I Very Strongly Dislike My FBIL/Best-Man

Re: I Very Strongly Dislike My FBIL/Best-Man

• hlvonb member

  

  December 2013 edited December 2013

  Xoxbreanne said:

  I've posted on here before about how he just so happened wanted to propose to his fiance at my wedding. Be happy that you got this. 
  He didn't.  They are already engaged, but now he is so focused on his wedding that thoughts of helping with ours is out the window. Did he originally offer or are you expecting him too?
  
  I have never cared for him.
  He abandoned his kids/wife four years ago and hasn't seen them since.
  Talks about it like he never had kids and never wants to again.
  But, I guess to each their own. This is unfortunate but be prepared that you may not know the whole story.
  
  My frustration has been getting really high with him though ...
  He is not attending our rehearsal now because he has decided he wants to go skiing that day and then to dinner with his fiance. Sucks he wont be there but he is NOT required to. He has a life and it doesn't have to revolve around all your wedding plans.
  (But then he expects my future hubby and I to fly to his wedding a whole day and half early for his wedding next year for his rehearsal). 
  He threw together a bachelor party in less than a week so only 2 guys turned up, when my future hubbys entire lacrosse team would have loved to be there. Again, unfortunate but nothing you can do about it now unless your fiance wants to do a guys night out with the team.
  
  I probably sound like a complete b***h right now.  But I wish people were courteous.
  I am trying not to be selfish about my wedding, as I know he is preparing for his in a year, but can't he help us with his Best Man duties at the same time? I wouldn't go as far as to say B***h (not yet anyway) but you have to remember that there are no duties. His only responsibility is to show up on your wedding day, dressed and ready to go. That's it. Nothing else. He is NOT required to do anything and does NOT have any best man duties. Now, if he offers to help, then ok but that does not sound like the situation here.....
  

  @Xoxbreanne

  
  

  Ok. Where do I begin..... Read my comments in red above.....

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• Lauderdale Pink member

  

  December 2013

  I guess you take your cues from his behavior. If you don't want to fly to his wedding a day and a half early, then don't.  He sounds pretty selfish to me, but I don't know the whole family dynamic.  As a newly married couple, I imagine your financial priorities will shift focus, so you may not be able to do all the things for his wedding that he expects.  

  Your priority in this should be your own FI.  If you want him to have more of a bachelor party experience, then call one of his friends and find out if they are interested in getting something put together.  Guys are pretty simple, they don't need all the planning that we require. 

  You don't sound B****y to me, just frustrated.  Put him out of your mind and enjoy your engagement.

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• thejucheidea member

  

  December 2013

  Bachelor parties are optional, rehearsals are optional, help with the wedding is NEVER required (and wtf are best man duties, because I'm already married and I had a man of honor and my husband had a best lady, and neither of them did anything but show up) -- and the same goes with him too. You don't have to go to his rehearsal.

  So in other words,

  

  
  

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• ReturnOfKuus member

  

  December 2013

  I'd give his destination wedding early arrival a hell no, that's for sure.
  

  

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• Amyzen83 member

  

  December 2013

  OP, I get that you are frustrated, and based on what you are telling me, he sounds kind of like an ashat. With that said, you do not sound like a b--ch but you are also worrying over stuff that is not in your control. Technically the Best man, Maid of Honor, bridal party, etc. are only supposed to be there the day of your wedding and stand up with you, and anything extra they offer to do is a bonus and is not required in order to get married. If he already promised that he would help you guys out and now he's flaking in order to put himself first he is being pretty selfish, but know that he also is within his right to do so. I honestly would be annoyed too, but the key thing is perspective! None of these things will prohibit you and fi from getting married, he doesn't even have to be there because the wedding will continue without him. That means he has absolutely no control over that are of your lives and if he completely flakes, you don't have to do a single thing for him for his wedding. Instead, I would maybe get together with FI's friends and your friends and perhaps just plan a fun last blast shin-dig before the wedding. Keep in mind that if you do this, then be prepared to host it or pay for your guys plates, since this has not been offered as a gift.

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