Am I being unreasonable?

Emeryhea · December 2013

Am I really being unreasonable in demanding that my bridesmaids and maid of honor get their hair professionally done? My sister is supposed to be my maid of honor and is refusing to get her hair done, which has caused a huge argument with everyone in my family. My father got so angry at this "unreasonable" demand that he evened mentioned that since he is paying for the wedding, that I do not get a say in how the wedding party wears their hair. I have been called petty, small and ungrateful for this. I let the girls pick their own dresses, shoes, and jewelry, and have not asked them for any help at all with any wedding planning. I am considering firing two of my three bridesmaids if they will not get their hair done.

KeptInStitches · December 2013

Yes. You are being very unreasonable. Hair is very personal, and it is expensive for them to get their hair professionally done (I am assuming you are asking them to pay for this). You need to apologize to them and let this one go.

Emeryhea · December 2013

Actually, my fiance offered to pay for the hair. The wedding is in florida in June, and I am afraid the hair is going to collapse or get frizzy, and look crazy in my pictures.

STARMOON44 · December 2013

Yes. You are unreasonable. You can offer to arrange and pay for appointments, but you cannot insist on this.

Rebl90 · December 2013

KeptInStitches said:

Yes. You are being very unreasonable. Hair is very personal, and it is expensive for them to get their hair professionally done (I am assuming you are asking them to pay for this). You need to apologize to them and let this one go.

All of this. If your FI is offering to pay, then you can make it an option, not a demand.

Belthil · December 2013

Some people aren't comfortable having someone else do their hair. And if that's the case do you really want to try to force your friends to do something that makes them uncomfortable?

Also, these women are supposed to be your nearest and dearest and yet you're considering kicking them out of your wedding party because they won't get their hair done professionally. That doesn't seem like something a person who cares about her friends would really do. I think you really need to sit back and think about how you're treating them... like a prop instead of a person.

kmmssg · December 2013

You are being extremely unreasonable. Extremely.

Bottom line - you are putting hair and your pictures above the people who are supposed to be your nearest and dearest. Having them in your wedding is your way of honoring their place in your life, NOT dictating that their hair must be professionally.

If you fire these girls for not getting their hair professionally done you are the epitome of Bridezilla. Now, take a breath, get yourself together, call them and apologize profusely.

kmmssg · December 2013

Emeryhea said:

Am I really being unreasonable in demanding that my bridesmaids and maid of honor get their hair professionally done? My sister is supposed to be my maid of honor and is refusing to get her hair done, which has caused a huge argument with everyone in my family. My father got so angry at this "unreasonable" demand that he evened mentioned that since he is paying for the wedding, that I do not get a say in how the wedding party wears their hair. I have been called petty, small and ungrateful for this. I let the girls pick their own dresses, shoes, and jewelry, and have not asked them for any help at all with any wedding planning. I am considering firing two of my three bridesmaids if they will not get their hair done.

Quoting as I see a DD in the near future

OliveOilsMom · December 2013

Emeryhea said:

Actually, my fiance offered to pay for the hair. The wedding is in florida in June, and I am afraid the hair is going to collapse or get frizzy, and look crazy in my pictures.

Ditto PP. You are being outrageous. Your pictures will look great because your closest friends and family will be in the pictures with you on the best day of your life. Are you really going to scrutinize the pictures so bad that you will be looking for out of place hairs?

Know this now, not everything on your wedding day will go perfectly. If you are aiming for perfection, you will probably be very disappointed in the end. Look at your wedding day as the day you marry your best friend and as long as you are married at the end of the day, it will have gone perfectly. Nitpicking will only drive you crazy.

AddieCake · December 2013

Hell, yes, you're being unreasonable. And your bridesmaids do not work for you, so I'm not sure how they can be fired. I hope you do kick them out, though. That way, they can get away from you and your bullshit friendship that you would put hair over.

delujm0 · December 2013

This post can't be real.

If it is real, the OP needs to grow up. I never like the "this is how your hair must be done!" line from some brides, even when they do offer to pay for it. Who cares how everyone's hair is done? Don't you want everyone to feel their best? If MOH would feel her best by doing her own hair, why stop her?

jneen101 · December 2013

Emeryhea said:

. I am considering firing two of my three bridesmaids if they will not get their hair done.

This is completely absurd.

jneen101 · December 2013

Emeryhea said:

. I am considering firing two of my three bridesmaids if they will not get their hair done.

This is completely absurd.

PolarBearFitz · December 2013

Emeryhea said:

Am I really being unreasonable in demanding that my bridesmaids and maid of honor get their hair professionally done? My sister is supposed to be my maid of honor and is refusing to get her hair done, which has caused a huge argument with everyone in my family. Good for her because you are being completely rude and unreasonable.

My father got so angry at this "unreasonable" demand that he evened mentioned that since he is paying for the wedding, that I do not get a say in how the wedding party wears their hair. You do not have a say in it regardless because these are grown women who are supposed to be your friends. How they are friends with you, when you act like this, I cannot understand. Your dad is entirely correct.

I have been called petty, small and ungrateful for this. Sounds about right but I would add rude, unkind, and bratty to that list.

I let the girls pick their own dresses, shoes, and jewelry, and have not asked them for any help at all with any wedding planning. Good because your bridesmaids are not your bride slaves and should not be planning your wedding at all.

I am considering firing two of my three bridesmaids if they will not get their hair done. You sound like a horrible friend who has no idea what the meaning of a bridesmaid is. I hope your friends quit in light of your bridezilla behavior. You need to correct yourself and apologize to your sister and family for being unbelievably petty and rude.

