So this is my first time being a Matron of Honor so I am by no means an "expert". The bride chose myself and another close friend to be maid of honor. This was exciting as I got along just fine with the other MOH. Her wedding is still many months away and I got a random message from the other MOH the other day basically saying "if you can't afford to pay for x, y and z you should not be in the wedding". This disturbed me so I decided to talk it out with her in a mature fashion. I was shocked to hear her outlook on weddings. I told her I thought that we should speak with every bridesmaid (privately) to see what their budgets are for a shower and once we have a number plan around that. There are many wonderful things you can do and so many options. I know myself that I have a tight budget, which i explained, and I can imagine others have budget restraints as well. While I can contribute something I can't agree to contribute "however much it costs" as she wanted me to. I would need to set a dollar value that is comfortable for me and I wanted this to be clear up front as their would be no dispute over it later. She basically said this was unfair to the bride and everyone else in the wedding and that I should not be in a wedding if I can't throw her a nice shower, which would mean catering, decorations, etc. I explained that a BBQ could be a nice shower - especially in the nice weather but she felt this would be "skimping out" on the bride and not make her experience the best. I see where she is coming from and can't fault her for wanting the best for her friend. I want the best for her too. But her take on weddings is that if one agrees to be in it than they must pay for whatever it takes to make it a wonderful day. I told her that I wouldn't feel right just planning something and then saying "hey girls you owe 250". I would think a number should be worked out prior so that nobody is made to feel uncomfortable. She did not agree and said she would not be responsible for throwing a crappy shower and would not do that to the bride because someone couldn't afford something. I tried to explain that a "crappy" shower is not defined by its price tag but she was not on the same page. While I respect her opinion I am not sure how to compromise here. I tried reasoning with her but she got very angry with me and just kept saying I shouldn't be in the wedding if I can't pay for stuff. I don't think we will ever be on the same page on this subject. I don't feel right pestering the bride with such pettiness as she is completely unaware that this is going on. Matter of fact she is very down to earth and would be grateful for any shower that was thrown for her if it costed 5$ or 500$ and I don't think she would care if it was homemade food, hotdogs and hamburgers or catered for that matter. Perhaps it is me who is wrong about this etiquette and that is why I am turning to you ladies. Any advice / input you have would be greatly appreciated.