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wwyd? or, what would i do, because this is obviously not a c&p but about me specifically?

hmonkeyhmonkey member
Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Woes

Dear Amy: After being married for about 15 years, my husband recently came out to me as gay. I know he loves me and I love him. We are communicating and being honest about how we’re feeling. We are in couples counseling together and are trying to work this through and figure out what is the best path forward for our family (we have young children).

Through our talks, I realized that his best friend is also gay (he is also married with children).

It has become obvious to me that they are attracted to each other, although his wife doesn’t know about any of it.

I don’t believe the two men have been unfaithful, and they are using each other as support through this self-discovery time. Should I say anything to this other woman about her husband being gay? I feel like my husband’s friend is not being honest with his wife, and she deserves to know the truth.

I’m not sure it’s my place to say anything, but I don’t think he will ever tell her. This other woman and I are merely acquaintances and I hold no ill feelings toward her, but I’m not sure what to do. 

— Secret Holder


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Re: wwyd? or, what would i do, because this is obviously not a c&p but about me specifically?

  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I don't know why you're so sure that his wife doesn't know, hmo.  After all, are you confiding in her all about how you know now that Mr. Monkey is gay?  Maybe she's privately having the same dilemma about you.

    And also, how great are the Scullys in Masters of Sex?
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  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    if it is an acquaintance, i am not sure i understand why she needs to stick her nose in a place where she has no business. she is assuming she knows more information that the friend's wife does. she needs to stay out of it. there's no abuse, so it's not really her place to try and save anyone here.

     

    now i want to know what amy's response was?

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  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    also, this reminds me of the brokeback mountain story. two dudes just trying to sort out their lives.
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Well, I would leave him because I wouldn't want to remain married to someone who wasn't attracted to me and had been lying to me for our entire marriage.  But as for the other man and his wife, how do you know he is gay?  Is it just a "feeling" you have?  
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  • MNNEBrideMNNEBride member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Merry Christmas to all.
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  • Lavender123Lavender123 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    Ugh.. these stories make me so mad, I can only imagine how angry the writer is - I mean if he really, truly cared (more about his wife than himself) then how could he stay married for 15 years knowing he's gay (or get married in the first place!) I don't believe for a second he didn't know, I believe he tried to fight it but bringing someone else in on that fight was unbelievably selfish. If I was the other guys wife I would 100% want to know - the sooner she finds out, the sooner she can move on with her life.
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  • Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    I understand that it was only really the last 10 or so years that G/L/T have become accepted as normal in society, so it could have been husband knew all those years but was ashamed of what would happen if he came out, so he chose what he thought would be the easier more "socially acceptable" life. Either way I think that's completely selfish of him! His poor wife is stuck having to pick up the mess he has made. I think she shouldn't concern the other wife because that's other guy's mess to deal with. Wife should put herself into counseling because that's a lot to deal with and quietly divorce her husband so they could both move on.
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