Blue_Bird · December 2013

Yeah, I'm gonna call MUD on this one. And what's up with all the trolls? I heard there was a mass exodus from WW. Did they decide to take a break and come over here for shits and giggles?

HisGirlFriday13 · December 2013

Blue_Bird said:
Yeah, I'm gonna call MUD on this one. And what's up with all the trolls? I heard there was a mass exodus from WW. Did they decide to take a break and come over here for shits and giggles?

Awwww, crap, really? What did we do to deserve this??

PolarBearFitz · December 2013

Blue_Bird said:

Yeah, I'm gonna call MUD on this one. And what's up with all the trolls? I heard there was a mass exodus from WW. Did they decide to take a break and come over here for shits and giggles?

Is this the case? *sigh* if it is we have all been trolled successfully by responding with real advice. Oh well at least the lurkers get some good information.

banana468 · December 2013

If this isn't MUD then yes, it's certainly unreasonable.

Ven&Radio · December 2013

Usually, if you feel the need to ask "am I being <something>?", the answer is yes. In this case, it's a very emphatic YES. Anything you mandate of your BP (other than the dress), YOU need to foot the bill for. Otherwise, trust them to be adults and do their own hair/makeup/jewelry/shoes/etc.

Emeryhea · December 2013

I guess I'm not sure why this is any different than having them wear a certain dress color or style. I let them choose the dresses, which we paid for, and would let them choose whatever style they wanted, which we would also pay for. I thought it would be fun to all get our hair done together, like we did for my other sister's wedding, which she had no problem getting her hair done for. I guess I shouldn't be surprised since she also acted like she was doing me a huge favor by taking time to go pick out her own dress. I am done venting.

Emeryhea · December 2013

Ummm... I think I said twice already that we were going to pay for it.

KeptInStitches · December 2013

You are demanding they get their hair done, not offering to pay for it if they'd like to. Do you not see the difference?

jneen101 · December 2013

What is the reason that it's so important that their hair is professionally done?

[Deleted User] · December 2013

You can't demand it, you let them know that due to the location & time of year that you & FI are offering to pay for professionals to do their hair for them since stylists have a way of doing hair that can hold up to humidty & heat. If they don't want to do it, there is nothing you can do without causing major tension. I offered to arrange for stylist for my girls (just make appointments, not pay), two of my girls opted out. One because she has a pixie haircut and there isn't anything a stylist could do to her that she doesn't already do daily. And the other wanted to wear hers in a low bun, something she does herself on a regular basis, specially when it's hot to keep hair off her neck. . Again, since she does it herself on a regular basis & it always looks nice, why pay for someone else to do the same look. If your BM are thinking of doing just simple low ponytails or maybe low buns because of the weather, that is a simple enough look for them to do themselves. I would personally just let them all know that you apologize for requiring but that you would like to extend the offer for them to get their hair professionally done & pampered some and it will be your treat. If you change your tone from just offering the option to requiring it, they may change their minds. People react so different when something is being offered as a convenience/treat compared to a requirement.

myrinae · January 2014

"I am considering firing two of my three bridesmaids if they will not get their hair done.'

Can they collect unemployment from you?

clharrison2 · January 2014

You cannot require it. Since I am having my hair and makeup professionally done the day of, I offered it to all my bridesmaids, but did not require it. One of my bridesmaids said she was more comfortable doing her own, but is still coming to the salon to get ready and hang out. No big deal. I am also paying for the one's who choose to have makeup and hair done.

MobKaz · January 2014

Blue_Bird said:

Yeah, I'm gonna call MUD on this one. And what's up with all the trolls? I heard there was a mass exodus from WW. Did they decide to take a break and come over here for shits and giggles?

This particular post may be MUD, but this demand absolutely is made by brides. There was a poster this past fall who was demanding not only cloned hairstyles, but professional make up as well, AND to the tune of $120.....coming out of the BM wallet!

Blue_Bird · January 2014

mobkaz said:

Blue_Bird said:

Yeah, I'm gonna call MUD on this one. And what's up with all the trolls? I heard there was a mass exodus from WW. Did they decide to take a break and come over here for shits and giggles?

This particular post may be MUD, but this demand absolutely is made by brides. There was a poster this past fall who was demanding not only cloned hairstyles, but professional make up as well, AND to the tune of $120.....coming out of the BM wallet!

And there are a couple of boards on this very site that would encourage such behavior, sadly.

kmmssg · January 2014

Blue_Bird said:

mobkaz said:

Blue_Bird said:

Yeah, I'm gonna call MUD on this one. And what's up with all the trolls? I heard there was a mass exodus from WW. Did they decide to take a break and come over here for shits and giggles?
This particular post may be MUD, but this demand absolutely is made by brides. There was a poster this past fall who was demanding not only cloned hairstyles, but professional make up as well, AND to the tune of $120.....coming out of the BM wallet!
And there are a couple of boards on this very site that would encourage such behavior, sadly.

What boards are you referring to? I have been a very long time and I have never seen such behavior encouraged.

vt&dt · January 2014

I haven't seen that encouraged, either.

I'd love to see what regular brides are asking of their bridesmaids. Here's my list:

* Buy a dress (from a certain color, designer, length - in varying prices with options under the lowest budget that I asked about individually)

* Come to the rehearsal (and then we'll have a hosted dinner after if they would like to come)

* Show up on time for pictures, wearing the dress

* I'm asking my MOHs to help me get in my dress & help with the bustle after the ceremony

Am I being unreasonable?

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

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