridiculous point here.

ashleyep · October 2013

delujm0 said:

The only time it's appropriate to wear white is if you are in the wedding party and the bride has for some reason selected white BM dresses.

However, i do have to ask - with a costume wedding is the bride even wearing white? i think it would be pretty weird for the bride and groom to be wearing traditional wedding attire while all of the gusts are in halloween costumes. i mean if the bride isn't wearing white, i guess you can go ahead and do it.

I dressed up as a bride for Halloween when I was, like, 8. That could just be her costume :P

photokitty · October 2013

ashleyep said:
I dressed up as a bride for Halloween when I was, like, 8. That could just be her costume :P

*thread jack*

OMG! Memory jog - me too!!! I wore high heels, tripped and my UNICEF collection box for my brownie troop broke open and scattered all over the yard! It was the last year I did not have a streamed lined, built for speed costume :-p

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